As The Crab Pot Turns
by DCFanatic
Summary: a new member joins the crew of the Cornelia Marie, but this time it's a girl...will she 'stick & stay & make it pay' or will it end in total disaster? Please read & review! *Chapters 87-93 now up!*
1. Chapter 1

* Note: This story was written by my good friend, Aimee so all credit goes to her..Reviews & constructive criticism are welcome, flames are not. *

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"Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are about to begin our descent into Dutch Harbour so please fasten your seatbelts, turn off all electronic devices and make sure your table trays are safely stowed. The winds are out of the south, so the landing shouldn't be too bumpy today. On behalf of the myself and the crew, thank you for flying Dutch Air".

Kris listened to the announcement as she quickly typed the last few words on her text message to Bunny and Aimee, telling them that she had to go. This was it! She was finally here!! She gathered her things together into her bag and looked out the window as the plane flew over the boats docked in the Harbour as it made it's way lower to the airport. Thank goodness the weather had brightened up a bit. The last two days stuck in Anchorage had been pure hell. She was so close she could taste it, but wasn't able to get there! But now, it was a memory because she was really here. And she couldn't wait to get out to the docks.

Getting a job on the Cornelia Marie had been the single most luckiest thing that had ever happened to Kris. Just like millions of others, she was a huge fan of the show, and never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine she would be up in Alaska getting to work on one of the boats, especially not the CM. It's rather funny how it all happened. Obviously, the captains have to take their applications with a grain of salt - since the show took off every Tom, Dick and Harry was itching to come aboard, and there were some real pieces of work, too! It had never been Kris's intention to work on one of the boats. She guessed it was fate that played the hand there. A friend of a friend currently working on a processor boat had heard that the Captains were having a hard time finding real, honest people to work for them, so they were mostly going by word of mouth from people that had good, honest friends looking for work. Imagine Kris's surprise when her friend called her up one day and asked if she'd be interested in working on a boat in Dutch Harbour! At first she thought it was a prank call, but as more details came out, she thought about the possible adventure and, in the fangirl corner of her mind, how close she could potentially be to the Deadliest Catch boats. She almost fell through the floor when she found out she'd be working on the Cornelia Marie!! THAT had been the happiest day of her life! Once the details got all sorted out, she packed her things, said goodbye to her family and friends and hopped on the plane up north.

As she walked across the runway to the tiny terminal, she thought how strange it was how she had never actually talked to Phil. Obviously she hadn't met him as he'd been up here. He was supposed to be picking her up at the airport, and as she got closer to the door, she suddenly got incredibly nervous. She desperately wanted to make a good impression because let's face it - despite the year, women still need to prove themselves in Dutch Harbour. As she reached for the door handle, she decided that now would not be the time to tell Phil that she had never been to sea before.......

Kris made her way with the others through the lobby of the airport, looking all around for some sign of someone from the CM. So far, nothing. She headed to the baggage area and grabbed her bags. She turned to see a small canteen and headed over to grab a snack. She wondered if perhaps Phil was outside, and she was supposed to go out there, so she headed for the front doors. Looking around, he wasn't there either. She made her way back in and sat on a small bench, eating her sandwich. She must have been quite hungry because she wolfed it down, stopping only when she heard the distinctive voice behind her.

"Did they run out of snacks on the plane?" asked Phil.

Kris swallowed the bite in her mouth and turned to face him. She immediately blushed thinking that she had totally made a pig of herself in front of Phil. Before she could speak, Phil walked around the front of the bench and extended his hand. She took it, shaking it.

"I'm Phil" he said, as if she didn't know.

"Kris" she replied, smiling. She looked down at the wrapper in her other hand. "Sorry about that, I guess I was hungry."

"Don't worry, people gotta eat!" Phil joked. He looked at her bags. "Is this all you have?" he asked, sounding surprised.

Kris looked down at them, then back up to Phil. "Yes. Why?"

"Oh just wondering" he answered. "I figured you'd have a shitload, you know, being a girl and all".

Kris's face must have conveyed her thoughts because Phil immediately apologized. He explained something about his ex-wife when she used to travel, and then tried to change the subject. He grabbed her bags and headed outside, Kris trailing along behind him.

They walked to the truck, where Phil tossed the bags into the back, and then opened Kris's door for her. She smiled and thanked him and climbed in_. "Hmm"_ she thought. _"I guess he's the old_ _fashioned type". _Phil walked around to the driver's side, got in and headed to the dock.

The drive to the boat was quite interesting. Kris got the whole lowdown on the crew in about 5 minutes. The closer they got to the CM, the more nervous she became. What if she couldn't cut it? What if she completely screwed everything up? Her brain was working overtime so much that she didn't even realize they had stopped. She looked up to find Phil staring at her.

"You've never been on a boat before, have you?" he commented. She shook her head, no. No good to lie to the captain.

Phil chuckled softly. "You'll be fine. There are some motion sickness pills in the first aid kit, but don't take too many of them. You have to let your body get used to it all"

Kris nodded, feeling better but still nervous. Phil looked out the window when he caught sight of the crane moving out of the corner of his eye.

"Jesus Christ, I told them not to load the bait yet!" He grabbed the keys out of the ignition and flung open the door. Kris quickly took off her seatbelt, following along. She grabbed her bags from the back and walked behind the captain to the boat. Phil moved swiftly up the ladder, striding across the deck barking orders. Kris was still on the dock, wondering how in the hell she was going to even get ON the boat, nevermind the two bags in her hands. She stood there for a few minutes before Phil appeared over the side again.

"Hey, sorry about that" he called down to her. "Leave your bags there, I'm coming down"

Phil climbed back down the ladder and stood behind her, showing her the best way to get on board. She climbed up the ladder, getting close to the top.

"Good" said Phil. "Now, swing your leg over". Kris did as he said and soon found herself standing on the deck. Phil made two trips bringing her bags up, and soon he too was standing there beside her. Never having had a girl on the boat before, the other deckhands soon appeared, eager to introduce themselves.

"Boys, this is Kris" announced Phil. "She's going to be our cook and sometimes our deckhand if we need some help, but mostly she's just going to look after us, right?" he looked to Kris and she nodded, smiling.

"Now, I expect you all to behave yourselves, and help her with anything she needs".

Jake whispered something, which got him a death glare from Phil. Jake shut up as Phil went on. "I expect you to treat her with respect as she'll do for us, right?" Again, Kris nodded.

Phil clapped his hands together. "Ok. Enough of the formalities" He picked up her bags again and motioned his head for her to follow him. They made their way inside and down to the galley, Phil explaining everything as they went. Finally, they came to a small room away from the other bedrooms. Phil stepped inside and set her bags down.

"This will be your room" he said. "I know it's small, but I don't think you'd really want to share a room with one of the guys. You'd be dead from the smell in a week!"

Kris laughed. "That wouldn't be very good, would it!"

Phil laughed along with her. "Nope, not at all. You can go ahead and get your stuff settled, and I'll come get you later on after I deal with this bait bullshit". He headed for the door, then stopped, turning back.

"If you need anything, anything at all, you just let me know. And if anyone gives you any shit, you let me know that too" he said. "We're happy to have you on board. It's gonna take some getting used to, but I think you'll be just fine" He winked at her and headed back to the deck.

Kris looked around the tiny room, then sat on the bunk. She let the events so far sink into her head and she couldn't help but smile. Yes, she had a feeling that this was the best decision she had ever made, and she couldn't wait to get started!!.........


	2. Chapter 2

The tiny room on such a big boat proved to be way too claustrophobic for Kris. After unpacking her bags and getting everything settled in it's place, she headed out to look around. She made her way first to the galley, opening and closing cupboards and drawers to see where everything was. If she was going to be the cook, then she obviously needed to know her way around the kitchen!

Once she was satisfied with the layout, she headed towards the rooms. She peeked into one that seemed pretty neat, then the next one which looked as if it had been hit by a tornado.

_"This must be Ding and Dong's room"_ she thought, concluding that the first belonged to Dave and Freddie. She had heard something about Murray's room being off by itself on her way inside earlier, so she changed directions and headed towards the biggest room - the captain's stateroom.

It was double the size of the crew quarters, yet was almost twice as messy. There were clothes and books and charts all over the place, and the bed wasn't made. Kris looked around before stepping inside. It was weird. She felt totally out of her element poking around in someone else's room, let alone her boss's room! But she also felt the need to tidy it up. Maybe it was her "job" description bringing that out in her.

She wandered in, looking at the paintings and pictures on the walls done by school children. She smiled, enjoying the fact that Phil had taken the time to display them. Most other captains probably would have thrown them out.

She picked up shirts as she went, folding them absent-mindedly and setting them on the dresser. When she laid them down, she saw the small frames filled with pictures of Phil and his sons when they were just boys. She picked one up, smiling at the love she saw in the picture.

"Too bad they grew up, huh?" said Phil from the doorway.

Kris turned quickly, startled by his voice. She dropped the frame and the glass shattered. "Oh God....I'm so sorry....I was just......" she stammered.

Phil came into the room and pulled her out of the mess of glass. "Careful" he said, "Watch where you step".

Kris moved over near the bed, completely embarrassed and horrified at what had happened. She shouldn't have been snooping around. Phil set to getting a broom and sweeping up the glass. Once it was cleaned up, he turned to her, again asking if she was ok. She nodded yes, and felt the colour rising in her cheeks.

"I'm so, so sorry" she said. "I was just looking around, and saw the pictures, and I honestly didn't mean...." she had started to cry, figuring she'd just ruined everything in first few hours on the boat.

"Hey, ssh, it's alright" said Phil as he sat next to her on the bed. "I noticed you were cleaning up. That's in your job description, right?"

Kris nodded, yes.

"Well, you were just doing your job then" Phil replied. "No problem". He put his arm around her shoulders, holding her close as though she were one of his kids. Kris took comfort in the feeling and stopped crying. She laughed as Phil handed her a tissue.

"God, I've really screwed things up haven't I" she said. "I promise, I'm not usually this bad. If you just give me another chance...."

Phil laughed. "No, you haven't screwed anything up! Trust me, there's been a lot worse things done on here. Just wait til you deal with Ding and Dong!"

Kris wiped her eyes and stood up. "Thanks Captain Harris" she said.

Phil looked around the room, confused. "Is my father here somewhere?" He stood, extending his hand as he had done in the airport. "Please,call me Phil".

Kris blushed a little and looked down, taking Phil's hand. "Ok....Phil". They shook again until Kris pulled away. She looked at her watch.

"So I guess everyone must be getting hungry by now" she said. "What would you like for supper?"

"Oh that's completely up to you" answered Phil. "But we do like a good steak every once in a while".

Kris smiled wide. "Done!" she said, and turned on her heel to head out to the galley. She called back over her shoulder... "And I promise I won't screw it up!!"

Phil laughed after her as she left. He shook his head. "Yup, she's going to fit in just fine......."


	3. Chapter 3

"Mmm, what smells so good?" asked Murray, coming down the steps into the galley.

"Steak with all the trimmings" answered Kris, smiling proudly. One by one the boys came down and took their places at the table while Kris brought all the dishes over & set them down in front of them.

"Holy shit, this is some spread" said Jake. "It's nice to have someone else do it for a change!"

"Thanks" answered Kris. "I hope you all like it"

After that, there wasn't much conversation as the boys chowed down on the food, only stopping to breathe and grunt out a few commands such as passing the pepper. She took that as a good sign that they were enjoying it.

After supper, Murray helped to clear the table while the boys finished up a few extra chores upstairs. Kris moved to help him, but he insisted she sit down and finish her own meal. "You'll have plenty of time to do the cleaning once we set out" he explained.

Kris finished up, and brought her plate over to the sink. "Murray, I was wondering about the groceries" she said, handing him her plate. "I noticed that there's not much there, is there enough time to go shopping?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure" answered Murray. "Why don't you head on up to the wheelhouse and ask Phil"?

Kris looked to the stairs, then back to Murray. "Am I allowed up there?"

Murray laughed. He dried his hands and placed them on her shoulders. "You're a crew member now, just like us. You can go wherever you want".

Kris laughed, and thanked him for the reminder. She took off her apron and headed to the stairs, she climbed up, looking all around as she went. When she finally reached the top, she couldn't believe how different it looked from what she had seen on TV, it looked bigger somehow. The camera guys hadn't set up yet, so she figured that's what was making the difference. She heard the radios going and saw all the screens, but didn't see Phil, she heard him, though. She walked over to the other side of the wheelhouse, following his voice, until she saw Phil standing a little ways behind his chair talking on the phone. She didn't want to interrupt him, as he seemed to be chewing someone out. Something about the wrong size lines. She looked around some more, until he finally hung up and called her over.

"Awesome supper again" he said. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I was wondering about the groceries" she answered. "There doesn't seem to be much down there"

"That's because we were waiting for you!" said Phil. "Or, whoever was getting the job" He smiled. "But we're glad it's you".

Kris smiled and blushed a little. '"Thanks" she replied.

Phil reached into his pocket pulling out his credit card. "Here, take this". He handed it to her, then got on the loud hailer.

"Jake, Josh, you boys are going to take Kris to the grocery store. She has my credit card, and she will NOT be buying anything for you". He looked at Kris, as if to re-iterate his point. " So do NOT beg, plead or ask for anything, because she will kick your ass". Kris's eyes got wide at hearing that. Phil covered the walkie for a moment, leaning close to her. "I gotta be stern" he whispered, winking.

Down below, Jake and Josh gave the thumbs up and headed inside to get changed. Kris took the card, and turned to go, until Phil called her back.

"Yes?" she asked, standing by the captain again.

"If YOU want or need anything, then by all means, get it" he said.

"Oh no, I don't need...." she answered.

"I'm serious" Phil replied. "I can't let Ding and Dong get anything because they'll buy another God damned TV or something, but I have a feeling you wouldn't do that"

Kris shook her head no, agreeing with Phil that she would never take advantage.

"But if you see something you think you might want, then get it" he said.

Again, Kris thanked him, and headed down the stairs. At the bottom the guys were all waiting for her.

"I'm going too" said Murray. "Since you're new at this, you probably will need some guidance, and these two won't be much help" he said, gesturing towards Jake and Josh.

Kris laughed, grabbing her jacket. "Thanks! I need it!"

The ride to the grocery store was interesting. The guys talked amongst themselves for the most part, gossiping about the goings on in Dutch, as if they were a bunch of old women. Kris thought it was amusing, but stayed quiet, taking it all in. Every once in a while they would explain something they had just said, or slip in a few bits of information, but for most of the ride, she just listened.

They finally arrived at the store, and each one grabbed a cart, the boys heading off in one direction and Kris and Murray staying together. As they traveled up and down the aisles, Murray explained everyones likes and dislikes, what to get extra of and what to avoid. Kris was thankful for the information and told Murray several times. As they rounded the frozen section, Murray saw an old friend and excused himself to go talk to him. Kris went on her way, picking up more groceries.

Her cart was overflowing and she was almost at the end of her list when she came to the pharmacy aisle. She scanned the list as she turned in, not seeing anything listed for her to get in this section. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye she saw something that she had forgotten about. Shit. There in the bright green package staring her in the face were "Always". Shit shit shit! Somehow, in all the excitement, she had completely forgotten about all that. And as miraculous as that was, she was now faced with the embarrassement of buying them with three crew in tow. Good looking crew, too. She had to get them. Lord knows how long they would be gone for. Why hadn't she thought of this before and just brought them with her??? She thought of different ways to go about it, but in the end, she realized that she was stuck with only one option and she grabbed two and dropped them in the cart. She was, afterall, an adult, and so were the guys, so this was really no big deal, right? She headed towards the checkouts.

As she rounded the corner, Josh spotted her and waved her over.

"Hey, we were just going to come look for you" he said. "We're all ready whenever you are".

Kris moved the stuff around trying to cover her last item, but Murray suddenly appeared and began unloading the cart onto the conveyor belt. She couldn't stop him, so she just stood there, praying to God there would be nothing come of it.

The fruits and vegetables were put up, then the dairy, then the meats, and finally the dry goods. Murray was doing it without even looking, since he had done this so much. However, when he grabbed the first package, he stopped and looked down, wondering what it was as he couldn't remember ever feeling something like that. He looked down at it, faced screwed up in confusion, then he looked up to Kris, who by now was the colour of a beet. Realization dawned on him, and he too blushed, placing the two packages on the counter. As if the Gods weren't already making this hard enough, Jake and Josh chose that moment to come back to the counter with a bunch of magazines. They placed them on the belt right next to the Always.

"What the fuck??" said Jake, nudging Josh.

Josh looked down, seeing the packages, and began to giggle. He looked up to Murray, who wasn't saying a word, then back to Kris, who was looking everywhere but there. He nudged his brother to stop joking as he gestured his head in Kris's direction. Jake was confused at first, but then he got it. "Oh" he said quietly. "Oops".

Kris smiled shyly. Thankfully, the cashier was a girl, who rolled her eyes at the boys actions. Murray loaded the bags into the carts as she gave the total to Kris. Kris pulled out Phil's card and swiped it, signing his name for him. The cashiers were obviously used to other people signing for the captains when they bought groceries, but for some reason, this clerk gave Kris a little secret smile. The boys headed outside with the carts as Kris put the receipt into her purse.

"So you're the new cook on the Cornelia Marie, huh?" the girl asked.

Kris looked up, surprised. "Yes, how did you know?" She realized how dumb that was as soon as it was out. Duh, perhaps the thousands of dollars of groceries tipped her off! The response she got threw her for a loop, though....

"Phil's been in the bar, talking about the pretty new crew member" the girl answered. "Said he's sorry he didn't hire a girl sooner". The girl smiled again, and turned to begin checking in the next customer. Kris was stunned. Phil thought she was pretty????? Really???? She finished putting everything back in her purse, thanked the clerk again and headed out to the truck, beaming.

So far, their little excursion had been easy. But when they got back to the boat, Kris couldn't help but wonder how they were going to get it all ONTO the boat. She must have been relaying her thoughts to the world because Murray told her not to worry, that the boys would bring it in, and she could put it all away. Kris thanked him, and headed up the ladder. She was still a bit shaky, but she was getting better at it. She made her way across the deck and up into the wheelhouse to give Phil back his card.

"Hey, how was the shopping trip?" he asked as she entered.

"Interesting!" she replied, handing him his card and the receipt. "I've never spent that much money in one place at one time in my life!!"

Phil laughed "Well, get used to it. That's just for our first trip! Opilios will be more expensive because we're out longer".

Phil looked down at the receipt, scanning it. His brows furrowed as he read, stopping on a particular item. "What the hell is "Always?" he asked.

Kris's eyes widened and she blushed a million shades of red.

"Did the boys make you buy something?" he asked. "I swear to Christ, I'm gonna...."

"No" Kris said. "It wasn't them......it's ummm.......it's......girl stuff".

Phil looked at her, confused. "Girl stuff? What do you mean 'girl stuff'?"

Kris looked down at her feet "Well, you know.......GIRL stuff". It wasn't sinking in. She sighed heavily. "I forgot to bring them when I came, so I had to buy them because I have no idea how long we'll be gone for". As she spoke, Phil seemed to realize what she was talking about. He looked back at the bill.

"Oh" he said. "Ok, sorry. I was just wondering, you know......never mind". He was quiet as he looked at her, and Kris was equally as silent. They stayed that way for a few moments.

"Ok, this is really awkward!" Phil said, getting up from his chair. "Look, obviously we've never had a girl on board before, so this is going to take some getting used to".

Kris nodded her head, unsure of what to say. Phil eyed her curiously. "You, um....you don't need anything else do you?"

Kris looked up at him. Now it was her turn to be confused. "Like what?" she asked.

Phil thought for a moment, then waved his hand. "Never mind. You just tell me if you need anything or....whatever".

The awkwardness was thick enough to be cut with a knife. Thankfully, Johnathan Hillstrand chose that moment to call Phil on the radio. Phil excused himself, so Kris headed downstairs to start putting the groceries away.

Murray had already started, so she asked him a few questions on where everything went, then she took over finishing up. Finally, everything was in it's place and she headed back to her room, bringing her "Always" with her. She opened her bottom drawer shoving them in and sat on her bed. It was only her first day and already she'd had a really awkward moment. Several, actually!! She laid down on the bunk, resting for a moment. Her mind wandered back to what the cashier had said. That Phil had been talking about the "pretty new crew member". Did he really think she was pretty? Or was he just saying that because she was a girl? She thought about it, wondering if she was reading too much into it.

Suddenly there was a knock on her door. "Come in" she called, sitting up. The door opened, and there was Phil. He stepped inside, leaving the door open.

"Sorry about earlier" he said. "John was calling to tell me about the ice coming down from Russia. Looks like it's going to be bad this year".

"Oh no" replied Kris. "Are we still going to be able to leave tomorrow?"

Phil laughed. "You're quite the eager beaver aren't you?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I guess I am. I probably won't be when the sea sickness hits, though".

Phil laughed again. 'Nope, I can guarantee you won't be" he said. "Listen, I've got to go tape a little segment with the other captains down at the Elbow Room. Would you like to come with me? Lisa would love to meet you. It's not often that other girls come around these parts."

"Sure!" answered Kris, excited. "I'd love to!"

"Great" answered Phil. "Grab your coat and meet me on the deck in about 10 minutes". Phil turned, and walked out, leaving Kris to get ready. She checked her hair and put on a heavier sweater, grabbed her coat and headed up the deck.

Phil helped her down the ladder and they walked over to the truck, climbing in and heading off down the road.

"So you having fun so far?" asked Phil.

Kris was practically bouncing on the seat, she was so excited. "Yeah, I am! This is awesome!"

Phil laughed at her enthusiasm. Kris felt his eyes on her and she turned, making him turn away quickly. She turned back and looked out the window. Had she just caught him looking at her? The little feeling in the pit of her stomach roared to life for the rest of the ride.

Once they made it to the bar, Phil went to the table set up with the cameras while Kris hung out with Lisa. They introduced themselves and Lisa began filling Kris in on everything that goes on, who to stay away from, who to make time for, and everything else she felt she needed to know. Kris enjoyed Lisa's company and the two girls talked and laughed while the captains taped.

"So, Phil make a move on you yet?" asked Lisa, out of the blue.

Kris almost choked on her beer. "What??"

"Oh come on!" teased Lisa. "He's been looking over here all night, keeping his eyes on you".

Kris turned to the captains table. Sure enough, Phil looked over and smiled. She looked back to Lisa. Lisa smiled, knowingly. "See???"

"Oh, he's just smiling. That's no big deal" said Kris, playing it off. Inside though, she was bursting!!

"Yeah sure" answered Lisa. "When you get back from the first trip, come talk to me again. See what's changed!!"

The girls began to laugh again as Phil made his way over. Kris looked up. "Are you guys done already?"

"Yup" answered Phil. "You ready to head back to the boat?"

Lisa giggled into her beer bottle, earning a look from Kris. Phil just looked confused. Kris set her bottle on the bar. "Yup, I'm set". Lisa winked at her as she left, calling after her to "keep in touch". Again, Kris shot her a look that sent the two girls into fits of laughter.

Outside, she and Phil climbed back into the truck and set off back to the dock.

"What was so funny back there?" Phil asked.

"Oh nothing" Kris said, remembering Lisa's words. Phil looked at her, wondering, then looked back to the road. They drove in silence for a little while until Phil finally spoke.

"So...uh....do you have a boyfriend back home?"

Kris smiled, again remembering Lisa's words. "Nope" she answered. She began to giggle. Apparently, the beer was starting to take effect. Phil looked at her and smiled.

"I see" he said. He opened his mouth to speak again, but closed it, not saying anything. Kris wondered the whole trip back what he was going to say.

When they reached the boat, Kris headed up the ladder first, and she was doing great until she reached the top. The harbour was a bit on the choppy side with the wind, and the beer didn't help as she lost her balance, nearly falling backwards. Suddenly, she was in Phil's arms as he steadied her, asking if she was ok. She looked up at him, just looking into his eyes for a moment. She came back to reality when she realized what had happened, and nodded her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I just lost my balance".

"Don't worry about it. Happens to the best of us" Phil answered. He helped her up onto the deck and down into the galley. "You sure you're alright?" he asked again.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you" Kris answered. Phil told her to head to bed and get some sleep, and told her again where to find the motion sickness pills in case she needed them in the morning.

Kris headed down the hall to her little room, went in & closed the door. She flipped on the lamp and began to pull her jacket off. She realized that it smelled like Phil. She held it to her nose for a while, content to sniff it, then laid it down and got dressed for bed. Just as she was climbing under the sheets, there was a knock on her door. She turned, wondering who it could be, and told them to come in.

The door opened, and there was Phil. He came in, this time closing the door, and moved to sit on the edge of her bed. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok" he said. Kris smiled, "Yes, I'm fine" she answered. Phil wasn't convinced. "Really, I am!" she said.

He eyed her closely, then stood. "Ok" he said finally. "But if you need anything, anything at all, you come get me. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" she joked. Phil relaxed a bit, seeing that she was ok. He headed towards the door. "Ok, good night" he said stepping out into the hall. "Sweet dreams."

He closed the door, and was gone. Kris reached over and turned off the lamp, snuggling under the covers. Oh she was going to have sweet dreams alright......the sweetest dreams ever!


	4. Chapter 4

Kris thought she was dying. Absolutely dying. That was the only explanation for what she was feeling at this moment. The room was spinning wildly out of control if she moved her head for one second, and every single thing inside her body was trying it's hardest to come out. Yup, she was dying.

Of course, she was only sea sick, but it was the worst thing she had ever felt in her whole life. Sleep had been kind to her - she only started feeling this way when she woke up. She wished she could go back to sleep again and make it all go away, but the realization that she had obligations hit her like a ton of bricks.

She reached up, pulling the curtain back from her tiny porthole window and saw that it was fully daylight outside. She wondered what time it was. Slowly, she turned her head towards the door to check her clock. The room spun out of control and she closed her eyes, willing the contents of her stomach to stay where they were. She breathed deeply, praying to God it would go away, and finally she opened her eyes. 10:42 am. Oh fuck. Not only had she slept in, but that also meant that the boys had to get their own breakfasts. Phil had to be beyond pissed. _"God, he's going to fire me for sure now!"_ she thought. She closed her eyes again, and gave herself a pep-talk. She knew where the pills were, she just had to go get them. She opened her eyes and slowly sat up, swinging her legs over the bed. The nausea was horrible, but at least she was controlling it sort of. She was just about to stand up, when the boat took a deep roll, and so did her stomach. She just grabbed the garbage bucket in time before bleh.....everything came up. It was non-stop. Of course she felt better having thrown up, but everything was still spinning. She stopped for a moment, reaching for the tissues with one hand, and the boat rolled again. BLEH......again she threw up.

"Welcome to the Bering Sea" said Phil from the doorway.

Kris looked up to see him standing there, him having just opened the door. She opened her mouth to apologize, but much to her horror, her stomach chose that moment to heave again, and she threw up once more into the bucket. Dear God, she wished that a hole would open up and swallow her. Not only did she feel like absolute shit, but her captain was watching every minute of it. She was completely and utterly humiliated. This was beyond worse.

Suddenly she felt a hand on the small of her back, rubbing small circles. She turned her head to the side to see that Phil had come to sit beside her on the bed. She wiped her mouth with the tissue and immediately started to apologize.

"I'm soo soo sorry.....I slept in.....and now I'm sick....oh God...." she said before heaving once again. Fortunately for her, there was nothing left in her stomach to come up, so she swallowed a few times and took some deep breaths to get herself under control. She felt the bucket being taken out of her hands, and she watched as Phil set it on the floor. He gently took her by the shoulders and helped her lay down again.

"Will you be ok for a few minutes?" he asked. Kris nodded, yes, and Phil smiled taking the bucket and leaving the room. Somewhere she heard water running, and soon Phil returned with the bucket, this time with a plastic bag in it, and a glass of water with a couple of motion sickness pills.

He smiled down at her as he sat on the edge of the bed. "You still ok? Or do you feel like you're going to throw up again?"

Kris wasn't as sick now that she had thrown her guts up, but she was beyond mortified. She didn't answer him, but instead started to cry. She couldn't help it - what must he think of her? She had taken this job to try and prove herself. A woman in a man's world, and she had failed miserably!

"Hey, don't cry" Phil said, shushing her and gently stroking her arm. "It's ok. We all get seasick from time to time. I know it sucks right now, but it will get better I promise, you should have seen Josh this morning. He still pukes on the first trip every year". He reached over and grabbed a tissue, gently holding it to her face and wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Kris said, between sobs, "I'm sorry I threw up...."

Phil chuckled softly. "I'm a dad. The boys have thrown up on me more than you can ever know!"

Kris chuckled, feeling a little less embarrassed, but still horrible. "I slept in. I didn't make breakfast...."

"That's ok" said Phil. "We kind of figured that you'd be sick this morning, so the boys made their own. They're not really working yet anyways. It takes a while to get to the grounds". He rubbed her arm a bit more, and helped her take the pills.

"Try to get some more sleep, it'll do you a world of good" he said as he stood. "I'm going to leave your door open so that I'll hear if you need me". He looked at her sternly, "And you call me if you get sick again, ok?"

Kris nodded, pulling the covers up, half afraid to move for the dizziness to start again. Phil looked at her a while longer, then smiled as he reached down one last time to brush her hair back from her forehead. After that, he turned and left.

Kris was left with mixed feelings. She still felt shitty, but now she felt something different. Phil had been so kind to her since she came on board, always looking out for her and this was no different. But it was different somehow. He seemed to be genuinely concerned for her. Almost like a father. But that's not what she wanted. She had been afraid to admit it to herself for fear of it interfering with her job, but what she wanted was Phil. He was quite a bit older than her, but he was sexy and hot in so many different ways. He was tough and full of authority, but he had also just proved that he was soft and gentle, too. Her mind began to drift as she remembered everything that had happened so far, in a different light. Was she missing some kind of signs? As Lisa seems to think? Or was he just caring for her like he would do for anyone else?

The pills began to take effect and she felt herself dozing off. She rolled onto her side, slowly, and got comfortable, drifting off to dreamland.

She had been dreaming about Phil, when her dream took her to a bed. She was lying with him, and she was upset about something or other and he was stroking her back to calm her. She liked how it felt, and wanted him to do more.

"Phil......" she said in her dream.

"What?" asked Phil.

Kris was in that state of half asleep and half awake. She saw herself lying on the bed with Phil stroking her back, and she saw herself call out to him, but in her dream, he hadn't spoken. She woke up a bit more, and realized there was a REAL hand rubbing her back.

"Kris? Are you ok?" Phil asked. Kris rolled over fast and saw that the real Phil was sitting there, doing exactly as she had dreamed. Her eyes went wide.

Phil looked at her concerned. " Are you ok?" he asked again. "You called out to me. I thought you were going to be sick again".

Kris blushed. Oh my God, she had actually said it out loud!! "Ummm, I.......I thought I was going to....." she said, trying to cover it up.

Phil eyed her for a moment, then smiled. "Looks like you're feeling a bit better. You think you might be up for some soup, or crackers?"

Kris's stomach rolled at the thought of food, but she knew it was important to put something in it. "Maybe.....a cracker".

Phil laughed. "Well, I'll get you some soup, just to be safe". He stood and headed out to the galley. Kris shook herself fully awake and berated herself for having called out to him_. "Get a grip, girl!"_ she thought to herself. She shifted her position so that she was sitting up when she heard footsteps coming down the hall.

Phil came back into the room carrying a tray. "For you, madam" he said in his best french waiter accent. Kris had to smile.

"Voila!" he said, setting it down on her lap. "Chicken soup a la.....Campbells".

Kris laughed. Who knew he had such a sense of humour!! "Thanks" she said. She picked up the spoon and took up a small amount. As soon as it got close enough to her nose, however, she felt a big wave of nausea. Phil must have noticed.

"There's nothing in your stomach" he said. "Once you have a few mouthfuls it will go away"

Kris hoped and prayed he was right, and she swallowed the first spoonful. It was good. Phil watched her the whole time, making sure she was ok. After about four or five bites, Kris's colour came back to her cheeks and she was making good progress. Phil was pleased with her and left her to the rest of her lunch, leaving only to help the guys clean up. He returned about 20 minutes later to find she had cleaned her bowl.

"Good girl!" he said as he gathered up her dishes. "You feel better now?"

Kris nodded. "Yes, but I still feel so bad that I'm not out there doing my job".

"Don't worry about it" answered Phil. "By the time you get better, we'll be ready for you. Until then, the guys can take care of themselves". He handed her another pill and told her it should clear everything up and by morning she'd be perfect.

Again, he got her all snuggled in and told her have a good night's rest. He stood and picked up the dishes, then turned back to the bed. He smiled, and then bent down kissing her forehead lightly. Kris was shocked. She hadn't been expecting that at all!

Phil pulled back. "Goodnight" He turned to leave, stopping at the door. "And call me if you need me".

Kris smiled and said goodnight back to him. With that, Phil left, turning off the hall light so that she could sleep. Kris stared at the ceiling reliving the feeling of his lips on her face. God, what did THAT mean??? She remembered his last words to her, something that he had said twice now......he told her to call him if she needed him. She began to wonder......was he just being the good captain? Or was he somehow telling her that he was hoping she would................


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks soo much for all the reviews!...you guys ROCK!! :D Just a heads up, this chapter does have some 'self-love' goin' on so if that sort of thing bothers you, then fair warning :)

The next morning dawned a whole lot brighter for Kris. She was still a bit dizzy and queasy, but nothing compared to the day before. At the first squawk of a seagull she climbed out of her bunk, slowly, and got ready to begin her day.

Some of the guys were already awake and she found Freddie and Jake in the kitchen, getting ready to make breakfast. She shooed them away, insisting that she was better and she was ready to do her duties. They were more than willing to leave her to it, but first made sure that she was really ok. Turns out she was, because a short time later, the whole crew sat down to a wonderful spread of french toast, bacon, eggs and everything else one could possibly think of.

"This is awesome" said Phil, as he finished up. "I guess those pills did the trick, huh?"

Kris beamed as she got up to clear the table. "Yup, sure did!" she said, happy to be functioning normally.

The rest of the day went according to plan. She began to prepare the next meal for supper shortly after she got everything cleaned up after breakfast. The CM was approaching the grounds, so all the guys were on the deck getting ready to launch the first string of pots. Kris peeled potatoes and onions and prepared everything ahead of time, and when she had it all set aside, she headed up to the wheelhouse to see when she should get the roast into the oven. Due to their work schedule, the timing was very strange for meals, so she had to be sure to get it just right.

Phil was barking orders over the loud hailer when she made her way up. Not wanting to disturb him, she sat quietly on the bench until he was done. He turned to see she was sitting there and gave her a smile before calling out another command to the boys.

Finally he put the radio back and turned to her. "Hey, what's up?" he asked.

"I was just wondering when I should put the roast in" Kris answered. "I want to make sure I get the timing right"

Phil laughed. "Don't worry about timing. As long as it's cooked, they'll warm it up in the microwave whenever they do come in".

Kris looked down at her watch. "I'll give it another hour before I put it in. Let them build up a good appetite!"

"Yeah, let 'em work for it!" answered Phil. "You're already starting to think like us!!"

Kris laughed and moved forward to the windows to look down on deck. Below, she watched as the guys moved to and fro, launching pots and doing bait. It was really cool to see it first hand, instead of on the TV.

"Neat huh?" asked Phil, as if reading her mind.

"Yeah!" answered Kris. "It's so cool to actually see it right in front of me! I mean, the TV doesn't do it justice at all!"

"So you're a fan of the show, then?" asked Phil, smiling.

Kris felt like a total fangirl. But she couldn't help it! She was living the dream of a whole lot of other fangirls, and she was loving every minute of it. Except for the sick part....

"Yeah, big fan" answered Kris, somewhat shyly.

"And who's your favourite boat?" asked Phil, raising his eyebrows as though he already knew the answer.

"Oh, the Cornelia Marie, of course!" answered Kris. "Seriously, I've always liked this boat the best"

"Why?" asked Phil, genuinely curious.

Kris thought for a moment. _Why DID she like the CM the best?_ She turned back towards Phil.

"Because you guys are always at the top" she said. "And the crew is awesome". She looked back out the window before adding her last reason...."And you're all pretty cute".

"What was that?" asked Phil, leaning over trying to hear that last part.

Kris turned to face him, laughing. "I said, it's because you're all pretty cute!" She turned back to the window again. "Makes it easier to watch...you know, easy on the eyes". She had no idea where she got her sudden flirty nerve, but she was enjoying it!

"I see......." said Phil, smiling, amused by her comment. He looked back down to the deck. "I've often wondered why so many women watch the show. I guess what I heard was true....."

Kris knew damn well that Phil had loads of women ogling him. All the guys did! Either Phil was really modest or he was trying to press her for more info.

"So which 'Harris' girl are you?" he asked.

Kris turned around, surprised. "Huh?" she asked. What did he mean by that?

Phil laughed. "I've seen stuff on the internet - different groups and pages for the boys. Some of them are Jake girls and some are Josh girls. So which one are you?"

Down in the galley, the oven timer went off, signaling that her cake was done. Kris turned and moved to the stairs. "Sounds to me like they're missing a page..." she said over her shoulder.

Phil turned, confused.

"I'm a Phil girl" she said, and bounded down the stairs. She hadn't looked back to see what Phil's reaction was, and part of her was afraid to! But this new flirtiness was addicting! Phil had started it....or at least, that what she told herself. And now she was going to spend the next three hours wondering what he was thinking. Down at the oven, she felt herself blushing like a schoolgirl as she took the cake out, letting it cool. After a few minutes, she moved to the bottom of the wheelhouse steps, tempted to go back up, but stopped herself. She was half afraid, but she was also willing to let Phil make the next move. Oh, supper was going to be so much fun tonight!!!!..

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Over the next three hours, Kris had cleaned up around, and even tidied up the boys rooms a bit. She organized the cupboards to her liking and even read a bit of a book, although the rocking of the boat made her feel sick again, so she put it away. Finally, it was almost 6pm and the roast was ready to come out of the oven. She was just finishing up with the gravy when she heard the door to the deck open.

"Oh man, smells great in here!" said Josh. "I guess you've answered my question, then".

Kris smiled. "Yup, tell everyone that supper's ready!"

Josh headed back out, and let everyone know that it was ready, after first getting the ok from the Captain to take a break. The guys filed in one by one and sat at the table. Kris made quick work of taking up their meals and getting them to them, one by one. They dug in with ferocity after having worked up a big appetite. But one thing was missing - Phil. He hadn't yet come down from the wheelhouse. Kris began to wonder if she somehow had made him feel awkward and he didn't want to face her. Or had she offended him? Surely, he would have taken it as a compliment. She tried not to think the worst as she filled the guys' plates with seconds and got the dessert ready.

Supper seemed to fly by as they finished up their cake, and soon she was clearing the table. She took a chance on asking about Phil, but the boys explained that with this being the first trip out, Phil would most likely be down later when he was done crunching numbers. Kris breathed a sigh of relief. So this was a normal thing. Ok, that she could live with. She cleared the table and poured a fresh pot of coffee for the crew and watched them head back out to work.

She was just finishing up with the dishes when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She didn't turn around because she felt herself blushing again. This was it. The moment she was fearing and anticipating all afternoon. She remained at the sink as she heard the footsteps coming up behind her. Phil reached over her shoulder to get a plate from the cupboard. Kris turned her head to the side, and her eyes met his. He didn't say a word, only smiled. She smiled back and turned her attention back to the dishes. Phil quietly took up his food and moved over to the table. Once he was seated, Kris turned to look at him. She saw that he didn't have anything to drink, so she dried her hands and poured a glass of water. She was almost at the table when he started to get up. He saw she had a glass of water in her hand.

"You read my mind" he said, smiling at her.

Kris smiled and blushed, lowering her eyes. "That's my job" she said, quietly.

Phil took it and sat back down. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No" answered Kris. "I thought I'd wait for you". Phil's expression changed, and she quickly added "so you wouldn't have to eat alone". Phil smiled again, and waited for her to get her supper before sitting again.

The two of them sat at the big table right next to each other, Phil complimenting her on the meal. When they were done, Kris got up to get the two remaining pieces of cake. She had set them aside for herself and Phil before the others could scarf them down! She brought the cake over to the table along with two cups of coffee.

"Mmmm, now this looks good!" said Phil.

"It's devils food chocolate" answered Kris. "I hope you like it"

Phil took a bite. "Mmmmmm" he said, moaning in a way that made Kris feel warmer. She giggled and took a bite of her cake, but unfortunately the piece almost fell off the fork at the last second and she ended up getting icing on her mouth.

Kris put her fork down and reached for a napkin, but before she could, Phil reached out and wiped the icing off with his finger. Kris didn't move. She stayed as still as she could, not even chewing.

Phil laughed nervously. "Sorry, I guess it's the dad in me" he said softly". Kris chewed and swallowed the piece of cake quickly and opened her mouth to say it was ok, but no words came out. Phil looked from her eyes to her mouth, and suddenly Kris felt his finger inside. She closed her lips around it, using her tongue to pull the icing from his finger, and Phil watched every second of it, his eyes on her mouth, while Kris's eyes were on Phil's.

Phil's breathing became quicker and his cheeks were red. The icing was gone but Kris kept moving her tongue, filled with excitement at what was happening. Her breath was coming quicker now too, and she felt butterflies in her belly. She imagined what else she could suck on....

Suddenly the door to the deck opened and Murray came into the galley. Phil pulled his finger free and turned to see what was going on, clearing his throat. Kris did the same, standing to clear the dishes.

"Phil, we've got a problem with the launcher" said Murray. "Shouldn't be hard to fix, but I need you to shut it down from the wheelhouse. I tried to call, but got no answer"

Phil stood, moving to the stairs. "Yeah, I was having supper". He turned to give a quick glance to Kris. His eyes met her for a brief second before heading up the stairs with Murray.

Kris finished the dishes and got everything put away, all the while thinking about what had just happened. She rolled her tongue around her mouth reliving the moment. Finally when she was done, she headed back to her room and collapsed onto her bunk. She lay there, remembering Lisa's words from a few days before. Tonight's events only proved them! There were definately some sparks going on between her and Phil. She wondered what else might happen over the course of the trip.

Kris got up and got herself ready for bed. She checked her door to make sure it closed and she slipped under the covers. She tossed and turned thinking about Phil's finger in her mouth and how good it felt to suck on it. She rolled onto her back and let her mind wander, fantasizing about the sexy captain. Soon her hands began to wander down her body. She pulled her top up, caressing her breasts and lightly pinching her nipples. She gasped at the feeling, wishing it were Phil's hands. Finally, after teasing herself for a few minutes she moved her hand lower, slipping it into her panties. She could hear the crew moving the pots around up on deck and it made her feel so naughty to know that while they were working, she was in her cozy bunk touching herself.

She rubbed her hand along her pussy, already wet from her thoughts, and dipped a finger inside. She moved her hand back up, finding her clit and she rubbed it slowly. She had to turn her face into her pillow to stop the moans. She rubbed faster and faster until she was writhing around on the bed, eager to cum. She pictured Phil's fingers touching her, making her feel this way. It was too much.....she came hard as she bit down on the pillow, her hand on her clit slowing and the hand on her breast squeezing her nipple.

Slowly, her breathing came back to normal and she fixed her clothes back in place. She pulled the covers up to her chin, snuggling in and rolled onto her side. The Bering Sea was calm tonight, and the gentle rocking quickly lulled her to sleep as she thought about the coming days and what would and could happen.......

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Phil was leaning against the wall outside Kris's room. He had come down from the wheelhouse after fixing the problem to tell her he was sorry he had to run off like he did, but instead he found her room door shut. He had just been about to knock when he heard a moan. At first he thought she was sick again, and he laid his hand on the doorknob, ready to go in and help her, but then he heard it again. His eyes went wide. It wasn't a sick moan, it was one of pleasure. He didn't dare move, afraid to make any noise. He listened closely to the tell-tale signs of what she was doing - the moans and whimpers, the wet sounds as she fingered her pussy. He closed his eyes and imagined her doing all these things and it made him incredibly hard. But still, he wouldn't move. He listened as she tried to muffle her cries as she came, and heard the sound of the covers being adjusted as she got ready for sleep. Only then did he slowly move his hand from the doorknob and back slowly down the hall, back to the galley.

He crossed the room and headed for his own bunk, closing the door behind him. He dove onto his bed, quickly pulling his jeans down over his hips and grasping his cock. He was rock hard, harder than he had been in years. He stroked it fast, all the while picturing Kris in his mind and hearing her moans over and over. He came with a gasp, his cum spilling over his hand and onto his stomach. He relaxed his body, falling back onto the pillow breathing heavy. Good God, what was this girl doing to him?? He was old enough to be her father, yet here he was jacking off thinking about her. He reached over to grab a few tissues and cleaned himself up. He got up, straightened up his clothes and headed back up to the wheelhouse. It was going to be a long night, and he had a lot of thinking to do. But he couldn't help but smile. He may be old enough to be her father, but clearly she was definately into him......Yeah, maybe they should make a Papa Harris group afterall!!


	6. Chapter 6

Kris woke the next morning feeling very refreshed. A good night's sleep and a strong orgasm will do that to a girl! She sprung out of bed and after getting ready, headed to the galley to start the breakfast. One by one, the guys filed in and filled their plates, chatting about the day ahead. Kris gathered from their conversations that they were heading in for their first offload in St. Paul. She was excited to check the place out and to just get back on land for a while. The sickness was gone and she was having a blast, but there was something to be said for being on good old terra firma.

Phil was the last one to come to breakfast. He usually waited for the guys to finish so that one of them could go on wheel watch while he ate. Today, it was Freddie's turn to watch, and Phil took his place at the table. The guys continued with their chatter, but Phil sat quietly and ate. Over at the stove, Kris blushed slightly remembering what she had done when she went to bed. She also remembered the event at the same table, where she had sucked on Phil's finger. She shook herself back to reality when someone called for more coffee.

Soon, the guys were all done and heading out, leaving only she and Phil. She wasn't sure how to act, not knowing if he was still thinking about it, or if it had simply been a "thing" to him. She worked around him, clearing plates and scraping food. Unbeknownst to her, Phil kept watch on her out of the corner of his eye. He had heard her through her door last night, but she didn't know that. Just thinking about it again stirred up that feeling in the pit of his stomach. He watched her as she moved, watching her hair swirl around, the curve of her hips, the way her breasts bounced. God, what was he doing??? She was a crew member!!! But she was also a beautiful woman......

Kris turned back to the table, forgetting a few forks and knives, and caught Phil staring at her. She held his gaze for a moment, then he looked away. She knew she hadn't imagined it. She turned back to the counter, and tried to calm herself. She knew she was blushing and breathing heavy, but it would look pretty silly for her to be on a crab boat acting like a teenager. Before she could think twice about it, she felt a presence behind her. She turned her head and saw Phil. He reached his arm over her shoulder to get a glass from the cupboard. His beard brushed her face. She took in a deep breath, smelling his scent and was immediately lost.

When her face brushed his, Phil stopped moving and let his face stay against hers. He slowly took his arm back from the cupboard, leaving the glass where it was, and let his hands fall to her waist. Crew member be damned, he wanted her.

Kris's hands covered his and she looked down. Phil turned her around so that she was facing him and he looked deep into her eyes. Kris wasn't sure what to do. She stood still, eyes wide, like a deer caught in the headlights. Phil pulled her closer to him, and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. It was gentle and soft, and Kris closed her eyes, lost in the feeling. She had dreamt of this moment for a long time, but never actually thought it would happen. Phil licked her lips, and pressed his tongue against them, prompting her to open her mouth. She did, and Phil took the opportunity to explore every inch. Kris let him and before she knew it, her arms and hands found their way to Phil's neck and hair.

Phil pushed her farther back onto the counter, kissing her so hard and deep as though he wanted to become a part of her. His hands moved up from her waist to cup her breasts, He caressed them, making her moan and shiver. She had never been touched like this before and she loved the way it felt. She didn't want him to stop.

But he did. Phil pulled his mouth away from hers, gasping for air. Kris did the same, her eyes searching his, wondering if she had done something wrong. He smoothed her hair back from her face.

"Tell me you want this" he whispered.

Kris nodded. " I do" she panted. "I do...."

Phil pulled her head down and kissed her forehead. He looked over above the table to the clock, then back to her. "We'll be in St. Paul in 6 hours" he said. He opened his mouth to say something else, but didn't. As though he couldn't find the right words. Kris knew what he was trying to say.

She smiled at him. "I'll be here....."

Phil smiled back, then pulled her close for one more kiss. Finally, they broke apart and Phil headed back up the wheelhouse. Kris watched him go, and stood in the same spot for almost ten minutes trying to process what had just happened. She was so excited! She tore her apron off and ran to her bedroom. Once inside, she closed the door and jumped onto her bunk and screamed into her pillow. She didn't care if was childish, she had to do it! She was sure she would float away if she jumped high enough. The man of her dreams had just kissed her LIKE THAT in the galley. AND he wanted to do more later!!! She screamed into the pillow some more. Finally, when she regained her composure, she headed back out to the galley to clean up.

Every so often she would check the time. She couldn't believe that six hours could move so slowly. But she tried to keep busy, hoping it would make the time pass faster. She even pre-cooked supper so that the guys could have something to eat in between strings. She cleaned the bathroom, the supply room, she read a book, she wrote in her journal, and she even did laundry! Finally, she just resorted to staring at the clock.

Finally, the six hours passed. She knelt on her bed looking out the porthole window and saw the lights of St. Paul off in the distance. They were almost there! She knew the guys had a lot of work to do once they were docked, but just knowing they were there was enough for her right now. Out in the galley, she heard a few of the guys come in.

Kris went out to tell them about the food she had prepared. The boys thanked her and began to chow down.

"So did the old man tell you about the plan?" asked Josh.

Kris's eyes went wide. Josh couldn't possibly know......could he?

"We're staying here for the night!" said Jake. Oh. Thank God. They DIDN'T know anything. Kris looked at the two of them, slightly confused.

"Don't you normally stay the night?" she asked.

"Hell no" answered Josh. "We usually just offload and head right back out to catch more" He looked at his brother. "Dad must have some kind of business stuff here if he wants to stay the night".

Kris smiled to herself. She knew the reason they were staying.......but of course, she would never let on.

"I don't care why we're staying" said Jake. "I'm just anxious to hit the town!" He and Josh high fived as they headed back out the door. So the boys were hitting the town tonight. She wondered what plans the others had? She wondered what plan PHIL had for her. She thought about her clothes. What was she going to wear? She had to look good!! Kris ran back to her room and grabbed her stuff for the shower. Whatever the night held, she was going to be ready…..


	7. Chapter 7

It was well past dark when the Cornelia Marie finished offloading. The guys were scurrying around the deck like mice, working to secure the tank covers and make sure everything was put back in it's place. Kris knew they would be hungry when they came in, so she had prepared a feast fit for a king! Truth be told, she did it because she was able to do something a bit more extravagant when the boat was still, AND because she wanted to impress them all a bit with what she was really able to do. Of course, impressing Phil was at the top of her list.

She had worked away in the kitchen after finishing her shower and picking out her outfit, hardly able to concentrate because of the butterflies in her stomach. She kept replaying the kiss over and over in her mind, still feeling Phil's lips on hers. Every so often she would smile and giggle and squee like an idiot, but she couldn't help it! Phil said he had "plans" for the night and her mind raced with what they could be!

But there was something else going on in her mind, too. She had been completely taken with Phil ever since she first saw the show, and while it was so awesome and overwhelming to be where she was and have him be so into her, she was also extremely nervous, and she figured that the butterflies she was feeling was more about that than anything.

Kris was still a virgin. She didn't hide it at all, and she was proud to still be one, but she was so nervous about what Phil would think of that. Perhaps he thought that she was a party girl who was an old pro at it. Of course, they had never really talked about any past relationships, so he wouldn't know about any old boyfriends. Still, being a virgin in this day and age was a rare thing, so he probably wouldn't believe her. But she had to tell him.....I mean, he would eventually know, right?

And then her mind wandered to what, if that was the plan, her first time would be like? She imagined it to be the most wonderful thing ever, but she figured it would hurt, just like she'd read about. Maybe she should just say no. But then what would Phill think of THAT??

Kris shook her head, clearing her head and concentrating on her dessert_. "Get a grip, girl"_ she told herself. Afterall, Phil hadn't said anything in regards to the evening, so she really didn't know what would be happening.......

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"Alright boys, here's the deal" said Phil as he finished his cake. "We're here for the night, so you guys can go out and do whatever the hell you want". The guys whooped and hollered, making plans for what they were going to do.

"JUST don't get into any bar fights" said Phil, getting their attention again, "And don't go bringing any girls back to the boat".

Kris stood and began clearing the table as the boys began to clear out.

"What are you going to do all night, dad?" asked Josh. Kris stopped dead in her tracks and turned back to the table. She was anxious to hear the answer, too.

"Me?" asked Phil. "Well, I've got to go into town and deal with this permit bullshit".

Kris's heart sank. She didn't hear the rest of the conversation because her mind just shut down. She turned back to the kitchen with the plates, trying her best not to cry. She had thought......... She sighed, setting them down_. "I guess he's not that into me afterall"_ she thought to herself. She filled the sink and set to cleaning up while all the guys filed out, including Phil.

The dishes couldn't be done fast enough so that she could go back to her room and just go to bed. Finally when she was done, she did just that, practically running down the hall and closing the door. She jumped onto the bed and just lay there. She was too disappointed to cry, if that was even possible. She thought back to the kiss again, wondering if was just some sort of "heat of the moment" thing. She had been too naive, thinking that Phil had felt something for her. But he had said he had plans! She spent the next hour sitting in the dark on her bed, trying to rationalize it all in her mind, as girls usually do. Suddenly there was a knock on her door. She jumped, startled at the noise. She thought that everyone had left the boat long ago.....

"Kris? You in there?" asked Phil from the other side of the door.

Kris sat upright on her bed, and immediately went to fix her dishevelled hair. "Yeah...I"m here".

"Well......can I come in?" Phil asked.

Kris got up from the bed and opened the door. Phil smiled at her. "You ready?"

Kris stared at him, blinking. "Huh?" she asked.

"Are you ready?" Phil asked again.

"Ready for what?" she answered.

"To go into town" he said. Again, Kris stared at him. She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Didn't you hear me back there?" asked Phil pointing to the galley. "You know, when I told Josh that I was going into town to deal with the permit".

It was coming back to Kris, what she had heard and how she blocked out the rest. oh.

"And I said that I was taking you along to deal with the paper stuff...." Phil said, looking at her as if to say _'don't you remember?'_

Kris blushed, looking down at her feet. "Oh....I....I guess I didn't hear you. The dishes and stuff...."

Phil straightened up and sighed. "Oh. I should have told you, I'm sorry. I was trying to cover it up for Josh, but...."

"Cover what up?" asked Kris. Phil smiled.

"My real plans" he said.

Kris blushed again and smiled faintly. "Oh? And what are they?"

Phil leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Why don't you get ready and meet me up on the deck, and you'll find out...." Then he turned and walked back up the hall.

Kris stood there, looking after him for a few moments, then went back into her room. ARGH!!! What was she going to wear??? The excitement was back and she moved quickly to put herself together. It was going to be a great night afterall!!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: thanks again guys for the great reviews, Aimee & I really appreciate it :)..Ok, just a heads up, this chapter & the next chapter has some very adult themes in it, soo, if for some reason that type of thing bothers you, then please, skip this chapter...if not, then buckle yourselves in & enjoy the ride! :D

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Kris made her way up the steps to the deck very carefully. She had finally chosen an outfit and she had finally gotten everything together that she didn't want a mis-step to ruin it all.

When Phil had told her to meet him up on the deck, she knew she had to look good! She chose a simple little dress with a cute cardigan over top and cute little shoes. Yes, it was cold in Dutch Harbour, but right now, after waiting for this forever, she was willing to be a little chilly before she sacrificed style!

She made it to the top step and opened the door. She peeked out, but saw nothing. Hmm. Where was Phil? She stepped out and closed the door behind her, taking a few steps towards the middle of the deck. She looked up at the clear sky. It certainly wasn't this clear back home. She stopped, taking in the sight and listening to the silence. It was very different when the guys were gone. She began to wonder what the boat was like in the summer time, away from the camera crews and the fishing. Suddenly, two warm hands covered her eyes.

"Guess who" growled Phil into her ear. His voice sent shivers up and down her spine. Kris smiled, placing her hands over his.

"Ummmmm, Murray?" she teased.

"Nope"

"Ummmm, Freddie?"

"Nope"

"Ummmmm, Jake?"

"Oh come on!" said Phil. "Maybe this will help refresh your memory. He turned her head and kissed her softly.

Yup, there was no mistaking who those lips belonged to. Phil pulled back and Kris smiled.

"Phil?" she teased. Phil finally removed his hands, laughing.

"Finally!" he said. "I was starting to get worried there. Wondered if you had something going with someone else!"

"No of course not!" Kris answered. Just then, a breeze blew across the deck, making Kris pull her sweater closer around her. Phil put his arms around her holding her close.

"Damn, you look great!" he said, "But you're going to freeze if we stay out here. Come on, let's get to the truck". Phil led her to the side of the boat and helped her onto the dock.

"Where are we going?" she asked, climbing into the passenger seat.

"You'll see....." answered Phil, giving her a sideways smile.

Kris decided to not ask anymore questions and let the night be a total surprise, so the rest of the trip was very quiet. Apparently, Phil was thinking the same thing because he didn't offer any clues at all. But Kris couldn't help but wonder where they were going....first they passed every restaurant in St. Paul, then they passed the hotel, and finally they were heading up some dirt road off the highway. Phil wasn't taking her hunting or something was he? She was horribly overdressed if he was.....

Finally, they pulled up in front of a quaint little cabin hidden among the trees. Phil stopped the truck and shut it off. Kris looked out the window at the cabin and her mind raced with what would happen next. She began to get very nervous, but tried to play it cool.

"Well, here we are" said Phil. Kris looked at him, wondering where "here" was.

"One of the coasties stays up her in the summer" explained Phil. "We helped them in a search a few years back, and found a couple of the fishermen and pulled them aboard. He said he didn't know how to repay us, and over a few beers we got talking about this place, and so he said I could use it anytime I wanted. I figured I'd never be up here, not in the summer anyways, and that I'd never use it, but that's before you came along...."

Kris smiled, her heart beginning to race at hearing those words. Phil smiled back, then looked back to the cabin.

"So, let's go in, shall we?" he said. Phil got out first and went over to Kris's side opening the door for her. _Chivalry noted_, thought Kris. Phil grabbed a bag from the back of the truck and took Kris's arm, as both headed up the steps.

Phil unlocked the door and went inside. It was dark, so Phil told Kris to stay by the door until he lit the lamps. There was no electricity at all, so the lamps and candles made it all the more romantic. Phil also worked quickly to get a fire going, keeping them warm.

Finally, when everything was settled, Phil led Kris to the floor in front of the fire and helped her to sit on the bear skin rug. He went to get the bag, and brought it back over, opening it and pulling out it's contents. Kris couldn't believe it....There were many little boxes, all containing different foods and desserts. They were having a picnic. Kris giggled.

"What's so funny?" asked Phil.

"Nothing" answered Kris. Phil pressed again, and finally she couldn't keep it in. "It's just that.....I mean....how did you do all this? You didn't come down to the galley once! I would have seen you!"

"Ah, but I can be sneaky too!" answered Phil. "No, I actually had all this prepared in town, because I figured you'd catch on to me, and I wanted to make it a surprise".

Kris smiled. She couldn't believe that Phil would do all this for her. She felt like a princess. Phil sat on the rug and opened the boxes. "I hope you like chocolate covered strawberries" he said. "I've got a whole bunch!"

Kris laughed again and the two began to sample each little delicacy that Phil had brought. They talked and laughed and shared little glances. Phil picked up one of the strawberries and held it to her lips. Kris opened her mouth and took the fruit in a little, Phil's eyes watching every movement. She sucked on the chocolate, letting it coat her lips. Phil's breathing was getting faster and Kris knew how he felt. He pulled the strawberry away, putting it back in the box and leaned in to Kris. He flicked out his tongue, licking at the chocolate. Kris's breath hitched at the contact. Phil placed his mouth over hers and sucked at her lips, tasting both the chocolate and "her". Kris couldn't stay still any longer. She kissed him back, bringing her arms up around his neck. Her whole body was aching to be touched, and she couldn't get enough of his mouth.

With one hand, Phil pushed their picnic out of the way and gently lowered her to the floor, never breaking the kiss. He kissed her deeply, feeling every inch of her mouth with his tongue. His hands began to wander down her body. First to her arms, then her neck, then finally to her breasts. Kris gasped against his mouth. She was covered in goosebumps but she wanted more. Phil's hands moved lower, to her hips, kneading them with his fingers. He moved even lower, brushing his hands over her thighs and down to her knees, where he caught the hem of her dress. He began to pull it up.

Kris felt the movement of the fabric and a slight panic began to creep in. She knew what was coming next. She brought her hands up to Phil's chest, intending to stop him for a moment, but Phil pulled away first. He looked down into her eyes.

"I love you" he said softly. "I wasn't sure what to think at first, when you came on board, but I know now it's the best decision I've ever made".

Kris wanted to cry. She had never felt such love in her life. She was speechless. Phil knelt up beside her and reached again for the hem of her dress. He pulled it up slowly, his eyes fixed on her body as it was revealed to him.

"Lift up" he commanded softly when he got to her hips. Mesmorized, Kris did as he asked. The dress slipped up to her stomach. She sat up automatically as Phil pulled it over her head. She lay back down, feeling very exposed. She began to shake as the nerves threatened to take over, but again before she could react, Phil covered her body with his own and kissed her. This time, his hands wandered over bare skin and Kris was sure it was creating sparks. She couldn't believe how good it felt, just to be touched like this.

Phil broke the kiss once more and moved his hands around to her back, pulling her up slightly from the floor. He held her to him as his other hand swiftly undid her bra. Phil lowered her back down and Kris's arms automatically went up to cover herself, but Phil moved them gently away.

"I want to see you" he said. She let her arms fall to her sides, and lay there, letting Phil do whatever he wanted, while she watched him in the glow of the fire. Phil slipped the straps down over her arms and pulled it slowly away from her breasts. The cold air hit her, and Kris shivered, her nippled becoming instantly hard. Phil laid the bra by her dress and brought both hands up to cup her breasts. Kris gasped at the touch and arched her back. Phil smiled, enjoying her reaction.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered. His fingers moved to her nipples, pinching them lightly. Kris squirmed a little at the new sensation, closing her eyes for a moment. She opened them again when she felt something wet. She looked down to see Phil's mouth covering them, sucking and licking. She gasped and moaned, thinking that she may cum from that alone. Phil chuckled against her, loving what she was doing.

As he sucked, his hand moved lower to her panties. When he touched the band, Kris's legs closed. Phil reached down further, pulling them apart slightly. He moved back to her panties and rubbed over her pussy. Kris moaned loudly and arched into him. Phil lifted off her breast to look at her.

"You like that?" he said quietly. Kris could only nod, yes.

He looked down to his hand, then back to Kris as he changed his pattern, rubbing slowly then faster, figuring out what she liked best. Finally, he moved away from her breasts and knelt beside her again. He reached out both hands and began to pull her panties off.

"Phil......." began Kris, but she lost the words. She lifted her hips as Phil asked, and he pulled them all the way off, leaving her completely naked. Phil gently took her knees in his hands and moved them apart, exposing her even more, and knelt between them. He let her legs fall around him, and he leaned forward, using his hands to spread her pussy apart as he began to lick it.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh" moaned Kris. This was the most intense thing she'd ever felt. It was amazing. Phil licked and sucked, alternating back and forth and it was driving her crazy. He knew when to push it and when to pull back, keeping her on the edge the whole time. Of course he wanted her to cum, just not yet.

Phil finally pulled away from her, just as Kris thought for sure she would cum, and began to touch her with his finger. He teased her entrance at first, then began to push in slowly.

"Phil....." said Kris, knowing what was coming. "Phil....wait".....

"Don't worry, you'll get there. " answered Phil. "I wouldn't leave you hanging". He didn't understand.

"No.....wait....I" said Kris, but she was cut off when Phil pushed his finger into her.

"Argh!" she cried, pulling away from him. Her nerves had gotten the better of her at the last moment and she tensed up. Phil froze. _Had he hurt her?_

"Kris? What's wrong?" he asked, as Kris shuffled backwards away from him, rolling onto her side. He moved to get closer to her, when something caught his eye. He looked down to the rug to see red on the white coat. He looked at his hand, and his finger had blood on it too. He looked back at Kris, laying there crying. _Oh God_.

He wiped the blood away and moved up to lay behind her. "Kris?"

"I'm sorry" she said, between sobs. "I tried to tell you.....but....but....."

He hadn't listened. Actually, he hadn't realized what she had been trying to say. He should have asked. He couldn't believe he didn't pay closer attention to her. He felt like an ass. Phil put his hand on her arm, rubbing it gently.

"It's ok, sweetheart" he said. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry. I should have asked you first. I just didn't think....."

"That I was a virgin?" answered Kris, still crying. "That's 'cause I'm probably the only one in the world!"

"No, no you're not" answered Phil, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I was just stupid. I should have asked. No matter what, I should have asked"

The two lay in silence for a while, while Kris calmed down and stopped crying. She felt like she had ruined everything. She felt Phil sit up behind her, and she looked at him over her shoulder.

"I guess you want to go back to the boat, huh?" asked Phil. Kris turned over to face him.

"No" she answered. "I want to stay here, with you". She stopped, wiping the tears from her face. Then she looked back to Phil. "Unless....you want me to go..." Maybe Phil didn't want her anymore now.....

Phil smiled. "Of course I want you to stay" he answered. He lay back down, pulling her close.

"Phil?" said Kris.

"Mmm hmm?" answered Phil.

"I still want to.....do it" said Kris. Phil stilled behind her. "If you want to".

Phil sat up, looking down into her eyes. "I do, but are you sure?" he asked. "This is a pretty big deal for you. Are you sure you want to do it with an old salt like me?"

Kris smiled up at him, and reached her arms around his neck, pulling him down and kissing him lightly.

"I've never been so sure of anything in all my life"......


	9. Chapter 9

"I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life....."

Kris meant every word. She wanted this. She wanted to be with Phil. No matter how nervous she was, or worried about what would happen, she knew that it would be special. Simply because she was with the man that she loved.

Phil smiled and raised his hand to her cheek. He looked at her for a long moment, and Kris was beginning to wonder if he was going to say something, but finally he leaned in and kissed her. Softly, yet hard. Subtle, yet passionate. He laid her back down on the rug, covering her body with his. Phil's hands moved all over her, feeling and caressing every place he touched. Below him, Kris did the same. She let her hands roam up and down his back and his chest, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

Phil slid to one side, not breaking the kiss, and let his hand wander down further, over her belly. He pulled her leg closer to him, spreading them, and moved his hand lower to her pussy. He gently let his fingers graze over it, feeling Kris shiver beneath him. He broke the kiss, smiling at her, and looked down to watch what he was doing. Kris's eyes followed his and she tilted her head to the side so she could see too.

"Is this ok?" asked Phil. After what had happened before, Phil was taking no chances this time. He felt so bad that he hadn't bothered to ask before. But he would make up for it. He loved Kris, and he wanted this to be special for her.

"Mm hmm" Kris answered. Phil smiled back at her, glad she was ok. He applied more pressure and used his fingers to open her lips. He pulled his hand back slightly so he was at the top, and used his finger to gently touch her clit. Kris jumped at the feeling, but settled quickly. Phil took that as a good sign, and began to rub it in small circles. Kris sighed deeply, clearly liking it.

Phil looked back up to her face and chuckled. "I KNOW this is ok...."

"Yes it is" Kris said, giggling back at him.

Phil picked up the pace a little, and soon Kris was writhing beneath him. It was getting harder for Phil to keep his grip on her because she was moving so much, so he decided to change things up a little. He removed his hand, bringing a whimper from Kris.

"Don't worry, we're not done yet" he said reassuring her. Phil moved down to her feet and spread her legs wide apart. He scooted in closer to her and lay down, resting his head on her thigh. "I think you'll like this even more" he said as he used both hands to open her, and he leaned forward licking her clit.

Kris gasped and arched her back. The rubbing had been wonderful but this was divine! Phil didn't give her a chance to get used to it as he continued to lick and suck, alternating between the two, sometimes fast sometimes slow. Kris came close to cumming several times, but Phil always seemed to sense it and he backed off a little. Finally, he pulled off and lay his chin against her pubic bone, looking up at her.

"I'm going to try putting my finger in again, ok?" He wanted to give her a heads up, give her a chance to say no if she wanted.

Kris nodded, yes. She raised her arm under her head to prop herself up. For some reason, she wanted to watch everything that was going on. She didn't want to miss one detail.

"Ok" Phil said, smiling. He lowered his head, licking her clit again, and gently began to rub her opening with his finger. Just like before, Kris flinched a little, but she was determined to let it happen this time. She forced herself to relax. Soon, Phil began to push it in just a little. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt at all. Kris spread her legs even wider, getting a surprised glance from Phil. They shared a knowing smile, and Phil went back to his task. His tongue expertly worked her clit and when he felt her getting close, her would push his finger in a little more. Finally, it was all the way in. He lifted his mouth away from her.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah...." Kris breathed. "Yeah......"

Phil pulled his finger back out slowly, then pushed it in again, watching the movement.

"You're so wet" he said. Kris could hear the sounds she was making. She blushed. Up until now, she'd only heard those sounds in porn movies.

Phil pulled his finger out completely, and pushed his middle finger back in. Kris took it just fine. He did this a few more times before he decided he should try two.

"Ready for a little more?" he asked her. Kris nodded, yes.

Phil began to push both fingers inside of her. She was very tight. At first, she tried to clamp her legs together, not sure if she was liking it or not, but once more she told herself to relax. Phil pushed them in slowly, and Kris hissed at the slight pain. Phil looked up at her, concerned.

"You want me to stop?" he whispered.

"No.....keep going" she answered. "Please".

Phil kept going until both fingers were all the way in. He knew Kris was finding it a bit more uncomfortable, so he leaned forward once again to lick her clit, helping to ease the feeling. Kris relaxed a bit more once Phil had taken her in his mouth, and soon she was moving her hips, wanting to feel his fingers moving in and out. Phil was happy to get the response, and did as she was suggesting. He started out slowly, but soon he picked up the pace as Kris was really getting into it. He moved his fingers around as well as in and out, stretching her. He opened them up when he was inside of her, making sure she was well prepared.

Kris was getting really close to cumming. She really wanted to, but she also really wanted to wait for the moment. She raised her head, grabbing at his hair.

"Phil....I'm.......I'm gonna....." she panted. "Oh God........"

Phil wanted her to cum. He wanted her body to be completely relaxed when he made love to her. He sucked her clit as hard as he could, and moved his fingers faster and faster, curving his fingers to hit her G spot.

Kris's head fell back to the floor as she began to cum. She gasped for air and arched her back. It had NEVER felt like this before. She couldn't take air into her lungs fast enough. She thought for sure she would pass out. She could hear how wet she was and she could hear and feel Phil breathing against her. It was too much. She came hard, screaming at the top of her lungs with the sensations she was experiencing. Phil kept going all the way through it, something that she had never done. She had always stopped once she came, but he just kept going making it ten times more intense. Her clit was extremely sensitive, almost to the point of being painful. She couldn't stay still, her body jerking and moving on it's own. She couldn't take anymore. Finally, she used every bit of remaining strength she had to push against Phil's head, trying to make him stop.

Phil felt her hands pushing against him and he pulled away, leaving his fingers inside of her, but keeping them still. He watched her as she lay there, chest heaving for breath, skin flushed, sweat beading all over her body. She was beautiful. Finally, she opened her eyes. He smiled at her.

"I take it you liked that?" he asked, grinning.

"Uh huh" Kris answered. Words were beyond her capabilities at the moment. Phil crawled up beside her, stroking her body. Kris swallowed, catching her breath, and turned towards him. She frowned.

"I'm sorry" she said. "I couldn't hold off any longer".

"Don't be sorry" answered Phil. He took her in his arms, holding her close. "That was the whole point....for you to cum"

"But I wanted to cum with you...." she said, looking into his eyes.

Phil kissed her forehead. "We're not done yet......." he said. "You will. Don't worry, I'll make sure of it". His devlish grin re-appeared. Kris couldn't wait for him to live up to his promise........


	10. Chapter 10

Kris smiled wide up at Phil. "Oh, is that so?"

Phil chuckled, looking up and down her body. "Yeah, that's so" he said. "We're nowhere near being done!" He leaned forward and kissed her belly, trailing up to her breasts, taking both into his mouth and sucking lightly, just enough to tease.

Kris shifted her position, turning her head so she could watch him. She loved watching him. It really turned her on to see him doing these things to her. And she thought it was cute when he would quickly turn his eyes up to meet hers, as if checking to see if she was watching, or eager to gain her approval.

He trailed the kisses back down to her hips, then down one leg. As he got near her ankle, he straightened himself up on his knees and lifted her leg to meet his mouth. He held it gently behind her knee, and kissed all the way down to her toes, which made her giggle. Phil laughed, too, loving her reaction. When he was finished, he slowly lowered her leg again, but this time spread it apart from the other one. He then lifted her other leg and did the same thing, putting it down and leaving her legs spread.

Kris took a deep breath. This was the moment she had been waiting for, and dreading all at the same time. She was still nervous, but not afraid anymore. She could never be afraid with Phil. She knew he would take care of her.

Phil moved closer, lowering himself over her body and taking her mouth in a deep kiss. He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Are you sure?" he whispered, checking once more before he wouldn't be able to stop.

"Yes" Kris answered, breathless.

Phil kissed her again, and shifted his position. He held himself over her on one elbow while the other moved between them. Kris could feel it moving against her. He was stroking himself, preparing himself for her. Her breath quickened at the thought.

Phil broke the kiss and knelt up, never taking his eyes from hers. He gently pushed on her thighs for her to spread her legs more, as he caressed them and brought them over his hips. His fingers moved to her clit, rubbing it slowly, making her moan. Only a few circles, then he moved them to her pussy, pushing two inside making way for his cock.

Kris's hips were beginning to move on their own. She wanted to feel him so bad. "Please" she whispered...."please......."

Phil pulled his fingers free and grasped his cock. He pushed his hips forward until he was against Kris, rubbing his cock up and down her lips, coating it in her juices. He looked into her eyes once more, one more time seeking the final approval. Kris nodded slightly. She was ready.

Phil pushed slowly into her, just an inch. Kris gasped and held her breath, anxious for it to happen. Phil pushed a little more, feeling how tight she was. He hoped he would last long enough to make this good for her. It had been forever since he'd been with a virgin and he had forgotten what it felt like. He pushed again, and looked up to her face.

Kris squeezed her eyes shut, the last push bringing a bit of pain with it. She tried to relax. She didn't want to stop, she wanted him to keep going. He pushed again, and again more pain.

"Ahh" she groaned, then clamped her mouth shut.

Phil froze. "Kris?" he asked, softly. She didn't answer him.

"We should stop" he said. "I don't want to hurt you".

Kris's eyes flew open and she looked at him. "No, please. Don't stop. It's ok.....please just don't stop".

Phil watched her for a few moments, until he felt her relax a bit around him. He pushed forward a little more, and Kris closed her eyes again.

"Sssh, it's almost in" he whispered. Phil let go of her leg and brought his hand to her clit, rubbing it. Kris breathed out the breath she had been holding. "There, that's better, huh?"

Kris nodded. She was getting used to his size now, and the feeling of having him inside of her. She reached down and covered his hand with her own. "Keep going" she whispered.

Phil pushed foward again, slowly while still rubbing her clit, until he was all the way inside of her. She hadn't closed her eyes, or felt anymore pain. It was different, but it didn't hurt. When he was all the way in, he leaned forward, kissing her. Kris wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him to her. Phil finally broke the kiss and looked down into her eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

Kris smiled. "I'm perfect".

Phil smiled back. "Good. Tell me when you want more".

"Now" she said, not giving him a chance to finish the words. Phil chuckled. "Alright then" he said as he straightened back up.

He got up to his knees and held onto her hips. He began to slowly pull out, making Kris gasp. He pulled out almost all the way, until just the head was inside, then slowly pushed in again. Kris closed her eyes, but not in pain. This time, she was just enjoying the feeling. Phil continued his thrusts, slow and steady, and Kris wanted more. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Faster" she said, somewhat shyly. She felt awkward telling him what to do, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to feel everything that he had to offer.

Phil acknowledged her by quickly speeding up his pace. Again, he was rewarded with a gasp and the feel of Kris's pussy tightening around him. "Mmm, you like that, huh?"

"Yeah...." she panted. The more he moved, the bolder Kris felt. She wrapped her legs around him, using them to pull him into her. "Faster" she said again.

Phil laughed. "Faster?" he asked. "But this is supposed to be slow!"

"Who says?" asked Kris.

"I'm making love to you" answered Phil. "Making love is slow. Fucking is fast".

Kris smiled, the same devlish grin that Phil wore earlier."Well.......fuck me then".

Phil stopped moving and just stared at her. Finally, a smile broke out on his face. "See? I knew what I was doing when I chose you". He grabbed her hips again, and began to pick up the pace. Faster and faster until finally he was fucking her. Full on fucking her, as though they were in a porn movie.

Kris couldn't believe the feeling. Going slow was amazing and so loving and caring, but this was unbelieveable! The sensations going through her body were downright scary. The feel of his cock sliding in and out of her pussy sent shivers over her whole body. She found herself unable to control her words and movements, and Phil had to hold on tight to keep her from bucking him off. She was moaning and screaming and yelling for him to fuck her, hard and deep, words that she had never used before and had only seen in the movies.

She could hear him panting, and she wanted to see it. She opened her eyes and watched him as he watched himself moving in and out. Phil glanced up and saw her watching him.

"You like that?" he asked. "You like me fucking you?"

Kris knew in that moment that she loved it when he talked dirty to her. "Yeah" she panted. Her pussy spasmed around him. She was getting close.

"You DO like that, don't you" he said. "You gonna cum for me?"

"Yeah....." Kris breathed. She could feel it building in her belly. She wanted to cum so badly. "Please, fuck me......"

Phil tightened his grip on her hips and pounded into her with all he had. Kris began to cum. She couldn't catch her breath, the feeling coming on her so quickly. Phil continued to fuck her as she came, not giving her a chance to rest. When she finally found her voice she screamed his name at the top of her lungs, Phil murmuring something dirty above her, encouraging her. The orgasm just kept coming. She could hear herself yelling, but she wasn't in control. She could hear how wet she was with every thrust Phil made. It was too much. She let her body go limp as Phil pumped away. Her senses were overloaded and she let herself be completely at his mercy.

Phil watched her cumming, and it sent him over the edge. He thrust a few more times, then came deep inside of her. Every muscle ached as he collapsed on top of her, wrapping his arms around her body and hugging her to him. He buried his face in her neck, panting to try and catch his breath. Soon, he felt her arms wrap around him, smoothing his back. At this moment, everything was perfect. There was nowhere else he would rather be, and he wished they could stay there forever.

It was several moments later when they got the strength back to stir. Phil raised his head, looking down at Kris. She lazily turned her head to look at him, sleep threatening to overtake her.

"Well?" he asked. "Was it what you thought it would be?"

Kris smiled. "Everything and more" she said, kissing him. She couldn't help but yawn. Phil chuckled. "I guess I tired you out, huh?" he asked.

"Yup" Kris answered. Phil rolled off of her and leaned down to grab the blanket. He pulled it up over them and pulled her close to him, snuggling together.

He leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "I love you" he whispered.

"I love you, too" Kris answered, closing her eyes. She felt Phil's hands running through her hair as she slowly drifted off to sleep. Everything and more indeed........


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Just got an update from Aimee, soo that means ya'll get the next part! :D Enjoy!

Kris had the most peaceful sleep she'd had in months. Years, even. When she finally did wake up, she found the sun streaming in through the window, hitting her face. She blinked and rolled onto her back, turning her head to see a bare pillow. Her smile disappeared. Where was Phil? She raised herself up a bit, looking around, but still no sign of him. She couldn't even hear anything else other than her own breathing. She lay back down and pulled the blanket up around her chin, not yet ready to give up the cozy warmth.

She thought back to the night before, and smiled. What a night! She closed her eyes and played it over and over like a movie. In her wildest dreams, she could NEVER have imagined this dream coming true. She had made love to the man of her dreams! How many girls get to do that?? And it had been amazing. It had started out a little rocky, but for her first time, she would say it was definately a 10 out of 10. She thought back to the events, how Phil had looked at her, and touched her, and fucked her. Oh my God, he had honest to goodness fucked her! She grinned like an idiot and squeed, pulling the covers up over her mouth to muffle the sound. And it had felt so good! She remembered the way he had licked and sucked her clit, getting her ready. She remembered what his fingers felt like, opening her and preparing her. She was starting to get wet again.....she let her hands trail down her body, over her breasts, caressing them for a while, then slipped them down further. She gently rubbed her pussy, making herself shiver and tingle.

She remembered how Phil had gently pulled her legs apart, making space for him to kneel between them. She spread her legs, reliving the moment. She remembered how softly he asked her if she was ready.......how soft his kisses were.

Kris's eyes were closed tight and her hands were working feverishly under the blanket. She was so lost in the moment that she didn't hear the faint footsteps.....

She remembered feeling the tip of his cock pressing against her.....she reached one hand down and placed two fingers at her pussy. She remembered how it felt when he pushed his cock inside, filling her up.....she pushed her fingers in and groaned.

Her other hand rubbed her clit, bringing her closer and closer to an orgasm. Suddenly, she felt the blanket being pulled off of her. Kris opened her eyes, surprised and stopped.

"No, don't stop" said Phil softly. "I want to watch......"

Kris blushed from head to toe. It was one thing to have sex with him, but she had never had anyone watch her masturbate before. She didn't move, afraid of whether she should or not. Phil pulled the blanket all the way off , and sat back on his knees. He smiled at her.

"Please" he said. "Go on....."

Kris let her head fall back to the floor, and closed her eyes again. Maybe if she couldn't see him it would make it easier. She began to rub her clit and move her fingers in and out again. It didn't take long before she was feeling it build. Maybe being watched was a good thing afterall. She started to wonder what Phil was thinking about, watching her like this.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes were glued to her hands, watching them do their thing. He was lazily stroking his cock, the sight of her clearly turning him on. Kris felt brave, and decided to add a third finger. She watched as Phil's eyes widened a bit, then he chuckled. She giggled too, and Phil looked up at her.

"You want to finish me?" she asked, in a quiet sexy voice.

"Oh yeah" replied Phil. Kris spread her legs even wider as Phil began to get up, but Phil stopped her. She looked at him, confused.

"Let's try something different" he said. Phil moved to lay down on the floor next to her. "Let's see how you like it on top".

Kris wasn't sure about it, but she got up and straddled Phil anyways. Phil lay back with his hands under his head, relaxed. Kris looked up at him, still slightly confused.

"Now it's your turn to do all the work" Phil teased. He waited a few moments, watching as Kris fumbled around, until he finally spoke again. "Just put it in, however you want it. You're in control this time".

Kris liked the sound of that. She raised up a little, and grasped Phil's cock, positioning herself over it. She held it to her pussy and guided the tip inside. Phil took a breath and held it, loving what he was seeing.

Kris was determined to do this right. The concentration on her face was showing, and Phil began to laugh. "It shouldn't be that hard!" he joked.

"Shut up" she replied, shifting again to get more comfortable. Finally, she let go of his cock, and began to lower herself down slowly. Phil stopped laughing immediately, overwhelmed by the feeling of how tight she still was. He couldn't help himself, and reached out his arms to hold her hips. Kris placed her hands over his, and looked down into his eyes as she continued to move lower. Finally, she was sitting on his thighs, his cock fully inside of her. She sat there for a while, getting used to the feeling. She was no longer a virgin, but it was still something to get used to.

"I could stay like this forever, inside of you" said Phil. Kris decided to tease him.

"Ok" she said, and just sat there.......for a long time. Neither of them spoke. Finally, Phil couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh just move, damn it!" he yelled, jokingly.

Kris laughed and raised herself up a little. She shifted her position again and then moved back down. Soon, after some awkward attempts, she got a rhythm going, and this time, SHE was fucking HIM!. For some reason, the whole thing made her feel really naughty, and she decided to see what Phil would think of HER doing the dirty talk. She looked down at him.

"You like it when I ride your cock?" she asked.

Phil looked at her, his eyes wide and a big grin on his face. "Yeah, fuck me baby".

"Oh I'm going to fuck you, don't worry" replied Kris. "I'm going to fuck that big cock so good...."

Phil changed his grip on her hips and began to slam her down as she lowered herself. He wanted her to go faster. Kris got the idea and let him do it. As much as she liked being on top, she liked it even more when Phil took charge.

Phil pulled her to his chest when he felt himself getting close. Kris liked this new position - it made it easier for her to move up and down, so she moved faster.

"Yeah....that's it....I'm gonna cummmmm...." chanted Phil.

Kris watched him, watched his face. She loved seeing him like this. He pulled her down a few more times, and then she felt him cumming deep inside of her. She kept moving, making Phil's body twitch and jerk. She was close, but hadn't cum yet. Phil held her still. She guessed that he was too sensitive and couldn't take the feeling after he had cum. She had to remember to keep that in mind for the future. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled them over so that she was on the bottom. He pulled out of her, and moved lower, spreading her legs apart and burying his face in her pussy. He licked her clit and fingered her, making her cum hard, screaming his name.

When they were done, they curled up again under the blanket. Kris wasn't as tired this time, and was just content to lay there, cuddling. She looked back to the window.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Almost 9am" answered Phil.

"Oh. Where were you earlier? she asked. "I woke up and you were gone".

"Oh shit!" he said, throwing the blanket off and jumping up. "I almost forgot!!" Kris sat up, wondering what was going on, as Phil ran naked out of the room. Shortly after he disappeared, Kris heard cursing and banging coming from the kitchen. Then, just as she was about to get up to see what was going on, Phil reappeared, holding a tray. He walked over to the rug and set it down, joining it on the floor.

"Well, surprise" he said, somewhat deflated. Kris looked at the tray. There was black french toast with black bacon. She had been wondering what that smell was.....

She couldn't help but laugh.

"Damn you and your awesome fucking abilities!" he joked. "You made me forget about your breakfast in bed. Well.....breakfast on rug"

Kris couldn't stop laughing. It was so sweet of him to do, yet so funny! She kissed him anyways, and thanked him. He held up the little pieces of orange.

"Well, at least the orange is still edible!" he said. He held a piece out to her and she ate it, doing the same for him. As they scraped their toast and bacon, she looked at him, thinking how lucky she was. Life couldn't get any better!

She couldn't possibly know at that time just what was in store for them in just a few short weeks............


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Ok, since I got a second update from Aimee tonight, that means ya'll get another update as well :D ..Just a heads up, this chapter has mention of a character experiencing EXTREMELY heavy bleeding, so if the thought/mention of blood bothers you, then ya might wanna skim thru towards the end of the chapter...As always please REVIEW!

Life was good. No, it was much better than good, it was fantastic! Over the past few weeks, the weather had finally turned nice, even though they were heading into December. The seas were somewhat calm, the sun was shining, and the Cornelia Marie was on the crab. Oh, and of course, the most important thing of all - Kris was in love.

It had been 10 days, 6 hours and 12 minutes since she and Phil had made love, but who was counting?!?!? Their time at the little cabin had been amazing. Phil was so gentle and loving, and Kris had turned into a real mynx! She still giggled when she remembered Phil's reaction to her naughtiness. Sure she had been really nervous for the first time, but after that? There was no stopping her!

Of course, things had to change a bit once they got back on the boat. She found out pretty quickly that their love affair wasn't a secret. The guys would've had to be pretty thick to not figure it out. She and Phil were always giving each other secret little glances and touches. Finally, the boys starting joking about it. But Kris didn't mind, it was all in good fun. Besides, she was in too good of a mood to care.

The only thing she didn't like was the almost total lack of privacy for her and Phil. The boat had pretty tight quarters as it was, so having sex was almost out of the question. Almost......they had found a way, actually a few ways, to get by. It seemed a little odd to Kris now, thinking about it, how much she didn't care if the guys knew what she was doing when she and Phil left the supper table and headed into his stateroom. A few months ago she would have been mortified at the thought! But now? All that mattered was that she was in love, and Phil was in love with her. She couldn't possibly know what lay ahead.....

The morning dawned bright and calm, just like it had been for the past week. Kris got up early to get breakfast started, ready to get the boys on the go for the day. She made her usual spread, and then called everyone to the galley when it was on the table. As usual, the boys ate like they hadn't seen food for weeks, including Phil. She liked it when he joined them for meals, stopping the boat for a while. Not only did she love having him near her, but having the boat shut off for a little while made it all the more peaceful.

When they were done, Kris gave Phil a quick little kiss, and set about clearing the table. She brought the dishes over to the sink and began rinsing them. As she was just about to fill the sink with water, she felt a bit of dizziness, and grabbed for the countertop to steady herself. At the same time, Phil had started the boat up & put it in gear to head for the first string, so she just chalked it up to the sudden movement. Pushing it out of her mind, she finished washing the dishes and headed to the pantry to figure out what to make for supper.

The ingredients were all laid out when she headed back to her room for a break. Maybe she was coming down with the flu or something, because she wasn't feeling too good. The dizziness had returned, along with a slight fever. Surely she wasn't seasick. She wondered if it was possible to get over it and then have it come back....she'd have to ask Phil later.

Around 3pm, she got up from her bunk to get the start in on supper. She stood, and the room spun around her. She immediately laid back on the bed. This wasn't right. She lay still for a moment, and turned her eyes to the window above her. The sun was shining in, and the boat really wasn't moving too much. Why was she feeling this way? She decided to lay down for a little while longer.

The fever and the gentle rocking of the boat lulled her to sleep for a little while, but soon, Kris woke in a cold sweat. She was shaking violently and her stomach was hurting very badly. She curled in on herself, scared as to what was going on. Her mind raced, wondering what it could be....did she eat something bad? Were the guys sick too? Was it the stomach flu??

The pain was getting worse. She felt like she was going to throw up, so she tried to roll over to get out of bed, but the pain intensified and she could barely move. The movement though, caused something else to happen......she felt wetness between her legs. She knew it wasn't her period, and she wasn't going to the bathroom.........

She had to get up. She managed to get off the bed and fall to her hands and knees on the floor. The pain was worse now, and she was crying, sobbing from pain & fear. She crawled out to the hallway and the little ways to the bathroom. No one was around - Phil was in the wheelhouse and the guys were all on the deck. She got to the bathroom and reached up to flick on the light. She shut the door behind her and crawled to the toilet, feeling the urge to throw up. Nothing came up, but she was still really nauseated. While she was kneeling at the toilet, she let her head drop down, and then she saw it....

Her pants were covered in blood. She was bleeding!!! But it wasn't that time.......She began to panic, calling out for help. She looked to the door, and saw the trail of blood covering the floor from when she had crawled in. The trail must be all the way back to her room, too. She turned to head back out to the hallway, hoping that Phil would hear her from there, but when she tried to stand up, pain shot through her body and she screamed. At least, she thought she did, Kris wasn't really sure because at that moment, she blacked out.......

*****************************************************************************

The sun was starting to set when the boys finished up hauling the last string. They were starving and were all wondering what Kris had made tonight for supper. They had been more than a little skeptical at first, when Phil said he was going to bring a girl on board, but she had turned out to be a great addition to the boat. The guys all loved her, plus Jake and Josh were happy that she was making their dad happy.

They headed into the mudroom and started peeling off their gear.

"I wonder what Kris has got cooking tonight?" asked Jake. "Hopefully it's pizza!"

"You and your pizza!" mocked Murray. "I don't care what it is, as long as it's food"

They laughed and joked as they finished their smokes and headed in to the galley. They all moved a little slower though, as they walked down the hall, seeing that everything was dark and empty. The guys moved into the room, and looked at each other confused.

"What the hell??" asked Freddie. "Where's supper?"

Murray sighed. "I guess Kris and Phil got a little....caught up again"

"Well they must be up in the wheelhouse because there's no one in here" said Josh, poking his head into his dad's stateroom.

"Oh now see, that's just wrong!" said Jake. He headed to the stairs of the wheelhouse and called up. "Come on dad, we want to eat sometime today! Stop having your little fun!"

"What?" called Phil in response. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Jake looked at Murray, then at Josh, then at Freddie. He turned back to the stairs. "Isn't Kris up there?"

Phil left his chair and moved over to the stairs, looking down at his younger son. "No, isn't she down there?"

"No" Jake replied,The guys began to look around, with Phil coming down to join them. They called her name, but got no reply. Everyone began to get an uneasy feeling......

Phil headed down the hallway to her bedroom, thinking that perhaps she had taken a nap and lost track of time. The hallway was dark, so he didn't see what was on the floor.....

"Kris??" he called, pushing open her door. It had been closed, which was odd, but she wasn't in there. He turned to head back out just as Josh turned on the light. The hallway lit up, and everyone's eyes immediately went to the floor. There was a trail of blood leading from her room to the bathroom, where the door was shut. Phil glanced back into her bedroom for a split second and saw the big bloodstain on her bed. He went cold. Something was horribly wrong.....

The guys all rushed to the bathroom door, Phil getting there first and pushing it open. There, on the floor, was Kris. blood all around her, unconscious. Phil ran to her, picking her up in his arms. He felt her neck - she was still alive, thank God.

"Kris!! Kris!!" he shouted, trying to bring her around. The guys stood shocked, outside. She didn't stir.

"Murray,call the Coast Guard NOW!!!!!" ...


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Sorry 'bout leaving you guys hanging, work's been keeping me busy lately, hopefully won't happen anymore anytime soon..this chapter isn't as light hearted as the others have been, but never fear, it WILL get better, I promise! :) Please review!

"Miss McCormick...."

"Miss McCormick, can you hear me????"

Kris heard her name being called from far away. She opened her eyes a little, but shut them again when she was blinded by the lights. She blinked a few more times, and looked above her. She was lying on her back, moving fast through a corridor. The man above her was calling her name.

"Miss McCormick, can you hear me?" He continued to talk, but she couldn't really make sense of what he was saying....something about blood, and pain, and that she was going to be ok.....

*****************************************************************************

It was nighttime when she woke again. She knew that because the main lights in the ward had been turned off. She had come to earlier, when they first brought her into the trauma room. The doctors had woken her with drugs and asked her a million questions. It took her a while to start thinking, but slowly she came back to the present. They told her they would need to run tests, but from what they had already witnessed, they could pretty much determine that she had had a miscarriage.

A 'miscarriage'.

Her brain couldn't comprehend it......Everything had been so happy, so positive, and now.....The doctors had given her more drugs to help her sleep, and to help her body heal. They assured her that she would be ok in a few days. A woman's body had pretty powerful ways of dealing with such an event, somehow developed over the course of millions of years. That still didn't make her feel any better....

And now, it was nighttime. She woke facing the door, hearing the nurses walking up and down the hall & faint beeping going off in another room. She was confused at first as to what she was doing there, but after a few seconds the reality hit her again, just as it had the first time she'd been told. She took in a deep breath and turned her head the other way, to the windows.

Standing there, staring out at the night, was Phil.

Phil. She hadn't seen him since it all happened. And she hadn't seen him then, except she heard his voice, asking the doctors to help her. Did he know? What would he think? She took a breath and began to roll over to face him. Phil heard the rustling and turned a little to glance at her over his shoulder. He looked back out the window and sighed before turning completely. He didn't come closer.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. "Should I get the doctor?

Kris shook her head. His tone was different... he was different. Her eyes threatened to fill with tears. Phil lowered his head, looking at the floor. He didn't want to look at her.

"Phil....I...."

"No, don't" said Phil, raising his hand. "Just.......don't...."

Kris felt the tears falling. "Phil....please...."

Phil pushed himself away from the window, and crossed the room to the door. He stopped, and half turned back, still not meeting her eyes. "I don't think.........there's a plane ticket for you on the table. You should, uh......head home to your family. For Christmas" He paused for a long time. "Just........feel better soon". Then, he was gone.

Kris stared out the doorway for a long time, still stinging from his words. She could only imagine how he felt. In one second, your girlfriend collapses and has to get carried out by the Coast Guard, and then you find out she was pregnant. God, he must hate her!!

Kris fell back into her bed, and sobbed into her pillow. All the good things that had happened since October, had all been erased. She turned to the table and reached out & grabbed the plane ticket. She brought it up to her nose, smelling the faint smell of Phil's cologne on it, and cried herself to sleep. This would not be a Merry Christmas........


	14. Chapter 14

The outside world was just like a Hallmark card - the snow was softly falling, the ground covered in white, twinkling lights everywhere, and people moving about heading to loved ones homes to sing carols and eat their traditional Christmas dinners.

The same could be said for Kris's home. Christmas morning had dawned snowy, with everyone in a cheerful mood. Everyone that is, except for Kris. She had been home for almost three weeks, since she had been released from the hospital. She didn't tell anyone the real reason for her earlier than expected arrival, just that the season was over. They didn't need to know anymore than that.

Kris heard them all downstairs, preparing the meal. She had kept up her "normal" front by opening her presents earlier in the day, then headed back upstairs to bed claiming that she was still tired. As soon as she was alone, her thoughts went straight to the place it had been hanging out lately......_what was Phil doing? Had he made it back to Seattle in time for Christmas? Did he even still think about her? How far along had she been.........._

She had only confided in one person, her closest friend, and she had told Kris that it did her no good to dwell on it. She was right, of course, but still. She couldn't help but wonder. She looked out her window. It was getting dark already, and she wondered how dark it was up in Dutch right now.....

No, she had think happy thoughts. She would be facing the rest of the family soon. She could already hear the guests arriving in spurts downstairs. Kris sighed as she rose from the bed and started getting ready. Besides, she had to figure out what she was going to do for work, seeing as how Opies were no longer a possibility.............

The dinner had been delicious, as usual. Kris had tried very hard to be happy and cheerful, and a few times she actually WAS happy, but then the thoughts would come back again. Over the past few weeks she had desperately wanted to call Phil, and explain to him that she hadn't known about the baby, but she figured he wouldn't want to hear from her. He had been so upset when she last saw him in the hospital. And what about the guys? God only knows what they thought. She wished she could just talk to Phil once more...

After dinner, everyone headed into the living room to talk and catch up on old times. Of course, the conversation turned to the kids and grandkids, as the relatives related the 'Santa" stories from the morning. Kris listened, but didn't really hear them as they spoke. She thought about what she may have been carrying - a boy or a girl. She knew Phil was an amazing father, but she had no idea what he would have been like with a baby. She smiled to herself, picturing him holding the little one. But then, the reality hit again. There was no baby, and there wasn't any her & Phil anymore either. She listened to the words of her family, and focused on the conversation at hand, putting the thoughts out of her mind.

Just as she was ready to nod off to sleep after hearing the same things over and over, the phone rang. Her aunt was closest, so she grabbed it first.

"Hello?......Who?......Kris? Sure, just a moment please..." She covered the phone and nodded to Kris, letting her know it was for her.

Kris rose from the couch, wondering who on earth would be calling her. Her friends were all at their own dinners.....She moved into the kitchen to take the call in there, letting her aunt know when she had picked up.

"Hello?" said Kris into the receiver.

There was silence.

"Hello?!??!?!" she said again.

"Hi" came the reply. It was Phil.

Kris's heart sank, then flip-flopped. "Hi" she managed to say in return. Again, there was silence. Kris wasn't sure what to say, so she waited, wondering if Phil would say anything. The noise of the background got louder as someone told a funny story from years gone by.

"Is...this a bad time?" asked Phil.

"No!" answered Kris quickly. "That's just my family".

"I see" answered Phil. Again, there was a short pause. Finally, he sighed into the phone. "I miss you....."

The words hung there, Kris was unable to answer him. The tears were already falling from her eyes.

"Kris?" asked Phil.

"I miss you too" she managed to choke out. Phil could tell she was crying.

"Oh, I didn't call to make you cry" he said. "I'm sorry".

"Don't be" she answered. "I just........I......"

Phil sighed again. "The way we left things.....the way _"I"_ left things......I just......I don't know....I'd like to see you, to talk".

Kris absorbed the words. He wanted to see her. She had been waiting to hear those words for the past three weeks. This was her moment to tell him everything that she needed to say.

"Ok" she said. Just then, there was a commotion on Phil's side. Knowing the voices, Kris knew that it was Jake and Josh coming home. They were calling out to their father.

"I've got to go" said Phil, "But, I'll call you tomorrow. We can....figure something out".

Kris wiped her eyes. "Yeah, I'd....I'd like that".

"Merry Christmas" said Phil, softly.

"Merry Christmas" answered Kris, then Phil hung up. Kris stood holding the phone for a while, before hanging it up. She slipped out of the kitchen and up to her room, wiping the tears away as she looked in the mirror. Downstairs, someone had turned on the stereo again, and an old familiar tune began to play. Kris looked out her window at the snowfall, and smiled. Maybe it WOULD be a Merry Christmas afterall.........


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning couldn't come fast enough for Kris. She hardly slept all night, thinking about Phil's voice. She was so glad that she had been able to talk to him again. It meant the world to her that he had thought about her that much to call on Christmas. She had wanted to call him, but was too afraid of his reaction after the way he had acted in the hospital. But now, things were looking up.

She practically watched the sun rise through her window, trying to go back to sleep because her body was so exhausted, but also wanting the time to pass faster until the moment when the phone would ring and Phil would be on the other end. Finally, when she couldn't take it anymore, she rolled over and got up out of bed at the first signs of life downstairs. She looked at her alarm clock - 7:15am. Too damn early any other day, but oh well. She'd have time to sleep later.....

Kris busied herself with getting breakfast and telling everyone that she was ok, despite the fact that she was up at an ungodly hour. She usually slept later than this, but she excused it as being "used to the Bering Sea time", and that seemed to suffice. The day wore on, and still no call from Phil. She checked the time regularly, reminding herself that he was several hours behind her in Washington, so she had to be patient.

Sometime after lunch, the family had gathered in the den to watch some holiday TV and Kris wandered in amongst them, choosing to pass the time watching some silly Christmas movie. Her lack of sleep from the night before caught up to her, and soon she was dozing, with a throw over her to keep her warm, compliments of great Aunt Betty. It was dark when she woke again.

Kris heard talking and laughter coming from the other room, and she stirred from her sleep. It took her a moment to fully wake up, but she thought she was still asleep and dreaming when she heard a certain voice.......she turned her head towards the door, listening intently. There it was again.....that voice, that laugh.....no.....it couldn't be......

She flung the blanket off and ran for the door, flinging it open and running up the hall. She stopped dead in the middle of the living room, all eyes in the room turning to her. There, sitting on the couch by great Aunt Betty, was Phil. Her Phil. He smiled at her when she came into the room, then looked down to the floor, not knowing what to say or do. Kris stood staring, stunned.

"Oh Kris dear, your boss came to visit you" said Aunt Betty, "but you wouldn't wake up no matter what I tried. Are you coming down with something? You were sleeping awfully soundly"

Kris blinked, and turned to Aunt Betty. "I was just....really tired, that's all" She turned back to Phil. "What are you doing here?"

She hadn't meant for it to sound so.....blunt. She was happy he was here, VERY happy, but it was still a shock to see him.

"I had some business stuff to do, so I thought I'd come by" Phil answered, smiling at her softly. He continued to look at her, even though he had finished speaking, and Kris stared right back at him. The tension, all of it good, was mounting, and the other people in the room could feel it. At least, the younger crowd did. Kris's cousin made a rather loud suggestion for everyone to move into the kitchen to get supper going. Kris made a mental note to buy something really nice for her later....

Finally, the room was empty except for Kris and Phil. Phil shifted his position on the couch and tapped the seat next to him. "You can sit down, you know" he said teasing. Kris berated herself for acting so dorky, and moved to sit by him. She sat in silence for a moment, then turned to say everything she had rehearsed in her head.

At the exact same time, Phil began to speak as well, so both of them stopped. There was another moment of silence, then both spoke again, encouraging the other to "go ahead". They laughed at the funny and awkward moment. Finally, Phil turned to her and laid his hand on her thigh.

"I missed you" he said quietly. Kris thought she would cry any moment from hearing those words. She looked down at his hand and covered it with her own.

"I missed you, too" she replied. She looked back up at him. "I didn't know, Phil...."

Phil put up his other hand in an effort to stop her, but she ignored him. "I didn't know, I swear I didn't. It was my first time. I wasn't thinking, and I should have been, I know that, but I swear to you that I didn't know. I would have told you.....you know I would have....."

Phil reached out and put his fingers to her lips. "Shhh" he whispered. "It's ok. I know you would have. That day in the hospital........I......I don't know, it was just the shock of it all" Phil moved his hand up to her eyes, wiping away the few tears that were threatening to fall. "My boys are all grown up. I'm too old to have another one. It just......it just scared me, that's all" He stopped, taking her face in his hands. "And I'm sorry for what I did. I should have trusted you, I should have let you talk" The tears were starting to form in Phil's eyes now. "Can you forgive me?"

Kris let out the breath she had been holding as the tears flowed freely from her eyes. She reached up and took Phil's face in her hands. "Yes, God yes" she answered. "I love you so much. Please say you're not mad at me anymore".

Phil smiled and pulled her against him, kissing her deeply. He pulled away and wiped away her tears again. "I'm not mad, I could never be mad". Kris let her head rest against his chest as he held her tight, the two of them falling back onto the couch.

"See? I told you there was something going on with them!" said Aunt Betty, watching from the kitchen door.

"Get away from the door, Betty!" said Martha. "Leave them be!"

"Fine, but if I miss anything good, I'm going to kick somebody's patootie!"


	16. Chapter 16

Kris could stay like this forever. All tucked into Phil's warm arms, nice and cozy and safe. She was so exhausted from not having slept the night before that she found herself dozing off. The peace and calm was rudely interrupted, however, with a small cough from the doorway....

"Ahem" coughed Aunt Betty. Kris opened her eyes, and turned her head towards the older lady.

"Sorry to bother you dear" said Aunt Betty, "but I was wondering if we should be......preparing accomodations for your friend here."

Kris both smiled and cringed inwardly. It was rather cute of her to ask, but also rather awkward. Before she could speak, Phil spoke for her.

"Actually ma'am, I'm heading back soon, but thank you very much" he said. Aunt Betty smiled, and went back into the kitchen.

Kris turned to look at Phil. "You can stay here, you know" she said. "We've got plenty of room, and it's a lot more home-y than a hotel...."

"I meant back to Seattle" said Phil quietly. Kris's smile disappeared. Oh. Silly her, she knew this was too perfect. Phil read her mind as he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her.

"This was only a real quick little trip. I actually delayed one flight already because I had to come see you...." he said.

"When does your plane leave?" Kris asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Phil raised his arm, checking his watch. "In about four hours".

"Four hours?!?!" said Kris. "But you just got here! I thought you would at least be here until morning!"

"Sssh" said Phil, pulling her into him again. "You're going to get those folks out there riled up!" he said, gesturing towards the kitchen.

Kris let her head fall onto Phil's chest. "Real life sucks" she said.

Phil chuckled, the deep rumble vibrating through Kris's head as she lay against his chest. "It doesn't have to....." said Phil. "Not if you come with me......"

Kris raised her head up again. "Back to Seattle?"

"Where else??" Phil teased, laughing. "Besides, it'll make the trip up to Dutch shorter for you this time around."

Kris looked at him confused, then the realization dawned on her. "You mean....."

Phil smiled, then it disappeared. "You didn't think I had _'fired' _you, did you???" When Kris didn't respond, he continued on..."God Kris, I would never do that! I mean, I was upset and all, but...."

Kris stopped him by placing her fingers to his mouth as he had done to her earlier. "I'd be glad to go with you". She leaned forward, replacing her finger with her mouth, kissing him softly. Phil relaxed and kissed her back, their hands starting to wander. When things started getting hot and heavy, though, Phil pulled back, pushing Kris away from him.

"As much as I'd like to continue this, I think _'here'_ " he paused, looking around Kris towards the kitchen, "is a bad idea".

"Right" answered Kris. "I'm gonna go pack". She got up to go, then turned to give Phil another quick little kiss. Phil got up, too.

"I'm going to get my stuff at the hotel" he said. "I'll be back for you in an hour or so?"

"Sounds perfect!" said Kris. She walked him to the door, then headed upstairs to get everything ready. God, how much stuff would she need for opies?!?!?!

As her bedroom door closed, two grey heads poked out of the kitchen door, looking up the stairs.

"It's sweet, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Young love...."

"Young love??? Did you see him??????? He's old enough to be her father!!"

"Oh shut up, Martha!!!"


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Surprise! you guys get two chappies seein's that I haven't updated in a few days...just a heads up, this chappie gets a little graphic so if that bothers you, fair warning! As always, reviews are cherished sooo, review already! LOL

The packing and the ride to the airport were all a blur. Kris had to be ready so fast that she was sure she had forgotten a lot of her things. Oh well, she could always get them when she got to Seattle.

Seattle. She was going to finish the rest of the Christmas holiday with Phil at his place! She silently squealed when she thought about it. At one point, she must have had a goofy grin on her face because Phil asked if she was alright. She didn't dare tell him the reason for it - he would only tease her about it later!

The flight was long. TOO long, and Kris found herself unable to resist sleep. She had wanted to make the most of her time with Phil, sitting so close to him in first class (that was a first!), but the exhaustion from the night before was too much to handle anymore.

Kris vaguely remembered the landing, and Phil had to prod her several times to get her moving when they finally arrived. He took up the task of getting their luggage and showing her to his car, still parked in the lot. The motion of the drive back to his place did nothing to help in waking her up, and instead put her right back to sleep again.

It was only when she heard a thud that she woke up. Kris opened her eyes to find them stopped and sitting in front of a large house. She blinked a few times, wondering where she was, but soon got her bearings as she fully awoke. There was a small tap on her window, and she turned suddenly to see Phil standing there, opening her door.

"I see you're finally awake" he said, smiling. "Thank God, I thought I was gonna have to carry you in!"

"Ha ha" Kris said, sarcastically as she playfully punched his arm. She grabbed her bags and following him into the house. They were met at the door by Phil's little buddy, Gizmo, who barked and hopped up on the two, anxious for his master to be home. Phil bent down to ruffle the little guy's ears.

"Did ya miss me, buddy? Did ya??" asked Phil. Kris smiled. She loved seeing Phil like this, so happy and carefree.

"He's so cute!" she said, kneeling down to do the same. Gizmo took to her immediately, jumping up into her arms and settling in.

"He likes you" said Phil. "Good thing, since you'll be around a lot, huh?"

Kris looked up, but Phil had already turned, heading down the hall. _Around a lot? Hmm_, Kris liked the sound of that!

As Phil moved through the house turning on lights and checking messages, Kris following him, Gizmo still in her arms. She took in the house, noting Phil's taste in furniture and decorations. Pictures of the boys were everywhere, taken at various ages. One of the things that Kris loved about Phil was how perfect a father he was. She loved watching him with Josh and Jake.

"You hungry?" asked Phil from the kitchen.

Kris followed his voice, trying to find him. "No thanks, I'm good" she replied. Phil came out to meet her as she wandered down a hallway.

"You sure?" he asked. Kris nodded. "Alright, well let me show you around then". Phil lead her around the ground floor, showing her the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and even the bathroom. He even took her out to the garage so she could see his corvette and his motorcycles. Kris could tell that Phil was passionate about driving them. She wondered when she might be able to go for a ride.....

"So, that only leaves the upstairs" said Phil, as they headed back inside. Kris followed Phil up the stairs. They walked down a short hallway and Phil showed her the several guest rooms he had, explaining which rooms the boys liked best. Then they stopped at the final room, the master bedroom. Kris stepped in and looked around. It was huge! There was a big king sized bed in the middle against the far wall, with the usual dresser and table and chair, and the floor was covered in a soft carpet. Off the room was a full walk in closet and an enormous bathroom complete with a jacuzzi tub. Kris was in awe. It was like living in a five star hotel!!

"So, where will I be staying?" she asked. It was an awkward question. Kris knew that as soon as she had the words out. But one could never be too sure....

Phil looked at her oddly, screwing up his face in confusion. "What do you mean, _'where will you_ _be staying?'_ You'll be staying in here, with me! That is, unless you don't want to...."

"No, I want to" Kris said, perhaps a little too eagerly. Phil began to smile and move towards her. He took her bag from her hand, dropping it to the floor and pulled her close to him.

"Sounds like you REALLY want to!" he teased.

"Oh I do" Kris teased back. "I really, really, REALLY do!"

Phil leaned in, kissing her hard. His hands moved up her back, running through her hair, fisting it to pull her closer to him. He moved his hands lower to her hips, and began to walk them backwards towards the bed. Kris's knees hit the edge and she lost her footing, falling onto the soft mattress. Her falling broke the kiss for a moment, but in a flash Phil was right there on top of her, moving her up the bed.

When he had her in position, he stopped, and simply looked down at her. He smiled as he pushed the hair away from her face. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do this again" he said, quietly. "I've missed you so much".

"I've missed you too" answered Kris. She bit her bottom lip. "Please...just....touch me".

Phil obliged her, and rolled to his side, allowing him to move his hand down her body. He carressed her cheek before moving to her neck. Kris threw her head back, loving the feel of his touch. She thought she would never feel it again, and she was beyond happy to have it back.

Phil moved lower, to her breasts, cupping them and rubbing them through her top. Kris wanted to rip her shirt off to have him touch her bare skin, but she knew it would be worth it to wait. He trailed his hand down her belly and onto her hips. Then he moved down her legs, carefully avoiding the spot she wanted him to touch the most.

Phil decided he couldn't wait any longer, and he got to his knees, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. Kris arched her back allowing him to reach behind her to unclasp her bra. Phil pulled it off, leaning forward to kiss and suck her nipples. Kris's body shivered and goosebumps broke out all over. She sighed, and Phil smiled.

It was hard to tear himself away from her breasts, but Phil did so, causing Kris to moan. "Don't worry baby, we're just getting started" he told her. He moved lower so he could undo her jeans. Kris lifted her hips so he could pull them off. He grabbed the waistline of her jeans and her panties, pulling them both off in one motion. As he looked at her, naked in front of him, Phil pulled his own shirt off, tossing it on the floor with the rest of the clothes.

He reached out to her knees, pulling them apart, and led down between her legs. He kissed all around her pussy, telling her how much he missed her, and missed this. Kris lifted her head, wanting to see what he was doing. She didn't want to miss one single moment. Finally, Phil brought his hands to her pussy and pulled her open, then plunged his tongue into her clit, licking it and sucking it. Kris gasped and arched her back. She reached down, running her hands through Phil's hair. "More.....more...." she panted.

Phil did as she asked and gave her more. He pushed two fingers inside of her, feeling her opening around them. Kris was getting close, he could feel it. Before he could finish her off, Kris pushed at his head, a sign for him to stop. He pulled away from her and looked up.

"Not yet..." she panted. "I want to do you...."

"You don't have to..." replied Phil.

"No, I want to....please" she answered.

Phil pulled his fingers out of her pussy, and Kris got to her knees. She pushed Phil back on the bed and grabbed his cock, stroking it a few times before lowering her head and taking him into her mouth.

Phil hissed at the contact. He was torn between closing his eyes, lost in the sensations, and watching her. He did both, as her tongue worked it's magic on him.

"God, I'm not going to last much longer" he said, afraid of cumming too soon. Kris giggled around his cock, then pulled off.

"Don't worry, we've got all night" she teased.

Before she could move back onto him, Phil sat up grabbing her, and switched their positions again. He covered her body with his and looked down into her eyes. "But I don't wanna cum like that" he said, "I wanna cum like this..."

Phil pushed her legs apart, and readied himself to enter her. Just then, as if by divine intervention, Kris remembered everything that had happened to lead them to this point. "STOP!" she said, scaring Phil, freezing him in his tracks. "We can't...I mean....we need....do you have...." the words wouldn't come. The realization finally dawned on Phil, and he knew what she was talking about. He reached over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out a condom.

The awkwardness in the room would have been funny if it hadn't been so serious. Phil paused before opening the wrapper, looking at Kris. "You still wanna do this?" Kris knew that Phil would always look out for her, that was just his way. She hadn't meant to "ruin the moment", but she couldn't, wouldn't go through that again. She smiled up at him.

"Of course I do" she answered. "Now hurry up and fuck me!" Kris smiled a devlish little grin.

Phil laughed, a sound that turned Kris on even more. "You dirty dog, you!" he teased, as he ripped open the condom and put it on. Kris spread her legs for him and watched as he moved closer to her. He lined himself up, and pushed into her with one push.

"Ahhhh" Kris cried, feeling so full and loving it.

"Still so tight....."Phil whispered as he began to move in and out. Kris reached down, rubbing her clit a little. She wanted to cum so badly, and she thought about all the ways she would here in Seattle.

"Fuck me..." said panted, wanting Phil to move faster. Phil did as she asked, and picked up the pace. "Yeah, fuck my pussy".

"Damn girl, I love it when you talk dirty!!!" joked Phil.

"Oh you do, huh?" answered Kris. "Fuck my tight little pussy with your big cock!" Kris could see what her words did to him, and he grabbed her hips and fucked her with everything he had. He was looking at her now with a primal look in his eyes. He was getting close. "That's it, fuck me....make me cum....."

Kris closed her eyes, concentrating on the feelings filling her body, and soon she felt the tingly familiar feeling. She opened her eyes, locking them with Phil's as her orgasm began. Her mouth was opened in an "o", but no sound came out. She was gone, lost on the sensations and Phil fucked her hard throughout her orgasm. Just as soon as it was beginning to subside, she felt herself cumming again. This time, she closed her eyes - she had no other choice. Her head fell back onto the pillow as her whole body shook. Finally, she gasped in a breath, and went limp. Phil continued to fuck her, his own orgasm coming soon. When he came, he cried out her name, collapsing on top of her, holding her close to him.

Phil rolled them to their sides, face to face, his cock still inside of her. Kris finally came back to the moment, and opened her eyes, sleepily.

"I love you" said Phil, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I love you" answered Kris, finally slipping into the deep sleep she had been waiting for. She would definately be having sweet dreams tonight..........


	18. Chapter 18

Kris woke to the feeling of something tickling her belly, running up and down lightly. She opened her eyes and turned her head, catching Phil's eye. He was leaning on his elbow, his other hand giving her goose bumps as it moved. He smiled at her.

"Morning princess" he said.

Kris smiled back and stretched, arching her back. She hadn't felt this well rested in months! "Hmmm, morning". She let her body go limp again, falling back into the soft mattress. "You're tickling me, you know".

"I know" Phil teased, not stopping his actions.

"Well stop it!" Kris teased back, making a half-hearted attempt to move his hand away.

Phil let her push him away a few times, but his hand always returned to the same spot. Finally, he shifted his position and stopped. "Would you rather I move my hand somewhere else then?"

"Mmm hmm" Kris answered. Phil moved it a little lower, circling her hip.

"How about here?" he asked.

"Nuh uh" Kris said, shaking her head, no. Phil moved even lower, pushing the blankets down as he went. He stopped on her thigh.

"Here?" he asked.

"Uh uh" Kris answered again.

"Well how about you show me....."Phil asked, voice low.

Kris reached down and took his hand in hers. She moved it away from her body as she slowly spread her legs open, revealing herself to him. She brought his hand closer and laid it on her pussy. "Here" she whispered.

Phil smiled and chuckled low. He began to move his hand slowly, rubbing her pussy lightly, watching as her body shivered and the goosebumps came back. He opened her lips and focused on her clit. He knew she was very sensitive and he liked what he could do to her. Right away, Kris gasped in a breath and her hips bucked up.

"That's the spot" said Phil. He rubbed faster, applying more pressure. After a few moments, he looked up. "Anywhere else?" he asked.

Kris opened her eyes and smiled. She was in the mood to be naughty, but she was shy about doing it. Oh she had been vocal with Phil before, and she knew that he really liked that side of her, but she had never done this.....

"Maybe a little lower...." she said quietly.

Phil moved his fingers away from her clit and brought them to her pussy, pushing one in slowly. "Like this?" he asked.

"N-no...." said Kris, trying to get up her courage. "Lower......"

Phil stopped, unsure of what she meant. He was as low as he could go. Unless she meant..........

He pulled his finger out, already coated with her juices, and moved it extremely slowly a little lower. His eyes flicked up to hers, wondering if this was what she meant....

Kris kept her eyes locked on Phil, almost afraid to breathe. She had been extremely horny since she'd been with Phil, but what she was feeling right now was 100 times more powerful. She nodded a small nod, silently telling him to go on.

Phil moved a few more inches until his finger found the place it was searching for. Kris gasped again as Phil rubbed his finger over her entrance causing her sensations she didn't know existed. Phil was completely mesmorized by the whole event. He had never in his wildest dreams expected this! His cock was rock hard, just from watching it unfold. He looked back up to Kris's face. Her eyes were half closed and she opened her mouth to speak..........


	19. Chapter 19

Phil moved a few more inches until his finger found the place it was searching for. Kris gasped again as Phil rubbed his finger over her entrance causing her sensations she didn't know existed. Phil was completely mesmorized by the whole event. He had never in his wildest dreams expected this! His cock was rock hard, just from watching it unfold. He looked back up to Kris's face. Her eyes were half closed and she opened her mouth to speak..........

"Yessssssss" she hissed. She tilted her chin so she she could look down at Phil. He was looking at her with awe.

"More.......please....." she whispered. Kris didn't know where this newfound bravery came from, only that she liked it!

"Are you sure?" asked Phil, briefly remembering what had happened the first time. He didn't want anything like that to happen to her again.

"Please......" Kris answered, nodding her head. She wanted this, very much.

Phil moved his finger back to her pussy, coating it in her juices, making Kris whimper. She missed the contact already. But soon it was back again, circling as it had before. Then, Phil looked up at her once more, waiting for one more approval, and Kris nodded slightly.

Phil pushed his finger in ever so slightly, making Kris gasp and jerk away from him. He hadn't hurt her, it was just from the shock. Phil used his other hand to wrap around her thigh and pull her back, keeping her anchored. He pushed his finger in a little more, feeling her open for him.

Kris was lost in the sensations. Who knew it could feel so good??? She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, relaxing her body totally and letting Phil do whatever he wanted to her.

Phil kept his finger still for a while, wondering if it was still ok for Kris. "You ok?" he whispered, finally.

"Mm hmm" Kris answered. That's all she could muster at the moment, her mouth unwilling to form any real words. This was just too good.

Phil chuckled and pushed in a little more. Kris jerked away from him again, the feeling changing slightly to be a little uncomfortable. She tried to relax, but it was hard to do.

Phil felt the change in her, and didn't want it to get to panic mode. He shifted his position a little and used his other hand to rub her clit. Immediately, Kris relaxed. He rubbed a little harder and faster, also moving his finger in and out a little. Soon, Kris was moaning and writhing all over the bed.

It was beyond intense! God, why hadn't she thought of this before???

"God damn, you're so wet!" said Phil, looking down at her. He could SEE how wet she was.

Kris looked down at Phil. His eyes were dark and he was panting. It was all she needed to put her over the edge. She came hard, reaching down and grabbing Phil's hand, pushing his finger deeper into her and holding it there. She screamed, yelled, groaned, the whole nine yards. Phil watched her, amazed at the transformation of his little virgin.

Finally, Kris began to come down from her orgasm and she lay limp on the bed, letting go of Phil's hand. He pulled his finger out and moved to lie beside her. He ran his hand up and down her body, pinching her nipples and dipping into her pussy as it still spasmed.

"Fuck, that was the hottest thing I've ever seen" he said, voice low.

Kris turned to look at him. She was so proud of herself for doing it and glad that Phil had obliged her that she just beamed. "Thank you" she said quietly. She moved onto her side, to face him, then propped herself up on one elbow.

"Now it's your turn" she said, trying her best to be seductive. "How do you want it?"

Phil looked at her moment, then laughed. "man, who ARE you???" he teased, "and what have you done with Kris???"

Kris rolled him onto his back and moved over him, straddling his hips. "What....you don't like the new me?"

"Oh, I LOVE the new you" Phil answered, "But I love the old Kris too".

Kris leaned down, kissing him deeply. "I'll still play the innocent virgin for you sometimes, but for now....." she pulled herself off of him just enough to line up his cock with her pussy, then sat down on him, taking it all in...." I'm going to be naughty......."

Now it was Phil's turn to gasp as Kris rode him hard, leaning forward on his chest to kiss him and bite his bottom lip. Phil was too shocked to do anything at first, but once it wore off, he reached up, grabbing her hips, and guided her along, urging her to move faster.

Kris could feel Phil's need rising, so she obliged him and moved faster, raking her nails along his chest.

"Fuck.....yeah......God......." said Phil as his orgasm hit. He pulled her down on top of him, holding her to his chest as he trembled and shook.

Kris turned her head to whisper in his ear,"Nah, I prefer 'Kris' better"..................


	20. Chapter 20

The next time Kris woke, it was well into the afternoon and Phil was somewhere in the house on the phone. She closed her eyes again, blinking out the midday sun, and rolled away from the window.

Wow, what a night AND morning it had been! Finally, she was back with Phil after spending so many weeks feeling sad and depressed, AND the sex was amazing as usual. Not to mention her little foray into the dirty side! Whoo hoo, that had been something! She smiled and giggled to herself as she played it over again, not forgetting one single detail. She wasn't sure what possessed her at that moment to try it, but it was definiately something she wouldn't forget, nor regret. Actually, she planned on doing it a lot more....

"Hey, you're finally awake!" said Phil as he came into the room, sitting on the bed. "I was beginning to think my powers had knocked you out cold!"

"YOUR powers?!?!" Kris replied, teasing him. "Um, who was riding who there at the end?? Oh that's right, it was ME!! I was doing all the work!!"

"Yeah, but it was my finger in your ass......" answered Phil. Kris had to smile at that one. He was right, it was his finger that had given her all those wonderful feelings. She felt like a cheshire cat as she snuggled back into the mattress, smiling a devlish smile trying to entice Phil to join her once again. But Phil knew what she was up to....

"Nope, no can do" he said, shaking his head. He tried to get up but Kris grabbed his arm, pulling him back down. "I can't!" he said, "I've got meetings to go to and calls to make......"

Kris was persistent, but Phil was stronger. Kris pouted as he pulled his arm free.

"It's only for the afternoon" he said, trying to make her feel better. He hated it when she was sad. "I'll be back for supper. Besides, you'll have me for all of Opies...." It was a last ditch effort to make her smile, and it worked.

Kris perked up at the idea of being in the tight confines of the boat with him for all those months. But then her smile faded.....of course it wouldn't be much fun with the rest of the crew on board. Oh well, they would just have to be quiet, as they did during Kings!

Kris said her goodbyes to Phil and gave him a few quick kisses that turned out to be not so quick, and then he was gone. She had the whole house to herself. What was she going to do???

She got up and took a shower, then parked herself in front of the TV while she ate breakfast. As luck should have it, there was an old re-run from season 2 of Deadliest Catch on, and she couldn't resist watching it. Of course, she'd seen all the shows at least a few times, so she could pretty much recite them word for word, but it was different seeing it now, now that she had become so close to Phil. Halfway through the show, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Kris answered,

"Could I speak with Mr. Harris please?" said the voice.

"I'm sorry he isn't here right now, is there a message?" Kris replied.

"Yes, please have him call Dr. Barton's office when he gets in" said the voice.

Kris replied that she would, and hung up. _The doctor's office?_ She wondered what that was all about. Naturally, her mind started to wander and worry. _Was Phil ok?_ _Why hadn't he mentioned anything? Should she call his cell?_

The more she thought about it, the more she decided it was silly to call him right now, and decided to wait until he got home. She instead kept her thoughts occupied by tidying the place up. Poor Phil, he could be such a mess sometimes.....

Phil got home around 7 that night, much later than he had planned, and Kris was starving. She hadn't prepared anything because she had spent the whole day cleaning, so she had worked up quite the appetite. As soon as Phil was in the door, she asked him if they would be going out somewhere. Phil laughed, seeing no other option, and led the way out to the car.

Once they got going, Kris nonchalantly brought up the phone call she'd taken earlier in the day. Phil didn't reply, only staring out the window as he drove. Kris couldn't take it anymore.

"Is there anything wrong?" she asked him.

Phil looked at her, then back at the road. "No......why?"

"Well then, what's that call all about?" she asked. "There must be SOMETHING going on."

Phil didn't respond. Finally, Kris played the card she was hoping she'd never have to use.

"I don't want you to keep secrets from me, Phil" she said quietly. "You know what happened when you thought that I had......"

Phil looked at her again, then sighed. "There's nothing wrong...not really" he said quietly. "It was just a normal checkup, but a few things came up".

"Like?" asked Kris.

"Like the regular stuff..... high blood pressure, high cholesterol....the usual. He's just worried about a few things, that's all."

Kris didn't answer. She wondered if he was telling the truth. Finally, Phil looked at her again. "I swear that's it." he said. "I swear!"

Kris relaxed. She believed him. "Ok, fine. But next time, just tell me, ok?"

Phil reached over and picked up her hand from her lap, kissing it. "Ok. I promise". They drove in silence for another few miles before Phil changed the subject.

"The boat is all ready to go for Opies" he said. "We'll leave right after New Year's to go up. They're predicting a lot of ice this year, so I wanna get out before it hits".

"Sounds like a plan, Captain" said Kris in her best mocking voice. Phil turned to look at her, then cracked up laughing. He looked at her a few moments longer, then back at the road. "God I missed you."

Kris leaned over as far as her seatbelt would allow, and kissed his cheek. "I missed you too". She slid back into her spot. "Now step on it, I'm starving!!"


	21. Chapter 21

The dinner was great, as far as dinners go. Phil had taken her to a quiet little steakhouse out by the ocean. They had driven a fair distance to get there, but it was worth it. No big crowds, low lighting and nice music, setting the mood just right. Kris took it all in, but didn't pay much attention. The drive out here HAD been worth it, but it only made her all the more hungry, and she counted the minutes until their food arrived! Phil teased her, telling her she could eat any man under the table, but she didn't mind. She was happy to be with him in this really neat little place.

When they had finished their meal, Kris picked up the little dessert menu, anxious to know the names of the dishes she had seen being served to the other patrons. But as soon as she picked it up, Phil snatched it from her hand and put it back.

"We're not having dessert" he said, flatly. Kris just stared at him. What was THAT all about? She had been ravenous when they came in here, and while she was pleasantly satisfied, she still wanted something sweet. She reached for the menu again, neverminding what Phil had said. Phil grabbed her hand, stopping it in mid-air.

"I said, we're not having dessert" he said, voice lower than before. Kris was confused. Where was this coming from? What had gotten into him? Maybe he was angry that she had called him out on the doctor thing. Maybe he didn't want her getting fat.....Well, if that was the case, he could shove it!

"But why not?" Kris asked. "Those people over there had this really awesome looking...."

"I said no" said Phil, again. Kris was annoyed. No, perhaps mad was the better word. She silently sat in her seat and stewed. Ok, if he wanted to play that way, she could too. The drive home was going to be a long, QUIET one!

Phil got the vibe that she was mad, and he felt really bad about that, but he had to keep this charade going. Otherwise, everything would be ruined.......

Phil called for the check, and paid while making small talk with the owner. Kris slipped out the door and waited by the car, still very annoyed. Phil joined her shortly after and opened her door for her. "That was a great little spot, huh?" he asked. Silence.

"Perhaps we'll come back here again sometime" he said. Again, silence. As he got in the car, Phil smiled to himself. _'She'll come around when she sees what I have planned..'_ he thought.

As the car FINALLY pulled into the driveway, Kris jumped out almost before it even came to a stop. Phil got out quickly and beat her to the front door. She was still giving him the silent treatment as they walked inside. It had been Phil's plan all along to make her kinda mad, although he wasn't counting on THIS level of mad, so that she would most likely head straight to the bedroom. As she turned to head up the stairs, Phil smiled. His plan was almost ready to go.....

Kris walked down the hallway to the master bedroom, wondering if she should haul all of her stuff out to one of the guest rooms. She couldn't believe Phil would be like that tonight, especially in a public place. She was shocked, but she was also mad as hell! Who did he think he was? Telling her she couldn't have dessert. He wasn't her keeper, he was her boyfriend. And if he keeps this up, he might not be for very much longer if.........

Kris flicked on the light to the bedroom to find that it had been dimmed. She looked into the room and her jaw dropped. There, on the bed, were hundreds, maybe thousands of rose petals, in all colours. There were three boxes on the bed as well, all done up with a pretty bow, and over on the bedside table was one of those fancy silver trays complete with a cover, just like in the movies. As she looked around, still in shock, she felt two hands on her shoulders. Phil gently pushed her inside and led her to sit on the bed. She looked up at him, mouth still hanging open, and Phil couldn't help but laugh.

He helped her up onto the mattress, so that she was sitting against the headboard, and then he brought the tray over and laid it beside her. He removed the fancy cover to reveal a huge assortment of chocolate covered strawberries and pastries. As soon as Kris saw it, she understood everything that had happened. Phil lifted one of the berries to her mouth. "Now, you can have dessert" he said quietly, holding it to her lips. Kris took a bite, feeling like a complete ass. She should have trusted him. She knew better than to think he would actually act like that.

Phil reached back for the tray to get another one. "I'm sorry for being so....prickish earlier" he said, "but it was the only way I could pull this off. I'm sorry". He leaned forward, kissing the chocolate from her lips, then pulled back, licking it off of his own. "Can you forgive me?"

"That depends on what's in those boxes!" said Kris, smiling. Phil laughed, and pushed a pastry into her face, covering it in chocolate. Kris grabbed for one and tried to do the same to him, the two of them wrestling around on the bed. When they were covered in chocolate, Kris decided to surrender and get to the presents. She climbed over Phil and sat up like a kid at Christmas.

Phil shook his head at her, laughing at her eagerness, but gave in anyway. First he handed her the biggest box. Kris held it up to her ear and shook it, continuing the little game, then took the lid off. Inside was a box of airsick bags and a year's supply of motion sickness pills. She looked at Phil. "Ha ha, very funny" she said, punching him in the arm.

"Well, I figured you'd need it for when we head out for Opies" he replied.

Kris pretended she wasn't too impressed, but in reality she knew it would probably come in handy when they went back out. Next, Phil handed her the middle sized box. Kris shook it around again, then pulled the lid off. Inside was another small box, which she quickly took out and unwrapped to reveal a sexy pink lingerie set. She blushed as she felt the silky fabric.

"That's NOT for Opie season" Phil teased. "That's for tonight! I hope I got the size right..."

Kris loved it. She had never gotten lingerie before, and she felt it was really special. And Phil HAD gotten the right size. God, he was just so perfect!

Kris neatly folded the set and laid it by her pillow. Finally, Phil handed her the smallest box. Again, she held it up and shook it, making Phil giggle, but as she took the lid off, his expression got very serious. Kris laid the lid beside her on the bed, and peered inside, where she found another small box. She took it out and opened it up. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth fell open, just as it had earlier. She couldn't believe it...........

Phil got up off of the bed and moved to the floor, going down on one knee. He took her hand and held it in his and looked up at her smiling. "Kris, since I met you, there was just something about you that made me think we were connected somehow. I know I haven't always been at my best, but I've tried hard, because I only want you to be happy. And you make me happy". He paused, as if trying to find the right words. Kris simply sat there, taking it all in. Phil looked up at her again. "I love you. And I want to be with you. Always. Will you marry me?"

Kris could feel the tears running down her face. She had never felt so completely loved and cherished before in all her life. She looked at Phil, whose face had changed to a little concerned seeing her crying, and she leaped off the bed and into his arms, kissing him hard. "YES!" she cried. "Yes yes yes!!"

Phil held her tight and lifted her back onto the bed. Finally, he broke the kiss, both of them panting for air. "Thank God!" he teased. "I was starting to get worried there for a second".

Kris looked up at him. "You have nothing to worry about, Captain, I'll never leave your side!" She kissed him again. At that moment, Kris remembered the lingerie. She reached over and grabbed it, then broke the kiss and rolled away from Phil. She jumped off the bed and headed to the little bathroom. "Since present number 3 was so great, let's try out present number 2!" she said.

Phil laughed as he watched her go. "And when I get through with you in that little number, you may just need present number 1 afterall!!!"


	22. Chapter 22

The next few days were uneventful as Phil got preparations underway to head back to Dutch for Opie season. He spent most of his time on the phone, calling the guys, calling the airlines, and calling everyone else associated with the season. Kris spent most of HER time sitting and looking at her ring.

The days following their engagement were a blur for Kris. Everytime she looked at the enormous rock on her hand (and it was huge!), she was filled with so many emotions. She couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last four months! Sometimes, Phil would catch her staring at it and tease her for being one of "those" kinds of girls, all giggly and such, but Kris didn't care. She simply smiled and ignored him. She knew he loved her, and that was all that mattered.

"Kris!" called Phil, entering the kitchen. "Where are you?"

"Up here!" she called back from the bedroom. She quickly went back to work packing her bag as Phil bounded up the stairs and into the room. God forbid he catch her staring at her ring again!

"Hey" he said, coming over to give her a quick kiss. "You all set for tomorrow night?"

Kris looked at him confused. "Tomorrow night? What's going on tomorrow night?"

Phil sighed. "Did you check your phone at ALL today?" he asked. "I called earlier this afternoon".

Kris looked down sheepishly. "No, I was...."

"Staring at that damn ring all day!" teased Phil. Kris swatted him on the arm.

"Well, it's your fault for giving me such a BIG, beautiful ring!!" she teased back.

Phil laughed and pulled her close to him, kissing her. "I love you" he said.

"I love you, too" Kris answered. They looked at each other for a moment, sharing secret little glances, until Phil finally shook his head.

"No....NO....don't go there" he said, trying to pull her arms away from his neck, but not having much success.

"Come on...."Kris whined. But Phil was firm. He finally managed to get her untangled, much to her chagrin, and she sat on the bed pouting.

"So, since you didn't get the message, I guess I have to fill you in" said Phil, sitting next to her. Kris moved a few inches away, still not happy with not being able to have a little fun, but Phil just laughed at her and began talking anyway.

"I decided to have a little shindig here tomorrow night for New Year's Eve...."

"A 'shindig?' Kris teased, interrupting him.

"Shut up" Phil answered without missing a beat. "Yes, a shindig. All the guys are coming over and we're going to have a party. One more time before we head back up to Dutch".

"Great!" answered Kris. She thought for a moment, then stood up. "Damn! That's tomorrow night! I'll have to go to the store to get stuff!" She crossed the room to get her purse, but Phil grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"You're not doing a thing" he said. Kris looked at him. "It's all taken care of, don't worry. It's kind of like your birthday party, too, since we kinda....well.....we had a private one..."

Kris blushed remembering the gifts. As it turned out, the lingerie hadn't stayed on too long.....

"The guys are going to be bringing stuff" continued Phil. Kris was silent for a second, then burst out laughing.

"And you're telling me not to worry???" she said.

"What?" said Phil. "They can cook......well, some of them can......" He pulled Kris onto his lap. "You just relax and enjoy the evening, food be damned."

Kris wrapped her arms around Phil's neck, gently, and leaned forward to kiss him. When she had him where she wanted him, she pushed him back onto the bed making him land on his back. She let go of his neck and climbed on top of him, straddling him.

"NOW who's the boss??" she said, staring down at him.

"Me" Phil said. Kris grabbed his hands and pulled his arms over his head, pinning them there.

"Wrong answer, guess again....who's the boss?" she asked.

"That would be.....ME!" Phil said again. Kris clamped her hand over his mouth as Phil laughed.

"You're hellbent on making this difficult aren't you?" she asked. Phil nodded his head, yes, and grunted through her hand.

"Well then, let's be difficult....." Kris used her other hand to open Phil's zipper and pull out his cock. Phil began to breathe a little heavier at the contact, although it could have had something to do with her hand still over his mouth.....

Kris stroked him softly and slowly, alternating her eyes between the action and his eyes. When he was fully hard, she stilled her hand and looked into his eyes. "I'm going to take my hand away. Are you going to make any noise?" Phil shook his head, no. "Good boy" she teased. Kris wasn't like this very often, but she loved it when she did get in the mood. So did Phil....

Kris removed her hand, and true to his word, Phil stayed quiet. Kris slowly moved down his body, all the while keeping eye contact with him, until she reached his cock. She gently took it into her mouth, kissing and licking and sucking it. Phil broke their eye contact as his head fell back onto the bed. He started to groan, but caught himself, keeping his word, and fought back against making any sounds. He really, REALLY liked it when Kris took control. He'd never had a woman do that with him before, and now that he did, he was willing to give up all control to her, although of course he'd never admit that...

Kris giggled when Phil dropped his head. She had him right where she wanted him. She bobbed her head up and down, sucking him faster, making him squirm on the bed. She knew he wanted to moan and groan, but she also liked that he was being a good boy and staying quiet. She had a feeling he wouldn't be for long, though....

As she took him deeper, she reached up, playing with his balls. Throughout the course of them getting to know each other, she had discovered that this was one of Phil's favourite things, and right now, she was using every trick she knew. She could feel him tighten up. He was getting close. Kris moved faster and faster, sucking hard and licking the tip. Phil was gripping the sheets around him, squirming and writhing....Kris knew it was time. Just as he was about to go over the edge, Kris pulled off of him, stood up and headed out of the room.

Phil opened his eyes, confused at the loss of contact and shouted after her.. "Hey. what are you doing???????"

Kris looked back over her shoulder as she headed to the stairs, smiling devlishly..."Being difficult....."


	23. Chapter 23

"....being difficult......" said Kris, grinning as she headed down the stairs. Ah, it was good sometimes to make Phil squirm. As she reached the bottom, she couldn't resist quietly heading back up to peek through the rungs at him and his....predicament.

"BEING DIFFICULT?!?!?" yelled Phil as he watched her disappear out of sight._ Damn, she was a feisty one, wasn't she!!_ But he LOVED it!! Phil dropped his head back to the mattress, staring at the ceiling, wondering what to do. He could call out to her, tell her he was sorry, and maybe she'd come back up and....fix him! Or, he could just finish up himself, not like he's never done THAT before. Since this was of the utmost importance, Phil chose the latter of the two choices and soon enough his hand was picking up right where Kris's had left off. It didn't take him long to get back to the plateau he had reached before, and soon he was moaning softly, eyes closed, laying comfortably on the bed.

Meanwhile, back on the stairs, Kris watched it all with mixed emotions. She felt somewhat bad for leaving him like that....well, sort of. He WAS being a dick afterall, but it was all in good fun. She also liked to watch. That was something she had discovered over the course of their time together. Just one more little kink to add to the list, apparently! She watched as his whole body relaxed and he was just so comfortable. She listened as his breathing became quicker and he started moaning again, just quiet little sounds. Finally, she took in the whole sight when he came, still not daring to let on that she was there. When Phil finally stood to get cleaned up, Kris quickly went downstairs and busied herself with more packing. Phil would never be none the wiser of his audience.....

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New Year's Eve arrived the next day with a blanket of snow. Seattle was covered, and although it was only a little bit, the whole city had gone into shutdown mode since it wasn't used to it. Kris started to get worried that the guys wouldn't make it to the party due to the roads, but they all called and assured her and Phil that they would be there.

All day, Kris wondered how this little shindig was going to turn out, as the boys were supposed to be doing all the work and bringing the food. She wanted to ask Phil about it so badly, or at least start cooking SOMETHING, but Phil seemed to read her mind every time and told her over and over that it was all taken care of. That seemed to be his phrase of choice lately, that everything was "all taken care of", whether it was the party stuff, the stuff for Opie season and the boat, or his health.

Since the call from the doctor, Kris had kept it in the back of her mind, but she didn't bring it up to Phil. He had told her, fairly firmly, that all was well, and that she shouldn't worry about him. She trusted him, but still, she wanted to be totally sure that he was good to go. I mean, getting sick on the boat was just as good as a death sentence, and that was something that Kris didn't want to think about. Not when everything was finally so good between them. She reminded herself to take Phil's word, and trust him that he was doing what he should to get his blood pressure down and everything else that had been up on his last report. Although, once the boys arrived, she was pretty sure that it would go back up. It always seemed to when they were around.....

Sure enough, Phil started getting a little "red" after Ding and Dong arrived. Naturally, they were the last ones to come, and they had promised to bring the most stuff, so Phil was livid by the time they walked through the door.

"Where the hell were you?!?!?!?" asked Phil, grabbing their containers from them. "We've only got 'til midnight, you know!"

"Don't sweat it, Dad" answered Josh. "We got delayed on the highway, bunch of cars went off the road."

"Yeah, we almost ended up there ourselves!" added Jake. Phil's mood changed from angry to worried real fast upon hearing that. He began to ask them if they were ok, and what the details were of their near miss.

Kris took the dishes and brought them into the dining room, where she had the table set up buffet style. Phil had at least let her do that. She couldn't help but overhear the conversation between Phil and his boys about their almost accident, but her ears perked up even more when she heard her name....

"So, she's coming back then? On the boat?" asked Jake.

"Yes she is" answered Phil. There was a moment of silence......"You boys ok with that?"

"Yeah sure...as long as you are....." replied Josh. Again, a bit of silence.

"Of course I am" answered Phil. "Look, as I told you guys, it was all one big misunderstanding. Everything is great now. She really makes me happy, I want her to come back."

Kris smiled hearing those words. She knew all was well with Phil, but she hadn't even thought about what the other guys would be thinking and feeling. She didn't dare to even breathe, afraid she might miss their response...

"Cool" answered Josh. She heard the sound of Josh's hand patting his dad's back. "We're happy that you're happy. You deserve it, Dad." Kris's heart filled with happiness - she was accepted by his boys, and that was a big deal to her. She quietly moved away from the doorway and finished the table, content in what she had heard. Unfortunately, she missed the next part, the part that she should have heard.

"Is she going with you to the doctor tomorrow?" asked Jake.

Phil looked around, hoping that Kris was nowhere to be found. "Sssh! No, she doesn't know. And I don't WANT her knowing, either!" It was a stern warning to the boys.

"But Dad, if she's going to be your wife, she needs to know these things, I mean, what if...."asked Josh.

"What if, nothing" answered Phil. "I'll take care of it".

"But...."

"I SAID I'll take care of it!" Phil took a deep breath, sighing, as he draped his arms around the boys necks, leading them into the living room. "Let's just celebrate the night, ok?"

It was then that Kris entered the living room from the other doorway, still completely oblivious to the conversation, and greeted her guests, eager to finally celebrate the coming year as happy as she'd ever been.


	24. Chapter 24

"So Kris, you all packed and ready to go?" asked Freddie.

"Uh huh!" Kris answered excitedly, chewing the last bit of the pig-in-a-blanket that Murray had brought. It was simple, but it was good, and since Kris was famished after cleaning all day,so it was EXTRA good! "Just a few last minute things to throw in, but other than that, I'm good to go!"

No doubt about it, Kris was excited to get back up to Dutch. Way more excited than the guys. They had told her all the horror stories about the weather and how much worse it was in January and February, but Kris didn't mind. They didn't scare her at all! She was just looking forward to getting back on the boat and back into the routine. Plus, she would be in pretty tight quarters with Phil, and that wasn't a bad thing at all!

Phil had been sitting by Kris the whole evening, his arm around her shoulders. When she told the guys how excited she was to get going again, Phil squeezed her tight and gave her a quick kiss. This, of course, brought mock groans from the guys.

"Good Lord, you guys get a room!" said Josh, tossing a corn chip in their direction. Shortly after, a half an egg roll came flying through the air.

"I second that!" yelled Jake.

"hey come on, knock off throwing the food! I just cleaned everything, you know!" said Phil, picking the snacks up off the floor.

"AHEM!" coughed Kris, staring at Phil.

"I mean....Kris just cleaned everything you know!" said Phil, rectifying his last statement.

"That's more like it!" said Murray laughing. After a roar of laughter, the conversation turned to the upcoming season.

"So Phil, I hear the ice is going to be bad this year" said Freddie. "You think we'll get ahead of it?"

"I don't know, we might have to ride it out at the hotel for a while" Phil answered. Again, he gave Kris a wink when she turned and smiled at him upon hearing about the hotel.

"Oh for the love of....."

"Ok, that's it" said Jake, "You two need to move away from each other, NOW!!"

Everyone laughed as Kris got to her feet. "He's only joking" said Phil, "Sit down!"

"I know he is" answered Kris. "I'm just going to grab another drink. Anyone want anything?"

Kris took the guys drink orders and headed to the kitchen, leaving them to talk "fishing". She loved going to Dutch and being on the boat, but she didn't care for the intricasies of it all. She just liked the routine and taking care of them. While they chatted it up in the living room, Kris took advantage of her time and quickly snuck upstairs.

Ever since Phil had given her all those presents for her birthday, of which the ring still won out over ANYTHING she'd ever received, Kris had been searching for the right gift for Phil. She missed his birthday when she was back home in Texas, so she really wanted to get something big, something that she knew he would love. It had proved to be a hard task....what do you get for the man that has everything?

She wondered about getting something for the cars, or his motorcycles, but realized pretty quickly that she didn't have the slightest clue what to get, and that stuff was extremely expensive so if she bought the wrong thing it would be a disaster. Then she thought about something for the boat, but again, he has everything one could possibly have up there in the wheelhouse. What on earth could she get? It finally dawned on her one morning last week.

Working on the boat was good pay, but she was nowhere near as rich as Phil or the guys, but for what she had in mind, she didn't need to be. Something Phil had said in passing had popped into her head and she knew in that instant what she should get for him. So she made a few calls and soon everything was done.

Kris heard Phil calling her name just as she was slipping it back into the drawer. She turned around as he came into the bedroom, pretending to not be doing anything suspicious. Phil eyed her cautiously anyway...

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing" she said, smiling, acting innocent.

Phil eyed her for a few more moments, then smiled. "Well, you'd better come back downstairs....It's almost midnight!" He moved to take her hand, and Kris let him, following him back down. Just as they reached the bottom, the guys began counting down from 10 as they watched the show on TV. Phil and Kris came into the room behind them, holding hands and counting along with them.

"10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1.....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!"

Phil turned to Kris and took her face in his hands. "Happy New Year, baby. I love you". He kissed her, with the guys looking on, clapping and whooping and hollering. It was a kiss like in the movies! Finally, he pulled away leaving Kris breathless. "There, how's THAT for a way to ring in 2008!"

Kris smiled goofily as she threw her arms around him. "Pefect!" she whispered into his ear. "Just perfect".


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating, work's been runnin' me ragged & I've been trying to get my stuff together to go out of town...The story from here on out will slowly start to take a different turn, as always reviews are much appreciated! :)

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As they giggled secretively in their own little world, stealing little kisses and making eyes at each other, Kris and Phil soon became aware of a silence in the room. Slowly, they turned their heads towards the other guys, who were standing there staring at them.

"Are we gonna have to go find a hotel?" Josh asked. Jake clamped his hand over his face, grimacing from the mental picture his brother had just put into his head.

Phil let his arms drop from Kris's shoulders and laughed. "Alright, alright, let's get something to eat" he said, taking Kris's hand and leading her into the dining room to the food.

"THANK you!" said Josh. Meanwhile, Freddie and Murray had moved to sit on the couch, continuing their conversation about the upcoming season. They'd been around the block a few times, so they weren't too bothered by the "over" affection. Josh and Jake weren't exactly "bothered" by it, but they were still cautious. They understood the miscommunication that had happened between their dad and Kris about the baby, but they had still seen their dad get hurt over the years by some of the women he had been with, and they just didn't want it to happen again. So far, both boys had seen nothing but good from Kris, and although they would continue to mercilessly tease their father, they knew that she was good for him.

Once they hit the dining room, Phil looked over his shoulder to see if anyone else was coming behind them. When he saw they weren't, he closed the sliding doors and pushed Kris up against the wall, pinning her with a very passionate kiss. Kris was surprised by Phil's sudden move, but wasn't about to complain. She wrapped her arms around him, running her hands up and down his back. When he finally broke away for air, Kris chuckled.

"What was THAT for?" she asked, panting.

"Just 'cause......" Phil answered.

"You heard what the boys said" Kris replied. "I don't think they're too comfortable with us.....you know...."

Phil laughed, throwing his head back. "And you think I care what they think?"

"Well no" answered Kris. "But they're our guests. We don't want them going to a hotel..."

Phil gave her a sly look as she spoke...."Or do we......" he said, teasing. Kris pushed herself away from the wall, punching him in the arm.

"Come on, let's be adult here" she said, reaching for a plate.

"I can be adult...." Phil said, his voice low. Kris stopped and looked at him. She saw the glint in his eye and the little grin. She cleared her throat, thinking it better to not go there right now with so many people in the house.

"Food, Phil" she said. "You haven't eaten all day. You gotta eat something".

"I can eat alright......but food isn't exactly what I have in mind...."

"PHIL!" Kris hissed. "Stop it! The boys are right in the next room!!"

"So?" answered Phil. "That didn't stop you on the boat..."

Kris blushed, thinking of all the times she and Phil had snuck off into his stateroom, or played around in the wheelhouse. Phil was right, it was pretty damn obvious what they had been doing, and the boat's quarters were a little smaller than this house. "Well.....that was different...." said Kris, turning back to the table. She could feel herself getting flushed, even just thinking about it.

As she reached for an egg roll, she felt Phil's body press into hers. He covered her hands with his own and put the plate back down onto the table. "We leave tomorrow" he whispered. "Who knows when we'll get a chance to be alone again....let's just head upstairs, boys be damned".

Kris couldn't resist his voice, never could. She turned around to face Phil. Before she could speak, Phil picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. "What are you doing?!?!?" she asked. Phil just laughed as he headed out the other door of the dining room, through the kitchen and up the stairs. Once they reached the bedroom, Phil shut the door behind him with his foot and not so subtly dropped Kris on the bed. She bounced up and down before rolling to a stop.

"Geez, that was romantic" she teased.

"Take it or leave it, sweetheart" laughed Phil. "We don't have a lot of time, here...."

"Ah, fast and furious, huh?" answered Kris, pulling her top off. Phil was too busy hopping on one leg as he pulled his jeans off to answer. Kris laughed at him, watching him try his best to balance himself.

Finally naked, Phil jumped onto the bed with her and helped her to take off the rest of her clothes. They both lay still, looking at each other. "So, what now?" asked Kris.

Phil laughed. "If you don't know the answer to that by now, I'm going to have to take back that ring!"

"NEVER!" yelled Kris, laughing, as she jumped up and straddled Phil. Phil held onto her hips, watching as she rocked back and forth on him. "You'll never get this ring back! I'll SHOW you what comes next!"

Phil smiled and brought his arms up under his head, sighing. "Go to it" he said. Kris moved back slightly and reached a hand down, stroking him softly. Phil closed his eyes and let the feeling wash over him. He was already half hard from their little flirt session in the dining room, so it didn't take much to get him going.

Kris watched him grow harder before her eyes. She was fascinated with every part of Phil's body, always had been. She loved seeing what she could do to him, and how he reacted to it. As she picked up her pace a little, Phil brought his hands to her breasts, caressing them slowly. Kris turned to look at him and saw that he had opened his eyes and was looking back at her.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I love you" he whispered back. Kris let go of his cock and moved herself back up so she was right on top of him. She reached down again and guided him into her, lowering herself slowly. Phil's hands stilled for a moment, but soon started moving again once he was all the way in. He looked up at her. "Fuck me" he said, voice low.

That was the first time Phil had said that to her, and with him saying it, in that voice of his, it just did magical things to her body. She couldn't help the fit of giggles that came out. She felt like the horniest thing in the whole world, and she had all this energy all of a sudden. Phil looked at her confused when she laughed, but his expression soon changed to one of slack-jawed amazement when she began to move faster, lifting herself up and then slamming down onto his lap.

"Yeah.....yeah....." was the constant mantra coming from his mouth. Kris could feel her orgasm building. She was already so close, but she didn't want to cum too soon before Phil did. Although, judging by his expression and his moans, he wasn't too far behind.

Kris bit her lip in concentration. Phil had said this may be the last time for a while since there was a lot of work to be done to get ready for the season, so she was determined to make it good. She knew her hard work was paying off when she felt Phil's hands on her hips. She could always tell in this position when Phil was ready to cum because he always grabbed her hips, moving her the way he wanted and needed in order to finish.

Kris brought her hands to his, covering them, and let Phil take over for the end. His eyes were open and he was staring at her, their breaths and moans the only sound in the room. Phil pulled her down onto him as he came, his hips bucking up slightly, the quick little motions bringing Kris over the edge. She collapsed on top of him, buring her face in his neck, panting for breath.

They lay like that for a long time. Kris was almost asleep when she felt Phil roll her off of him and onto her side of the bed. She opened her eyes for a moment as Phil pulled the covers up over her, kissing her forehead and tucking her in. "Sleep tight" he whispered. Kris closed her eyes again and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Phil watched her for a few moments before heading into the bathroom. He cleaned himself up and looked into the mirror. First thing tomorrow morning he was heading to the doctor's office to get the final report. He hoped that all he would hear was the same old thing of "stop smoking, start exercising, blah blah blah" but he was afraid of what else the doctor might tell him. Since his last checkup, the doctor had done some digging into the family history, and Phil had gotten quite the wake up call when he ordered a bunch of tests. Tomorrow he would get the answer, and right now, at this moment, he wasn't too sure that he wanted to hear it. But one thing was for sure.....no matter what he was told, Kris could never, EVER know.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Since I got 2 updates today, that means ya'll get 2 updates as well :)....just a little note, we used a little artistic liscense concerning Phil's past family history so some things may differ from what we know in real life...as always, reviews much appreciated, enjoy :)

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Kris reached out and slapped the button on the alarm clock, hating that little beep now more than ever. She rolled over, yawning and stretched. Right away she noticed that Phil wasn't there. His side of the bed was cold. She turned her head in that direction, and wiped the sleep from her eyes. _'How could he_ _be up and awake so early after the night they'd had?'_ she thought. She flopped back down, remembering the events, and sighed. After they'd snuck away from the guys, they'd got it on fast and furious, as though it would be their last time together for a while. Since their flight was leaving later that day for Dutch, it may very well be. Kris swung her legs over the bed and stood, stretching again. She could hear the guys downstairs, hopefully making breakfast, and headed down to join them.

"Good morning sunshine!" said Freddie, getting up from the table to get her a cup of coffee.

"Hey Freddie" she answered, still yawning. "God, you guys are up early! Mmm, smells good"

"Thanks" answered Jake, taking up a plate for her. Kris sat at the table as the guys placed everything in front of her. Now this was service! French toast, bacon and hash browns - yum! She sweetened her coffee to her taste, and dug in.

"Where's your dad?" she asked in between bites. "I can't believe he's up already!"

Jake looked up from the stove at Kris, then flicked his eyes to Josh, and then back down again. Kris didn't miss the look, and immediately her stomach did a little roll, the worry settling in, wondering what was going on. She stopped chewing and straightened up, lowering her fork. She looked over at Josh, who was also avoiding her gaze, then back to Jake.

"Umm, is anyone going to answer me?" she asked, voice quiet.

"He's...ah.....he's....doing stuff for Opies" said Josh, none too confidently. He flicked his eyes to Jake, the boys communicating in their secret brotherly code to let the other know to keep up this story.

"Something about line and bait....or something...."said Jake. "That's what he was talking about last night......" He let the conversation fade out, not willing to continue lying.

Kris took it all in, and thought it best to let it drop as well. Afterall, Phil could be off getting another surprise ready for her, so she obviously wouldn't want to spoil it! But still, a part of her told her that something wasn't right. As she went on with her breakfast, she tried to ignore that part, and prayed to God that her feeling was wrong........

*****************************************************************************

Phil sat silent as he let Dr. Barton's words sink in. He knew he wasn't in the best shape, and he knew he had a lot of bad habits that would eventually lead to something, but still - it was hard to hear it.

Everyone he knew that was around his age had high blood pressure and high cholesterol and high everything. Hell, that was the course for getting older wasn't it? As he listened to all the medical jargon the doctor was throwing at him, he had to chuckle to himself thinking about the other captains. He figured for sure that Sig would have the highest blood pressure amongst them all, considering he was always mad and yelling. At least Phil didn't lose his cool TOO much.......

On his last visit, the doctor had done a lot of digging into his family history, and he didn't like what he had found. He sent Phil for another round of tests, and it damn near ruined everything when he called the house and Kris answered. Speaking of medical ailments, Phil had almost had a coronary when she brought it up to him in the car that night on their way to dinner. He absolutely, positively did NOT want her knowing about this. She didn't need the worry, but more importantly, Phil didn't want the same thing happening to them that had happened up in Dutch during Kings. Yeah, he had agreed to be upfront and honest with her, but he couldn't lay this on her, not now when everything was perfect.

Phil tuned back into the doctor when he began ticking off the medications he would need, and what he needed to do from day to day, and when he mentioned the dreaded words that Phil feared most - fishing might be over. Phil wasn't ready to hear that. It was all he knew! His heart sped up at the words, and he made a vow to pay attention and do what he was told.

Phil lowered his head and rubbed his brow. "Phil, are you ok?" asked Dr. Barton.

"Yeah" answered Phil. "I'm just extra stressed now, especially since the plane leaves in about 6 hours."

"Well this is exactly what you need to avoid Phil" answered the doctor. "I mean, you're at serious risk for this, especially with the levels I'm seeing. Stress will only speed the process up".

"Yeah, yeah, I know" answered Phil. He glanced at his watch, itching to leave the place and put it out of his mind, at least for the next 24 hours.

"It's right there, in your family tree" said the doctor. "Your mom died from it. This is one tradition I don't want to see you carrying on."

Phil agreed, and took the prescription, promising everything except yoga to the good doctor. As he crossed the parking lot and got into his truck, Phil thought back to the night before, when he and Kris had snuck away to be alone. He had told her it might their last time together for a while. When the truck hit the freeway, Phil looked to the sky and said a silent prayer and hoped that he was wrong......


	27. Chapter 27

Kris was just lugging the last of her bags down the stairs when Phil came through the door. She stopped, seeing him standing there.

"Hey, where have you been?" she asked. She tried her best to sound nonchalant about it, just being curious, but it came out a little too hurried.

Phil looked up, startled. He hadn't expected anyone to be that close to the front door when he got back.

"Oh.....you know....just running errands and doing.....stuff" he answered. He turned around quickly, taking off his jacket, hoping that Kris hadn't seen through his lie. He heard the thump of the suitcase hitting the stairs as she continued to drag it down. Other then that, there was silence between them.

Kris still had that odd feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was up, but she decided once again to ignore it. Afterall, they had a lot to do before they caught their flight.

Phil turned back to her once he got his act together. "So, you all ready to go?" he asked.

"Yup, thanks for the help with my bags!" Kris said sarcastically. Phil apologized and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Are you all ready?" she asked as he walked past her up the stairs.

"Of course!" answered Phil, glancing over his shoulder. "Just gotta grab 'em and we're good to go!" As he disappeared down the hall, Kris reassured herself that everything was fine, and that everything was going to BE fine. She trusted Phil, she had to. She looked down at her finger at the ring. It had been a hard debate about whether or not to bring it with her. For most girls it would be a no-brainer to bring their engagement ring to work, especially one with a huge rock like hers, but most girls didn't work on the Bering Sea. She was terrified that she would lose it or damage it, but Phil assured her that if such a thing were to happen, he'd simply get her another one. Of course, he looked pretty pale when he said that, and Kris was more afraid then ever, but in the end she decided to take it with her. Since they wouldn't be getting as much alone time, she could always just stare at it and remember......

*****************************************************************************

The guys arrived at the house a little before 4pm to pick up Phil and Kris and get to the airport on time. It took two SUV's to get all their stuff there, and some pretty fast driving on the freeway, but they made it! Phil had spent all afternoon checking and re-checking the weather, making sure that they would be able to land in Dutch that night. He was already stressed out enough as it was - he certainly didn't need any delays adding to it. But so far, so good, and their flight was on time. The whole gang sat around the airport laughing and talking about the upcoming season.

Kris snuck a few glances in Phil's direction, wondering why he was being rather quiet. Usually, Phil was the first one to jump in and offer his two cents whenver the subject of fishing came up. But he had hardly said a word.

Just before they grabbed a bite to eat, Phil went off on his own for a bit claiming that he was going to check out something at the magazine stand. The guys shrugged it off and went back to choosing what sandwich they wanted, but Kris kept her eye on him. She watched as he crossed the food court and headed to the magazine stand, as he said he would. She was just about to look away, thinking that she was being silly for spying, when she saw Phil reach into his pocket and pull out a little bottle of pills.

Kris knew that he had been taking medications for his blood pressure and such, but they were always taken in the morning. This was something different, and it worried her. _What was it for?_ _Why was he_ _being so secretive about it?_ _Did the guys know?_ She glanced around the table and all of them were going about their own business, no one paying any attention to Phil.

As she glanced back at him, Phil started to turn back around, and Kris immediately looked down at her menu, trying hard to act normal. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him getting closer to the table, and finally he sat by her. She took a few breaths, and looked up at him. She had to play it cool, but she also wanted to know.....

"Didn't see anything you liked?" she asked.

"Huh?" replied Phil. "Oh....ah, no....it wasn't there". Kris knew he was just trying to cover his ass. She wanted to hit him, to yell at him for keeping secrets from her. It was all making sense now....the way the boys acted this morning, the way he looked like a deer caught in the headlights when he got back to the house.....he knew how much damage was caused from what happened to her, so why was he doing this?

The boys began talking about the ice flow, and Phil joined in their conversation, acting like the old Phil and not the one from just a few minutes ago. Kris steamed behind her menu, but kept quiet. She tried reasoning it out in her head - if Phil was in serious trouble, he would tell her. She knew that he loved her too much not to! Slowly, she started to calm down, trusting that Phil would ultimately tell her if anything was wrong. Afterall, she could just be overreacting!

All too soon, the voice on the intercom called their flight to Dutch, and the whole gang gathered up their things and headed to the gate. Phil pulled Kris back, keeping them behind the guys.

"Hey" he whispered in her ear. "I love you".

"I love you too" replied Kris, her voice filled with confusion. This was certainly coming from left field!

"You know I have to go back to being your boss when we get up there, right?" he said, smiling.

Kris couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah, I know, but when we're alone....."

"You're the boss" Phil finished.

"You bet your ass!" Kris said, leaning in for a kiss. Phil threw his arms around her and kissed her properly, right there in the middle of the line, not caring who or how many were around. Kris threw her arms around Phil, loving the sudden display of affection. In that moment, her worries were washed away for the time being.

Up ahead in the line, the guys turned back and watched the scene.

"You know it's going to be like this ALL season long" said Jake, shaking his head.

"Oh yeah....I know" replied Josh. He turned to his little brother, clapping him on the shoulder. "But at least the old man is happy".

"True" answered Jake. "But I swear to God, if I hear them going at it, I'm jumping overboard!"


	28. Chapter 28

Dutch Harbour was, as Kris remembered it, still the same only..........worse. She had seen a glimpse of how bad it could be back in early December when she left, and she had heard the horror stories about how bad January was, but she just chalked it up mostly to the old salts trying to scare her. But now that she was here? She would never question anything they said ever again.

It was horrid. It was WORSE than horrid! It was bitter cold with low windchills, and the wind itself was enough to kill you. Then the freezing spray and snow started. As she looked out the tiny porthole window, Kris began to wonder if she would be able to last for Opies. And they were still only at the dock!

The flight up to Dutch had been pretty much uneventful, except for the big to-do at their stopover in Anchorage. A small group of ladies came out to welcome the fishermen back, and some of the ladies were mighty bold in their actions with Phil. Kris knew it was part of the whole deal of him being on TV, afterall, that's how she had first become enamoured with him. But as she watched the swarm of ladies hovering around Phil, she thought to herself that none of them would ever get to know the REAL him. They would only know his TV side, and maybe his "public appearance" side, but never the private, quiet man that he is when they're together. Phil had talked to her several times about fans, to try and make her understand that even though he would be taking pictures and hugging all these ladies, she was still his girl. Kris understood, and as this first big test came about while they made their way to the next gate, Kris stood quietly in the back, watching it all with amusement. She would never admit it, but deep down it was kinda cool to be a part of it all, even if her part was tiny!

When they finally made it to Dutch it was dark. The plane had been delayed for a few hours due to the weather, and they were all dead tired by the time they touched down. Phil elected to take everyone to the hotel for the night rather than head down to the dock. At first, Kris was excited to be able to spend another night alone with Phil, but once they actually made it to town and got to the hotel, she was too wiped to do anything and fell asleep as soon as she hit the bed.

The next morning after breakfast, everyone headed down to the boat. Kris got more and more excited the closer they got, thanking God that she had been given the opportunity to come back. This time, she was prepared with her motion sickness pills, and under the advice of Edgar Hansen, whom she'd met the night before at the hotel bar, she took one as soon as she climbed on board. "Better to prevent than to regret" Edgar had said. Kris figured he would know, so she listened.

As the guys worked on preparing the pots and the gear, Kris settled back into her room, unpacking her things. When she first stepped inside, her mind was filled with the images of when she had last been here, the pain and the blood. She felt claustrophobic and wanted to turn and run away, but then Phil was there, right behind her, holding her tight.

"It's ok" he whispered. "I know it's hard to be back here, but we're all here. You'll be ok. You're safe".

Kris smiled, bringing her arms up to cover his. She knew that as long as Phil was around, everything would be ok. Just his presence and his words made it easier for her to settle in again, and as soon as she was unpacked, she headed out to the galley to take stock of the food. They were desperately low on everything, so a trip to the store was in order. She always liked going to the supermarket in Dutch. She'd only been there a few times during Kings, but it was always fun. Especially when the guys went with her. They had everything under one roof - food, clothing, a hair salon, eye doctor and pharmacy. A true one-stop shop! Kris finished her list and headed up to the wheelhouse to get Phil's credit card. She giggled to herself as she climbed the stairs, feeling like one of his boys about to ask for money!

"Ahoy Captain, ready for duty!" said Kris, saluting. Phil turned to see what she was doing and burst out laughing.

"A bit enthusiastic, aren't we?" he said.

"Yeah well, it's the first day!" Kris replied, dropping her hand and heading over to him. "Aren't you excited?"

Phil looked back out the front windows, watching as the guys loaded another layer of pots. "I'll be excited when we leave the dock and actually get out there" he answered. Kris knew that Phil was going to be a little.....grumpy until they got out. He was the same way back at the beginning of Kings. She figured it was his version of nerves. But she was prepared for it, and knew not to do or say anything to set him off. At home, she would do and say what she wanted, but here, he was her boss and she was the boat-mother. Or something.

"I need some money for groceries" she said. "There's NOTHING downstairs".

"Yeah, we didn't stock up after you left....." Phil let his words hang in the air. Neither of them had really talked about the incident since they got back together, and they both silently agreed that that was best.

"I've got a list" said Kris, holding it up and breaking the awkward moment.

Phil dug in his pocket for his credit card, and handed it to her. "For Christ's sake, don't tell the boys you're going" he said. "They'll send you for another TV or something!"

"Don't worry, I won't!" Kris laughed as she turned to go.

"Oh wait!" Phil called. Kris stopped on the stairs and turned around. Phil met her at the top of the stairs with a small piece of paper. "Can you pick this up for me at the pharmacy?"

Kris eyed the paper, then looked up to Phil. "Blood pressure" he said, his tone clearly indicating that she should not ask any questions.

"Sure" Kris answered, putting the paper into her pocket, and headed back down the stairs.

As she crossed the deck and headed to the truck, Kris's mind raced at what was on that prescription. She knew she shouldn't look at it, and she wouldn't know what it was anyway, but she couldn't help it. She raced to the parking lot of the store and as soon as the truck was in park and turned off, she pulled it out.

_"Coumadin? What's that?"_ Kris wondered quietly, She tried to decipher the rest of the paper, but couldn't figure out the scratches so she shoved it back in her pocket.

Once inside, Kris got the groceries first, and then stopped at the book section to pick out a few things to keep her occupied when she wasn't busy on the boat. She flicked through the crime and mystery sections, and had a chuckle when she saw a particular cover in the romance section with a long haired captain and some damsel on a tall ship. She pictured herself and Phil there, and had to put her hand over her mouth to keep quiet! She thought to herself, _these past few months in her life would definately_ _make for a good romance novel,_ and she tossed the book into the cart. If anything, it would give her a good laugh on a cold, dreary night!

Her final stop was the pharmacy. Kris walked up to the counter and handed the prescription to the old man. He took it, read it, then eyed her suspiciously. "Phil's not going fishing?" he said.

Kris looked up at him confused. "Yeah, he is......why?"

The pharmacist looked surprised. "Coumadin" he said flatly. "People on Coumadin shouldn't be out fishing. They shouldn't be doing much of anything!"

Kris didn't know how to respond. It really wasn't her place to say anything, nor was it the pharmacist's place to say anything either, but he had, and now it was out in the open.

"What do you mean?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Coumadin is for blood clots. For preventing and treating them" he replied. "Has Phil been having trouble with that?"

"I'm.....I'm not sure" Kris answered, half lying and half telling the truth. It was all starting to come together now. "I just work for him........" No need for the truth about that.

The pharmacist nodded and filled the prescription for her. She thanked him and put it into the cart and headed to the checkout. Kris carried on a conversation with the clerk, but she didn't remember a word of it when she left because she was too busy wondering how to confront Phil about this. She had been worried before when he hadn't said anything, but now the pharmacist had said that people taking those pills shouldn't be out fishing! Did the boys know? She wondered if she should tell them......

When she finally reached the docks, the snow was starting to pick up again and it was downright miserable. The guys met her at the truck to help bring everything on board in as few trips as possible, and since everyone was in a hurry, Kris felt that now was not the right time to ask Jake and Josh about the pills.

They finally got everything inside and Kris went straight to work preparing supper. The guys were starving after working all day, and the last thing they needed was a third degree on their dad's health. Again, Kris put it on the backburner and quietly ate with the boys. Phil joined them shortly after & as he sat down, he leaned over to give her a quick kiss, which was accompanied by teasing and groans from the guys.

"You're just jealous!" Phil teased back, sitting in his spot.

"No we're not, we can kiss her too, right Kris?" said Freddie. Before Kris could answer, Freddie reached over, grabbed her face and planted a big wet one right on her lips! Everyone laughed and joked and flirted, being silly with each other. Kris told them they were all crazy as she stood to get dessert.

As she took the pie from the fridge, Phil came up behind her. "Did you....uh....did you get that prescription for me?" he asked. "I have to take it with supper".

Kris turned to face him and hesitated, wanting so badly to say something. But the mood in the room was so fun and light, that she couldn't bring herself to confront him. Instead, she placed the pie on the table and took the small bag down from the cupboard, handing it to him.

"Thanks, doll" he said smiling, and gave her another kiss.

As he returned to the table, Kris wondered if she had done the right thing by not speaking up. With them scheduled to leave first thing in the morning, she would all too soon find out.......


	29. Chapter 29

The next few days went along according to schedule. The boys set the pots, the boys hauled the pots, the crab filled the tanks, and Kris cooked and cleaned. Nothing too exciting, but Kris was glad to be back in the swing of things. Some people would absolutely loathe the everyday routine of being what was essentially a maid, but not Kris. She was on a crab boat in the middle of the Bering Sea having the greatest adventure of a lifetime! So it was a little monotonous sometimes - big deal! She knew it all could all change at any moment, and that excitement kept her on her toes.

The only downside since they'd left port was that she hadn't had hardly two seconds alone with Phil. She knew that it would be like this, as Phil had told her several times, but she missed him. He was only a few feet away from her up in the wheelhouse, but it might as well have been a thousand miles. She missed BEING with him, just the two of them. She figured once a good dent was made in the quota, Phil would relax a bit and they would sneak off somewhere on the boat or take an overnight stay at the next offload, but who knew when that would happen! For now, she had to be content to just sit by him at meals.

By the fifth day, Kris was getting antsy about being with Phil. It was funny to think that only four months ago she was a shy little virgin, and now she was a horny little devil dying to get in Phil's pants! She found herself listening closely to every conversation, wondering how the crab were looking in the pots and if they were hauling big numbers. Big numbers meant quicker trips out, and quicker trips out meant a little bit of downtime with Phil! Of course she didn't advertise this info to Phil or the guys, but still - she kept a tally going of her own!

By day seven, she couldn't take it anymore. Since they'd been back, her fingers had worked a bit for her when she slipped into her bunk each night, but it wasn't enough. She wanted Phil. She needed him! So when the boys headed out after breakfast, Kris tidied up the galley as quickly as she could and headed upstairs to the wheelhouse. She'd only been up there a few times since they'd left to either bring Phil something to eat, or to ask a question about something or other, never to stay, so when she came up and sat on the bench behind him, Phil turned and looked at her confused.

"What's up?" he asked, figuring something was wrong.

Kris smiled. "Nothing" she said, then turned back to the window, looking out to the guys on deck. Phil kept staring at her. There must be something.....

"You sure?" he asked.

Again Kris smiled and nodded. "Uh huh" she replied. "I'm just hanging out.....if that's ok"

Phil smiled, still confused as to what she was doing there. Of course he didn't mind her presence, but still, it was odd....

"Of course it's ok" he answered. Phil turned back to the guys on deck, and recorded the numbers as the pots came aboard. He and Kris sat in silence.

After a while, Kris decided it was time to make her move, and she moved behind his chair. Phil didn't notice her standing behind him until he felt her hands on his shoulders. He jumped at the contact, not expecting it, but then relaxed as she kneaded through the knots.

"You're really tense" she said. "How's this?"

"Mmmmmm.....really, REALLY good" Phil answered. "You do a much better job at this than the boys!"

Kris laughed, pressing a little harder on the bad spots to get them worked out. She leaned forward, breathing deeply Phil's scent of cologne. "I miss you...." she whispered. Phil reached up and placed his hand on hers. He turned a bit to look at her. He knew what she meant.

"I miss you, too...." he answered. "We'll have a break soon, I promise. It's just that with the ice coming....."

"I want a break now" Kris interrupted. Phil turned completely in his seat and took her face in his hands. He kissed her, hoping it would satisfy her for the moment.

"I know you do, believe me I do too" he said, pulling away from her. "But we can't....."

"Who says?" asked Kris. She took his hands away from her face and moved around in front of him. "You're the captain.." Kris knelt on the floor, partly under the dashboard and began to unzip Phil's jeans.

Phil's head shot up to look through the glass at the guys on deck. Obviously they couldn't see what she was doing, but they could see his face if they looked up at the right time. And they would look up! They would be calling out numbers in a minute from the next pot!

"Kris.....baby.....you can't do this....not here....." Phil stammered.

Kris reached in and grasped his cock, gently bringing it out in the open. Phil's jaw dropped at the contact and he gasped in a breath. "Oh God......" Kris started stroking him slowly, letting her hand glide over him with a whisper of a touch. Just enough to keep him on edge...

Phil again looked out the glass and saw that the pot was just coming over the rail. Shit! They would be looking up here soon. Phil gripped the pencil tighter, only then realizing that he still had it in his hand....

"Kris.....I'm serious.....we can't......"

Kris ignored him. She stroked him a few more times before settling into a more comfortable position on her knees, then she let him go. Phil breathed a deep sigh of relief, glad that she heard the voice of reason, but realized quickly that he was wrong when Kris pulled her top over her head, tossing it to the side, and took off her bra. Phil's eyes were glued to her body. Before he could blink, Kris leaned forward and grasped his cock again, this time guiding it to her mouth.

"FUCK!" Phil yelled as she sucked him down. The pencil in his hand snapped in two as he gripped it. His head fell back against the chair and he closed his eyes. He'd been depriving himself of anything since they'd arrived in Dutch as he'd been concentrating on finding the crab and filling his quota, so he was about ready to explode at any moment. Kris's mouth felt too damn good, all wet and hot. He reached out blindly and grabbed her hair, holding it in a death grip. He didn't move her head, he just didn't want her to ever stop!

Down on the deck, the pot had come up loaded with crab, and the guys got to sorting it right away. It was cold today, and they needed to get the little suckers into the tank before they dropped their legs. Each guy counted and sorted as fast as they could and relayed their numbers to Josh. Josh quickly added them up in his head, then turned to the wheel house, holding up his hands with seven fingers splayed open, ready to tell his dad that they'd caught 743 in that pot. When he turned up to the windows, he couldn't see Phil at all. Usually, when the guys relayed the numbers, Phil was right there to hop on the loud hailer and repeat them one by one to make sure they were right, but he wasn't calling back the number "7". Josh began to worry....

"Hey Jake, can you see Dad up there?" Josh asked. Jake finished coiling the line and looked up, squinting.

"Nope" he answered. "Maybe he's gone to the can"

Josh was really starting to worry now. "Naw, that's not like him. Not in the middle of a string" He headed into the dry room to call up there.

Kris smiled around Phil's cock as he continued to moan and groan and writhe around. She loved taking him by surprise like this, and watching him come undone. She also loved that she could even do that to him! As soon as he grabbed her hair, she knew he was close. She let go of his cock and braced herself against his thighs as his hips jerked and he came. Right at that second, the wheelhouse phone started to ring. Kris was surprised by it, but she didn't dare move. Phil opened his eyes, startled by it as well, but he couldn't help not moving. Kris took every drop, bringing her hands up at the end to milk him through the aftershocks. Phil sagged into the chair, his body limp as a ragdoll. He finally focused his eyes and looked down at Kris as she pulled off of him, wiping her bottom lip.

"Fuck...." he managed to say. Kris laughed. The phone was ringing of the wall now, and Phil finally pulled himself up enough to answer it.

"Hello?" he said quietly.

"Dad???" said Josh. Kris could hear him from her spot on the floor. "What's going on? Are you alright???"

Phil looked down at Kris again, who was still smiling. "Yeah....I'm fine.....why?"

"I've been calling for the past 2 minutes! And I was giving you the count!" Josh sounded both pissed and worried. "What the fuck is going on???"

"Nothing. I got a little......distracted....what's the count?" Phil replied.

Josh was silent for a moment. Finally, he spoke. "743".

"Good. Good pot" answered Phil. "Hope the next one is good. Alright, back to work". Phil hung up and rubbed a hand over his face. "Holy fuck". He looked back down at Kris. "You're something else, you know that?"

"I know...." she answered, still smiling like a cheshire cat. Phil shimmied his jeans back up and looked out the window. Kris figured their time was over, and she crawled back out from under the dash and began to head to the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Phil asked. Kris stopped and turned back to him. "Don't you want to cum, too?"

"But I thought you needed to get back to work?" she said, smiling.

"I do.......but I'm not going to leave you hanging" he answered, holding out his hand for her to come back over to him.

"Why captain....whatever do you mean?" Kris said, mocking.

*******************************************************************************************************

"Did he answer the phone?" asked Jake, coming into the dry room where Josh was just hanging up.

"Yup" answered Josh.

"Well.....is he alright?????" Jake asked again, getting impatient.

"Yup" Josh answered. He put his gloves back on and walked past his brother and back onto the deck. Jake followed him, waiting for an explanation on why he wasn't there to take the count.

"AND???????" asked Jake, finally grabbing Josh's shoulder and spinning him around. "What was going on?"

"He said he was....distracted...." said Josh. Jake was confused at first, staring at Josh with a blank look, as Josh started back at him flatly. Finally, it dawned on him what that meant, and both boys answered at the same time...

"KRIS!!"


	30. Chapter 30

Kris crossed the wheelhouse, taking Phil's hand and cuddling up beside him. "Why captain, whatever do you mean?" she said in her best southern-belle accent.

Phil laughed, taking her shirt from her hands. "I mean, I'm gonna make you cum so hard, you'll be out for a week!"

"Is that a promise?" asked Kris, moving to sit on his lap. Phil laughed as he put his arms around her, holding her tight.

"You know the boys can see up here, right?" he asked.

"Yup" answered Kris. Phil looked at her surprised.

"And you don't care????"

Kris turned to look over her shoulder out the window. At the moment, the guys were getting ready to pull another pot and weren't paying any attention to the windows above them. But she knew they could look up at any moment, and she thought twice about where she was sitting. She looked back to Phil.

"Yeah....I'll just move over here....." she said, covering her breasts and creeping over to the bench. Phil laughed as she went. "Thought so!" he joked.

Kris flopped down on the bench as Phil hopped out of his chair, still laughing. "Shut up!" she said, mocking her anger. "It's not funny!"

Phil couldn't stop. "Yeah it is!" he barked out between laughs. "If the guys had turned around........" Kris thought Phil was going to kneel over any second from his laughter. She folded her arms and pouted. Finally, Phil got himself together and moved to kneel in front of her. He reached up and pulled her arms down by her sides.

"Oh come on, I'm just teasing" he said. "Don't be covering up those beautiful breasts". Kris had to smile at that. She let him lay her arms by her sides, and settled back into the bench comfortably, ready to let him do whatever he wanted.

Phil ran his hands slowly up her arms and onto her shoulders. From there, he moved to her neck, the finally down to her breasts. He caressed them, squeezing gently, stopping every once in a while to pinch her nipples, making her gasp. Kris loved when he did that, and Phil knew it. He leaned in closer to her, taking one into his mouth, licking it and sucking it, and then the other. Kris had been longing for this for a week, and she was already panting. She knew she wouldn't last long when he moved lower..........

Sensing her need, Phil popped the button and zipper on her jeans and pulled them down roughly over her hips. Kris liked when he played rough, too. She liked everything Phil did! Phil moved his hands to her thighs, trying to part them, but the jeans were restricting her. He grabbed them by her feet and pulled them off along with her panties, standing up to get better leverage. As he tossed them to the floor, he looked over his shoulder to see where the guys were with the next pot. They were just bringing it on board, so he knew he had some time. It looked pretty full, too.

Phil got back on his knees and parted Kris's thighs, kissing his way from her knee to her pussy as he moved closer to her. Kris's whole body was covered in goose bumps the closer he got, and she arched her back off the bench when he buried his face into her pussy. His tongue went right to work on her clit, sucking it into his mouth, making her whimper and bite her lip. She knew the guys were out on deck, but one of them could still come in at any moment. Kris wasn't an exhibitionist, but the thought of that happening got her a little closer to cumming.....

"Please....." she moaned, telling Phil that she was close. Phil brought his hand up, and pushed two fingers into her. Kris gasped and grabbed Phil's head, showing him that he was right on. Phil chuckled against her, knowing that she was going to cum any second, and he pumped his fingers in and out, faster and faster until he felt her spasming around them. Kris squirmed all over the place as she cried out, Phil's fingers still moving inside her, his tongue still moving on her clit. It was heavenly! Phil didn't let up, and soon Kris found herself building again. She came for a second time, her clit becoming much too sensitive, and she pushed against Phil's head, trying to move him away. Phil did so, but kept his fingers inside, moving them slowly as Kris came down.

Kris's hips slowed to a stop and she opened her eyes, staring at Phil. They were glossy and heavy, and Phil laughed as he stood up. "See? I told you you'd be out for a week!"

Kris managed a small laugh, but Phil was right. Her body felt so heavy and all she wanted to do was roll over and take a nap. But she had to get up and get dressed to go downstairs. If only she could move......

Phil pulled his fingers from her pussy and glanced over his shoulder. The boys were just finishing with their count, and he slipped back into his chair for a second, ready to get the number. They motioned to him with their fingers, and he wrote it down, then he went back over to Kris. She was asleep. Phil was more than content to leave her there - who wouldn't want a naked girl in their wheelhouse? - but he knew that she had to go back downstairs, so he picked her up somewhat awkwardly and headed down to her room.

The trip down proved to be a little more difficult than he expected - he wasn't a spring chicken anymore - but they got there all the same, and Phil dropped Kris onto her bed a little too clumsily. Oh well, it's the romantic thought that matters! He pulled the covers up over her and tucked her in, kissing her forehead. When he was done, he ran back upstairs and got her clothes, bringing them back down too. He went to the bathroom and got cleaned up, and headed back upstairs resuming the normal routine.

As the next few pots came over the rail, Phil smoked and wrote numbers, his body feeling very relaxed from the little session with Kris. His pencil was getting dull, so he got up to get another one from the cabinet, and almost fell over when he took a step. He had a shooting pain in the back of his right leg. Phil reached down, rubbing it, figuring that he'd pulled something in carrying Kris downstairs, or from spending all that time on his knees. As he straightened up and limped back to his chair, he smiled, remembering her moans. For a reaction like that? A little bit of pain was worth it. He would just have to be more careful next time.....................................


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: WOW!! Thanks guys for all the great reviews & comments, we're glad folks are enjoying our little corner of insanity here LOL...Just a heads up, things are about take a little bit different turn here, this chapter especially takes a bit of a dark turn...I really can't say much else without spoiling it, so let me just say strap yourselves in 'cause it's gonna be a rollercoaster ride...As always reviews are much appreciated, Enjoy!

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When Kris woke the next morning, things were already buzzing up on deck. She raised her arms over her head, releasing them from the "cocoon" of her bunk, and stretched. Now THAT had been a good sleep!

She had been waiting for a long time to cum like that. Well, it was only a week, but it felt like forever for her! A good orgasm always put her right into a peaceful, deep sleep, and the one last night had been no exception. She tucked herself back in under the covers and closed her eyes, reluctant to let the memories go and eager to slip back into the dream she'd been having....

"I'M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN! NOW GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!!!" yelled Phil, making Kris's eyes snap open. He sounded close. _Who was he yelling at?_ She figured it had to be one of the boys, as he normally didn't have to yell at the other guys that way. Whoever it was must have pissed him off good!

Kris heard the telltale sounds of footsteps stomping closer and closer to her room, and suddenly the door to her room flew open.

"Are you getting up sometime today?" Phil asked. Kris was stunned. He had never taken this kind of tone with her.

"ummm....." she started, but the words wouldn't quite come.

"The guys have been up and WORKING for almost three hours. They're hungry. You think you might be able to make something for them?" he spat. Kris just stared wide-eyed. "That IS your job......" he continued, and then he turned and stomped back down the hall.

Kris wasn't sure whether to cry or not. She had NEVER seen Phil like this, not even with the boys, and he certainly had never talked to her that way. She looked over and glanced at her clock. He was right - she had slept in way late, but still! She quickly climbed out of bed, threw something on, and headed for the galley.

One by one the guys filed in as she finished the last of the french toast pieces. She had to make something quick and easy, and lots of it to fill them up. As she worked, she almost crept around the galley, half-afraid that Phil would come back down. It really scared her to see him like that. She kept trying to rationalize it in her head, figuring that either one of the guys did something REALLY wrong to piss him off, or they were pulling blank pots. But still, it was just so out of character.

As the guys took their places at the table, Kris was quick to take up their plates and serve them. They all were surprised by the speed and service, and thanked her over and over, completely unaware that Phil had gotten her out of bed with such a rude awakening. When Phil came down from the wheelhouse, the mood once again turned sour.

"Oh, looks like you finally got up and did something...." he mumbled under his breath. Kris stopped for a moment and just stared at him, willing her bottom lip to stop quivering. Crying would only probably make him madder. The guys stopped eating, too, and looked at their captain, just as shocked as Kris was by his behavior.

Kris went back to the stove and began taking up Phil's breakfast when he appeared beside her and grabbed it from her hands.

"I can do it" he spat. Kris was stunned. She didn't know what had come over him, or what she had done, just that she didn't like this side of him. Not at all! Phil finished picking up his food, and headed to the table. The guys avoided eye contact with him for fear of being his next target.

Kris pulled herself together and turned back towards the table, when she noticed that Phil didn't have any coffee. She quickly poured a cup, hoping it would somehow help his mood, and walked over quickly to bring it to him. Just as she approached the table, Phil also realized that he didn't have his cup of coffee, and rose to get one, knocking right into Kris who in turn spilled the cup all over him.

"FUCK!" Phil yelled. "What the fuck are you doing????? Look what you did! You stupid bitch!!"

Kris dropped the cup to the ground, scared and hurt by Phil's words, and burst into tears. She turned & ran back to her room where she slammed the door and dove onto her bed. She couldn't believe it! She couldn't believe he would say that to her! After what they had done yesterday! She sobbed into her pillow, wishing she was anywhere but here. Her heart ached and she was completely lost.

After what seemed like an eternity, there was a knock on her door. Kris ignored it, not wanting to see anyone right now. The person knocked again.

"Kris?" said Josh. "Are you ok? Can I come in?"

Kris didn't respond, but soon enough, the door opened anyway. She grabbed a tissue and wiped her nose and eyes. Josh shut the door behind him and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge.

"I'm really sorry for that" he said, his voice quiet. "I don't know what's gotten into the old man.....he just woke up this morning like that". Josh grabbed another tissue and held it out for Kris to take. She took it, wiping her eyes again, and took a deep breath. She looked up to Josh.

"It was an accident, Josh!" she sobbed. "I didn't mean it!"

"I know" answered Josh. He was quiet for a while, then he himself took a deep breath, and turned back to Kris. "I don't think Dad is himself......"

"What do you mean?" asked Kris.

Josh looked down at the floor. "I don't know" he answered. "He's just......he's been acting different lately. Ever since he saw the doctor".

When Josh said those words, Kris knew she had the right opportunity to finally tell him what she knew.

"He lied to me" she said. Josh turned to her, confused. "He told me those pills were for his high blood pressure, but they're not. They're for blood clots". Josh turned his eyes back to the floor. "Did you know that?"

Josh nodded. "Yeah....he said something about that".

"So you lied to me, too....." she said. Her crying had stopped.

"Only because Dad told us to" Josh quickly answered. "He said he didn't want you worrying about him."

"How can I not worry?????" Kris all but yelled. "He's been so secretive for the past few weeks, I catch him in lies......tell me how I'm not supposed to worry!"

"I know" said Josh. "Jake and I are worried, too. Like I said, he's been.....different. I think there's even more to this than even we know".

"Like what?" asked Kris. Upon hearing that last part, her stomach started doing flips, the worry escalating higher.

Josh shook his head. "I wish I knew. It seems like everyday he's worse. And whatever it is, it's making him crankier and crankier" He looked up at Kris, the tears still staining her cheeks. "There must be something really bad going on today......"

Kris smiled a little, knowing that she had two allies in Josh and Jake to figure out what was wrong with Phil. She didn't know what or how they would find out, but she knew they had to figure it out soon.....

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Phil slammed his stateroom door shut and headed into his bathroom, cursing as he went after getting burned with the coffee. But moreso for the way he yelled at Kris. God, he was horrible. It had been an accident - she was probably bringing it to him to appease whatever was wrong and putting him in that bad mood, and he had gone ahead and called her that awful, awful name. What the fuck was wrong with him?

He wiped the damp cloth up and down his shirt, trying his best to calm down, when the pain hit again. It wasn't just in his leg anymore - it had moved up his thigh and into his side, just above his hip. Phil dropped the cloth and reached out both hands, gripping the sink. He hung his head as he tried harder to get his breathing under control. Finally, when the pain subsided, he looked up into the mirror in front of him.

The words of Dr. Barton came flooding back to him....."Your mother just died from this"......."This is one family tradition I don't want you carrying on"............God, this was not the time nor the place for this to be happening. Not out here. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the pill bottle, taking two out and swallowing them. He prayed that they would do their job and work. He straightened himself up and smoothed out his shirt, feeling a bit better.

As he opened the door and stepped into the galley, he could feel the remaining guys' eyes on him as he made his way upstairs. "We're hauling in 20 minutes" he said, coldly. The guys simply nodded. As he made his way to the wheelhouse and settled into his chair, he looked out the window at the rain and high seas, sweeping their way across the deck. It was a horrible day, perfect for his horrible mood. Silently, he turned his eyes to the sky and said a little prayer....

"God, whatever's going to happen, please don't let it happen today......"


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys...Don't worry, Phil won't get physically violent or anything so Kris is safe there ;) Also, just another heads up, we kinda took a few liberties with Phil's past family history so things will be a little different than they were in RL...as always reviews are much appreciated.

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It took a while for her to calm herself down, but she eventually did. Kris spent the afternoon in her room, waiting until the guys headed back outside before she ventured out to the galley to start cleaning up. After Josh left, she laid back down and cried a bit more, but the tears soon dried up and gave way to questions.........

_What was Phil hiding? What was so bad that he hadn't even told his own children? Why was he acting out against her? She knew it wasn't like him to be that way, and she knew that whatever was bothering him must be bad if it upset him to the point of meanness, but what was it?_

The pharmacist at the store had given away one of the secrets when he told her about the Coumadin. If Kris remembered correctly, he had said it was for the treatment and prevention of blood clots. Phil had never mentioned that he had HAD them before, so he must be taking it for the latter reason. But that was preventative, so at least he was on the right track with that. He was also taking something for his blood pressure and cholesterol, but a lot of people have that, so what was it that was going on?

When she felt it was safe to head out, Kris made her way back to the galley and began cleaning up the dishes from earlier. She glanced at the clock, noting how much time had passed, and realized that she had to get everything on the go for supper right after she was done. As she worked, she found herself constantly freezing at the least little sound, and looking over her shoulder, afraid that Phil would come down in the same mood as before. She hated herself for being afraid of him, but right now, she hated him even more.

Well, maybe hate was a too strong a word, but she was definiately angry. She was upset that he had yelled at her, obviously, but she was even more hurt by the fact that he had and was continuing to lie to her. They were engaged, for God's sake!! She knew she could trust Phil with anything and everything, yet he was showing her with this whole thing that the feeling was not mutual. As she looked towards the wheelhouse again, she wished he WOULD come down the stairs, just so she could kick his ass and tell him off!! But what good would that do?

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"Alright guys, one more string and then you can eat" said Phil over the loud speaker. He set it back in it's place and rubbed his hand over his face. He was tired. Way more tired than he usually was after this many hours. Normally, he could go five days straight, but this wasn't normal.........

Without looking, he opened his cigarette pack and lit the smoke, bringing it to his lips. He inhaled a little too quickly, and ended up in a coughing spurt. When he got his breath back, he laughed.

"Even that's fucking up on me!" he said to himself. As he puffed away and watched the guys down below, Phil believed he could literally feel the years creeping up on him. This job had always been a grind, but ever since the end of Kings he had felt different. He didn't know what it was, only that it was......different. After talking about it a bit with his father, he decided to go see Dr. Barton and in the end was completely shocked by what he told him. Talk about facing your own mortality!

Phil was at severe risk for developing potentially fatal bloodclots. His mother had died from the condition, and the bad news was that it was usually passed on through the generations. Dr. Barton immediately put him on Coumadin in hopes of thinning his blood out to the point of breaking up whatever clots were there, but he told Phil in all honesty that it may be too late to fix some of them. He very strongly advised against going fishing this year, but he didn't outright say no, so of course Phil took that little loophole and headed up to Dutch. He already smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and that hadn't killed him, so what was a little blood clot?? He tried hard to put it out of his mind because the worry about it alone was enough to make him cry. Once he stopped thinking about it, he had felt fine, especially since he had the boys around and Kris was back in his life.

Phil hung his head and covered his face with his hands. He had been so, so mean to her. He hadn't meant it. He'd been feeling like shit for the past 24 hours and everything around him annoyed him to no end. She just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. God, she must hate him! He hadn't dared go back downstairs, afraid of what she would do or say. He was sure he wouldn't be able to handle whatever she threw at him. She had been the best thing to happen to him since.......well, since ever! He took a real chance hiring her back in September, but it was probably the best decision he ever made. He loved her so much. He could only hope and pray that she would forgive him when this was all over......no matter how it ended.

The worried feeling in the pit of his stomach came back, this time even stronger. The thing was, the way he's been feeling the past few days, he really didn't know how this was going to end. As the pain increased and the overall feeling of something just not being right, Phil was beginning to think that he was probably going to die out here, and it killed him. But he was too afraid to tell the boys, and he certainly didn't want to tell Kris. If he DID kick the bucket, he didn't want her thinking that she couldn't have helped in some way, even though they were out in the middle of nowhere.

As he watched the last pot come over the rail, Phil could barely find the energy to pick up the radio. "Alright boys, that's it. Come in and rest a while. Murray, you're on wheelwatch".

Phil put the radio back, and leaned back in his chair. He felt very sleepy, and nodded off a few times until the boys were inside and Murray tapped his shoulder to let him know he was there. Phil thanked him, and dragged himself across the wheelhouse to the stairs, and disappeared, all under the watch of Murray's worried eye, noting that something wasn't right.......

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After clearing away the breakfast dishes, Kris had put a chicken in the oven & had set some vegetables on to boil for supper. Something quick, but tasty. As the guys filed in one by one, Kris served them their plates and headed back to the stove to make sure it was all still stable and warm. As they all took their spots at the table, Phil came slowly down the stairs, drawing all eyes to him. Everyone was expecting the same confrontational attitude from before, but were puzzled when instead they got near silence. Phil took a few steps towards his room, then turned to look over his shoulder, feeling the need to offer an explanation.

"I'm tired. I'm going to lay down" he said quietly, and went into his room shutting the door.

Everyone looked at each other for a moment, and Kris followed him with her eyes from her place at the stove. Something wasn't right.....Phil wasn't acting like himself at all. She would almost rather have had the mean Phil from before, not this. He was too quiet. The boys went back to chatting around the table and Kris turned off the burners, no longer needing to keep the food warm. As she took up her own supper, she wondered if she'd be able to eat any of it, the worry in her stomach making her feel sick.

"God, please let him be ok" she said quietly, to herself, and glanced once more at the door to Phil's room before joining the guys at the table. She couldn't possibly know how much that prayer would be needed........


	33. Chapter 33

The Bering Sea was known for being rough. It was cold, freezing, and the most dangerous and awful place to work. The fishermen who braved it every year were used to it. Some would never grow accustomed to it, but they were used to it. Some souls even liked it. It was a strange relationship - you hated it when you were there, but missed it terribly when you were at home.

Year after year saw some kind of tragedy on the Bering Sea. Whether it was a fisherman falling overboard, or an entire crew lost when their boat sank. Something always happened. Of course, every crew out here always believed that it would never happen to them. Sure, they'd experience their fair share of bumps, bruises and the occasional broken bone, but never nothing serious. Not them.

The crew of the Cornelia Marie were the same. Phil and the boys had their own superstitions and their own special lucky trinkets, and they were trained to the hilt for emergency situations. When the season got good and they hit their stride, everyone was riding high and figured that nothing could possibly happen to them.............

When Kris went to bed that night, she felt that the boat was a little rockier than usual, but she was an old pro now at the motion sickness thing, and felt completely fine. To be on the safe side, though, she checked out the conditions with Murray. He said that a storm was coming, and the winds were picking up. Nothing that they hadn't experienced before. Kris joked about seat-belting herself into her bed, and headed down to bed. The guys soon followed, beat from the long day.

She'd been dreaming about a fight with Phil when she felt the jolt. When she woke, she was half on her bed and half on the floor. She must have been in some deep sleep to not have felt the weather pick up as much as it did. Kris got herself untangled from her sheets and stood to get back in bed, only to be tossed to the floor again when the boat took another giant roll. This was definiately getting nautical.

As she attempted a second time to get back into her bunk, she heard a commotion coming from the galley. Muffled voices through her door. She figured some of the dishes and chairs had been tossed around much like she was, and had woken the guys up since their rooms were closer. But soon she suspected something else when she heard Freddie's voice above the others....

"Phil........PHIL!!!!.......Are you alright????"

Kris paused, waiting to see if she could hear a response, and when she heard him call Phil's name again, she got up. She headed to the galley, the worry beginning to build again in her stomach. As she emerged from the dark hallway, she saw Josh head into his father's room, calling out to him. Freddie came out.

"Freddie, what's wrong???" she asked, grabbing his arm.

"Phil got tossed out of bed" he answered. "He hit the wall, thinks he broke some ribs".

Kris let go of Freddie and ran into Phil's room, all the while still trying to keep herself upright from the rolling of the boat.

"Phil.....oh my God.....are you ok?" she asked, rushing to sit beside him on the bed.

Phil was hunched over, gasping for a breath. He looked up when she came into the room, trying to hide the grimace on his face. It took him a few attempts before he was able to make the words come out.

"I'm fine.....don't worry" he said too quietly. His voice was different. It was weak.

Josh moved back in front of Phil holding a few stretch bandages in his hand. "You're gonna have to stand up, Dad" he said, setting them down and holding out his hands to help Phil up.

Phil took his hands and tried to stand, but the pain was too much. He fell back down on the bed before Josh could grab him. Kris moved out of the way so Josh could get closer. She looked over to the doorway where Jake was standing. He looked scared. She could only imagine what he was feeling. She moved over to stand next to him and laid her hand on his shoulder.

"He'll be alright" she said, smiling. "A few broken ribs are no match for your dad, you know that!"

Jake smiled, thankful for the comfort, but still worried. "I know, it's just weird......."

Kris nodded. She looked back over to the bed where Josh had finally gotten Phil up and was wrapping the bandage around his middle. Phil was instructing him to go tighter. Kris was glad that the boys were on board, especially Josh. He always looked out for Phil and his little brother, so she knew that Phil was in good hands.

Pretty soon, Phil was dressed and moved to lay back down on his bunk. Josh advised him not to, but he did it anyway, and sure enough he couldn't draw a deep breath. Kris helped Josh sit him up this time, and she took his cigarette away from him.

"Hey...." he called out to her.

"If you can't breathe, you sure as hell don't need this!" she answered. He coughed, and she reiterated her point again. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Phil nodded as the coughing died down. "Yeah, I'll be alright. I hit the wall kinda hard".

"You want some water or something?" she asked.

"Yes.....please" he answered. Kris moved out to the galley to get some water. Josh and Jake were sitting at the table talking. Kris saw them and went over to them.

"Josh, he's going to be ok, right?" she asked. Josh looked up at her and shrugged.

"I guess so" he answered. "He's broken ribs before, but....." His voice trailed off.

"But what?" Kris asked. Josh looked at his little brother, then down at the table, struggling with whether or not he should say what was on his mind.

"He said........he said he was scared" Josh answered, his voice sounding very small. He looked up at Kris. "He's never said that to me before. I didn't know what to say".

Kris sat next to him and put her arm around him. She didn't know what to say to that either. "He'll be ok" she said. "He's tough, right?" She looked at both boys, hoping to make them feel better. They nodded in agreement, so she got up and went to the sink to pour the water for Phil. As she made her way back to Phil's room, she stole another glance at the boys, noting the worry still etched on their faces. She forced herself to smile back at them but she had a feeling that hers looked the same.......


	34. Chapter 34

Kris entered the bedroom and walked over to the bed, setting the glass of water down on the bedside table.

"Here, let me help you sit up some more" she said to Phil, as he lay half slumped against his pillow and the wall. Josh hadn't let him fully lay down again, not after the first attempt had left him wheezing and gasping for breath.

Kris helped Phil to sit up straight and shimmy his butt back to the wall. When he was comfortable, she let him go and reached for the water. Even though he was doing his best to hide it, Kris saw the grimace on his face every time he moved and drew breath. She held out the glass to him, and watched as he took it with both hands, somewhat shakily. Again, Kris saw it.

Phil took a few sips, the lowered the glass, still holding it in both hands. "Thanks" he said, voice raspy.

Kris reached out and felt his forehead. He looked rather flushed to her, which she attributed to the pain he was feeling, but when she touched him he was hot. _Why was he running a fever?_

"Do you have a cold?" she asked.

Phil looked up at her, confused. "No......why?" he answered.

"You're hot" she replied.

"Thanks" he grinned. _Still the charmer, no matter what_.

Kris couldn't help but chuckle. "That's not what I meant" she said, gently punching his arm.

"Well you said......" Phil replied, but then a coughing spurt overtook him, and Kris grabbed the glass to keep it from being spilled. Josh appeared in the room right away, with Jake not too far behind. Kris got up as Josh moved to sit by his Dad, patting his back and trying to calm him. Finally, the coughing stopped and Phil was able to draw a few deeper breaths. Kris looked at Josh and saw the worry etched in every line on his face. So did Phil. He looked between the two of them.

"Guys......I'm ok......just a few cracked ribs" he said, trying not to start coughing again.

Josh wasn't buying it. He'd been on boats long enough to see and feel cracked ribs, and he knew that this was definiately different. "Dad, I think we should head into St. Paul..."

"No!" said Phil. "I just told you, I'm fine. We've got a shitload more quota to catch yet".

"But Dad, you're in bad shape, you should just go get looked at...." he replied.

Phil silenced his oldest son with one look. "I said, no" he said quietly. That was the end of that.

Kris had moved to the doorway with Jake, unwilling to get in the middle of the argument, even though she knew that Josh was right. Still, she had learned from watching that you don't go against the captain, no matter what. Phil waved them all out of the room, stating that he was fine and just needed some rest, to which Josh told him that he'd be coming back and forth to check on him. Phil nodded, and turned out his lamp. To him, there was nothing more to say.

Out in the galley, Murray came down the stairs to check on Phil and to let the guys know that they were at the next string, ready to haul. Josh was hesitant about going out, but after looking back at the door several times, he headed down to the dry room to start gearing up, Jake in tow without saying a word. Finally, Kris was left alone. The boat was still rolling pretty good, and since the guys were just heading out, she figured that she'd leave the cooking until tomorrow morning. They'd find their own snacks when they got a break.

Before she turned the light out in the galley, she decided to check on Phil once more. She moved across the floor to his bedroom and knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked again, louder this time, and still got no answer. The worry filled the pit of her stomach like the icy waves outside. She grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door halfway into the dark room.

"Phil" she said quietly. Again, no response. She moved closer to the bed, leaning over. "Phil" she said again, a little louder. She reached out and clicked on the lamp, the light shining down onto Phil's face. He had moved down the bed a little more, so that he was lying down slightly.

Kris's heart was beating out of her chest as she looked down at him. He hadn't answered her knocking, or when she called his name. Her eyes fell to his face, then to his chest. It was rising and falling normally, with each breath. Phil was asleep. Kris breathed a sigh of relief, and sat on the edge of the bed, the worry weakening her legs. She reached out her hand and smoothed back his hair, trailing her fingers back down his cheek. It was strange - a few hours ago she was ready to tear him a new one for the way he spoke to her, and now she was just praying to God that he was going to be ok. She wasn't used to seeing him like this, all hurt and uncomfortable. She only knew Phil as the strong man he was.

She kissed his forehead, which was still too warm, and clicked off the lamp, heading back out to the galley to let him rest. She knew that Josh would be in again soon to check on him again anyway. She turned off the galley light as she walked through, and headed to her own room. As she climbed back into bed, she pulled the covers up to her chin and did something she hadn't done since she was a little girl. She pulled her hands out from under the blankets and folded them together in prayer....

"Dear God.....please let him be ok. Please let him be back to his regular self soon, so Josh and Jake and the guys and I don't have to worry..." She looked up and out of her little porthole window. "Please...." Kris wouldn't get much sleep that night.........


	35. Chapter 35

Kris finally fell into unconsciousness sometime in the wee hours. It had taken her a long time to get to sleep, the worry for Phil keeping her awake. Several times she thought about getting out of bed again to check on him, but feared that she would wake him when he really needed his rest. Besides, Josh was already way ahead of her and took every available opportunity to come in from the deck and check on his dad. Sometime after hearing Josh moving around, Kris had fallen asleep.

She woke the next morning much the same as she had done when the wave hit, hearing a bunch of voices at once. She knew the guys were inside, getting their breakfast during a break. She got up and dressed quickly, joining them in the galley. Once she got there, however, things were not what she thought......

"Phil, I'm serious. You could have some serious shit going on" said Murray, following Phil from his bedroom door over to the sink.

"Oh come on Murray" replied Phil, "You've broken ribs before. They'll heal themselves eventually." As Phil turned back to the sink, he saw Kris in the hallway.

"But Phil, most people with broken ribs don't....." Phil turned around fast and silenced Murray with his finger at his lips. Murray stopped mid-sentence, looking to his left to see Kris standing there. Phil grabbed his side, the pain shooting through him from turning too quickly, and leaned on the countertop for support. Immediately, Murray was at his side, making sure he was ok. Kris came over, too.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why are you out of bed?"

Phil straightened up and reached out for her hand, squeezing it. "I've got to get back upstairs" he said. "We've still got a lot of work to do before we head in".

"Can't Murray finish it?" Kris asked, looking at the relief skipper. Murray simply shrugged his shoulders, agreeing with her, but knowing that Phil was in disagreement.

"Sure he can...." Phil started, surprising everyone....."but he's not". Phil poured a glass of water, grabbed a redbull out of the fridge, and headed up the stairs to the wheelhouse.

Murray moved over to the table and sat down, rubbing his hand over his face.

"He shouldn't be up there, Murray, not like that" said Jake. Josh nodded in agreement.

"Well what can I do?" asked Murray. "Start a mutiny?"

The guys chuckled at that, each one picturing the scene in their heads, something that would NEVER happen while Phil was upright and breathing.

Kris listened to them while she cleared away their dishes, and when she was done she joined them at the table. "Murray, when you were talking to Phil just now, you said that most people with broken ribs don't.....something. What were you going to say?"

Murray looked at the boys, then back to Kris, struggling with whether or not he should tell her. "Um, it's nothing.....really....."

"Tell her, Murray" said Josh, interrupting. He looked over at Kris. "She doesn't need to be lied to anymore".

Kris was silent. So there was something else going on here. She looked to Murray for an answer.

Murray sighed deeply before continuing. "Phil started coughing up blood this morning. When he woke up, he forgot about his ribs I guess, and went to move around like normal. The pain hit him, and he couldn't breathe right, which got him coughing, and before he was done, some blood had come up. We figure one of the broken ribs has punctured his lung".

Kris hadn't really heard anything beyond the "coughing up blood" part. She nodded her head to all that Murray was saying, but her mind raced. Coughing up blood is never good. Never! He needs to get off the boat and get to a hospital. As soon as Murray finished speaking, she blurted her thoughts out right away.

"Did you call the hotline?" she asked frantically. "He needs to get to a hospital!"

Murray shook his head. "He wouldn't let me" he answered. "Says he'll be fine, and he'll decide when to go in, if at all". Kris looked to Josh and Jake, who shook their head at their dad's words, much like Murray did.

"But.....that's really serious.....isn't it???" she said, her voice getting higher as the fear got worse.

"Well....yeah....but it could be something not as bad, either" answered Murray, trying to calm her down when he realized how upset she was getting. He stood, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You know Phil. He's a tough son of a bitch. And if he's able to make it up to the wheelhouse, chances are he's ok". Kris nodded, not caring about the few tears that spilled from her eyes. She was worried. She had a right to be.

"You just keep an eye on him, and check in on him" Murray continued. "And make him tell you the truth, too!" Murray moved to the door that led to the dry room, opening it for the boys to go ahead. After they went, he closed it slightly and turned back to Kris.

"This is hard on the boys, too" he said. "Really hard. Whatever you see, whatever he tells you, or if you notice ANYTHING that doesn't sit right with you, you come tell me right away. Ok?"

Kris nodded, and Murray headed out the door. A few moments later, Kris heard Phil coughing again upstairs. She moved quickly to the stairs and climbed up quietly. Phil stopped as she neared the top, so instead of continuing into the wheelhouse, she peered around the corner. Phil sat in his chair with a tissue up to his mouth. As he moved it away, she saw him look into it, no doubt seeing blood there again, and his colour paled a little bit. Phil threw it away, and sighed deeply. Kris knew that he was worried, too. Just then, Phil picked up the loud hailer and called down to the guys, telling them to watch themselves for the wave that was coming. Kris chose that moment to sneak back downstairs, not disturbing Phil. She'd be back to check on him later, and next time, she wouldn't be as quiet...


	36. Chapter 36

The tension on the boat was thick enough to be cut with one of the bait knives. Everyone was on edge with everything that was going on with Phil. Phil Harris had a reputation as being a tough guy. He was fair to his crew, and rewarded them well for a job well done, but he didn't take any shit. He was as hard-nosed as anyone, and seeing him like this really screwed everyone up. But they still had jobs to do. And although they were worried as hell, they took their spots on deck and kept up their routine, just as Phil ordered them to do from his spot in the wheelhouse.

But Kris knew what they were thinking and feeling, because she was feeling and thinking it, too. She saw it in their faces when they came in to eat and top up their coffees. Especially Jake and Josh. Jake's fear made him look younger than his years, and Josh was just a mess, although he tried to hide it. Kris wondered how he did it - working on the deck hauling pot after pot, and coming in at every chance to check on and tend to his Dad. She was sure Josh hadn't slept a wink in the past few days, his free time spent talking with Phil. It was no good to try and convince Phil to head into a hospital - Josh had given up on that when it got him nowhere but in the doghouse and yelled at - so instead he was content to just be with his father, just in case.....

As Kris pulled ingredients from the fridge for supper, she thought she heard her name being called. She pulled her head out and listened.....nothing. Then, just as she was reaching back inside, she heard it again. This time it was distinct, and it was Phil. She quickly closed the door and sprinted up the wheelhouse steps, her heart in her throat the whole time....

"Phil? What is it?" she asked a little too frantically arriving in the wheelhouse.

Phil looked at her, amused, and chuckled. "Slow down, princess, you'll kill yourself if you trip!"

Kris caught her breath and relaxed a bit, seeing that he was obviously ok. Well....as ok as he was.....

"Could you please bring me a glass of water?" he asked.

"Sure..." Kris answered. She turned to head back down the steps, when Phil began coughing again. She stopped, and turned back towards him, watching as he hacked and coughed, and reached for a tissue. He brought it to his mouth and spat into it, looking down and checking it for blood.

"I think you should go into St. Paul" Kris said quietly, startling Phil who thought she had left. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kris cut him off. "I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you..."

"Kris..." Phil interrupted, but Kris wasn't having it.

"No Phil, listen to me!" she said, her voice getting louder. "Something's going on....more than just a few cracked ribs. If you punctured your lung it could get a lot worse...."

"Kris...." Phil tried again. _He didn't need to hear this. Not now, not from her. _

"Damn it Phil, why are you being so stubborn???" Kris yelled. "I don't want you to choke to death or something.......look at that tissue! That's a lot of fucking blood!!"

"KRIS!!!" Phil yelled, finally getting her attention and making her stop talking. He stared at her a moment to make sure she would let him speak. "Please go down and get me a glass of water" he said, voice low so as to not start him coughing again. Kris opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand, stopping her again. "Please. I don't want to argue. Not right now. I'm fine. If it gets worse, I'll go in. Ok?"

Kris didn't react, her jaw clenched. _Josh had told her it was no use arguing with him,_ _but she figured that she may actually get through to him seeing as how she was going to be his wife!!_ _Had he forgotten that??? _She turned and all but ran down the steps._ God, he was so damn hard-headed!! _

When she returned to the wheelhouse with the water, Phil was jabbering at the guys over the loud hailer. Whatever it was, it apparently required some instruction, so after a while of waiting around to possibly nag him once more, Kris got tired and left. She figured that if he could yell at the guys, he was ok. At least for now.....

Supper came and went without any drama. Phil joined the guys at the table and although he didn't eat much, he still ate, which is always a good sign. Right? No one spoke about his health, although everyone was thinking about it, and each one knew that everyone else had the same thing on their minds. When they were done, Phil headed back up to the wheelhouse while the guys went out on deck, and Kris cleaned up the galley. For the moment, everything seemed to be going fine, and things were almost back to normal, but it was all too soon going to change............


	37. Chapter 37

"Dad, what is going through that head of yours???? Why have you got to be so damn stubborn??? Jake and I are sick of it! SICK OF IT!!!"

Josh was pissed. Extremely pissed. Kris's eyes had flown open at the loud voices she heard. The louder they got, the closer she crept to her bedroom door, anxious to know what was going on. She had opened it a crack to listen better when Josh had ended his rant. Now, there was silence........

Kris opened her door slowly, hoping it wouldn't creak, and she crept out into the dark hallway and down towards the galley. She stopped when she got close enough to see what was going on, the scene in front of her scary enough to make her throw her hand over her mouth when she gasped.

Phil was sitting at the table, his shirt off and his chest covered in blood. His skin was pale, too pale, and his eyes were glassy.

"Phil, we really need to go in" said Murray, his voice very quiet. Too quiet. Kris felt her body began to shake with fear.

Phil raised his head and looked up at the two standing over him. He was wheezing, as though a bad bout of coughing had taken him over, and won. Kris began to put it all together - _the coughing_ _must have been the worst yet, causing all that blood to come up._ _Why hadn't she heard anything?_ She figured that with the exhaustion she'd been feeling the past few days, she must have fell into a coma when she finally fell asleep.

Phil took in a breath, about to answer the guys, when another fit of coughing overtook him. Josh knelt in front of his Dad right away while Murray grabbed a towel, holding it to Phil's face as Phil took it and covered his mouth. Kris wasn't going to wait in the shadows anymore. She raced out into the galley and moved to Phil's other side, grabbing his arm. She was crying, the sight of him and the worry bringing her to tears.

"Oh my God...." was all she could say in a hushed whisper, as she patted his arm and his hair. Phil turned to look at her, surprised she was there, as drops of blood ran down from his lip, only serving to make Kris cry harder. He carefully drew a few deep breaths, wincing slightly at the pain, and wiped his mouth. He turned his body towards her, and raised his hand to her cheek.

"Don't cry" he said "I'm ok.....just got to coughing, that's all".

Kris wiped at her eyes. She didn't know whether to take him in her arms or smack the shit out of him. _How could he let himself get this bad??_ _How could SHE have let him get away with it??_ Well, no more....

"That's it" she said, standing up. She looked towards Murray. "Murray, take the boat into St. Paul. Right now. Nevermind what he says".

Phil began to laugh at her sudden authority, which made him cough again. Kris looked back to him, then back to Murray and Josh. "Or should we call the Coast Guard?" she said, worried.

"No!" said Phil between hacks. "No Coast Guard. I'll go into St. Paul.....but no Coast Guard. Understand??"

Everyone nodded, and Murray went up to the wheelhouse to set a course. Josh cleaned up the blood in the galley and his Dad's room, changing the sheets so he could go back and rest. Kris stayed by Phil's side. She knelt down by him, gently wiping the blood off his chest. She had started to cry again.

"Hey......hey..." Phil said as he lifted her chin to look at him. "I'll be alright....don't worry.."

"How can I not, Phil?" Kris replied. She looked back down and wiped away more blood, but then stopped and looked up at him. "Why did you lie to me?"

Phil didn't bother to deny it. He knew he'd been found out. Kris was a smart woman. He was just surprised she waited this long to say anything.

"Why didn't you tell me what those pills were really for?" she asked. "I had to find out from the pharmacist at the store. The pharmacist, Phil! Some guy at a grocery store in the middle of Dutch Harbour!"

Phil lowered his head, and let her rant.

"He said they were for blood clots......is that's what's wrong?? Is that what's causing all of this?? God Phil, after everything we've been through.....why didn't you just tell me??"

Phil finally looked back up at her, tears filling his eyes. "I'm sorry" he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't know how to tell you.....I didn't want you to worry......I didn't want to think about it.......My mom died from this....." he was sobbing now. Kris had never seen him so upset. She was glad he was finally opening up, but she was scared too....

"When it started getting worse, I got scared...." he continued. He raised his hands and placed them on Kris's shoulders. "The kids don't know.... please don't say anything until we get in....ok? Please! I don't want to leave them, but........" Phil was crying hard, and all Kris could do was scoot closer to him and hold him in her arms. He sobbed on her shoulder, letting out everything that he was feeling....

"I'm so sorry I yelled at you.....I didn't mean it....." he said, between sobs. Kris smoothed his hair, shushing him in his ear.

"It's ok" she whispered. "I knew that it wasn't you talking...."

Jake came in from the deck a few minutes later and froze in the doorway at the scene. Kris raised her head to make eye contact with him, and pointed to the wheelhouse. "Go talk to your brother" she said. "Everything's ok". The poor boy looked terrified. She gave him a small smile to reassure him as he headed up the stairs.

After he was gone, she pulled back from Phil and helped him up. "Come on, back to bed with you" she said. She helped into his room and into bed, fluffing up the pillows so he wouldn't have to lie flat. She turned to leave when Phil grabbed her hand.

"Please.....don't go" he said. She smiled back at him.

"I'm only going to turn off the light" she said. "I wouldn't leave you for anything"


	38. Chapter 38

Kris spent the night with Phil in his bed. She thought it ironic, that before all of this had happened, her spending the night in the captain's stateroom would have caused a stir on the boat. But now, given the circumstances, the crew seemed more at ease then they had been in a week, knowing that she was there watching out for him. Watching Phil had kind of fallen on Josh's shoulders since he'd gotten sick, and Kris knew he had been extremely exhausted working both jobs, so she figured he was sound asleep wherever he had dropped for the night.

Phil slept soundly, only turning over a few times. Heavy sobbing will do that to a body. Kris had never seen Phil so upset and scared, and it still gave her a chill to think about it. Part of what attracted her to him was his toughness. He was the type of man who could withstand anything and everything. Well, most things anyway. She watched him as he slept, smoothing his hair and touching his face. She thought back to her stay in the hospital back in December and everything that had happened between them, and thanked God that Phil had finally opened up to her. He really did trust her, he had just wanted to protect her from worry. She chuckled as she shook her head at his stubborness.

As she settled back in behind him and wrapped her arm around his waist, Kris closed her eyes and prayed that the trip into St. Paul wouldn't take too long, and that Phil would get the help he needed....

*****************************************************************************

The next morning dawned ugly. It was cold, snowing and the waves growing bigger by the minute. Phil had awakened first, hearing the guys out in the galley. He sat up and swung his legs over the bed, moving slowly so as to not fuck anything up again. Lord knows last night was enough for the rest of his life!

He stood and got dressed, turning around to look at Kris. He hated making her worry about him. Sometimes he wondered if she was too good for him. He wasn't sure what he had done to deserve her, but he was eternally grateful for the cupid that brought her to him. As he watched her sleep, she woke up and rolled over.

"Where are you going?" she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "You need to get back in bed."

"Don't worry, I'm just heading up to check on things" Phil answered. Kris sat up and gave him a stern look. He saw it, and threw his hands up. "I'm fine, I swear. I feel a whole lot better now." Kris wasn't convinced. "Really!" he replied.

Kris got up and walked over to him, putting her arms around his neck. She kissed him lightly on the lips, and pulled back to look in his eyes.

"You look better...." she said. "You slept pretty soundly last night."

"Yeah, first time in a while" Phil answered. He smiled down at her. "That's because you were here with me".

Kris smiled back. "Of course! Nurse Kris to the rescue!"

Phil laughed. "Now THERE's something we should try.....you know, when I get better...." Phil reached around and grabbed Kris's ass, squeezing it. Kris yelped at the contact and quickly moved his hands away.

"You're still sick, mister!" she said. "We have to get you better before any of that...."

"Hey, you guys decent in there?" said a voice from the other side of the door. Phil dropped his hands and the two moved a few steps away from each other like a teenage couple caught in the basement. They looked at each other a moment, realizing their actions, then started to laugh. Unfortunately, the laughing turned to coughing for Phil, and he moved to sit on the bed to get himself under control as Kris opened the door. It was Murray.

"Hey, how you doing this morning?" he asked Phil as he entered the room. Phil had stopped coughing and was spitting more blood into a tissue. He wiped his mouth and looked up to Murray.

"I'm better, thanks" he answered. He got a skeptical look from Murray, and reiterated his point again.

"Well, just wanted to let you know that we'll be at the entrance to the harbour in about 20 minutes" Murray said. "I thought you might want to take her in".

Phil got up and walked with Murray out of the room. "You know it!" he said, smiling. Just the simple act of getting back into his chair was enough to pep him up. Kris followed them out, tidying things as she went.

"Be careful" she said after them. "And call me if you need anything!" Phil waved her off, and headed up the stairs. Murray rolled his eyes, again at the man's stubborness. One thing could be said for Phil's crew - they all knew their captain like the back of their hand!

Kris headed to her room to change out of her night clothes and get ready for the day. Since they were heading into St. Paul, she didn't really need to cook anything big since the guys would probably hit up one of the local restaurants anyways. Plus, they'd be busy with the offload, so she thought it best to gather up Phil's things for his trip to the clinic to get checked out. As she finished getting ready and opened her door to head back out, she was surprised to see Josh standing there, arm up as if he'd been just about to knock. Kris took a step back, slightly startled.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" he said.

"No problem" answered Kris, her hand still over her heart. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be standing there, that's all! What's up?"

"I just wanted to thank you" Josh said quietly. "For staying with Dad last night. I should have asked you earlier, but he didn't want me to let on to you how bad he was".

Kris nodded, Phil's own words of her keeping his latest secret from the boys echoing in her head. Before she had time to think about telling him, Josh continued.

"Man, I don't think I even moved last night once I hit the bed. I've been so tired, checking in on Dad and working the deck".

"Yeah, I know you must have been beyond exhausted" Kris replied. "I actually thought you might still be asleep!"

"On this boat?" asked Josh, sarcastically. "Not a chance! Dad may be sick, but he's still in charge! He'd kick my ass!!" They both laughed, knowing that it was the truth!

"But seriously, thank you so much" said Josh. "He really loves you, you know. I'm glad you guys are together".

Kris smiled. "Thank you Josh, it means a lot to hear that". Kris knew how hard it was for some kids to approve of their parent's girlfriends or boyfriends. To get that acceptance from Josh was a big deal to her.

Josh smiled back at her, and looked down at the ground, somewhat shyly. "Yeah well......" he seemed to be at a loss for words, "I better get back up on deck. He'll be yelling at me next thing!" He turned to head back down the hall. "Talk to you later!"

"Yup. See you in a little while!" replied Kris. She turned back to her things that she had dropped when Josh surprised her, and gathered them up. She poked her head back out the door and looked down into the hall. Something was......different. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something just felt......different. She shrugged it off as she headed out to the galley, figuring it was just the stress everyone was feeling. I mean, what else could it be................................


	39. Chapter 39

Getting Phil to a hospital had proven to be a lot harder than they thought it would be. After finally getting Phil to give in and go, and after steaming all that way to get there, St. Paul Harbour was frozen shut. The Harbour Master had told them there was no point trying to push their way in because the ice was extremely thick, and they would run a high risk of slicing the hull open and losing everyone and everything. Of course, Phil didn't need any extra stress, so the Cornelia Marie sat just outside the ice in the open water, rocking to and fro with the waves, waiting for things to break up.

As she listened to Phil cough, Kris wondered about calling the Coast Guard chopper to come for him. Phil insisted that he was feeling a lot better, and that they would soon get in, but she couldn't help but wonder. The Harbour Master had mentioned something about an icebreaker coming soon, so hopefully that would make a path and get them in faster.

For the most part, everyone just chilled on the boat. The guys set about tending to duties that were normally forgotten about while they waited around, and things got nice and tidy in no time. Kris thought it was funny watching the guys doing their laundry. Normally, they would wait until port to get it done, but the ice was making the waves small, so the boat didn't rock too deeply, but it still rocked.

Kris spent the afternoon checking on the supplies. She made a list of things she should pick up once they finally docked, and things that Phil might need once he got checked out. She figured that the doctor would make him spend more time in his bunk than up in the wheelhouse, so she made sure to add magazines to her list, grinning when she thought of the "naughty" ones she could buy for him.......

"What's so funny?" asked Josh as he rounded the corner.

"Huh??" said Kris, the smile disappearing as she moved back into the freezer, feeling embarrassed at being caught in her thoughts. "Oh nothing, I was just....ummm....making a grocery list...." She hoped that would suffice.

Josh looked over her shoulder into the freezer, eyeing the food. "Yeah, I guess the stuff in here is pretty funny...." he said sarcastically. "Any word from Dad on the weather yet?"

"Nope, nothing yet" she said, glad that Josh had moved on. She moved out of the freezer and turned to face Phil's oldest. "He's looking a lot better today".

"Yeah, he is" answered Josh. "I guess a good night's sleep will do that to ya!"

"Definately!" Kris answered. "I'm sure once he sees the doctor he'll be back on his feet in no time, same as before".

"And just as cranky!" added Josh. They both laughed, knowing it was the truth! When the laughing died down, Kris turned to close the freezer as Josh headed to the cupboard, looking for something to snack on. Josh had been napping off and on and missed lunch earlier. Phil had let him sleep, knowing that his son had been extremely exhausted after doing double duty taking care of him. Kris saw him looking and headed over towards the stove.

"I saved you some lunch" she said, reaching down and taking a plate from the oven. "Careful, it's hot".

Josh turned, and lifted the foil off the top, smelling the food. "Mmm, smells good!" he said. "Thanks!"

Kris smiled. "Now, did you really think I'd forget about you?" she said, following Josh with a glass of water as he headed to the table.

"Well, you do have other things on your mind.....like us all" he replied. "But thanks for not forgetting".

Kris playfully punched his arm as she moved back over to the stove. After a few steps, she heard Josh make a hissing sound, and she turned back around in time to see him quickly put his hand to his mouth. He had burned his finger on the far side of the plate. She moved to the sink, wetting a cloth, and moved back to the table.

"I told you it was hot!" she said, taking his finger and wrapping it in the wet cloth. Josh winced, both from the pain and her mother-like words.

"I know" he said, "but it wasn't that hot on the other side! FUCK! That hurts!"

Kris pulled the cloth back to reveal that a blister was already forming. She placed his hand back on the table and got up to get some neosporin to help it. When she returned, she sat beside him and took his hand in hers as she gently applied the cream, pressing very lightly so as to not aggravate it. As she worked, Josh relaxed as the cream cooled and dulled the pain. Kris finished up, wiping her hands on her jeans.

"There" she said. "All better". She smiled at Josh, who smiled back at her. After a few moments, he opened his mouth as if to say something, but at that moment Phil came down the stairs.

"Hey, what's up?" Phil asked. Josh turned his head towards his Dad and closed his mouth.

"Josh burned his finger on the plate" answered Kris. "One side must have been closer to the element. There's a big blister there already!"

"Hey bud, let's see it" said Phil, motioning to Josh to see his finger. Josh held it up and Phil examined it, making "ooh and ahh" sounds mockingly. "Well, now you're all fixed" said Phil. He turned to Kris, smiling and winking, and headed over to the stove to pour himself a cup of coffee. Kris saw what he was doing, and got up from the table to offer to help and to see how he was doing, then remembered that Josh had been about to say something.

"Oh Josh" she said, turning back to the table. Josh turned his head to look at her. "What were you going to say?" Phil came up behind Kris and threw his arm around her neck. Josh turned back to check on his finger, his head down.

"Nothing" he answered. "Nothing at all".


	40. Chapter 40

The rest of the day passed pretty uneventful - the guys napped and relaxed, while Phil kept watch in the wheelhouse, waiting for the Coast Guard cutter to come. A few times he mentioned just plowing through it himself, but Murray and Kris were right there to remind him why that was a bad idea.

Kris liked this new hangout, the wheelhouse. When they were working, she only came up here a few times, to either bring something to Phil, or relay a message. Other than their one little quickie session up here, she hadn't spent any long period of time in the wheelhouse. But now that she had been doing just that for the past 24 hours, she was beginning to really like it. She wondered what it would be like to captain a boat.....

"Penny for your thoughts" said Phil from his chair.

Kris shook herself back to reality and looked over at him. "Huh?" she stammered. "Oh.....I was just thinking......that's all..."

"About what?" Phil asked.

Kris smiled, swinging her legs back and forth on the bench. "About what it would be like to be the captain...."she said."I like it up here".

Phil chuckled, turning his head back to look out the front window. "Oh, is that so?" he asked. "Well, when we set out again, I'll let you help me steer the boat, how's that?"

"Sweet!!" Kris exclaimed, unable to hide her excitement, which only made Phil laugh more. Soon, he started to cough again, and Kris jumped up to be at his side, making sure he was ok. As always, Phil waved her off as he grabbed a tissue. Standing next to him, Kris could see how much blood he spit up, and it was a lot. Even though they were right outside St. Paul, and she should be feeling better about the whole situation, seeing all that blood made her feel worse. She really hoped the doctors would be able to help him......

"Coast Guard to Cornelia Marie, do you copy?" said a voice over the radio. Phil spit once more, then reached up to grab the hand-held.

"Cornelia Marie here, go ahead" he replied.

"This is the USCC Doiron, we'll be coming up on your port side in about 20 minutes, and then you should have a clear path in to the Harbour, over".

Kris breathed a sigh of relief at hearing those words.

"Copy that, thanks again" said Phil into his radio. He put it down and grabbed the one next to it for the loud hailer. "Alright boys, the coasties are here and they'll be getting us in about a half an hour, so get stuff ready". Phil set the radio back and turned to look at Kris.

"Looks like we're gonna get there" he said.

Kris smiled wide at hearing the good news, but her smile soon faded when she saw Phil's expression. "What's wrong?" she asked him softly. He turned to look up at her.

"I'm scared, Kris" he said, voice low. "I'm scared of what they're going to tell me....."

Kris moved closer to Phil and put her arms around him, holding him tight. "You'll be ok" she said, trying to reassure both him AND herself. "I mean, you're still here, right?" _A little humour_ _always helped.......sometimes._

Phil managed a small smile. Jake came up the wheelhouse stairs to announce the progress. "The boat's about to come up along side, if you wanna watch it. It's pretty cool how they do it".

"Yeah, cool buddy" answered Phil as he let Kris go and moved to follow Jake to the port side window. Kris smiled as she watched the two go. It always amazed her how wonderful a father Phil was. Of course, she never doubted his abilities, but it still warmed her heart to see him with the boys, always doing whatever he could to make them happy. She knew he was scared out of his mind at the prospect of seeing a doctor, but here he was putting that aside to join Jake at the window to marvel over the Coast guard ship. By the way they were talking; it must have been pretty exciting, so after a few minutes, Kris headed over to join them.

"They have a triple hull, that's why they're able to do that and we're not" said Phil when she moved to stand by him. Jake jabbered on about the mechanics of it all while Phil simply listened, putting his arm around Kris's waist to let her know that he was glad she was there with him.

Outside, the other guys were preparing the deck for the offload once they got in. Sitting on the anchor had caused a lot of ice buildup on the deck that had to be chopped off. Freddie and Murray worked on the bow while Josh was up on the second level, chopping away at the crane. Phil turned to watch him as he paused to take a break.

"I don't know what I'd do without that kid" he said. "He's really taken good care of me. Shit, he must be damn near ready to drop from exhaustion!"

"I let him sleep through lunch, that's how he came to burn his finger, when I took out what I had saved for him" Kris replied.

Phil knocked on the glass to get Josh's attention, and when he looked up; Phil smiled and gave him the thumbs up. He was rewarded with a big grin and a thumbs up back from his oldest. As he turned back to finish his work, Phil sighed heavily.

"Yeah, they're both good kids" he said. "I just hope I'm around to....."

"Now, none of that!" said Kris, cutting him off. "We're almost in, and those doctors will have you back to your normal self in no time".

Phil pulled Kris close to him, kissing her forehead. "I hope so, baby....I hope so..."


	41. Chapter 41

The 30 minute jog into the dock was the longest half hour of Kris's life. Most likely, it was the longest half hour of the whole crew's lives! They were so close to getting this whole thing fixed, yet so far with the ice still pushing against the boat. The cutter had made a wide path for them, but they still had to be cautious. Wouldn't want to punch a hole in the boat and make things worse!

While Phil docked the boat, Kris busied herself down in the galley and in the rooms getting things together to bring to the hospital. No one had said anything out loud, but it was assumed by everyone that Kris would accompany him. She was, after all, his fiancée. Phil made it clear that he didn't want this to turn into some big fuss. They had a full hold of crab that needed to be offloaded, and he trusted that job to the guys, making sure they focused on that and not on him. He assured the boys that he would be fine once he got checked out, and perhaps they'd up his medication or give him a new one. He should be back by nightfall, or the next morning at the latest. Who knows- a night in the hospital might do him some good!

When they finally docked, Phil seemed to take a long time to get going. Kris knew he was just dallying, finding things to check on, to put off actually getting off the boat. She gently, but firmly prodded him to get his ass in gear, and finally he listened to her, throwing on his jacket and heading out onto the deck. When the door opened, Phil stopped and took in several deep breaths. It was the first true fresh air he'd had in a while. Kris made a mental note to make sure he got more of it once he got back in the wheelhouse.

As they crossed the deck, Phil kept his gaze forward, unwilling to look at his sons for fear that it might be the last time. It was a strong and severe thought, but he couldn't help but think it. The boys didn't know as much as Kris knew, and even then, Kris didn't know everything......He just hoped that the doctors would be able to fix him, and soon. Phil handed control over to Murray with a handshake and a nod, and then he and Kris climbed over the rail. The guys on deck watched him go, Murray noting the sadness and fear in Josh and Jake's eyes.

"Don't worry guys..." he said, moving back to work so as to get the boys to do the same, "you know he'll be fine".

"Yeah..." they answered, and although they got back to their tasks at hand, their minds were far away....

*****************************************************************************

"Any history of high blood pressure?" asked the doctor.

"Yes" answered Phil.

"Mmhmm. Any history of high cholesterol?" asked the doctor

"Yes" answered Phil.

"Mmhmm. Do you smoke?" asked the doctor.

"Yes" answered Phil.

"Mmhmm"

Kris's eyes moved back and forth between the two like she was watching a tennis match. She could literally see the tension in Phil's body as he held himself stiff sitting on the gurney, and she could hear the concern in the doctor's voice with every "yes" from Phil.

"Ok, so we have some tests that need to be done, so I'm going to ask you to wait outside Ma'am".

Kris looked back over to Phil, who nodded and waved his hand for her to go, again trying to show her that he was fine. She stood and gathered her things, and moved over to Phil to give him a quick kiss. "I'll be right outside" she whispered. "I love you".

Phil kissed her again. "Love you, too" he answered. Kris squeezed his hand and headed out the door to wait in the lobby.

And the waiting turned out to be long. Very long. First, she read through the Cosmo magazine sitting on the table. Then she read another issue, then a copy of Better Homes and Gardens, then on to Highlights for Kids and finally Motor Trend! The light outside had long since turned to night, and she figured the guys must be going crazy. Just as she was about to pull out her cell phone, the doctor came around the corner.

"Kris?" he asked. Kris looked up. "You can come back with me now. Phil would like you to be there".

_To be there? To be there for what??_ As she stood to follow the doctor, the butterflies in Kris's stomach came to life. They only intensified as they entered the room. Phil was in a hospital bed in full dressing gown under the covers. There were tubes coming from his arm and monitors hooked up to his body. Kris gasped at the sight.

Phil turned his head towards the door as they entered and his eyes caught hers. They were scared eyes, and sad eyes. Kris felt the tears threaten to fall, but she held them back as the doctor began to speak. He sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ok....well, Phil's a very, VERY lucky man" he started. "What has happened here is a very serious condition that normally kills most people, but somehow Phil has survived it".

Kris began to feel weak in the knees. _'Normally kills most people...'_ The words rang in her head as the doctor continued.

"Basically, a blood clot from Phil's leg has travelled up through his body into his heart and landed on his lungs" he said matter of factly. "That's where the blood was coming from when he coughed. We've run a battery of tests, and from what we can see right now, the clot is still there, with other clots potentially ready to do the same, which obviously cannot happen".

Kris looked back and forth between the doctor again, trying to gauge Phil's reaction. She got the impression that he was either told all of this already, or he already somehow knew it, as he wasn't reacting much at all. He was just kind of....looking down. She turned her attention back to the doctor.

"So, what will fix it?" she asked. "Different pills I hope, since the ones he had didn't quite work".

The doctor looked at her a moment, then lowered his head, taking off his glasses. After a few moments, he looked back up at her. "Kris.... I don't think you quite understand......if one more clot moves through his heart, he will die. Everything needs to change to make sure that doesn't happen. Pills aren't going to be enough in this case". He put his glasses back on and picked up the chart again. He stood and moved towards the door. "Phil will be heading for Anchorage General Hospital in the morning, where they will get a better indication of what course of treatment to take". And then he was gone.

Kris stood staring after him, dazed. _What did he mean, Anchorage? Didn't they already figure_ _it_ _out here? Didn't they know that Phil still had a huge quota to catch?_ She turned back to Phil. "Was he serious? There must be a mistake...."

"There's not" answered Phil, somberly. "I'll be flying out first thing on the medivac chopper". He paused, letting that sink in for her. "Guess it's a lot worse than we thought...."

Kris couldn't stop the tears this time. _God, how could this have happened??_ Her mind raced with what was coming....._what would happen to Phil? How long would it be before he was ok again?_

"Kris..." Kris opened her eyes to see Phil holding his arms open for her to come to him. She ran to the bed and threw her arms around him, burying her head in his chest. He closed his arms around her, holding her tight.

"Don't worry baby" he said. "I made it this far, I'll be alright..."

Kris sobbed as hard she'd ever cried as he soothed her, stroking her hair and kissing her head. Phil let her cry, feeling the need to cry himself, but holding it back for fear of making her more upset. Finally, as Kris calmed down, Phil moved his arms to let her sit up. As she moved up to lay beside him, face to face, Phil wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"You'd better call the guys" he said. "They must be wondering what's going on.....plus I want to know how the offload went". Kris laughed. _Always the joker!_ Kris got up and wiped her face, taking her cell phone out of her bag. She headed to the door, and looked back over her shoulder.

"I'll be right back" she said, smiling. Phil smiled back and waved. Kris opened the door and stepped out into the hall. She walked quickly to the waiting room, but kept walking right on past it, and made a B line for the front door. She needed air. She flung the door open and didn't stop walking until she rounded the corner of the building. There, she finally collapsed, leaning against the wall, the sobs coming again. She opened her phone, but couldn't dial the number - _How was_ _she going to tell the boys that their father wasn't coming back......._


	42. Chapter 42

"Hello?" said Josh, picking up the Sat. phone. He'd grabbed it on the first ring. They'd been waiting all day and now all night for the call. The guys figured they'd hear something within an hour or two of Phil getting to the clinic, so they'd kept rotating someone in the wheelhouse so they wouldn't miss it. Finally, when the offload was done, everyone headed into the wheelhouse and the galley, both to eat and to wait.

It was torture for the boys, waiting to find out what was going on. All they knew going into it was that Phil had been launched out of bed and had broken his ribs, which had most likely punctured his lung, hence the blood. But they were smart - both boys had noticed conversations ending when they came around, and heard whispers about the pills that Phil had kept in the cupboard. He'd told them that it was for high blood pressure, or something normal like that, but now they weren't too sure.....

"Hey Josh" said Kris, on the other end, trying hard to make her voice sound normal. She'd waited almost fifteen minutes before dialing the number, unable to make herself stop crying and shaking before that. "How are you guys doing?"

There was silence. Josh knew right away that something was wrong. Something more than they had been expecting. He turned towards his little brother, who was looking at him with fear and worry. Josh couldn't keep his gaze, not yet. He turned back to look out the windows. "We're ok. How's Dad? We figured we'd hear from you before this...." his voice cracked at the sudden wave of worry coming over him. _'There must be something wrong..._.' he thought.

"Well......umm.....things aren't exactly what we thought..." said Kris, voice beginning to shake again. She paused, trying her best to get it under control.

"Kris?" asked Josh. "What's going on? Is Dad ok?" Josh's voice was shaking - he was very worried.

"He's fine....at least for now..." answered Kris. She slapped her hand to her forehead. That was probably a bad choice of words. 'What I mean is......they found something else....". _God, how_ _was she going to explain this?_ "He's going to Anchorage in the morning....for more tests and stuff..."

Josh looked again at Jake. "Anchorage?" he said into the phone. Jake straightened up in his chair, his eyes growing wide.

"Yeah....." said Kris. She looked back up at the hospital windows, realizing that she'd been away from Phil for longer than she had said. "Look, I'll be back soon, and I'll explain more then."

"Dad's not coming with you?" asked Josh. At that moment, Kris couldn't believe how young he sounded, his voice small and scared. The tears came again.

"No....not yet.....I'll talk to you soon" she replied, and hung up. She put her phone back into her bag and headed inside. She'd called the kids, like Phil had asked, but she wouldn't be able to truly talk to them until later....

*****************************************************************************

Josh heard the click, but he still kept the phone up to his ear. Jake had left the chair on the far side of the wheelhouse and come over to where Josh was sitting, eager to find out what was going on.

"Josh?" he asked. "What did you say about Anchorage?"

Josh didn't answer. He couldn't. The lump in his throat was threatening to eat him whole if he opened his mouth.

"Josh?" Jake asked again. Josh slowly put the phone back on its cradle and took a deep breath.

"Kris will be back soon....she'll tell us more when she gets here..." Josh answered, as he got up from the chair and headed to the stairs. All eyes were on him, but no one spoke.

"What about Dad?" asked Jake

Josh stopped and looked back over his shoulder, still unable to meet his little brother's eyes.

"He's not coming...."


	43. Chapter 43

It had taken Kris another hour to finally get back to the boat. After she had talked with Josh on the phone, she went back inside and sat with Phil for a while, making a list of things he wanted brought from the boat. She wrote it all down, afraid to forget something critical, and finally after hesitating several times, she kissed him and left. Phil had seen her fear and worry, and he'd done his best to play it cool and be normal, but Kris knew different. She knew he was scared. As she drove back to the dock, she calmed herself by thinking ahead to Anchorage, and the good news they'd get once they got there......

As she made her way onto the deck of the Cornelia Marie, Kris was struck at how quiet things were. The offload was done, and there was no one on the deck. The weather had calmed down a bit as well, and it was eerily silent. Too silent....

She made her way into the dry room, and then down into the galley, where the guys were all sitting around the table. All except Josh. She looked around, and asked Jake where he was, but Jake only shrugged, not knowing. Kris laid her bag and the list onto the counter and joined the guys at the table, as they were anxious to hear the news.

She sighed deeply. "Well.....it turns out there's something else going on other than the ribs. His ribs are actually fine, just bruised. But they found something else".

The guys were hanging on her every word. "What is it?" asked Murray, his voice quiet.

"They're not too sure right now....that's why he has to go to Anchorage" Kris answered. She paused for a moment. "The X-ray's showed something on his lungs. That's where the blood is coming from".

She heard Jake gasp from beside her. Phil's youngest turned to her and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Murray seemed to know what he was thinking - what everyone was thinking - so he asked the question instead.

"Is it.........is it cancer?" he said, voice barely above a whisper.

There was that word again. Kris had heard it mentioned during the doctor's little speech in Phil's room, but she couldn't quite remember what he had really said. What she DID remember was that he had said that it was most likely not.

Kris shook her head. "I don't think so. At least, that's what the doctor said". The guys all seemed to relax a bit, hearing that, but Jake was quick to ask the next question on everyone's mind.

"So.....what's wrong with him?" he asked. "Can't they fix him here? Instead of sending him to Anchorage?"

Kris turned back to Jake and put an arm around him. "They have better equipment up there so they can figure it out faster" she said. "I'm sure he'll be back here in a couple of days, back to his old self". She stopped and giggled, mostly for strength for Jake, but also because she remembered Phil's joking about the gowns. "He's in a good mood" she said. "Still the same old guy!"

Jake smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. After a few more moments of silence, Kris got up and set about getting the things from the list ready to bring back to the hospital. The guys helped her find it all, and then went off to their own bunks, the exhaustion of no sleep finally setting in. As she finished putting the last few shirts in the bag, there was a knock on Phil's stateroom door.

"Hey" said Josh, coming into the room.

Kris turned and smiled. "Hi". She zipped up the bag and sat on the bed, eyes flicking over the list. Josh crossed the room to the dresser and picked up a picture of him, Jake and Phil.

"I told the guys what's going on" Kris explained, hoping Josh would take the cue and get the info from his brother. She really didn't feel like talking about it all again.

"I know I heard you" he said. Kris looked at him puzzled. "I was in the wheelhouse" he explained. "I came down and sat on the steps...." Josh looked down, sheepishly, at his admission.

Kris nodded, understanding. She watched as he lovingly ran his hand over the frame of the picture. She couldn't imagine what he must be thinking and feeling, not knowing what was going to happen to his father. She stood and crossed the room, putting her arm around his shoulders.

"He's going to be ok, you know" she said, trying to reassure him. She looked up into his face and saw tears rolling down his cheeks. "Oh Josh, don't cry. It's all going to be ok, I promise".

Josh wiped his face and laid the picture back down on the dresser. "Yeah.....yeah, you're right" he said. Kris dropped her arm and looked at her watch. Josh saw her, and he moved to the bed to grab to the bag. "Here, let me help you" he said. He carried it up to the dry room, and then across the deck, loading it into the truck. Kris climbed in and started the engine.

"Tell him......tell him I love him" said Josh, once again sounding like a small boy. Kris smiled and laid her hand on his, patting it.

"I will, don't worry" she answered.

As Kris drove off towards the hospital, Josh stood in the same spot watching the tail lights disappear. The tears were falling freely now, and the butterflies in his stomach were threatening to come out. He looked back at the boat once, and then looked up the dock. He began to walk, wherever his feet would take him. He couldn't go back there yet. Not like this.....not yet.......


	44. Chapter 44

Kris woke to the sound of voices. Many of them. And lights. Many lights. As she opened her eyes, it took her a few moments to realize where she was. Then it all came back to her - she was in the hospital. She turned onto her side to see Phil smiling down at her, his glasses sitting on his nose as he read the morning paper.

"Morning princess" he said.

Kris sat up, working the kinks from her back and neck, and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She made a mental note for the future that hospital beds were to be avoided for sleeping, at least with someone else in it....

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Almost seven" answered Phil. He turned towards the window. "Looks like it's a nice day out".

Kris got up and made her way over, discovering that he was right. The sun was just breaking through the clouds and the water looked calm. She hoped it would stay that way until they at least got to Anchorage.

"Good morning, Mr. Harris" said the nurse as she came in carrying his cafeteria tray. "How are you doing this morning?"

"Oh, I'm pretty good" he answered. Kris noticed that he conveniently left off the part about the coughing spurt that happened just after midnight....

The nurse set the tray down and removed the cover. Phil looked at it, and turned to her, his face questioning.

"This is your new diet" she explained. "Plus, you can't have much before the flight out".

Phil nodded, and set to picking at the fruit. Kris chuckled, as she knew that Phil was much more of a pancake/waffle/French toast/eggs and bacon kind of guy, and here he was with a few grapes and orange wedges.

"What's so funny?" he asked, as juice ran down his chin. Kris waited for the nurse to leave, and she rushed over and licked it up, surprising Phil. His expression was priceless, which only made her laugh more.

"Hmmm, fruit juice...." he said."I'll have to add THAT to my list, too...."

"What list?" asked Kris.

"The one of things we're going to do when....."

"Good Morning, Mr. Harris" said the doctor, interrupting at just the right time. Phil gave a secret smile to Kris, who in turn blushed and moved to sit in the chair. "We're going to be taking you downstairs soon to get ready for the flight. Do you have all of your things?"

"Yes" answered Phil. He turned to Kris. "Did you remember all of my insurance stuff?"

Kris nodded. "Yup, got it here in my bag. I'll take it with me".

"Good. You can take the pill bottles, too" replied Phil.

The doctor watched the exchange between the two, and soon he held up his hand, stopping them.

"Um, I'm not sure you quite understand the circumstances, miss" he said to Kris. "Mr. Harris is being medivac-ed to Anchorage. He will be travelling alone".

Kris's heart sank. Alone? But, she was going to go with him. To be with him. That was the plan.

"So you'll have to put everything of his in his bag with the rest of his things" the doctor continued.

"Wait a minute Doc" Phil said. "Why can't she come with me? Don't you allow a family member to go?"

"Only in emergencies" the doctor answered.

Phil held up his hands and looked down at his body. "Didn't you say I was going up there because it was serious?"

"Yes, but as of right now, you're stable, so you'll be going alone" he answered.

That seemed to be the end of the conversation. As disappointed as they were, they had to accept the rules. The doctor left to began making the final preparations, and Kris took the opportunity to spend a few more moments alone with Phil. She climbed onto the bed with him, holding him tight in her arms.

"Oh, don't cry princess" Phil said, his arms coming up to cover her. "I'll be ok. I'll call you as soon as I get there, and you can always fly out on a regular plane".

"I know" Kris answered between sobs, "But I'm going to miss you. And I'll be worried, and...."

"Ssshhh" Phil said, trying to calm her. "Look, you've got to take care of the boys for me. How are they doing, anyways?"

Kris wiped her tears away and sat up next to him. "Jake is scared. They're all scared. Josh is.......he's just so tore up about all this. I've never seen him so worried".

"Well, you tell him for me that I'm going to be ok" answered Phil. "Hell, I'm still here, ain't I?"

Kris laughed. "I did already, but....I think he needs to hear it from you. Why didn't you want them to come here?"

"Because I don't want them to worry" Phil answered. Kris tried to interrupt him, to tell him that they were already worried, but Phil stopped her, acknowledging that he knew that. "I don't want them to worry MORE" he stressed. "They've got enough on their minds with the boat, and they don't need to know anymore than they already do".

Kris understood. If it were here in this situation, she figured that she wouldn't want her kids knowing either. Besides, she made a promise to Phil to not tell them until he told her she could.

"Ok Mr. Harris" said the paramedics entering the room. "We're ready to roll".

Kris climbed down off the bed and kissed Phil. She trailed behind them all the way out to the helipad until she had to stop, and she blew kisses all the while he was loaded into the chopper.

As she watched it take off, she cried wondering when she'd get to see him again. She had made him promise to call her as soon as he could and as often as he could, but hearing his voice and seeing him weren't the same. When she finally couldn't see the helicopter anymore, she made her way down to the truck and headed back to the boat. Phil had told her to go about things as though everything was ok. Obviously, he didn't realize how hard that would be......


	45. Chapter 45

Kris waited by the sat phone in the wheelhouse all morning. When she returned to the boat, she made herself comfortable in Phil's chair, anxious to hear his voice when he called. The guys busied themselves downstairs and on the deck, tending to a few small things, making sure everything was in tip-top shape for when the big man returned.

Everyone pretty much knew that things would be different for a few days, but no one said anything about it. The guys got their own breakfasts that morning, and at lunchtime, Jake brought up a sandwich and fries to Kris since he knew she wouldn't get out of the chair. He grinned thinking that, in those few short hours, she had become just like his dad!

"Thanks!" Kris said as he placed the plate in front of her. "Smells great!"

"You're welcome" answered Jake. "I figured I'd give you a break, take over the kitchen for a while!" he joked. "Any word from dad yet?"

Kris sighed as she swallowed the first bite. She didn't realize how hungry she'd been. "No....not yet" she answered. "But I'm sure he'll call soon. You know how it is....long wait times for test and stuff.... he's probably fuming just sitting around". She had to make the situation light, both for Jake's sake and for hers.

Jake chuckled. "Yeah....most likely. He's probably cursing out some old nurse lady!"

The two laughed and joked, thinking about the possible scenarios playing out up in Anchorage involving Phil and the various nurses. Finally, Jake turned to head back downstairs after making Kris promise to come find him right away as soon as Phil called. She said she would, then turned back to her lunch.

"Oh Jake! Wait!" she called after him. Jake stopped midway on the stairs and peeked over the top of the rail to see what she wanted. "Is your brother up yet?"

"Yeah, he's out on deck...I think" Jake answered.

"Did he eat lunch yet?" Kris asked.

Jake shook his head, no. "No, said he's too busy...." His voice trailed off as he looked down. "He's really worried......"

"Well, you tell him that I said that he needs to come in and get something in his stomach!" Kris chastised. "We don't need him getting sick, too!"

Jake smiled. "So...you're in charge now?" he joked.

"I'm in the chair, aren't I?" Kris laughed. "Seriously, tell him to get in and get some lunch. And make sure he eats it!"

"I will!" Jake answered as he headed back downstairs.

As she chowed down on her sandwich, Kris looked out the front windows onto the deck. Sure enough, there was Josh hosing down the bait area. She watched as he moved into the covered area and picked up the phone. Jake was doing as he was told, and had called down there to get him to come in. But when he hung up, Josh went right back to hosing. She hoped he was just finishing up and would then come in. She definitely didn't want him to get sick. She needed his calm demeanor to help her and the guys through all of this. Lord knows the boy had enough on his shoulders right now, but she actually relied on him a fair bit for keeping everything and everyone sane.

While Josh finished his task, Kris found herself wondering if he'd been like that as a child, always cool in tough situations. Phil had talked about the boys with her before, but never in great detail. She wanted to know more. Not only were they the sons of her fiancé, but they were also her friends. And right now, at the moment, they were the closest thing she had to Phil. At that moment, Josh shut off the hose and turned around towards the wheelhouse windows, almost as if he were reading her thoughts. Kris quickly held up her hand and waved, and Josh returned the gesture, smiling. He put everything back in its place and headed inside.

Kris watched him disappear behind the door, glad that he was coming inside to get some lunch. Obviously he didn't mind taking orders from her! All joking aside, he was a good kid with a big heart. Of course, it didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes, too.

"_Oh my God!"_ thought Kris. _"Did I just think that? Well, he is......so is Jake_. _They definitely take_ _after their dad!!"_

Kris knew when Josh finally reached the galley because she heard the noise level go up. Jake was annoyed that Josh hadn't come in right away, and Josh was calmly trying to explain to him that he wanted to finish up with the hose first. Kris laughed as she listened to them - just like old times! She was just about to get up and head down there to try and keep the peace, when the phone finally rang. She grabbed it on the first ring, answering quickly...

"Hello???" she said.

"Hey......it's me...." answered Phil. He didn't sound right....something was wrong....

"Hi....I was starting to get worried when I hadn't heard from you.....what's up?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Well....." Phil began, and then he sighed deeply. "Things are........not so good....."

Kris swallowed the lump in her throat. "What do you mean...."she asked voice barely above a whisper.

"It's bad......really bad....."


	46. Chapter 46

Bad news.

Oh God. Kris's heart began to beat faster; her eyes welled up with tears. This is not what she had been expecting. Not what she had been prepared to hear....

"The doctors did their tests.....they're very thorough" said Phil. His voice was quiet, the usual rasp almost invisible. "I'm lucky to be alive, Kris...."

Kris took a breath, trying hard to speak normally and not let on to Phil how upset she was. "What do you mean....." she managed to say.

Phil sighed again. Kris could picture him, see him holding the phone with one hand while the other moved over his face, a gesture he often did when he was frustrated. "You know those pills I was taking? Well, the doctor put me on them because he thought I would be high risk for blood clots. They were supposed to help prevent anything from happening, but they didn't quite work....."

Ok. So it WAS about the blood clots. Kris felt a small bit of relief at that, knowing for sure that it wasn't the other thing they were all thinking about....

"Turns out, a blood clot came up from my leg, went through my heart, and ended up in my lungs" Phil continued. He laughed a somewhat psychotic, strange laugh. "I'm not supposed to be here! People are supposed to die from that!"

"But you didn't!" answered Kris, thanking God and every other being she could think of that Phil was the 1 out of 100 or whatever that actually lived.

"No, I didn't" Phil repeated after her. He breathed out a huge breath. "God damn I'm one lucky son of a bitch!"

Kris smiled and laughed at hearing the old Phil come out in that last statement. "So, now that they know, they can fix it, right?"

Silence. Phil didn't answer her. She thought at first that the phone had cut out on them and she called out "Hello" into the receiver.

"I'm still here" Phil answered, his voice gone back to being quiet. "This is a big deal, Kris. They tell me there's still some clots there, and that it could happen again, but I won't live through it a second time".

Kris felt the gnawing come back in her stomach.

"I have to change a lot of things, my diet, and all that, and they've already started me on more powerful drugs" he continued.

"Well....that's good then..." Kris replied, trying hard to sound optimistic. "We'll all make sure that you change for the better. I'll only cook healthy stuff, and the boys will only smoke outside, and they'll take more turns on wheel watch, and...."

"Kris" Phil said, interrupting her. "I won't be back on the boat".

"What?" Kris said, gasping the word.

"I won't be back" he said, his voice cracking. "At least not for the rest of the season....after that.......I don't know...."

It was too much for Kris. She couldn't take it all in, she didn't want to! What was she going to do now? What were they all going to do? She sobbed into the phone, unable to control herself. Phil tried to comfort her from his end, but it didn't help.

Hearing the crying, the guys quickly made their way up to the wheelhouse, wondering what was happening. Josh walked over to Kris and laid his hand on her shoulder.

"Kris? What's wrong? What's going on?" he asked, but she couldn't answer him. She simply handed the receiver to him and moved to sit on the bench, still sobbing uncontrollably. Josh brought the phone up to his ear.

"Dad?" he said, figuring it could only be him.

"Hey bud" Phil answered. "Is Kris alright?"

Josh looked over his shoulder at her, still hunched over crying into her hands. "She's really upset. What's going on?" he asked.

Josh sat still in his dad's chair as Phil relayed the same information to him. He listened as Phil told him what the doctor's had said, and finally, how he wouldn't be back on the boat this season. Jake watched Josh's face, trying to figure out what was going on, and when he saw Josh close his eyes and blink away tears, he knew that it was bad.

Finally, the nurses came to give Phil his next round of meds, so it was time to end their conversation. Phil promised to call that evening again, and Josh finished by telling his dad that he loved him, and making him promise to get well and not worry about the boat. Phil asked to speak to Kris again, and she moved to the phone, still crying but not as hard, and told Phil she loved him.

The wheelhouse was silent after they hung up, with the guys all wanting to know what was going on. Kris started to speak, but couldn't do it, instead running down the stairs to her bedroom. She knew Josh would tell them. She just couldn't bear to talk about anything right now. As she laid on her bed, sobbing into the pillow, she thought of her time on the boat since she had first arrived. How she and Phil had flirted and how things had progressed into them being engaged. Now, it was all threatening to fall apart. She wondered when she would see him again, and how soon he would be well. She felt somewhat relived of one weight at finally knowing what was wrong, but now she had so many more pressing down on her. _God, why couldn't they just be a happy couple?? Why have so many things gone wrong???? _

Crying is exhausting as Kris knew full well, and soon her heavy sobs turned into small whimpers as she curled up under her covers. She was still fully dressed, but right now she didn't feel like doing anything else but snuggling in. As she lay looking up to her window, a knock came on her door.

"Come in" she said. The door opened, and there was Josh holding a cup of hot chocolate.

"Hey" he said, laying it down on her nightstand. "Thought you might like some. It always makes me feel better".

Kris smiled. Josh was always so thoughtful. "Thanks" she said, sitting up. She wiped at her eyes, and realized she must look like hell. Josh sat on the bed, looking down at the floor.

"He'll be ok, Kris" he said. Funny how things had switched around. Just a short while ago, Kris was the one saying the exact same thing to Josh. "I mean, he lived through something that most people don't. He's like fucking superman!"

Kris smiled. "Yeah, but he said he wouldn't live through it a second time...." her voice trailed off, and the tears started to fall again. She buried her face in her hands. "How could this happen?" she cried.

Josh moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and gently rocking. "Sshh, it'll be ok, I promise" he whispered, his hand coming up to smooth down her hair. Kris felt as though it were Phil holding her, Josh actions being the same as what Phil had done that morning in the hospital bed. It was ironic, but very comforting all the same.

Josh held her for a long time, making sure she was ok before he let her go. When he heard her sniffling, he pulled away and stood up. "Your hot chocolate's getting cold" he said, smiling. He held out a tissue to her, and Kris took it, wiping her eyes. Josh turned to go, but Kris stopped him when he got to the door.

"Josh!" she said, making him stop and turn around. "Thanks......for everything...." Josh smiled, and left, closing the door behind him. Kris picked up the cup and brought it up to her mouth, noticing at the last moment the three little marshmallows floating on the top. Way back when she first came aboard, she'd had a discussion about hot chocolate one night with the guys, and she had mentioned that she liked marshmallows while no one else did. She smiled and took a sip. She couldn't believe that Josh had remembered...he really was a special man.........


	47. Chapter 47

The rest of the day passed as though they were all in a dream. The guys moved around like zombies, doing something, but nothing meaningful. They had already exhausted all the little jobs that needed to be done while they waited for the phone call. Now, they were just trying to find something to do to keep themselves occupied.

Kris had simply spent the afternoon in her room. She knew the guys could easily fend for themselves in terms of meals. The truth was she wanted to be alone. She wanted to cry and punch her pillow in private after hearing the scary news. But most of all, she wanted to be with Phil, which was impossible since he was all the way in Anchorage. At the hospital that morning, Phil had told her that she could always catch another flight up, but that was before they knew how serious it was. Phil had pretty much told her in between the lines that he didn't want her fussing and worrying over him, which in his world meant that he didn't want her flying all the way up there only to sit by his bed when he'd be back in a few days anyways. But that was different now. Now, she didn't know when he was coming back....

When the sky started turning dark, Kris decided she should get herself out of bed and head to see if anything had been started for supper. She grabbed her mug, long since empty of the hot chocolate, and headed to the galley. As she walked down the hallway, she could hear the sounds of something sizzling and smell the most delicious aromas.

"Mmm, smells good!" she said as she rounded the corner.

Jake jumped, turning from the stove to face her. "Oh hey!" he said. "I was going to come get you soon". He turned back to the pan. "We're having salmon......you do like salmon, don't you?"

"I love it" she answered, moving to stand by him. "What can I do?"

"Nothing" Jake answered. "You just sit. It'll be ready soon".

Kris nodded and moved over to the table. It was nice to have someone cook for her. It reminded her of the time in the cabin, way back in the fall, when Phil had attempted to cook breakfast for her but everything got burned. She giggled at the memory, but her heart also broke, wondering if they'd ever get to do that again....

"Actually, you can do something...." said Jake. Kris perked up, shaking away the thought. "Round everyone up for me, tell them supper's just about done".

"Sure thing" she answered. She headed back down the hall to the back stairwell and went down to the engine room. Murray and Freddie have been doing some touch-ups while they had time in port. They assured her they would be up shortly. Her next stop was the deck, where Mark was coiling some loose shots. He hated doing it, so he dropped it all right away and followed her back in, thanking God that she had come out when she had! There was only one more guy to find, but she was having a hard time figuring out where he could be.

"Where's your brother?" she asked Jake.

Jake didn't answer for a moment, so Kris asked again, thinking that he simply hadn't heard her.

"I.....don't think he'll be joining us...." said Jake, quietly.

Kris was confused. "Why not?"

Jake laid down his fork and turned to face her. "I'm worried about him, Kris. It's like he thinks this is all his fault or something. He's been so quiet......"

Kris understood. Ever since she'd come on the boat, Josh had always been looking out for Phil. He got on his case about smoking and drinking the red bulls, and he always spent his extra time up in the wheelhouse just chatting with his dad. Josh was obviously more mature than Jake, and he understood the value of family. Not that Jake didn't, but Josh just wanted to spend as much time with his dad as he could. Obviously, the nagging didn't work, and perhaps Josh was feeling guilty for letting it go.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him" said Kris. "Any idea on where he could be?"

"Try the wheelhouse or the dry room" he answered.

Kris had already been to the deck to get Mark, and hadn't seen Josh on her way to or from, so she figured the wheelhouse was the best bet. She headed up the stairs, and sure enough, there was Josh sitting in the captain's chair, staring out the window.

"Looks good on you" Kris said. Josh jumped, her voice having startled him.

"Huh?" he asked.

"The chair, you sitting there.....looks good on you" she replied. "You'll be sitting there one day, switching up with Jake like the Hillstrands. It suits you".

Josh smiled, sadly. "Yeah........I just hope it's not too soon........."

Kris moved to sit on the bench. "I'm sure it won't be" she said, reassuring. Hm, funny. This reassurance thing seems to be bouncing back and forth between them. They were just a mess! "Any more calls from your dad?"

Josh shook his head, no.

"Well, we'll hear it if it rings" Kris continued. "Jake's got salmon cooked. Smells great. Come on down and dig in!"

"No thanks....I'm not hungry...." he answered.

Kris stood and moved behind him. "Now, you've got to eat. Your father would skin you if he knew you were moping".

"I'm not fucking moping!" he yelled. Kris took a step back. She hadn't meant to upset him, she was just teasing....

"Don't you understand???" Josh continued. "Dad should be dead! He should be fucking dead!!! He's up there in fucking Anchorage, with no one with him, we don't know what the fuck is going on, and he could still......"

"Josh......Josh please....listen to me..." said Kris, her voice low and calm, trying to quiet him down."We all know how serious this is, and you're right....he's not out of the woods yet... but he's up there to get the right treatment, and we'll find out soon what's going on". She paused to look at the clock on the wall. "He said he'd call back around suppertime, and he will".

"It's all my fault....." said Josh, his voice breaking. "I should have seen it coming.....I knew he wasn't well, and I let him keep smoking and keep drinking those damned red bulls.....I should have told someone......" He was crying, full on sobbing, like Kris had never seen him do before. She took him in her arms and Ssh'd him, telling him over and over that everything would be ok, and that it wasn't his fault. The noise had scared Jake, who had come up the stairs, but stopped at the railing at Kris's insistence. Jake was probably terrified - his father was sick, and now his older brother was falling apart. Kris waved her hand and nodded her head for him to go back downstairs and that everything would be ok.

Finally, after several minutes, Josh began to quiet down, but stayed in Kris's arms. Kris wondered when the last time was that he had ever had someone to comfort him like that. She knew he wasn't close to his mother, and they had always acted so tough with their dad. She figured it had been a long time, probably when he was a child. Pretty soon, he began to yawn. Kris pulled away.

"Come on, why don't you go lay down for a while?" she asked. "I'm sure Jake will put something aside for you".

Josh reluctantly agreed, and began to move towards the stairs, with Kris following him.

"Just don't burn your fingers this time!" she joked.

Josh chuckled as he made his way through the galley. He kept his head down and didn't make eye contact with anyone, especially not Jake. He needed to be strong for Jake, and puffy, red eyes were not the way to do it!

As he entered his room and shut the door, Kris walked over to the table and sat down with the rest of the crew.

"Is he ok?" asked Murray.

Kris nodded, yes. "Yeah, I think so....he feels really guilty, like it's his fault this all happened. I told him it wasn't, and that Phil would be ok, but I don't know if he believes me or not".

"WILL he be ok?" asked Freddie. Everyone knew he was talking about Phil and not Josh.

Kris took a deep breath, willing herself to believe her own words.

"I hope so, Freddie....I hope so..."


	48. Chapter 48

The dishes were just about to be washed when the phone rang up in the wheelhouse. Kris dropped what she was holding, not caring whether or not it broke, and ran up the stairs, grabbing the receiver.

"Hello????" she said, breathless.

There was chuckling on the other end. "Working hard, I see....." said Phil.

Kris panted and flopped down in his chair. "Nope. I didn't even cook today!" she said, smiling.

"Well why are you so out of breath?" he asked.

"Because we were all down in the galley, and the phone rang up here, and I had to run up to get it". She stopped, taking some deep breaths. "There. I'm good now." Phil laughed, and Kris immediately noticed that it didn't send him into a coughing fit.

"You sound a lot better!" she said, excited.

"Yeah well, I feel better........." his voice trailed off as if there was a "but" coming.

"But," Kris asked, not liking the anticipation.

"But what?" Phil asked.

"But.....there must be something else....." she said.

"They said I'll have to stay her for another week" Phil said, matter of factly. "Then......I'll be heading home.....to Seattle...."

Kris let it sink in. "Seattle......." she repeated.

"They've got me on some powerful drugs. Stuff to thin my blood" Phil continued. "One little nick or cut could make me bleed to death".

Kris listened to his words, feeling kind of numb. She was glad that there was some progress made in what his treatment would be, but she couldn't comprehend the idea of him going to Seattle.....

"I asked them when I'd be able to come back to the boat, and the doctor just laughed....."Phil continued. "Apparently I didn't quite understand how bad the situation is....If I was out at sea and something happened to me........I wouldn't want the boys dealing with that...... Kris? you still there?"

"Yeah.....yeah I'm here....." No, something happening at sea wouldn't be very good at all. "So what happens now?"

"Well, Murray's going to have to finish the season" he said. "I'll get you to get him on the phone for me in a minute. You guys will finish up the quota and then head in".

He said it all so bluntly, like it was no big deal. How could he possibly think this was no big deal?!?!?

"What about me?" Kris asked.

Phil laughed again. "You'll be there too". Phil wondered why she would ask that. "Why, you want to quit or something?"

"No....of course not! But I just thought that...."

"What?" he asked.

"That I should maybe come up there with you.....or meet you in Seattle..." Kris replied.

"What about the guys?" Phil asked. "They need you just as much as I do, probably even more.......no wait, that didn't come out right.....I mean....you're a part of the crew, just as much as anyone else. You have a job, and they count on you.....you could come up to see me in Anchorage, though....I have a private room....."

Kris smiled. She could hear the impishness coming back into his voice, something that had been missing since he got sick. She had listened carefully to his explanation about her role on the boat. It was true, she did have a job to do, and the guys relied on her now. But what about Phil? Shouldn't she be with him? Lord knows she wanted to....

"The rest of the season will only run another month, maybe a bit more" Phil said, as if reading her thoughts. "Then everyone will be home..."

"But..." Kris said.

"I don't want you here worrying about me" Phil interrupted. "Because that's what you'd be doing....admit it....."

"Well....." Kris said.

"See? I'll be fine" he answered. "I AM fine. I'll be right as rain before you even get home".

The guys began to file up into the wheelhouse, wondering what the latest was from Phil, and when they saw that Kris wasn't crying, they figured it was good news. Well, better news, anyways...

Kris said her goodbyes to Phil, and made him once again promise to call first thing in the morning. Phil joked that she better be back to work by then, and to stop making Jake cook! She agreed, teasing him sarcastically over the phone, and handed the receiver to Murray. She listened to them talk for a while, and then realized that Josh must still be asleep, so she headed down to wake him up.

She knocked lightly on his door, but got no response. She figured he would want to know if his dad was on the phone, no matter what, so she hesitantly turned the knob, opening the door. She peeked inside, sticking only her head in, and whispered Josh's name. No response, but she could hear him breathing. He must be deep in dreamland. She moved fully into the room and bent down into the bottom bunk. She laid her hand on Josh's shoulder, shaking him slightly.

"Josh....Josh, wake up...." she said, this time louder than a whisper."Your dad's on the phone..."

Josh began to stir, and rolled over quickly to see who was talking to him. "Kris? What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up in a panic.

"Nothing....I just came down to wake you, your dad's on the phone.....he sounds a lot better!" she said.

Josh rubbed his hand over his face, a gesture just like Phil, and swung his legs over the bed. "Oh....thanks" he said, still groggy from his nap. "Man, I was out like a light!"

Kris laughed. "Yeah, you didn't hear me knocking...I had to come on in..."

Josh stood and followed her out into the galley. "Sorry about that, you didn't need to experience the mess that's in there!"

"No worries" she answered. "It's not that bad. It has a certain....appeal to it!"

Josh laughed back. "Well, you're welcome to come in anytime you want then!" As soon as he had the words out, he realized how it sounded, and turned back to her to explain himself, but Jake called from the wheelhouse, telling him to hurry up. Kris simply smiled and nodded for him to go_. Cute kid, feeling like he needed to explain himself._ She smiled as she walked through the galley and back to her bedroom, and in fact, her smile stayed on her face for a while........causing her to wonder why???


	49. Chapter 49

The crew had spent the rest of the evening discussing Phil's progress and the new turn of direction for the boat. They had offloaded days ago, and all the guys were eager to get back out and catch the rest of the quota, especially since they had all talked to Phil and heard him sounding better.

Kris explained what Phil had told her, and between them all, they decided that it would be good for Kris to catch the next plane out to Anchorage and spend the week with Phil. They even suggested she not tell him, and show up as a surprise! Kris was a little worried that it might give him a heart attack or something, but they all assured her that he would love it, especially since he figured she would stay put. Murray was ok with it; too, considering the forecasted ice was calling for a short trip out to retrieve the pots up to the North, and by the time they got back, Kris would be back and ready to set sail again.

It was getting late by the time they all left the table. Kris headed up to the wheelhouse to call the airport about a flight the next morning while the guys went to bed. Murray stayed in the galley, getting himself into the "captain" mode, as he called it. He was going over charts and weather reports, and Kris swore he had already sprouted a few gray hairs just sitting there for a few hours! She admired him, for the fact that he was ready to take over in a moment's notice, and because Phil clearly trusted him with his kid's lives. If anyone else was to be her boss, she was glad it was Murray.

Kris finished booking the flight and headed down to her room to pack her bag. As she piled it all in, she realized that she had forgotten her notebook back up in the wheelhouse, and headed back up to get it. The hallway and the galley were dark now, with everyone having gone to bed in order to be up early to set out to sea. Kris crept quietly up the stairs to the wheelhouse, hoping not to disturb anyone. She grabbed her book and crept back down, when she heard voices coming from Jake and Josh's room. She had to walk by their door on her way to her own room, and she most certainly hadn't intended to stop and listen, but she couldn't help it after she heard her name....

"Do you think it's a good idea for Kris to go to Anchorage?" asked Jake. "I mean, honestly?"

"Yeah, I do" answered Josh. "She's Dad's fiancée, dude, she should be with him".

"Yeah....I guess......" replied Jake."I just hope he doesn't have a heart attack when she shows up. I mean, he's pretty sick and all...."

"Jake, you worry too much...." answered Josh.

_"Listen to the pot call the kettle black"_ thought Kris as she listened....

"......Dad's going to love her coming to see him. It'll probably make him feel 100% better" Josh continued.

"What do you think he sees in her?" asked Jake.

Josh laughed. "What kind of a question is that?!?!?" he said. "You know her, just as much as all of us.....wouldn't you like to be with her?"

"Well....yeah, I guess....." replied Jake.

Kris smiled, knowing that she didn't really fit Jake's idea of a girlfriend.....namely, she wasn't 20.

"Why, would you?" asked Jake.

"Yeah, sure" answered Josh. "I mean, she's funny, she's smart, she's a good cook.........and she's beautiful" he added, quietly.

Kris's eyes went wide. _Wow. She hadn't expected that. She figured that Josh had the same taste_ _as Jake. Looks like he WAS more mature than his brother after all...._

"I just hope Dad gets better soon" Josh added, as though changing the subject. "It'll be weird heading out without him, though."

"Yeah..." replied Jake.

Kris slipped back to her room after that. She quickly finished packing her bag and changed for bed, burrowing under the covers to get comfortable. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face, knowing that she would be seeing Phil in only a few short hours. But she couldn't help but wonder if the smile might be there for another reason..........


	50. Chapter 50

The dream was strange. Beyond strange......but good.....

Kris was standing on the dock, looking out over the ocean with a beautiful sunset on the horizon. It was warm, and she was wearing only a simple dress, the kind like you see on the girls in the beach movies. Her hair was blowing gently in the breeze and everything seemed right with the world. She heard footsteps behind her, coming closer, she turned her head slightly, but didn't look back - she knew who it was. She smiled as he came closer.....she felt his hands on her waist, felt his face against her shoulder, moving up slowly, taking in her scent......she turned to finally face him, smiling up at Josh as he moved closer, taking her in his arms, his face buried in her neck.......he whispered her name as his mouth moved closer to her ear.....Kris......Kris....

"Kris......KRIS!"

Kris's eyes snapped open, and there, standing over her, was Josh. She bolted upright in her bed, nearly hitting his head with hers. Josh moved back, just in time.

"That must have been some dream you were having," he said. "You slept right through your alarm!"

Kris just blinked. _Yeah. It WAS some dream_...........She shook her head, waking herself up. "Oh. What time is it?" she asked, trying to regain some sort of normalcy.

"It's time for you to get up and on the go" answered Josh. "Your flight leaves in an hour and a half". He stopped, looking at her for a moment. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" answered Kris, trying hard to show him that she was. She sat there in bed, looking up at him. Josh nodded, and moved to leave, telling her that he would get her breakfast ready, since she was late getting up, and he left her to get ready.

Kris relaxed when the door closed, and lowered her head. She realized that her covers had slipped down to her waist, and Josh got a fine view of her ratty old bed clothes.

"_Oh God!"_ she thought. Why it was so important to her how she looked, she wasn't sure, but for some reason, it was. She got up and quickly got dressed, double checked her bag to make sure she had everything, and then headed out to the galley. Josh was standing at the stove, flipping her French toast. As she dropped her bag on the floor and sat at the table, she took notice of what he was wearing.......a white tank-top and shorts. She hadn't seen Josh in shorts before. She couldn't help but size up his arms, the muscles moving below his skin as he worked, and his legs.......they were quite nice too. As she was looking them over, they turned around. Well, actually, Josh himself turned around, and Kris was caught.

"What?" asked Josh, looking down at his legs.

Kris snapped her head up. "Huh?" she asked.

"What are you looking at?" he asked again.

Kris opened her mouth like a fish, closing it a few times before coming up with something to say. "I...um....thought I saw something fall...." Lame, but it will do. Hopefully....

Josh looked down and around, but saw nothing. "Oh" he replied. "Well, your breakfast is ready. Do you want maple syrup or honey?"

"Syrup, please" she answered. Josh turned back around to grab a plate from the cupboard, and Kris sighed in relief_. Damn! What had gotten into her??_

Josh brought her breakfast over to her, and after getting her coffee and juice, took up his own and sat by her. He saw her looking, so he offered an explanation.

"I figured I'd wait and eat with you" he said, smiling.

Kris smiled back. She felt a little warm. _Was that a blush? Was she seriously blushing?? She reached up to feel her cheek, pretending to brush her hair back out of her face. She was! Good God, what was going on? _

Breakfast seemed to last forever, but soon it was over and they were heading across the deck and down to the dock. They climbed into the truck and headed off towards the airport. When they reached their destination, Josh grabbed her bags without a word, and followed her into the check in. Kris passed in her ticket, and they two headed to the waiting area for the flight to be called.

"Looks like it's a nice day for flying!" said Josh, squinting out the big windows.

"Yeah" Kris answered. That's all she could come up with. For some reason she was tongue tied.

"Hopefully the winds will be good" he said.

"Yeah" Kris replied. This was so silly!!

They sat in silence for a while, and soon the flight was called over the loud speaker. Josh stood and walked Kris over to the security area where she got in line. Josh walked along with her until he had to turn back.

"Tell Dad we all miss him and love him" he said. "And that he better get better soon!"

"I will" Kris replied.

"And tell him not to worry, that Murray will be fine" Josh added.

"For sure" Kris answered. She was almost up to the gate, and Josh would have to turn back. She turned to him to say goodbye, and when she did he was right in front of her. He opened his arms to give her a hug, and Kris did the same, a bit taken aback, but appreciative all the same.

Josh wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. "Have a good flight" he said as he moved back.

Kris knew she was flushed, and she felt giggly, so she smiled instead of saying anything. Josh turned to go, holding up his hand in a wave, then turned and left. Kris moved through the security checkpoint and out to the second waiting area, all the while feeling those strange feelings. Josh had just been kind to her, it was his nature. He was seeing her off, making sure that she was ok. Kris had been the one acting silly, getting all flustered and feeling more than it was. What on earth had gotten into her??

As she boarded the plane and buckled her seatbelt, Kris faced the thoughts and feeling that were playing on her mind.

It was official.

She had a crush on Josh Harris......


	51. Chapter 51

A crush.

On Josh!

What on earth was going on with her?????

Kris spent the short plane ride wondering what the hell had gotten into her! When had she turned back into a silly school girl crushing on the hot guy who had been nice to her and paid attention to her. Oh Great, now she was calling him hot!

Well, if truth be told, Josh WAS hot, most definitely. Those dark eyes and hair, those muscular arms and chest and abs.....

Kris picked up her flight manual and fanned herself, the plane's cabin feeling suddenly hot. She was confused, and angry at herself. Here she was, on a plane to go see her FIANCE, and she was crushing on his SON! This was beyond messed up! This was Maury Povich material right here!

Before she knew it, the plane was landing, and everyone was scurrying to grab their bags and get off. Kris followed blindly, her mind in a daze as she tried to get herself to snap out of it. She felt her cheek, feeling once again that it was warm. She hoped and prayed Phil wouldn't notice, or he would just think she was coming down with the flu or something....

The cab ride to the hospital was uneventful. She chatted with the driver a bit about what it was like to work on a crab boat and such, but still her mind was busy with the thoughts that had plagued her during the flight. Finally, they reached the big, white building, and Kris found herself getting extremely nervous.

As she gathered her bags and walked to the front door, she thought back to the way Phil had been on the boat - how scared he was, and now he scared he must be knowing that he would sitting the rest of Opies out. She was here to cheer him up and see him one last time before he headed back to Seattle for a few months until she could join him. And that scared her the most.......what was going to happen when she went back to the boat....without Phil.....and where Josh was..........

Kris heard Phil before she saw him. As she approached his room, she heard the unmistakable gravelly voice joking with one of the nurses. She paused outside the door for a moment, then poked her head inside when she heard the nurse tell him she was done with him for the moment. Phil looked up at just that moment and saw her peeking. His face lit up.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Hey, come in!!" He was excited. The best Kris had seen him in a while.

"Hey yourself" she replied, dumping her bags on the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Don't be shy, I won't bite" Phil said, noting her distance from him..."unless you want me too...."

Kris laughed and moved up the bed to lie beside him, Phil's arm coming up around her shoulder holding her close. She looked up into his face and smiled.

"I missed you" she said.

"I missed you, too" Phil answered. "How long are you here for?"

"Four days" answered Kris. "Murray figures we'll be leaving on Saturday". The nerves came back again as she thought about putting out to sea without Phil. He noticed the change of her expression and brought his hand to her chin, lifting her face.

"Hey, don't worry" he said quietly. "You'll be fine without me, I know you will. You're already a pro!"

Kris smiled back at him. He thought he knew the reason she was uneasy, but he really had no idea.....

"So how's everyone doing?" Phil asked. "How are the boys?"

Kris took a breath, keeping herself in check. "Oh, they're good. Everyone's good. Worried about you, of course" she replied. "Josh says to tell you that he loves you and misses you and to get better soon".

Phil smiled. "Is he still worrying about me?" He shook his head. "That kid is a godsend. But he better get his mind back to the important stuff".

"But you're important" answered Kris. "He's been taking care of everything, making sure Jake's not too freaked out or anything". She decided to leave off the part of him taking care of her....

"Well, that's just his nature" answered Phil. "Tell him that I'll be better soon enough, but I gotta make sure I take it easy for a while. Don't wanna chance anything!"

"No, definitely not!" replied Kris.

They spent the rest of the day chatting and laughing in the hospital bed, doctor's and nurses coming and going to check on Phil and update Kris on what's been going on. Soon it got dark, and after eating their wonderful hospital cafeteria supper together, Phil was soon getting drowsy. Kris giggled, thinking how funny it was that a man who could do five days straight without sleeping was getting tired at 8:30pm!

"I'm on a different schedule now, you know!" Phil said, defending his strange new habit.

Kris laughed at him, which only made Phil laugh, and Kris marveled at how it didn't make him end up coughing. She felt so much relief at that, and felt much better about his situation. Finally, when it was becoming evident that Phil wasn't going to be able to keep his eyes open any longer, Kris kissed him goodnight, several times, and headed to her hotel. Phil had insisted she stay at the best one in the city while she was there, and arranged for her to have one those fancy suites! Kris felt just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman as she dropped her bags on the floor and flopped onto the very large bed.

While Phil was most likely in dreamland at this point, Kris was still very much awake. She decided to take a bath in the fancy Jacuzzi tub while listening to the music from the digital channels on the TV. You don't get THAT out on the Bering! It had been a while since she'd had a nice, relaxing bath, and she was going to take full advantage while she was here.

As she ran the water and got herself ready, she began feeling a whole lot better after seeing Phil. She had missed the sparkle in his baby blues, and the deep growl of his voice. She missed his cologne and the strength of his arms as he held her. She just had missed everything about him, and seeing him tonight, even though he was in the hospital, reminded her of how lucky she was to have such a wonderful man. As she slipped into the hot water and lay back in the tub, she wondered when they would have the chance to be 'together' again. She missed that, too.

She thought back to the last time they had been intimate. It had been quick, as they'd been pressed for time and privacy, but it had been good. It was always good with Phil. He knew exactly what to do each and every time. Kris ran her hands down her body, thinking about how he had touched her, moving fast, but still gentle and tender. She moved her hands slowly, stopping on her breasts to caress them and pinch her nipples, just like Phil did to drive her wild.

She moved lower, over her belly, stroking lightly as Phil always did to make her giggle. She parted her legs as her hands moved even lower, gently skimming her fingers over her pussy. She laid her head back on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes, moving her fingers lower, one finger on her clit and the other hand pressing two fingers inside her. She moaned at the contact. She hadn't felt this in a while - too long, if she was honest.

As she rubbed and stroked, her mind flashed with images from the past few weeks and days. She was so worked up, she knew she wouldn't last long, and she didn't want to - she wanted to cum quickly. She needed it. Her mind flip-flopped between the stolen moments with Phil, and the giddy feelings she had felt at the airport, each one bringing her to another level of excitement. She was close.....she wasn't going to last much longer.

As her brain played a game between the two men, it only heightened Kris's senses until she finally couldn't play anymore, and she came hard, her body moving and jerking making the water splash out over the tub. Kris lay still, sinking back down into the hot water as she came down. But while her body felt relaxed and satisfied, Kris herself felt worse.

The last face she saw as she came...............was Josh.


	52. Chapter 52

Kris felt like crying. How could she allow herself to get so turned on by Josh? He was Phil's son, for God's sake! She slipped deeper down into the water, wishing she could forget about him and go back to the way things were and should be. She had to.....her fiancé was lying in a hospital bed, relying on her to be there for him. This was just silly and stupid. She had just been caught up in the emotions of the past few weeks with everything going on, and Josh had been kind to her. That's it. He was a friend. That's all.

Kris got out of the tub and let the water out, wrapping a towel around her body as she walked back to the bed. _'He's my friend'_ she told herself, over and over. _'Nothing more'_. As she slipped into bed, she hoped that it would sink into her brain as she slept, and tomorrow would be better. It just had to be.....

Bright and early, just as he said he would, Phil called her from his bed.

"Morning princess!" he said into the phone.

Kris rubbed her eyes as she flopped back onto her pillow. "Morning" she mumbled.

"Geez, you don't sound very excited to hear my voice" Phil teased.

Kris yawned into the phone. "Sorry......I.......I didn't sleep very well last night...." she said between yawns.

"Oh, bad dreams?" Phil asked.

Kris's eyes snapped open. Shit. She hadn't meant to let onto Phil about her night. That would only make him ask questions....

"No.....no.....just....restless is all.....new bed...." she stammered, hoping it would be enough.

"Oh" answered Phil. "Are you coming to see me?"

Good. He had left it at that. "Of course!" Kris answered. "I'm just going to hop in the shower and grab something to eat on the way".

"Cool" Phil answered. Kris could practically hear him grinning over the phone. She knew he was glad to have her there, which only made her feel even guiltier of her feelings these past few days. But that's over......right?

"I'll see you in a bit" Kris said. "Love you".

"Love you too, princess" Phil answered.

Kris hung up and rolled over. She closed her eyes and repeated the mantra of Josh being "just a friend" over and over in her head, as though it would seal the deal. Finally, she got out of bed and got ready to head to the hospital.

On the way, Kris stopped at the local Harley dealership, hoping to find some little thing to bring to Phil as a get well soon present, but when she entered the shop, she realized that she had no idea what he already had, and what he needed or wanted. She wandered around, checking out all the little gadgets and things until she saw something that she felt would be perfect. Well, actually, it would be perfect for her, which in turn will make Phil love it! She checked out, and headed to the hospital.

"Morning!" she said as she entered Phil's room. He looked up from the newspaper to greet her.

"More like afternoon now" he answered. "Did you get lost?"

Kris smiled. "No, I actually stopped off along the way to get you a little something, but if you don't want it...."

"No, I want a present! Gimme!" Phil replied, dropping the paper on the floor and holding out his hands in a grabby motion.

Kris laughed at Phil, looking like a little kid as he sat there in a hospital gown with his reading glasses on. The site was completely different from the way he looks on the boat! She crossed the floor, swinging the little Harley bag on her finger, making sure he could see the logo.

"Are you sure?" she asked teasingly. "I mean.....I can just as easily bring it back...."

"Quit fooling!" he said, getting annoyed, but playful.

Kris made a leap onto the bed and held the bag away from Phil. "Uh uh" she chastised. "Close your eyes and then reach into the bag".

Phil huffed and puffed, but did as he was told. Kris started laughing again, marveling at how much Phil could be like a child! But when he closed his eyes, Phil placed the bag on his lap and told him to reach in to get his gift.

Phil grabbed the bag and put his hand in, feeling around, and his expression changed from happiness to outright confusion. He pulled the present out and opened his eyes, looking down at the strange thing he was holding. He looked back up at her, still very much confused.

"A thong?" he asked voice barely above a whisper. "You got me a thong?????"

Kris had to laugh at his expression. It was priceless! She laughed hysterically the more he stared at her, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Did you seriously buy me a thong????" he asked again.

When she could finally breathe again, Kris wiped her eyes and attempted to answer him. "It's for me, silly!" she said between breaths. Phil still looked confused.

"Me wearing it is your present!" Kris announced, smiling. Phil finally got the message and smiled wide, his grin soon turning into a laugh.

"Thank God!" he said. "For a moment there I thought you were going to make me wear it!"

"Well, that's an idea, too....." Kris replied.

Phil looked at her with a stern look. "Don't even think about it!" he answered. "I can be kinky but I am NOT wearing a thong!"

Kris got a mental image in her head of Phil wearing one, and again burst out laughing. Phil laughed right along with her as though he could read her mind, and the two ended up lying back down on the bed as they calmed down. Phil wrapped his arms around Kris and held her close.

"God, I'm so glad you're here" he said, kissing her head. "I feel a million percent better already."

"You look it!" replied Kris. "Nurse Kris to the rescue! Although, I wasn't able to help you on the boat....."

"Yes you did" Phil answered. "You kept me going....you kicked my ass when it needed kicking..."

Kris opened her mouth to respond, but Phil stopped her. "And don't think that's going to become a regular occurrence, either!" Kris smiled, knowing that she could definitely take charge when she wanted to, and Phil wouldn't say a damn thing!

"I can't wait for the season to be over" continued Phil, "so you can join me at home".

Kris smiled up at him. "Me too. I'm going to miss you on the boat".

"Aw, you'll be too busy to miss me!" Phil answered. "Murray can be a slave driver when he wants to be, you watch!"

Kris chuckled "You know what I mean!" she said, punching his arm.

"I know" he answered, pulling her close to him again. "But you'll be fine. Murray will keep you busy, and the boys are there in case you need anything".

Yeah, the boys. That's just what she was nervous about!

Pretty soon, the day was gone again, and it was time for Kris to head back to the hotel. She couldn't believe how fast the time had gone as she and Phil had spent the whole afternoon talking and laughing. As she put her coat on, Kris joked with Phil about him turning into an old man with the whole going to bed early thing, to which he responded by throwing the paper at her.

"Hey, how's the hotel, by the way?" Phil asked.

"Oh, it's great" answered Kris. "Very swanky!"

"Good. I made sure they gave you the best suite they had" he replied. "Did you try out the cool tub?"

Kris felt her heart skip a beat at Phil's words. "Yeah....yeah I did" she answered.

"And????" Phil asked after she had stopped.

"And....it was nice" Kris answered. She really hoped that would be enough. She was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to give him anymore details without freaking out.

Phil eyed her strangely. "Ok" he said.

"Ok.....well.....goodnight!" Kris said as she leaned down to kiss him once more before turning to go.

"Kris" Phil called after her, making her stop and turn back around. "Is everything ok?"

Kris smiled and nodded her head. "Yeah, everything's fine" she answered. "I'll see you tomorrow morning". Phil smiled back and held up his hand. Kris turned and left the room, walking up the hall to the elevator.

"_Everything IS fine"_ she thought to herself. "_It has to be...."_


	53. Chapter 53

Who knew four days could fly by so fast? Before she knew it, Kris was on the last day of her time in Anchorage, and her last day with Phil until......well, God only knows! The season could last a long time, or it could be over in a blink. As she made her final trek to the hospital, Kris was hoping and praying it would over quickly so that she could get back to Seattle and be with Phil. And because the least amount of time she spent on the Cornelia Marie without him would mean the least amount of time spent with his son.....

Phil was in a down mood when she walked into his room. He would be leaving in a few days to fly home, pending his final exam from the doctors. Kris was already packed to head back to Dutch, as Murray was heading out the next morning. She dropped her bags by the door as she entered the room.

"Hey" she said, smiling but feeling sad. Kris hated goodbyes.

"Hey yourself" Phil answered, just as gloomy. He held out his hand to her, wanting her to come closer. Kris took it and hopped up onto the bed with him. "I don't want you to go. I think you should quit your job". He smiled down at her.

"Well, I don't know what the boss would think of that!" she teased back.

"I don't think he would like it" answered Phil, playing along with her game.

"Do you think he would be mad?" she asked.

"Oh yes, very mad" he answered.

Kris snuggled closer to him. "What would he do?"

Phil grinned, mischievously. "I think he would punish you...."

Kris shivered at the tone in his voice, the low gravelly sound saying those words doing things to her...."How?" she asked, whispering.

Phil took a deep breath, clearly affected as well by their little game. "I think......he would spank you....."

"Ooh!" Kris squealed. They had done the spanking thing once before, back at Phil's place, and it proved to be something that they liked a LOT! "Is that a promise?" she asked, wiggling her but around.

Phil giggled and pulled her closer about to return with more naughtiness when the nurse came in, making the two jump apart.

"Oh, don't mind me" said the elderly nurse. "You two keep on doing.....whatever it is you were doing...." She waved her hand in the air, gesturing to the obvious closeness of them. "Just don't strain yourself or anything, Mr. Harris". The nurse checked Phil's levels on all the machines and administered another dose of medicine through his IV while Kris sat up on the bed and blushed madly at having been caught. Phil just laughed at her, and chatted up the nurse about everyday things. As soon as she left, Phil turned to Kris, waving his hand towards the door.

"Go shut it" he said.

Kris looked to the door, and then back to Phil. He couldn't mean......no......not here!

"Phil, what do you want me.....?"

"Go shut it!" he said again, interrupting her. "She won't be back for a while. No one will come in".

Kris didn't move, but Phil got impatient and gave her a nudge until she finally got up and did as he asked. She walked back to the bed, wondering what exactly he had in mind. He was in the hospital; he obviously couldn't do much.....

Phil held back the covers and motioned his head for Kris to join him. She giggled at the notion, but jumped in anyways, eyeing Phil to see what he had in mind. It was almost noon! This was just completely silly!

Once she was under the blankets, Phil pulled them up tight over them and turned towards her. He was positively giddy with excitement. He reached down to Kris's jeans, popping the button and lowering the zipper. Kris was too nervous, shocked and excited to say anything, so she let him lead the way.

Phil slipped his hand inside her panties, moving it quickly to her pussy. Kris gasped as she looked up at him, her eyes wide. Phil grinned, moving his hand back and forth causing her to shiver. "God you feel so good" he whispered. "I missed you..."

Kris opened her mouth to respond, but all words were lost when Phil twisted his hand and pushed his fingers inside of her. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, the thought of moaning suddenly seeming like a bad idea in a hospital.....

Phil moved his hips closer to her, letting Kris feel how hard he was. She opened her eyes, looking into his. "Are you ok for this.....I mean....." she asked, unsure of what she should or shouldn't do.

"God yes...." Phil answered. That was all Kris needed to hear. She reached down under the covers, finding Phil's pajama bottoms and quickly slipped her hand inside, grasping his cock. Phil hissed at the feeling and let his head fall back onto the pillow. His hand stilled on her pussy while he simply enjoyed the sensations she was giving him. Kris chuckled to herself, thinking that he must have REALLY missed her!

After a few strokes, Phil came back to the moment and began moving his hand again. He shifted his position so that he and Kris were touching foreheads.

"I'm getting close...." he whispered, his breath coming in pants."Are you?"

"Yeah...." Kris breathed.

"Cum with me...." Phil whispered.

They looked into each other's eyes as they continued to bring the other closer, both encouraging with kisses and nibbles. They kept their eyes open, looking into each other's eyes as finally they both came, stifling their moans and panting hard, not caring at the moment who might walk through the door. When their bodies began to relax, Phil took Kris in his arms and held her tight, smoothing her hair and kissing her head. They lay like that for more than an hour, neither one wanting the moment to end. But all too soon, Kris had to pry herself free and head to the airport.

"Five more minutes..." Phil whined.

"I wish I could..." replied Kris, "but you know I can't. Murray will have my head!"

"Fuck Murray!" answered Phil, knowing that she had to go. He pulled her back to him several times to give her one last kiss, and promised up and down that he would call the boat every chance he got, and let her know how he was doing back at home.

Kris felt like crying. She didn't want to leave him, and she was missing him already. But she held back the tears, staying strong for Phil and not wanting to make him worry about her. Finally, when she absolutely had to go, she gave him one last deep kiss, grabbed her bags, and headed out the door.

The ride to the airport seemed to take much longer than when she had originally arrived. Perhaps it was because she was so sad at leaving Phil. But finally, she was there, and already to board her flight. She thought it strange as she looked out the window, that while the flight to Dutch was only an hour long, the two places seemed worlds apart. As they called her flight, she realized that she hadn't left anyone a note saying what time her flight would be in. Oh well, it was Dutch. Everything was in walking distance.

Her time with Phil had been awesome, especially their little tryst before lunch. She loved him so much, and looking back now, she couldn't believe how crazy she was acting just a few days before. Phil was her man, her fiancé, and he loved her with all of his heart, just as she loved him. She laughed to herself as she boarded the plane, chastising herself for the foolishness of a few days ago.

It was dark when she landed in Dutch Harbor. The flight had been good, but the winds were against them which delayed the flight a bit. As she looked out over the Harbor during the landing, she almost felt a sense of coming home. It would be good to get back into the routine again. Finally, the plane came to a stop and Kris departed, grabbing her bags from the cart outside and headed into the terminal. She looked around, not expecting to see anyone, but there by the front door was a familiar face - Freddie. He waved to her, getting her attention. She smiled, and walked over to greet him.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if anyone knew when I was getting in" she said as he took her bags from her.

"Boss called us and made sure we knew!" answered Freddie. "You know him!"

Kris smiled as she followed him out to the truck. Yeah, it was just like Phil to take care of her like that. And she was glad he did, and that someone came for her.

So why did she feel disappointed that the someone wasn't Josh.......


	54. Chapter 54

"So how was your trip up to the city?" asked Freddie as he pulled the truck out of the parking lot. "How's Phil doing?"

"He's doing a lot better" answered Kris. "I think he's on the mend for sure. He's a little down about heading home and not coming back on the boat, but the time off will be good for him".

"For sure" replied Freddie. As they drove the few streets back to the boat, Freddie filled Kris in on all the latest going-on from the past few days. He talked quickly about the coming storm front, and the short supply of bait that threatened to make Murray bald with worry. Kris laughed, picturing how stressed Murray must be with taking over the helm. Not that the added responsibility was funny for the relief skipper, but that Murray always made it funny with his worried actions!

Finally, the truck pulled onto the dock next to the Cornelia Marie, and Kris sighed as she looked up at its size. After all this time, she still couldn't believe that she worked on her. The feeling she had as they landed was right - she WAS home.

Freddie grabbed her bags and followed her up the ladder onto the deck. As she made her way down into the galley, Kris could smell something extremely good. Rounding the corner, she saw Jake at the stove, carefully finishing up his concoction.

"Mmm, smells good Jake!" Kris said.

Jake turned to look over his shoulder. "Hey, you're back! Yeah, I figured you'd be hungry, so I just threw on a little something."

Kris moved to look over his shoulder at the pasta dish. "A little something?" she asked, teasing. "This looks fabulous!"

"Thanks!" replied Jake as he replaced the cover, keeping it warm.

Freddie came back down the hall, letting Kris know that he had dropped her bags in her room. Kris thanked him, and headed down there herself to try and get most of it put away before Jake got the table ready. She turned on her bedside lamp and pulled the bags up onto the bed, dumping out the contents. One of the first things to hit the bed was her camera. She picked up and turned it on; flipping through the pictures she had taken of her and Phil over the past few days. She sat on the bed, smiling at the little screen, remembering her time with him as though it was ages ago, and sad that it was over so soon.

"How's the old man doing?" asked Josh.

Kris's head snapped up to see him there. He was wearing the tank top and shorts she had seen him in before she left, except now he was wet, his hair dripping. He had just come from the shower.

Kris opened her mouth to answer him, but nothing came out at first. She cleared her throat and tried again. "He's um....he's good. Doing a lot better".

Josh smiled. "Good. See? I told you he'd perk up when he saw you!"

"Yeah..." Kris replied, smiling an awkward smile. She couldn't look at him, standing there all damp. It was impossible to see the little beads of water dripping down........Kris looked down and fiddled with her camera, trying desperately to get herself in check. This was insane!

"So how was your trip?" Josh asked, leaning a little further in on the door frame. "Did you like Anchorage?"

"Yeah.....it was cool....." Kris answered. Again, just like before, the words failing to come.

"What was the hotel like?" he asked. "Dad said he got you some kind of fancy suite".

Kris's thoughts went immediately back to the night in the bathtub, when she had cum hard with Josh's face in front of her. She could feel herself getting flushed, thinking of the rush of sensations that she had felt.

"Ummm.....it was really nice......" she began.

At that moment, Jake called out from the galley that supper was on the table, and Josh turned his head to let him know that they heard him. Kris had never been so grateful to hear Jake's voice, and she immediately stood to head out to eat, thanking God that she didn't have to try and finish that conversation. As she approached the door, Josh stepped aside and held out his arm, motioning for her to go first. Kris took note of the fact that he was being a gentleman, and then silently berated herself for even caring in the first place. They walked to the galley in silence.

By the time they arrived, Murray and Freddie had already taken their places, along with Jake, which meant that Josh and Kris would have to sit next to each other. Again, Kris chastised herself for getting all silly again, and she felt horribly guilty for having these feelings in the first place, especially since just leaving Phil.

"So you ready to head back out?" Murray asked.

Kris chewed her food, pushing her fork around her plate while her mind swirled.

"Kris?" Murray said. "Kris!"

Kris looked up. "Huh?"

Murray smiled. "I said, are you ready to head back out". Kris just stared at him blankly. Murray's smile faded and he looked at her closer. "Are you ok? You were a million miles away just now."

"Oh...yeah....yeah I'm fine...." Kris answered. "Just tired, I guess...." She shrugged it off, hoping the guys would be satisfied with her explanation. They seemed to be, as they left her alone and went back to their conversations. All except Josh. Kris saw him looking at her out of the corner of her eye, but he didn't say anything. Kris felt it best to ignore him, and left it at that.

When supper was over, Freddie insisted on doing the dishes, telling Kris that she could have one more night off, and Kris was grateful to be able to head back to her room. Once inside, she closed the door and finished putting away her things. As she was about to get dressed for bed, there was a knock on her door. Kris opened it to find Josh standing there.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

Kris smiled, and stepped aside, allowing him entry. Right on cue, her heart began to race.

Josh walked in and sat on the edge of her bed. "Is everything ok?" he asked.

Kris put on her best "normal" face. "Yeah....why?"

"You were acting kinda strange at the table........I was just wondering.........if there's something else going on with Dad......"

Kris let out a breath. "No, God no, there's nothing going on" she replied. She felt relieved that he thought that was what was wrong with her. Josh gave her a look as though he wasn't sure if he should believe her.

"I'm telling you the truth" replied Kris. "I know I kept it from you guys before, about the pills, but I swear to you there isn't anything you don't already know".

Josh looked at her for a few more seconds, and then lowered his head, relaxing. Kris could literally see the relief in his body....not that she was looking......

"God, I'm so glad to hear that" Josh said. He looked back up at her. "So.....what's wrong then?"

_Damn._

"I'm just tired......like I said...." Kris answered, hoping that he would leave it at that.

Josh glanced at the clock. "Yeah....I guess you are..." he replied."I'll let you get to bed then." He got up and headed for the door. "Guess its back to normal tomorrow! Goodnight!"

"Yeah...goodnight!" answered Kris, shutting the door behind him. She quickly got changed into her PJ's and climbed into bed. She turned off the lamp and stared out her little porthole window. She knew full well it wouldn't be normal. Normal would be having the love of her life with her. Not his son........


	55. Chapter 55

The next morning was a hard one for Kris. Almost as hard as her first week back during Kings. After only four days off, Kris found it hard to wake up so early and get going. The boat was already a fair ways out when her alarm went off, and even though she had been used to it, the motion threw her for a bit of a loop when she sat up. It took her a moment to get her bearings, but once she did, she quickly got dressed and headed out to the galley to start cooking breakfast.

The routine came back to her right away as she got her ingredients and began to set everything in its place on the stove. Soon enough, she had the place running like the well oiled machine she had built up before, and she was eager for the guys to come in and eat. When they didn't come in at the expected time, Kris wondered what was up and she headed up to the wheelhouse to chat with Murray.

"I gotcha Larry, that's some serious shit" he said into the radio as Kris made her way up the stairs. When he saw her, Murray turned and smiled. Kris moved over to the bench and simply watched the guys down on deck until he was done. Soon, Murray said his goodbyes to Larry and hung up the receiver.

"Morning!" Murray said.

"Good morning" Kris replied. "I've got breakfast on the go downstairs, I was figuring the guys would be in by now...."

"Did you hear about the storm?" Murray asked. Kris shook her head, no. "There's a big arctic front coming down, gonna head right for us by tonight" he continued. "I'm trying to get the gear off as fast as I can. That's why we left so early". He could tell by Kris's expression that she had no idea, so he filled her in. They left before it got light out so as to be out at the grounds and dump the gear before they got caught. Kris must have been in quite a deep sleep to not feel the rocking.

"They guys actually already ate earlier" he explained. "Sorry, I should have left a note for you, but I got kinda distracted with everything..."

"No worries" Kris replied. "I'll just make sandwiches out of it. That'll keep them going for a while!" Kris looked out the window, noting the bigger waves and watching them crash onto the deck. She had only experienced one storm during her time on the boat - the one that sort of started this whole thing for Phil. She wasn't afraid to admit that having another one in the forecast was making her nervous.

"We'll be ok.....right?" she asked Murray.

"Of course" he said. Somehow, when Murray said things, he made it sound so final that Kris knew she could believe him. He looked back down onto the deck. "Another 40 pots and they'll be in for a break. That should take another hour or so".

Kris stood, and headed back downstairs. "I'll have it all ready!" she called.

After she prepared the lunches, Kris used her free time to clean up. It was amazing how much damage a few guys could do in only four days! Then again, it really wasn't that surprising....... She tidied the dishes and the shelves, and put the cupboards back in order. She wasn't anal about by any means, but since it was technically her space, she liked to have it organized her way. Lord knows they guys tried, but no.

Next up was the scattered clothes. Each room had clothes spilling out of it, so Kris quickly picked up what she could and threw it into a neat pile next to their beds. Freddie and Murray's room was first, which she made quick work of, followed by Jake and Josh's room. The boys had similar styles, so it was a bit tricky to tell who owned what, but in the end she got it figured out. She turned to leave when she spotted another sweatshirt half hidden behind the door. She bent to pick it up and as she worked to turn it right side out, she caught the scent of Josh's cologne. Actually, she wasn't sure if it was cologne or not, seeing that most of the guys out here didn't have time for such things, but she knew the shirt was Josh's because it smelled like him. It wasn't offensive or bad, it just......Josh. She held it for a moment, taking in the scent. Within a few moments, she shook herself back to reality and threw it into his pile.

"God, what is WRONG with me!!!" she hissed as she quickly left the room. These feelings were insane, and it was becoming quite a problem for her. A big problem! She headed to the bathroom to clean it, hoping four days of not being cleaned and being used by a bunch of fishermen would help take her mind off this foolishness.

To her surprise, it wasn't looking too bad. No one likes cleaning the bathroom, so Kris made quick work of it, ending with the shower. As she sprayed the walls and stepped inside to wash it down, she was hit with the same scent she had smelled from Josh's shirt a few moments ago. She stopped and looked down, seeing a simple bar of soap in the soap dish. She picked up and smelled it. Sure enough, that was it. But there had been something else on the shirt......something that she could only narrow down to being Josh. As she finished cleaning the shower, she was struck by the thought that, even though it was obvious that all the guys used the same soap, she had only noticed it on Josh.....

By the time she was done, the guys were coming in to grab a coffee and a bite to eat, so Kris headed out to tell them what she had prepared. They apologized for eating breakfast early, but Kris explained that Murray had told her what was on the go, so it was all good. While they ate, the talked about the coming storm. Kris listened to them talking about how the winds had come up fierce in the last hour alone, and she wondered just how bad it was going to get. Before long, the guys were done, and Murray was calling them back out on deck to finish setting the gear. She couldn't help but worry about them, hoping that they got it all done before the storm hit.

"Be careful guys...." she said, following them to the door.

"We will!" Freddie called. Josh lingered for a moment, putting his jacket and gloves on. He could see the worry in her face.

"We'll be fine" he said. "We've been in plenty of storms before".

"I know....but...."

Josh moved over closer to her and smiled. "I promise. We'll be fine" he said. "Murray will pull us in if it gets that bad! He's not about to let us get hurt"

"I know......I just can't help but think about what happened last time we had a storm...." her voice trailed off.

"Yeah, but you can't let it get to you" Josh replied. "That's the kind of stuff that'll make you go crazy."

Kris agreed, nodding.

"I better go, Murray's gonna kick my ass!" said Josh, laughing. He turned and closed the door behind him, heading out to the deck. Kris stood there for a few moments, saying a silent prayer that they would all be ok and that the storm wouldn't be too bad. She stopped her prayer before her mind could form the words of her final thoughts...."that Josh will be inside again..."


	56. Chapter 56

As the sky grew darker, the weather turned dark as well. It must have been blowing close to 80, and the boat was rocking violently in the waves. Kris knew the feeling all too well, and she couldn't help but be afraid with the way things were being tossed around.

The guys were all still out on deck, as they had fished in weather like this before, but mostly because Murray wanted all the gear off in order to make the boat a little more stable and safer in the building seas. Kris hadn't felt seasick in a long time, but the roughness was starting to make her a little queasy. Most likely, it was the anxiousness and worry that was causing the butterflies.

A little before 9pm, Murray finally called the guys in after watching them get tossed around the deck while setting the last of the pots. He made sure they had secured everything to the best of their ability, and told them to come in and get warm. When they walked through the door, they were all completely soaked to the skin. Kris hadn't gone up to the wheelhouse to watch, but she figured the waves must have been coming over the side fast and furious for them to get so wet. She was ready with a pot of coffee on and some snacks on the table. She decided against some sort of supper because it would most likely only end up on the floor anyways.

"Man, that is some kind of fierce!" said Freddie, pulling his Grundens off. "And it's only supposed to get worse!"

"You sound almost excited, man" replied Jake.

"I am!" Freddie answered. The Harris boys shook their heads and laughed. Only Freddie would be excited about a big ass storm!

Kris was holding onto the oven door handle when they came into the galley. They had just taken a rather large wave that tipped the boat over a fair ways. Kris had felt such things before, but never been left hanging over like that for more than a few seconds. She was really starting to get worried. Her death grip was in full force when Josh came up behind her. He looked over her shoulder and down at the oven.

"I don't think it's going to come out of its bracket...." he said, teasing. A little humor never hurt to lighten the mood.

Kris turned to him, her face pale. Josh's smile disappeared. She was truly afraid. "Hey....don't worry..." he said, placing his hands on her shoulders."We've seen rougher than this. Murray's good, he'll make sure nothing happens."

Kris took a deep breath and loosened her grip on the door. She figured the guys were probably thinking that she was a complete wuss for being so scared, but Josh had sounded sincere in trying to make her feel better. He reached past her for the coffee pot, and began pouring it for the guys. He left Kris by the stove to get herself together, and didn't mention a thing to the others. Kris was grateful for that. Lord knows it was hard enough to be a girl out here doing this work, so she certainly didn't need them teasing her, not now.

She finally let go of the oven and joined them at the table. When she crossed the room to sit down, Josh gave her a quick smile, letting her know that he was glad she was feeling a bit better. For a few moments, the conversation was pretty normal, with everyone talking about the big waves and what they would find in the morning after it passed. But suddenly, the boat seemed to lurch up out of the water, only to come down hard, and the alarms and buzzers began going off all around them.

Murray hollered down for someone to head to the engine room to check for flooding. Kris stood aside, holding on for dear life to the wall, even though they were pretty stable. She listened as they relayed messages back and forth - nothing major was wrong, but the last jolt had loosened a pipe and it was spilling water. Murray called Josh up to take the wheel while he went down to weld it closed.

As Josh crossed the galley to head upstairs, he saw Kris standing against the wall, scared to death. He stopped, and moved over to where she was.

"Come on....come up with me" he said, taking her hand. "It'll be better".

Kris let him lead her up, following blindly. She was too scared to speak, and barely able to move on her own. She kept expecting to hear the call to get in the survival suits at any moment.

Once in the wheelhouse, Josh led her to the bench while he took the captain's chair and pulled the boat out of automatic pilot. He laid his hand on the jog stick, and began to steer the boat against the wind so as to keep them upright. Kris watched the waves crashing over the deck, and she was filled with another wave of fear as she thought of the guys being out in that just a short while before.

"It's a bad one" Josh said quietly. Even he seemed a little scared at the way the weather had picked up so fast. Kris nodded in agreement. She couldn't answer - she was too afraid.

The next hour passed in silence in the wheelhouse. Kris didn't dare take her eyes off the window, and neither did Josh. She wondered what Phil would do in this situation, and she figured that he would be doing the exact same thing - just trying to keep them all safe. She knew that he would be immensely proud of Josh right now. She would definitely have to tell him all about it when she called him again.

While the voices kept relaying back to the wheelhouse, Kris felt as though she should be doing more to help. The rocking had died down a bit, or at least she was used to it and wasn't feeling it as much, so she decided to head down and clear away the things that had fallen. If, by chance, the power were to be knocked out, things could get a lot worse if someone tripped over all that stuff. She told Josh her intentions, and she got up to head to the stairs.

Just as she took the first step down, the boat took another huge wave from behind, knocking Kris against the side rail, and onto the floor. The wave knocked out one of the side windows, causing glass to shatter right over her head. The force of it felt like a thousand tiny knives digging into her as she tried to cover her face with her hands. She lay still, waiting for the rain of glass to stop.

Josh called her name as he worked to get the boat stable again. He clicked on the automatic pilot and rushed over to her side, kneeling onto the broken glass.

"Damn! Are you ok?" he asked her.

Kris slowly brought her hands away from her face and looked up at him. "Am I cut?" she asked quietly.

Josh's eyes scanned over her face, noting a few small nicks. "Yeah......a little bit.....nothing big though..." he said, his face pale from fear."Here, let's get you up". He stood and took her hands, pulling her up slowly. "Easy......move slow....."

Kris stood and shook her body to get any loose pieces off. As soon as she did, she felt a searing pain in her chest. She stilled and gasped.

"What?" Josh asked, panicking. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Kris slowly brought her hands up and pulled back the lapel of her sweater. She looked down to see blood - lots of it - covering her shirt. A big piece of the glass must have cut her deep with the force.

"Shit!" Josh yelled upon seeing the blood.

"Josh is everything alright up there?" came Jake's voice over the radio. "Josh? JOSH!"

Josh ran over and picked up the receiver. "Yeah, I'm here.....we took a big one....knocked out one of the windows....Kris was cut"

"Is she alright?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine......" Kris yelled back to the receiver. Josh looked her then hit the button.

"She says she's fine" he said. "You guys alright?"

"We got major water, but Murray's got it under control" answered Jake.

"Alright, keep me posted" said Josh. He put the radio down and got out of the chair, grabbing the medical kit as he walked back over to Kris. She had already taken her sweater off and was trying to figure out how bad the cut was. Josh laid the kit on the bench and sat by her. Kris opened the hole in her shirt a bit more, but couldn't quite see the cut.

"Here, let me..." Josh said, reaching out to grab her shirt. Kris let her hands drop as he took charge, ripping it open a little more. His eyes got wide and Kris began to worry.

"What?" she asked.

"I think you're gonna need some stitches" he said, voice barely above a whisper. "You need to get your shirt off...."

Kris's head came up, looking at him for a moment, before she lowered it again. She tried to pull it off the regular way, but it hurt too much to do it, her arm movement only pulling on the cut. Josh saw her wince in pain, so he shimmied a bit closer and slowly grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up slowly and gently, so as to not jolt her arm.

Finally, he got it off over her head and tossed it on the floor. The wind coming in from the window was making goose bumps all over Kris's skin, but Josh didn't seem to notice the cold. His face was set in determination of getting Kris patched up. As she sat there, Josh turned around to grab some gauze and tape from the kit. He turned back around, using one piece to gently wipe the blood away, and then a second to hold it in place. He switched hands to hold it while he turned back to get another piece, and as he turned, his hand slipped a little lower, almost covering her breast. Kris's breath hitched at the contact, and Josh, hearing the hiss, turned back towards her. She looked at him with wide eyes, and Josh looked down, realizing where his hand had landed. He quickly apologized and moved it back up, turning back towards the kit. He got another piece and covered the cut, taping it in place.

"I can't do stitches....Murray will have to do it when he comes up..." he said, his eyes looking everywhere but at Kris. For some reason, Kris couldn't look at him either. She nodded her understanding, and brought her arms up to cover herself, her body shivering from the cold. Josh saw her, and remembered the window. He stood and pulled his hoodie off, wrapping it around her.

"Sorry..." he said."I wasn't thinking...."

"It's ok..." she answered."Thanks".

Josh looked at her and smiled an awkward smile. Kris did the same. Josh finally moved back over to the chair and called down to the engine room again. Things were getting fixed, and he told Murray that Kris would need some stitches. Murray said they would be up in a little while and for Kris to head down to her room to lie down. Josh relayed the message to Kris, and helped her up and down the stairs.

Once inside her room, Josh helped her to lie down, all the while careful not to aggravate the cut. The blood was still seeping from it, turning the cloth red. As he turned to go, Kris began to take off the hoodie to give back to him. It was still cold in the wheelhouse, and Josh was only wearing that tank top.

"Keep it" he replied, holding up his hand. "I'll be back in a little while."

Kris settled onto her bed, snuggling into the warm sweatshirt. When he was gone, Kris turned her head, taking in its scent. It was sweet and strong....and it was Josh. She knew she would be ok, as long as he was around......


	57. Chapter 57

It was another three hours before Murray finished up in the engine room. He had fixed the majority of the problems, leaving Freddie to finish up and put things back in order. When he finally got to Kris's room, she was still in the same position on her bed, lying on her back staring up at the ceiling, with Josh's hoodie wrapped around her. Murray assessed her injury and set about getting the necessary tools. Kris was nervous - she had only had stitches once before. She fell off her bike as a kid and got a few in her knee. It hadn't been too bad, at least what she could remember of it. She hoped that this time wouldn't be bad either, although, the cut seemed pretty deep and long, meaning she'd need more than a few.

As Murray returned to her room, Kris heard him calling out to Josh from the hallway to come down. He then sent Jake up to take the wheel. Murray came in and sat on her bed, opening the first aid kit and laying it down beside him. Soon enough, Josh came to the open door.

He knocked on the frame. "You called me?"

"Yeah" answered Murray. "Tell me what happened exactly?"

"We took a massive wave, man that thing had some force to it!" replied Josh. "Kris was just about to go down the stairs when the window blew out right by her head. She hit the floor but the shards were just flying. We didn't know until she went to get up that she had that cut..." his voice trailed off as he lifted his hand to point to her chest.

"Is the glass still inside?" asked Murray.

"I don't know" answered Josh. "I didn't check...." Again, his voice got low and he lowered his head, remembering where his hand had ended up when they were in the wheelhouse.

Murray nodded, and turned back to Kris. "Alright, let's check this out then..." He carefully pulled back the hoodie, pushing it out of the way, and peeled back the gauze. Kris hissed as it pulled at her skin, and Murray apologized. He tossed it into the garbage and tried to maneuver himself so he could see it well, but realized that he needed more light.

"Josh, go grab one of the flashlights, will ya?" he asked. Josh left and returned shortly with one of the smaller but brighter ones. "Thanks" said Murray. Josh turned to head back out, but Murray stopped him. "Don't go anywhere; you've got to hold it for me!"

"Oh" answered Josh. He took it, and stood over Kris, shining it down to the spot Murray had directed. He steadied it, and then looked at Kris. She looked up and met his eyes, and immediately they both looked away. Kris had never felt more exposed in her life! Sure, she was still in her bra, but it was definitely a strange feeling to be the center of attention for two men in this way!

"Alright, this might hurt a bit, but I have to make sure the glass is out before we do anything" said Murray. Kris nodded, and braced herself, taking a deep breath. She felt his fingers on the cut, pressing and opening it slightly, and she couldn't help but gasp at the sudden sharp pain. Murray apologized over and over, whispering "sorry". Kris clenched her fists by her side, hoping for some miracle that it would help, when suddenly she felt a hand on hers. She opened her eyes to see that Josh had knelt down, still holding the flashlight in one hand, while using his others to coax hers open and hold it. She smiled at him and laughed.

"Some strong woman I am, huh?" she joked.

"Yup, the strongest" Josh teased back.

After what seemed like hours, Murray was finally done poking and prodding, and declared Kris to be glass-free. She asked him how many stitches she would need, and his answer of "quite a few" did nothing to calm her nerves. She tried to tilt her head to see how bad it was, but couldn't quite get the angle right. She wondered if she would have a permanent scar and how horrible it would look.

"Ok, try to relax" said Murray as she started to get down to work. He shifted his arms and body position several times, but he couldn't seem to get comfortable. He laid one hand against the cut, steadying himself, but before he could do anything, he sighed deeply and leaned back.

"Umm, this isn't going to work..." he said."You're...ummmm....well...I think you're going to have to take your....bra...off..." he continued, gesturing awkwardly.

Kris knew the cut ventured down that way, but she didn't realize it went THAT far. She had kinda gone numb from the pain, not knowing exactly where the cut began and ended. She blinked at Murray. Now this was just plain awkward.

"Umm" she began...

"I mean...you don't HAVE to...but it's hard to get at it to do the stitches all the way....down..." Murray continued.

Kris closed her eyes for a moment, telling herself that she was a grown woman and that Murray was a grown man, and he had seen his fair share of breasts before. Besides, this was medical.

"I should go..." said Josh, quietly.

Kris's eyes snapped open. Oh yeah. Josh was here, too. Now it was REALLY awkward!

"No, don't" Kris said. She had the words out before she even realized she'd said anything! _"Where did THAT come from??"_ she thought.

Josh stayed still from his spot, kneeling on the floor, and released her hand. She began to sit up to take charge of the immensely awkward situation and take her bra off, but it was too painful and too cumbersome a chore. Murray noticed, and helped her to lie back down, instead telling her to raise up a bit as he reached under her and undid the clasp. It came open with a click, and he pulled it over her shoulders, allowing her to relax into the mattress again. Murray moved back into his original position and pulled it all the way off, laying it beside him on the bed.

NOW, Kris had never felt more exposed in her whole life. She stared at the ceiling, listening to the rustle of the bed clothes as Murray got himself positioned and comfortable to start the stitches. She didn't dare look at Josh, who was still holding her hand tightly. Although, she wondered where HE was looking.....

"Josh, can you hand me the alcohol?" asked Murray. Kris felt Josh lean away from her, all the way not letting her hand go. "Thanks" said Murray. "Alright, this is gonna sting..."

Kris hissed at the contact, feeling the sting for everything it was worth. She shut her eyes tight and gritted her teeth. Murray worked as fast as he could, telling her over and over that it wouldn't be long now. After about the twentieth time, she really wanted to hit him for lying! Every pass of the needle sent a spike of pain through her body, causing her to shiver. She knew her nipples must be hard, and it caused her great amounts of humiliation. Her body seemed to be betraying her as she lay there, praying to God to just knock her out for a while. That, or have the floor open up and swallow her whole!

Finally, FINALLY, Murray was on the last stitch. By now, the pain was somewhat bearable, and Kris was feeling a bit better, but not much. As he tied off the last string, Murray placed a new piece of gauze over the cut. He reached back to the kit for the tape, but couldn't find it.

"Shit, I think it's in the other one" he said, remembering. He looked at Josh. "Here, hold this in place while I go get the tape". Josh put the flashlight down and reached up, covering the gauze with his hand. It was warm, but it still sent shivers over Kris's body....She decided to take a risk and look at him. He was looking at her, his expression showing concern over anything else.

"Sorry" he whispered. "Does that hurt?"

"Not too bad..." Kris replied, whispering. Why were they whispering???

Kris looked away, and shivered again, this time from the chill. Josh noticed, and eased his hand out of hers. He stood, and pulled the hoodie around her on both sides, warming her up a little. "There" he said. "How's that?"

"Good.....thanks" answered Kris. Josh moved back to his spot on his knees, and went to take her hand again. Kris laughed.

"You don't have to hold my hand, now, it's all over!" she joked.

Josh smiled, and then blushed. "Yeah, I guess you're right....Umm, Kris?"

"Yeah?" she answered.

"Just so you know......I didn't look.....I mean....I tried not to....but...."

Kris felt a flutter in her stomach, from what she wasn't sure. Josh looked so bashful as he spoke, and so shy....

Kris felt herself blush, too. She was still partially exposed, but now she didn't really seem to mind.... "It's ok..." she whispered. They looked at each other a moment, eyes locking, until Murray came back in breaking the silence.

"Got it!" he said, holding up the surgical tape. Josh removed his hand from the wound, and Murray taped the gauze down good, making sure it wouldn't move.

"There" he said. "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Kris shook her head up and down. "Yes! It was!"

Murray laughed. "Well, it should get better soon. Um, sorry about the whole.....thing..." he said, gesturing to her chest..."Josh and I assure you that it was nothing more than medical...right Josh?"

"Yup" said Josh, staring at Murray and not daring to look back down at Kris. Kris smiled at Murray. He was so professional. She knew all would be well with him in charge.

"Alright then" he said standing. "You get some rest, and we'll see you later on".

"Thanks" replied Kris as they said their goodnights and headed out, closing her door. Kris adjusted herself better in her bed, moving slowly so that she could get under the covers and snuggle up. She turned off the lamp in the process and rolled onto her side so that she could look up to the moonlight from her window. She reached around her shoulder to cover up more, when she grabbed the hoodie. Unable and unwilling to stop herself, she pulled it around in front of her and cuddled it close, dropping her nose into it to smell the distinct scent. As she hugged it into her body, her hand fell onto her breast and she closed her eyes, letting her mind pull her into a dream world, where Josh's hand was there, caressing the pain away. She breathed deep, taking in Josh's scent as she kneaded her breast. The pain was almost gone now, replaced by something else......

But just as quickly as she started, she stopped. Her eyes opening wide. She can't do this! She can't think these things! She's engaged to Josh's father.....this is so wrong.......

But her hand wouldn't stop moving....it was so wrong, but it felt so right.......She couldn't stop it, and right now, she didn't want to stop it.....She rolled slowly onto her back, pausing to think things through a moment.......Her hand slowed, but still didn't completely stop.

"_I'm alone here"_ she thought. _"It's not like I'm cheating...."_

As sketchy as it was, it was enough reasoning for Kris. She pulled the hoodie to her face again, breathing deeply, and closed her eyes to relive the past few hours. She wasn't about to get any sleep anytime soon........


	58. Chapter 58

The images were strong as they came back to Kris. Josh standing over her in the wheelhouse, worried. Josh taking her shirt off slowly. Josh's hand falling to her breast. Josh holding her hand. Josh looking at her exposed breasts and hard nipples.

The last image was doing things to her. Even though she hadn't actually seen him looking, she knew that he had to have seen something. He even admitted that he "tried" not to look, therefore implying that he did. She wondered what he thought, and if it had any reaction to him.

Kris knew what Phil's cock was like, and she wondered if Josh was like his dad. Sometimes, the boy's sweatpants showed more than they should, especially when they were wet, and Kris already knew that Josh was "filled out" more than his brother, but she wondered how much more?

As she brought her other hand up to work on her other breast, she thought about what it would feel like to touch him, how heavy it would feel in her hands, and how hard. Her breathing was coming in pants now, and she was getting tingly all over. She hadn't felt this electric in a long time, and she was hell bent on enjoying it after enduring those stitches. She moved her hands lower, lightly grazing them over her belly. She didn't want to go too low - not yet. The tickling touches made her body jerk and twitch. So much so, that she was starting to feel a twinge of pain again in the cut. She laid back and relaxed bit, moving her hands back to her breasts, but as soon as she moved lower, the pain came back.

She turned on her side to flick on the lamp and get some ibuprofen from her nightstand, but the bottle was empty. She looked around on the floor, but Murray hadn't left any for her to take. God, this was not the time! She desperately wanted to finish her little escapade, and her body was aching for release, but she knew she'd have trouble if she didn't take something first. The orgasm would help relax her muscles, but the pills would actually do medical things. She sighed, knowing her only option was to head out to the galley and grab a few, then head back to bed.

Kris swung her legs over the bed and worked slowly to pull Josh's hoodie over her head. She couldn't resist taking another sniff, which only made her want to lie down and finish the deed, but she resisted and headed for the galley. It was dark as she made her way there, with everyone already in their bunks. She reached up into the cupboard with her good arm, took three pills and swallowed them quickly with a bit of water. She replaced the bottle and turned to head back to her room when she heard a strange sound....

She moved towards the hallway, but the sound disappeared. She turned back towards the wheelhouse. As she got closer to the stairs, she could hear the rustling sound get louder, and what sounded like breathing. She climbed up a few stairs, quietly, and began to feel a shiver as it dawned on her what she was hearing....

She climbed a few more, her heart beating out of her body, until she could peek around the corner. What she saw caused her to lose her breath....

Josh was sitting in the captain's chair, leaned back with one leg up, and his hand on his cock, rubbing small circles. Kris's eyes went wide as the sight sent shocks straight through her body and to her pussy. She didn't blink as she stared at him, his head back, eyes closed, his free arm hanging over the side loosely.

Kris was afraid to breath for fear she would be discovered. She knew she should turn around and go back to bed just as quickly and quietly as she had come up here and leave him in private, but she couldn't. Her body wouldn't move. She wanted to see this....she needed to....

Josh shifted slightly, turning his head in her direction and Kris thought for sure she was caught, but he didn't open his eyes. His knees fell apart wider and he stopped his actions briefly so that he could put his hand inside his pants. As he touched himself, skin on skin, he moaned softly and eased back even more into the chair.

Kris was positive that this was the hottest thing she'd ever seen. Almost as if on its own, her left hand came up to claim its place back on her breast, and her right hand moved down between her legs, cupping and rubbing her pussy. She opened her mouth, wanting to moan so badly, but she didn't dare make a sound.

Josh's breathing got harder and Kris could see his hand moving faster as he got closer. Kris's whole body was on fire, and she began to move her hand in time with his, feeling an almost connection to him. She lowered her head, never taking her eyes off him, to breath in his scent off the hoodie. At that moment, Josh's body began to get tense and she knew he was going to cum. She moved her hand faster and harder, pushing in on her clit, and just as his orgasm hit, she came too, gasping for air at the insanely intense feeling overwhelming her. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the pleasure wash over her and trying to breathe air into her lungs. It was only for a second, but it was forever....In a blink, she opened her eyes again......

...this time, two dark eyes were staring back at her...........


	59. Chapter 59

Kris gasped, her breath catching and holding as she stared into Josh's eyes. Her body stilled, frozen. Time itself seemed to come to a stop.

Josh's eyes and face were unreadable. His mouth was open slightly, as his breathing came back under control. Kris opened her mouth to speak......but what could she possibly say?? Josh didn't move, and didn't say anything either. Feeling as though she would just die at any moment, Kris quickly turned and flew down over the stairs and back to her room. She slammed the door shut and dove onto her bed and under the covers, pulling them up and over her head as though a monster was after her.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God...." was all she kept repeating. As much as she tried, her brain just would not process everything that happened. She knew it was all kinds of wrong - watching Josh in his most personal and intimate moments, staying there KNOWING it was wrong, and worst of all getting herself off while watching! She knew she was going straight to hell, and she knew that Phil would surely kick her to the curb once he found out. But there was something else that was the absolute worst of all.....

.....the fact that it had felt so incredibly good. And the fact that she had never been so turned on in her whole life as she stood there watching Josh pleasure himself. In a far and dark, distant part of her brain, she wished that she hadn't run downstairs, but instead run to him and that they would have continued on together.

But here she was. Shaking like a leaf under her covers while the rest of the boat slept. God only knows what Josh was doing. Kris stayed quiet, wondering and secretly hoping, if he would come downstairs and come to her room. But she heard nothing. Just the pounding of her heart.

The more she lay there, the more her mind raced - _what would happen tomorrow?_ _How_ _was she going to face him as the weeks went on for the rest of the season?_ _Would he tell_ _Phil? What would Phil think of her??_ If only she had just stayed in bed, this whole mess would have been avoided.

But it was oh so good! Just thinking about it, as horribly wrong as it was, was getting her all hot and bothered again. Kris knew she would never get to sleep now, and tomorrow was going to be a bad day. She thought of the rest of the crew _- poor guys, they wouldn't_ _have a sweet clue as to what was going on...._

************************************************************************

Josh had returned to the wheelhouse after helping to get Kris patched up. Life on the boat was definitely different with a girl aboard. He, like the other guys, had had reservations about it at first, but she seemed to fit in well. And when she got together with his dad, well, Josh could see just how much Phil loved her, and how good she was for him. So it was a complete shock to him when he started having......feelings.

It had started innocently enough. He considered her a friend - they were around the same age, into the same things, and they got along really well. He would even go so far as to say that he even got along better with her then with Jake! Josh liked spending time with her, and he was always there if she needed anything.

When Kris had started looking at him out of the corner of her eye, he thought he was seeing things, or that it was all just in his head. Kris had started acting like a school girl with a crush, but Josh just brushed it off, thinking that it was nothing more than coincidence. When he brought her to the airport, though, he began to think there was something to it, and that she really did perhaps have a thing for him. But that couldn't be.....she was engaged to his father!!!

Her getting injured was the so-called icing on the cake. When the glass shattered, all Josh could think about was making sure she was ok. He had already been traumatized once this year with his dad getting sick, and they sure didn't need any other injuries on the boat. Getting her to take off her shirt was purely his first-aid training coming out, and he certainly hadn't planned for his hand to fall where it did. But something happened when he touched her. It was almost like a spark, and for a moment he didn't want to move his hand away.

Down in her room, when Murray was stitching her up, Josh tried really, REALLY hard not to look at her. She knew she had to be somewhat embarrassed, and wanted to give her whatever privacy could be had in that situation, but he couldn't help it. She was right there in front of him, and his eyes couldn't help but to scan her body. He knew it was wrong on so many levels, but that didn't stop his body from reacting. He was glad to get her settled so that he could return to the wheelhouse and take care of things.

Once he settled into the chair, he tried once more to put her out of his mind, but it wouldn't work. He could still feel the spark on his hand, and his arm seemed to move on it's own as he brought that hand down to his cock. He hadn't gotten off in days, and he needed it badly, especially now. But his sweatpants were only getting in the way, so he settled in and dipped his hand inside. That was much better, and before long he could feel that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach, only this time it was stronger as he pictured the nights events over and over, making up his own ending of he wanted it to go.

His body tensed as he came, his hand slowing only slightly, wanting to milk every drop he could. When he started to relax he heard the unmistakable sound of a long sigh of breath, and he knew he wasn't alone. He opened his eyes to find himself looking at the object of his fantasy, who herself had just cum at the same time. After only a second, she opened her eyes and stared into his.

Josh was sure the world would come crashing down around him at any moment. This was wrong. This was beyond wrong! His brain stopped working, yet worked overtime trying to sort it all out. Then, in a flash, before he could say or do anything, she was gone.

Josh blinked, still not moving from his comfortable position. He lay there for another half an hour, until the stickiness couldn't be ignored anymore. As he got up and silently headed downstairs, Josh felt a different feeling in the pit of his stomach. One of guilt and betrayal and worry_. How could he do this to his dad? How could he even be so sick as to do it anyways?? _

And how on earth would he be able to face her tomorrow........


	60. Chapter 60

Kris managed to fall asleep for about an hour, sometime in the wee hours of the morning. It wasn't a restful sleep, though, as her dreams kept bringing her back to the wheelhouse, standing there in the shadows watching Josh jack off. Each time, just as she was about to go to him, she woke up. Looking over at her clock, she knew everyone was still asleep, but she decided to get up anyways and get things on the go.

But she began to rethink her idea after swinging her legs over the bed. Not only was she still in pain from the stitches and from the other cuts and bruises, but getting up meant that, at some point, she would have to see Josh and talk to him. It's not like she could ignore him, as everyone else would wonder what had happened. THAT was a conversation she did NOT want to have.

"Oh yeah.....well....I'm not speaking to Josh because I'm horribly embarrassed at the fact that I snuck up to the wheelhouse and watched him masturbate.....all the while getting myself off....even though I'm engaged to his FATHER!!!!"

Yeah, that would go over real well.

But maybe Josh would just pretend that it didn't happen. In that case, she could do the same. It could be their little secret, so to speak. Kris battled with herself a few more minutes until finally resolving herself to get up and face it. No matter what. She had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that would just not go away until she walked out of her room. She got herself dressed, and headed out.

_"Oh well..."_ she thought, _"at least the storm is over...."_

All was quiet in the galley, with the guys still in bed. As she passed the wheelhouse stairs, she wondered if Josh was still up there on watch, or if he had come back down. She suddenly felt the need to be very quiet. If he was up there, she didn't want him coming down. She set the coffee pot on, and quickly got breakfast ready. The whole time she worked, her mind flashed the images of the night before. She felt her cheeks flushing, and chastised herself to smarten up. She hoped and prayed that Josh would act normally, and that no one would ask her about her color.

Murray was the first one up. He entered the galley with a good morning greeting. Kris smiled back at him, wishing that he hadn't spoken so loudly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good.....good..." she replied.

"You look a little flushed...." he said, pressing his hand to her forehead."Looks like you might have a bit of a fever".

_Damn. Well, there goes the idea of no one noticing. _

"Oh...I'm ok....just tired...." Kris answered.

Murray eyed her, concerned. "Well, maybe you should just head back to bed. I can finish up".

"No, I'll do it" Kris replied, although she was tempted to take him up on his offer and go back to hiding under her covers.

"Ok, well, I want you to go lay down after the guys have eaten, alright?" Murray said, pouring his coffee. "No need to have anyone else getting sick!" He moved over to sit at the table.

"Is Josh still upstairs?" he asked.

Kris froze. Well, that answers her question....sort of.

"I ...I don't know..." she answered, voice a little shaky.

"He didn't come down for coffee?" Murray asked.

"Nope" Kris replied.

"Hmm" Murray mused. "That's odd for him. Unless he fell asleep again." He stood to head upstairs. "God only knows...we could be in Russia by now!!" He laughed that maniacal laugh and disappeared up to the wheelhouse.

Kris could hear muffled voices, but couldn't pick out any words. She wondered what they were talking about, whether or not it was about her. Josh wouldn't do that.....or would he??

One by one, the guys got up and made their way to the galley table. They talked about the storm and asked Kris how she was doing as she served them their breakfast. As they began to dig in, Murray and Josh came down the stairs. Kris stopped in her tracks as she headed back to the stove, locking eyes with Josh. He quickly looked away as Murray wished him goodnight, laughing once again in his slightly crazy way. The other guys said the same as Josh walked by them, waving his hand slightly.

Kris continued on to the stove, her heart beating out of her body. Just seeing him for that split second was doing things to her. She busied herself cleaning up as the boys finished their meal, in an effort to distract herself. As they began to head outside, Murray reiterated his point about her going back to bed for a while, and even walked with her to her room.

"Now, don't worry about us" he said. "There's enough food kicking around for us to grab something, and if you're feeling better around suppertime, well....maybe you can make something...but don't overdo it!"

"I won't" Kris replied, smiling. She was grateful that Murray was as protective as he was. He was a great captain, and she felt safe with him in charge.

"And if you need anything....anything at all....Josh is just up the hall" Murray continued. "He'll be there for a few hours until I get him up to come help".

Kris felt the blush coming again. "Yeah...thanks" she replied. She shut the door and changed into her pajamas. Climbing under the covers, she couldn't help but think of Murray's words. Somehow, she didn't think Murray would quite understand what she needed Josh for..........


	61. Chapter 61

Going back to bed had been just what Kris needed. She was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically, from the night before. Once she saw that the guys were already taking over for her, under Murray's direction, Kris had gone back to her room and slipped easily under the covers. She was still feeling the effects of her injuries, but not enough to prevent her from getting comfortable.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep, and once again her dreams took her back to the wheelhouse. They played as if in slow motion, her eyes watching Josh's actions, taking in every little detail. She felt herself getting more and more excited and just as the feeling was about to hit its peak, she woke up.

She was lying on her side facing the wall, panting as she blinked into the sunlight coming from the window. Her hand automatically moved between her legs as she tried desperately to hang on to that feeling. It had been the most intense feeling she'd ever had from a dream, and she didn't want it to end. But the more she thought about it, the more it slipped away, and finally she rolled over onto her back, sighing and resolving herself to the fact that she would have to work for her release.

But that was too much to deal with right now. She was still extremely tired, and she really needed to get some sleep in order to function later on. Plus, she had to have some sort of strength in order to make her brain figure out a plan on how to deal with Josh. Kris lay staring up at the ceiling, wrestling with her thoughts. This whole thing was not how she imagined Opie season to go. She had thought that Phil would lead them out and catch his quota in no time, and they'd be back on shore by mid March, ready to relax for the summer, traveling around to various meet and greets, and get down to the business of planning their wedding.

So much for that!

_"If only Phil hadn't gotten sick"_ she thought to herself. If he hadn't gotten sick, she would never have been left alone with the guys, never gotten closer to Josh, never developed a crush on him, and never have found herself getting off while thinking of him, and CERTAINLY not while watching him!

But it was no good to blame Phil. She was a grown woman, who made her own decisions. She should have put the stupid crush out of her mind and kept to herself. But how could she, when Josh was so damn hot! God, this was just one huge mess!

Kris was starting to feel a twinge of pain again. She hadn't taken any pills when she got up, so she figured she would head out now and get some, and this time take the bottle back to her room with her. Just getting out of bed was a chore - both from the pain and the weight of her situation. She prayed that Murray would find the crab, a whole shitload of them, and soon so that they could finish their season and be done.

Opening her door, Kris stepped quietly out and headed down the hallway. She poured a glass of water and grabbed the pill bottle, and headed back to her room. Just as she reached her door, the door a few feet up opened and out stepped Josh, dressed only his sweatpants. He rubbed his hand over his face as he yawned, but quickly dropped it when he came face to face with Kris.

Kris froze, as did Josh. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, but was actually only a few seconds. Josh was the first to look away as he dropped his gaze to the floor. Kris did the same, and turned to move into her room.

"Kris....wait..." said Josh, his voice extra quiet.

Kris stopped, but didn't turn around. She waited to see what he would say. Her hands were shaking so much that she thought for sure she would drop everything to the floor. Behind her, she heard Josh moving closer.

"We......we....should talk..." he said, unsure of his words. Again Kris was silent. She didn't know what to say.

"I know I didn't dream it...." Josh said. Kris knew what he meant. After she had opened her eyes and saw him staring back at her, she had fled in a flash.

"No..." was all she could respond with. He hadn't dreamed it.

Josh was silent. Kris couldn't stand it. She wanted him to yell at her, or get mad, or do SOMETHING! Gathering up her courage, she turned around to face him, finding him incredibly close to her.

"I'm sorry...." she began as she turned."I never meant.....I didn't mean...."

Josh looked down to the floor, unable to look in her eyes. Kris gave up trying to form any sensible words. She was sorry for invading his privacy, and sorry for giving in to her feelings, but she just didn't know how to say it. Josh seemed to almost understand. After several moments of awkward silence between them, he raised his eyes slowly.

"So....what happens now?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Kris looked up, wondering the same thing. "I don't know...." she answered. She really didn't know. She loved Phil with all her heart, and she was going to be his wife.....but right now her whole body felt like it was on fire with Josh standing so close to her, and it scared her to think of what she would do if she were given the opportunity.....

Josh kept looking at her as she straightened up to his full height. Kris felt the weight of his stare on her, as though he were looking straight through her into her soul. She wanted to run away, but she also wanted to stay.

"Can I ask you something......"Josh whispered. Kris nodded, yes.

He looked down again, the back up. "Why did you come up?"

Kris swallowed. "I heard a noise...." she replied.

"And you saw me....." he let the sentence finish itself.

"Yes..." breathed Kris, reliving the moment in her head.

"And you stayed........to watch...." continued Josh.

"Yes...." Kris was almost breathless now.

"Why?" he asked. His voice was sincere - not mocking or condescending in any way.

Kris felt her whole body flush, and she took in a deep breath. She looked down to the floor, unable to look Josh in the eye. She knew the answer to his question, but she was afraid to say it out loud, because if she did, it would make it true.....

She felt a hand on her chin, as Josh gently lifted her head up so that she had to meet his gaze. "Why", he asked again.

"Because..........." Kris started, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at the absolute unbelievable situation she was in....."because, I, wanted to......."

She had said it. She had admitted it, and even though it was horrible and wrong, she felt a heavy load lifted off of her shoulders. She felt herself shaking, the water already spilling onto the floor. Josh never took his hand away from her chin. He just simply stared at her, his face unreadable except for the blush. He looked down once more, then back up into her eyes.

"And....was it....worth it?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Kris blinked away the tears she felt coming. Not because she was sad, but because the emotions she was feeling were completely overwhelming her. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

"....yes......."


	62. Chapter 62

..."yes"....

Just saying that one little word changed everything. It changed the weight of the guilt Kris had been feeling into the lightest of air.

It changed her deep, dark feelings of lust for Josh into something real, something finally out in the open.

It changed her feelings for Phil from the deepest love into......something that seemed to be not so important anymore....

And that's what scared her the most. She whispered that word to Josh, to answer his question of whether it was all worth it, and even though she felt the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders, it seemed to settle onto her heart.

Kris hung her head and covered her face with her hands. She began to cry, sobbing hard, at what she had become. While she hadn't actually touched Josh, her thoughts and actions had been more than enough to prove her betrayal to his father.

"Shh" said Josh, bringing his hands up to grasp her arms. He gently pushed her backwards into her room, and shut the door behind them. Kris moved as if in a trance until she backed into the bed and sat down.

"Why are you crying?" asked Josh.

Kris pulled her hands away and looked up at him. _Was he joking? Mocking her? _

"Why???" she asked. "Why??? Because of this! Because of what I've done!!" She hung her head again, the sobs shaking her body. She felt a warm hand on her back, rubbing in small circles.

"What did you do?" Josh asked quietly. He waited for a moment, before answering for her. "You watched me.....no big deal...."

Kris's head shot up again. "No big deal.......I'm engaged to your father, Josh! Your FATHER!!"

Josh took a deep breath and looked away. Kris figured he finally understood, but then he turned back to her and spoke again.

"You didn't touch me.....I didn't touch you......you've done nothing wrong...." he said.

"But you don't know...." Kris started, and quickly stopped herself. Josh turned to face her.

"Don't know what...." he asked his face in confusion.

Kris felt her whole body blush and she buried her head even further behind her hands. _Fuck! She had_ _said way too much._ She felt the warm hand come back, only this time it was grasping her own, pulling it away from her face.

"Don't know what..." Josh repeated. "Tell me..."

Kris took a deep breath in between sobs and raised her head to look at him. She suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to just tell him the truth.

"You don't know........." she started, ".....what I've been....thinking....about you...."

Kris waited for a reaction from Josh. She figured he would ask her what she had been thinking, or that he would laugh at her, but there was nothing. The silence was even worse than a response, and finally she couldn't take it anymore. She looked up at him, and saw him simply looking at her.

"Tell me..." he said quietly. He wasn't mocking. Kris heard something else in his voice. The low, raspy growl amongst his words, so much like his father. She looked into his eyes, which seemed darker. She looked at his mouth, at his lips which looked somehow fuller.

Kris opened her mouth, but only a whisper came out. "I thought of you...."

Josh nodded, encouraging her, wanting to hear more.

"I thought of you......touching me........" she whispered. Kris couldn't take her eyes off of his lips, wondering again what they would feel like against hers.

"What else?" Josh whispered back.

"I thought of........touching you....." Kris whispered. Her tears had stopped, and her heart was racing. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts.

She hadn't noticed, but somehow she and Josh had moved closer together. The warm hand that was on her back was now around her shoulder, pulling her ever so gently closer to him.

Josh's other hand was lying on her leg. As she started into his eyes, it began to gently brush up and down, causing a shiver to run up and down her spine. It was like something she had never felt before. She couldn't look away....and she didn't want to...

Josh lifted his hand from her leg up to her chin. He tipped her head up and leaned closer. He could feel her breath on his face.

"Do you want this?" he asked. Kris simply stared back at him. "Tell me now....I need to know..."

Kris swallowed her mouth much too dry. She took a deep breath and smelled Josh's scent, the one that had captivated her before. As she breathed out, she closed her eyes and tried to regain her thoughts, but her mind only gave her one. She opened them, staring deeply into Josh's again and smiled.

"Yes..."


	63. Chapter 63

"Yes..."

Josh smiled back at her, and leaned forward, kissing her with a force and passion that Kris was sure would kill her. It was raw, and deep and hard, but soft and gentle and passionate all at the same time.

Kris's whole body was vibrating and she loved the feeling. She felt so alive and so loved. When Josh slowly pushed his tongue against her, the feelings multiplied by a thousand and Kris felt as though she'd never come down from this high.

Josh's hands slowly made their way around her, guiding her into him. He moved them up and down her back and sides, wanting desperately to feel more. He shifted a little so to push her back on the bed, where Kris eagerly moved, her hands coming up to Josh's head, cradling them around his neck, all the while never breaking the kiss.

Josh lay on top of her, his hands moving down to the hem of her shirt. He pulled it up a little, revealing her belly, and let his hands move over the soft flesh, simply content to feel a little bit at a time. He remembered how upset she had been, and didn't want to rush her.

Kris shivered at the new contact. She longed for him to just pull the shirt up and off and touch her everywhere he could. It reminded her of the many times she'd had her shirt practically ripped off by Phil when they had to be quick......

_Phil._ Kris's eyes snapped open, and she gasped for air against Josh's mouth. Her hands moved to his chest and she began to push him away. Josh broke the kiss and looked at her, wondering what had happened.

"Get off, Josh....please!" she cried. Josh quickly sat up, wondering if he had hurt her in some way.

"God.... Josh, we can't do this!" Kris yelled. "We just can't!!" She turned to look at Josh. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.......but...."

"Don't" replied Josh, holding his hand up. He slid off the bed and made his way to the door. "Murray's gonna wonder where I am. Gotta get on deck." And with that, he was gone.

Kris flopped down on her bed, wondering what the hell had just happened. _How could it possibly be that she was in love with two men? She had to break the kiss before it went further, and right now, she wanted nothing more than to go after Josh and call him back in there. _

But that was wrong. She was engaged to Phil. She loved Phil. She couldn't do this to him.

But she wanted Josh. She wanted to touch him, and have him touch her.

She opened her eyes and looked up to the window. It was already dark outside. The clock read 7:00pm. The guys would be out all night pulling the pots, and therefore she was done with her work. She pulled back the covers and turned out the light, hoping to get some real sleep.

Tossing and turning to get comfortable, Kris made up her mind of what she had to do._ She couldn't live like this, being torn in two directions. And she couldn't keep dealing with the guilt. Tomorrow morning she would have to do something that she dreaded, but she knew it was neccessary in order to make things right. _

She would have to call Phil.


	64. Chapter 64

Kris tossed and turned the whole night, waking up every few hours. She had gone to bed early, hoping for a somewhat restful sleep, but that didn't happen. In fact, it was far from it.

She dreaded the morning and the moment when she would call Phil back in Seattle, but at the same time she also looked forward to it. Only because it would finally put an end to all this....at least, she hoped it would.

The suns rays woke her bright and early. She turned over, looking at the clock. 7:00am. The good weather meant that Murray most likely still had the boys out on deck, which didn't bother Kris in the least. Josh outside working meant that she wouldn't have to see him before she made her call. Lord knows how quickly things could change in a glance....

Kris got up, got dressed and made her way to the galley. She could see from the mess that the guys had grabbed something quick, most likely a few hours ago, in between strings. She quickly tidied up and headed up to the wheelhouse.

Murray was listening to a weather report as she made her way up the stairs. She stopped at the top, not wanting to disturb him. He saw her and smiled, waving his hand for her to sit down. Kris moved over to the bench and waited for the voice to finish.

"Looks like we're in the clear, at least for the next few days anyways" Murray said, grinning from ear to ear. Kris smiled back, happy for that at least. Murray eyed her, and his grin began to fade.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

Kris shook her head. "Nope, not at all......why?" She hoped it wasn't that obvious.

"You just don't look yourself......you feeling ok?" he asked, looking her up and down. "How's the wound?"

Kris looked down at her chest, then back up. "It's good...healing up well. You'd make a good doctor!" she said, trying her best to lighten things up.

Murray laughed that maniacal laugh, throwing his head back. "Well, I'd certainly be somewhere warmer, that's for sure!"

Kris laughed along with him. When they stopped, she took her chance. "Ummm....I was wondering if I'd be able to use the phone.......to call Phil...."

"Of course" answered Murray. He took down the Sat. phone receiver and handed it her. Kris looked at it, then back to Murray's face.

"Umm....well...I was wondering if I.... could maybe...talk to him in private...." she said, feeling horrible for asking Murray to leave the room.

"Oh" answered Murray. "Well, I can transfer it down to the stateroom if you want".

"You can do that?" replied Kris, feeling better about the situation.

Murray laughed again. "Yup. The wonders of modern technology, huh? You go on down, and I'll get him on the line".

Kris beamed. "Thanks, Mur! I owe ya one!" Murray laughed again as she flew down the stairs, racing to the captain's room, that was now occupied by Murray. Kris felt a little awkward moving Murray's things aside as she got settled on the bed, but never the less, she made herself comfortable and waited for the phone to ring.

Sure enough, after a couple of minutes, the middle receiver rang and she picked it up right away.

"Hello??" she said.

"Hey baby, how's it going?" said Phil.

"Alright, I'm hanging up now" said Murray. Both Kris and Phil said their goodbyes as the phone clicked, and then it was just the two of them.

"Do you miss me?" asked Phil, his voice teasing.

"Yes, oh God yes" answered Kris. "How are you?"

"I'm doing ok. I've got to take this needle thing in my stomach everyday" he answered. "It hurts like a bitch! But it's keeping me alive, so I guess I can put up with it".

"Yes, I guess you can!" Kris said.

"I'd be better if I had a nurse here with me....." Phil said, that teasing tone coming back. "Someone to give me my medicine, feed me chicken soup, give me a sponge bath...."

"Phil!" Kris giggled. "Murray could pick up the phone again any second!"

"So?" replied Phil. "I'm sure he's heard us fucking before, so what's a little dirty talk?"

Kris felt herself blush at his words._ Dear God. She knew that the guys KNEW what they did, but knowing that they HEARD it?_ _She didn't want to think about that. That would mean that Josh may have heard them......_

"Phil......I....." she started, knowing that she had to do what she needed to do.

"Yeah?" Phil answered after waiting a few moments. "What's up?"

Kris had to tell him. She had to get it off her chest, but how was she supposed to say it?

"Kris? You still there?" he asked.

"Yeah...I.....I need to tell you something......" Her heart was pounding out of her chest.

"Ok.......are you ok? Is anything wrong?" he asked. His voice was softer now. Kris could hear the concern.

She took a deep breath, and opened her mouth to begin, when Phil suddenly coughed. It wasn't the same cough he'd had back on the boat, but it was a cough all the same. It ended just as soon as it began, and even though it was nothing serious, Kris realized that she couldn't go through with it. She couldn't tell him that she'd been lusting after his son, and kissed him on her bed, not while Phil was still sick. She couldn't put that stress on him.

"Kris? What's going on??" Phil asked. "What do you have to tell me?"

Kris smiled, even though Phil couldn't see her, and she breathed a deep breath.

"Just that I love you..."

Phil was silent for a moment. When he spoke, he sounded confused.

"Well....I love you too, baby.....is that all you wanted to tell me?" he asked.

"Yeah...." Kris felt sad, for some reason. Even though she should be happy. "I just wanted to call, and hear your voice.." It was hard for her to speak, the lump in her throat threatening to break free at any second.

"I'm glad you did" Phil answered. "I miss you so much".

"I miss you too" Kris whispered. They were both silent for a moment, until Phil spoke again.

"Well, you better get back to work and get off the phone. This is costing me a fortune, you know!" he said, trying to lighten the strange mood that had filled their conversation.

Kris laughed as she wiped her eyes. "Yeah, wouldn't want Murray wondering what we're doing on here so long...."

Phil laughed, and they said their goodbyes, each one saying a few more "I Love You's", then finally hanging up. Kris got up from the bed and returned to the galley. She called up to the wheelhouse to let Murray know she was off the phone, and told him she'd be getting supper ready. Murray answered, and told her the guys would be coming in in another few hours. Kris braced herself for the awkwardness that would no doubt fall on her and Josh, but told herself over and over that this "thing" with him was over - she knew it, and he knew it- and they'd just have to be adults about it. It would be hard, but hopefully they could do it. She looked at the calender hoping that Murray would catch the remaining quota in record time, so that she could go back to her fiance and make things right.

*****************************************************************************

Phil hung up the phone and stared at the receiver for a long time. Something was.....off. Kris had called him from the boat while he was in the hospital, but that was different. He didn't know whether or not he was going to live or die. But this.....this was different. She would NEVER have called him just to tell him that she loved him. Not that he didn't appreciate it.....it was just.....off. Her voice and her tone, right from the start, sounded funny. He looked over to the table, picking up the picture of Kris he had taken back on New Year's Eve. As he looked at her image, her arms around his neck and a big smile on her face, he had a horrible feeling that she was hiding something from him. They had promised each other they wouldn't never hide anything again, but for some reason, it felt like she was re-nigging on her end of the bargain. One question ran through his mind over and over........why?


	65. Chapter 65

Supper, for the most part, was uneventful. The guys were tired, cold and wet, and that made for silence as they sat at the table, wolfing down their meal. Kris had braced herself for the awkwardness that would surely accompany Josh's arrival in the galley, but she got a pleasant surprise. He was too hungry to do anything but sit and eat. Kris found herself relieved, but also worried for him. She silently berated herself - _"No, he's a grown man"_ she thought. _"He's not my concern....." _

Kris opted to not sit with them, instead making herself busy with dessert. She knew that Murray had worked them hard for the past 24 hours, and she thought they deserved a special treat. Too-tall chocolate cake with thick chocolate frosting should do the trick. As always, they whooped and hollered when she placed it on the table, their eyes lighting up despite their condition. Well, everyone's eyes except Josh's. Kris hadn't looked at his. She was afraid of what she might see.

As she crossed the galley to grab the milk, Murray came down the stairs making a B-line for the table.

"Hey Josh, your Dad's on the phone. Old man's got perfect timing! Now I can have cake!" he said, smacking his hands together and rubbing them evily.

Josh picked up his plate and headed up the stairs without saying a word. Kris returned to the table with the milk and the glasses, and noticed that Josh was gone. She placed a glass in his spot, looking around.

"I'll take this one" said Jake, reaching over to grab the glass. "Josh is gone on wheelwatch".

"Oh" replied Kris. She hadn't seen him go, and hadn't heard the conversation. Given the situation, it wouldn't surprise her if Josh had volunteered to go up, just so he wouldn't have to be near her. She should be glad that he was gone, but she wasn't......not really....

Up in the wheelhouse, Josh flopped down into the captain's chair and picked up the receiver.

"Hey Dad, how are you?" he asked.

"Hey buddy, I'm good. How are you doin?" Phil asked. Phil had spent the past four hours staring at the walls in his living room, thinking about his conversation with Kris. Something had felt off to him, and he wondered if things were ok on the boat. Being in his current condition, it wouldn't surprise him if something happened or someone got injured, and they all kept it from him, not wanting him to worry. Well, Kris had caused him the opposite effect. He couldn't stop thinking about her tone, and how it all felt different. She he decided to take matters into his own hands and find out.

"I'm good, tired" Josh answered. He did sound tired. Phil felt a chill when he thought about his boys being out there without him.

"So....how's everything going? Pots coming up full?" Phil asked.

Josh swallowed another bite of cake. "Sometimes....sometimes not".

This was weird. Josh was usually more chatty than this. Between him and Jake, Josh was always animated about stuff, whether it was good or bad. _What the hell was going on??_

"How's everyone else?" Phil asked.

"Good...I guess...." answered Josh.

"You and your brother getting along?" asked Phil.

"Yeah.....why?" replied Josh.

"Just wondering. What about Kris?" Phil asked. "Is she doing ok?"

Silence.

"Josh? You still there man?" Phil said into the phone.

"Yeah....I'm here. She's.....good" he answered.

Phil stopped for a moment. Josh had answered very hesitantly. Maybe there was something wrong with Kris, which would explain why she herself sounded so strange earlier.

"Josh, is something going on?" Phil asked, blurting out his thoughts.

"No, what do you mean?" Josh answered right away. His voice was louder now, words quick. A definite change from earlier.

"Well, I talked to Kris earlier and she..." Phil started.

"You talked to her?" Josh cut in. "About what?"

Phil KNEW there was something going on now. He could hear it in his son's voice.

"She called me actually. Told me she wanted to tell me something...." Phil began.

"Look, dad.....I can explain...." Josh interupted.

"Explain what?" Phil asked. _What was Josh talking about?_

"I didn't mean for it to happen....it just did.....and...."

"Josh, what's going on? Was Kris hurt? Is she ok???" Phil was bordering on frantic, wondering what the hell was going on on his boat.

Josh paused. _His dad thinks she's hurt? She must not have said anything_. "Oh" he said. "what....did she say....on the phone?" _Better to find out for sure. Although, he may have already said too much._

"She just said that she wanted to tell me something, then she stopped, and told me that she loved me" Phil explained. He thought about Josh's words. "Josh, what did you do?"

Josh panicked. Damn! "Nothing Dad....I just.....um.......she got cut. A window blew out. No big deal....."

"Is she alright???" Phil asked.

"Yeah....Murray stitched her up.....she's fine...." Josh answered.

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. "Wait...what did you mean....."

"Nothing.....I gotta go.....Murray's calling us...." Josh said, cutting off his Dad. He felt horrible doing it, but he'd already done enough damage.

"Ok....well, take care of yourself.....and Josh....."

"Yeah?" he answered.

"I love you..." Phil said.

Josh paused for a moment. "I love you too...." and he hung up.

Josh once more flopped back into the chair. _Fuck! What a fucking mess this was!_ He thought for sure Kris had told him everything. But she hadn't. _Why?_ Doesn't matter, Phil already knows something's up. He was always a sly dog like that. Josh hoped that he had somehow either thrown him off, or ended the suspicions all together. What's done is done, and it's over. If only they would land on the crab and finish their quota, they could all get the hell out of here and forget everything.

As he stood and grabbed his plate, Josh sighed. _"That's a whole lot easier said than done"_ he thought to himself.


	66. Chapter 66

Josh returned to the galley with his dishes to find it empty. Everyone was gone to sleep for a while, so he knew that he would have to go back up the wheelhouse and wait for his turn. Not only was he exhausted physically, but emotionally as well. He now understood how his Dad had felt when he'd kept his health secrets from everyone. Of course, his secret was a whole lot worse, at least in his mind.

Kris came back from the bathroom to find Josh rinsing his plate. She stopped in the doorway for a moment, but got herself together quickly and moved into the room. Better to face it head on rather than drag out the weirdness. Josh heard her coming and looked over his shoulder.

"Hi" she said, sheepishly.

"Hi" he answered.

They both stood looking at each other for a moment, neither one knowing what to say. Finally, Kris spoke.

"Look, Josh...I'm....." she began.

Josh shook his head and held up his hand. "Don't.....what's done is done. It's over. It was stupid, and that's it".

Kris felt the sting of his words. She knew it had been wrong, but it definately wasn't stupid. Not to her.... She nodded in agreement, feeling it was the only thing to do in the situation. Josh nodded as well, and headed back to the stairs. He heard her move to the sink behind him, and he stopped after taking a few steps.

"Dad called" he said. Without turning around, he could feel her turn her attention towards him. "I'm not sure why he called......just to chat I guess........"

Kris cleared her throat. "Did you...say anything..."

"No....."Josh answered. "And apparently you didn't either". Josh turned around to face her. "He told me that he'd been talking to you earlier. Asked me what was wrong. Said you sounded different".

Kris felt her whole body go cold. She leaned against the countertop for support. "Oh God....do you think he knows???"

"How would he?" he replied. "Neither of us said anything.....he has no reason to suspect". Josh let his words hang for a moment, then returned to the wheelhouse. Kris stayed in the galley, doing everything she could to occupy herself. It's funny - she could have an open conversation with the person she was trying to avoid, yet she couldn't bring herself to tell the truth to the one she needed.

*****************************************************************************

It was already dark in Seattle before Phil moved from his chair. Ever since his conversation with Josh, he'd had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Something was definately going on with Kris, and it wasn't her injury. _Why had Josh been so defensive?_ Obviously, he hadn't caused the window to blow out. Something else was bothering him.

Phil remembered Josh's words, asking him what Kris had told him on the phone. He seemed awfully interested in what she had said. Almost as though he needed to find out first, before he said anymore.

Phil thought back to Anchorage, the way Kris had been acting. At the time, he thought it was just her worry about his condition, but now.......now he wondered if it was something else. He closed his eyes and replayed their conversations in his head. One thing stuck out to him the most...

He'd asked her how the boys were, and specifically how Josh was. Josh had taken charge when he was sick, and he wanted to know how his boy was doing. Kris had quickly answered that he was fine. Almost a little TOO quick. Thinking back now, she acted as though she wanted to change the conversation before it got started. But worst of all, Phil remembered the blush. The pink colour that covered her cheeks when Phil mentioned his son's name. He felt himself go cold.

_Was something going on between his son and his fiance???_ _Was it going along right under his God_ _damn nose???_ His mind played over the conversations he'd had with both, each time showing him new clues to fuel his theory. It all made sense now. The strange tones, the quick answers, the fact that he was out of the picture back here in Seattle.

Phil felt his blood pressure rise. This could not be happening. He'd finally found the woman of his dreams, the one he'd asked to marry him. And Josh! His son, his best friend! Phil turned to the table beside him and picked up his pill bottle. It had long gone past the hour when he should have taken them. He looked at them for a moment, the hurled the bottle at the wall. It smashed into a million pieces, the tiny white pills falling all over the room. He stood, smashing them under his feet and made his way to the liquor cabinet. The doctors had told him to stay away from alcohol, but fuck them. He grabbed the closest bottle of Jack and popped the top. He downed several big gulps before stopping, stumbling back to his chair and dropping down.

Phil was going against every doctor's order he had been given, and right now, he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, death was a good option right about now. Afterall, with him out of the way, the two love birds could live together happily ever after. What a wonderful fucking fairy tale.......


	67. Chapter 67

The images flashed one after another.....Josh holding Kris close, kissing her.....Kris kissing him back.....Their arms around each other, holding and touching......The sounds of their passion......

Phil's eyes snapped open, his body lurching forward. The sunlight from the window blinded him. He was out of breath and he was shaking all over. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked around the room. A dream. It was a dream! Well, actually, a nightmare....

Phil had gotten completely shit-faced drunk and passed out in his armchair. He remembered wondering at some point if he would even wake up in the morning. He laughed to himself as he realized he had indeed. As he got his bearings and stood to make his way to the bathroom, he remembered everything from the night before, and his heart sank once more. He didn't want to believe it, and he didn't want to think about it, but it was staring him right in the face. Walking into the bright room, he felt a wave of nausea, and just made it to the toilet bowl, throwing up everything that was in his stomach. While it was a horrible, unpleasant feeling, it also made him feel better in more ways than one.

Phil stood, and cleaned himself up, looking in the mirror. He had been jerked around a lot in his life, and he wasn't about to let it happen again. If anyone was going to end this, it would be him. On his terms.

*****************************************************************************

Kris spent most of the afternoon in her bed, reading a book. Actually, she was TRYING to read - instead, her thoughts kept taking her back to Phil and what Josh had said. She knew Phil. Despite what Josh thought, Kris knew that Phil was probably piecing it all together in his head and it worried her to the point of tears. She knew she had been wrong in having these feelings for Josh and for acting on them, but she was also glad that she had stopped in when she did. Phil was her fiance, and he was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She couldn't let it slip away. Not now, not after everything they'd been through.

"Kris! Kris where are you?" called Murray from the galley.

Kris closed her book and hopped off her bed. She opened the door and met him in the hallway.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked.

"Good news!" said Murray, ducking into the bathroom to wash his hands. "We're about four or five days away from catching our quota!" he said, grinning that superwatt grin. "Providing of course, that we stay on the crab" he added.

Kris smiled. "Seriously???"

"Yup!" answered Murray. "I'm going to tell the guys when they come in in about an hour to eat. So don't spoil the surprise!"

Kris nodded, and headed out to the galley to check on the meal. Finally, the season was coming to a close! She would get to see Phil in a week's time!!! She would have to call him and tell him the good news!! For a moment, all the bad stuff from the past few weeks was pushed aside, and she was genuinely happy. She couldn't wait to see the guys' reactions. They were definitely ready for the end as well. Today was shaping up to be a good day.

*****************************************************************************

Murray made his way back to the captain's chair just as the Sat phone rang. He picked it up and found Phil on the other end.

"Hey Phil, man I was just going to call you...." he started. "We should be finished in a few days, home by next week".

"Great" Phil answered. Suddenly, the anger that he felt when he dialed the boat was gone, now that he knew that Kris and Josh would be coming home soon.

"Phil?" Murray said into the receiver. "Phil? You there man?"

"Yeah....I'm here..." Phil replied.

"Did you hear what I said?" Murray asked.

"Yeah, I heard you...." Phil answered.

"Oh....well....you don't sound too excited.....is something wrong?" Murray asked.

"No....no, I'm just tired" answered Phil. "That's great news, man. Call me when you're all done". With that, Phil hung up.

Murray looked at the receiver for a moment, then hung it up. _"That was weird"_ thought Murray. Phil hadn't even said what he had called the boat for, and he hadn't asked to speak to anyone. Murray hoped everything really was ok and that Phil wasn't having any extra health problems going on. He looked at his watch and checked the computer screen. This pot coming over the rail was the last one for the day. He picked up the loud hailer and called the crew.

"Hey guys, this here's the last one, so you can go ahead and turn the hydros off and head inside. I've got an announcement for you....."

On deck the guys cheered and hollered, each of them knowing what the announcement probably was. Yes, today was definitely looking up to be a better day.....


	68. Chapter 68

Kris heard them coming before she saw them. She was just taking the plates down from the cupboard when she heard the unmistakable sound of a bunch of fishermen making their way to the galley. They were all talking excitedly and were all in a good mood, so she figured Murray had already told them. The guys took their spots at the table as Kris brought over her latest creation.

"Pizza!!" shouted Jake. "Damn, I don't think we've ever had pizza on here!"

Freddie took a deep breath. "Mmm, smells good, Kris!"

"Thanks, Freddie" she said. "So Murray couldn't hold out, huh?"

All the guys stopped moving and speaking and turned to look at her. By their reaction, Kris knew she had been wrong, and had instead let the cat out of the bag - sort of.

"What?" they asked. "What do you mean?"

"You couldn't keep it a secret, could you!" Murray said from the bottom of the stairs.

Kris whirled around to face him, sorry for letting it slip, but Murray simply laughed. Clearly, he wasn't too bothered by it and instead went on joking with the guys about his idea of toying with them and not letting them know they would be headed home so soon. Kris listened in, relieved that this secret at least wasn't as big as the other one she was keeping.

"We gotta call Dad, let him know we'll be home soon" said Jake. Kris opened her mouth to offer to make the call, but Murray spoke up first.

"He already knows" he said. "He called the boat this afternoon. Don't know why - I guess he just misses us!" Murray and the guys laughed, but Kris and Josh simply looked at each other.

"Did he say how he was?" asked Josh.

"Just that he was fine...." answered Murray. His expression changed a little, and Josh took notice.

"What.....what is it?" he asked.

Murray shook his head. "I'm sure it's nothing. He said he was just tired".

The look on Josh's face told him that he wasn't giving up, so Murray continued. "He just sounded....different. Just different. I think he was just tired".

"Yeah....yeah I guess so..." answered Josh, looking at Kris. The jovial mood of the evening began to get heavy really quick for the two of them as they ate. The guys finished their pizza and headed off to relax while Josh offered to help Kris with the dishes. When they were alone, Kris put down her cloth and turned to Josh.

"He knows" she said

"No, he doesn't.." Josh replied.

"Yes, he does!" Kris said, cutting him off. "You heard what Murray said....why would he call the boat out of the blue and not ask to speak to anyone?? And Murray said he sounded different.....I'm telling you Josh, he knows. What the hell did you say to him?"

"Nothing!" Josh yelled. He quickly looked around, then back to Kris, lowering his voice. "I didn't say anything. He doesn't know, and that's it. Stop being so damned paranoid!"

Kris gritted her teeth and turned back to the sink. She prayed to God that Josh was telling the truth, and deep down she knew he hadn't said anything. But still, she felt that Phil knew something, and it terrified her. She thought of calling him, but was too afraid of what might happen. She decided that she could wait out the next week and see him face to face. Maybe, just maybe, being with him again would make everything right. It had to....


	69. Chapter 69

The next five days both flew by and moved at a snail's pace. Kris was overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning and work she had to do to get the boat put back together again after their long season, but she was grateful to be so busy as it kept her mind occupied. She only took time away from tidying to cook for the guys, and even then that wasn't much. They were all excited to be finishing up and heading home, so they were quite content to work around the clock, stopping only for quick snacks. Murray finally insisted that they actually take time to eat something real and sleep for a while - after all this time, the last thing he wanted was for someone to make a potentially fatal mistake due to hunger or exhaustion.

It was just after lunch on a Sunday when Murray called everyone, including Kris, to the dry room door. Kris climbed the steps and met the guys up there, huddling under her sweater against the wind.

"This is it, boys....and girl..." Murray said, looking back at Kris and smiling. "This next pot coming up is the last one of the season!"

The guys cheered and high-fived and Kris clapped her hands excitedly. Murray continued to explain the process of pulling and dumping the other two strings while Kris tuned him out. She had heard enough. She was finally heading home, and would finally be able to see and be with Phil again. Hopefully, everything that had happened would be put behind her, and they could finally live out their little fantasy of living happily ever after.

Kris's face must have given away her thoughts. As the guys turned to head back to their spots, one face lingered for a moment, staring at hers. Kris turned and her eyes met Josh's. She couldn't read his expression at first, only that he looked.....somewhat sad. With that, Jake called him back to the moment and he was gone. Kris returned to the galley and continued her cleaning. If she was going home, and was going to be with Phil again, why did she feel a sense of melancholy?

It took another four hours for all the pots to be pulled and stacked. The guys came in and headed straight for their bunks, while Murray set a course for Dutch Harbor. He had told Kris that they would be sleeping for a while, so she had plenty of time to prepare something special. Kris decided on a five-course meal, topped off with a double layer ooey gooey fudge cake. She'd made it once and the guys absolutely devoured it, so she knew they would appreciate it again. She checked on the meal's progress, and headed back to the bathroom to finish cleaning it.

She was knelt in the shower stall when she heard a slight knock. She turned to look over her shoulder and saw Josh standing there.

"Oh, hey, careful of the water" she said, as she stood to leave, thinking that he must need to use the facilities.

Josh held up his hand. "No...You don't have to go". Seeing her expression of confusion and shock, he laughed and further explained himself. "I don't need to go...."

"Oh" answered Kris, sort of relieved. That looked like it was heading somewhere freaky for a second....

Kris settled back down on her knees as Josh stepped into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, and Kris wondered what he was going to say. There were many things he COULD say, but she wondered which direction he would actually go. _Would he be_ _mad at her?_ _Would he pour out his heart_? He moved towards her and leaned against the stall, sighing heavily. He looked at the floor, and then moved his eyes back up to hers.

"So....what happens now?" he asked his voice small and unsure. Kris opened her mouth to answer him, but he continued on, as though he needed to say this and didn't want to be interrupted.

"What happens when we go back home?" he continued. "Do we just pretend that nothing happened? Because, I don't know about you, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about it, about you. And I know it's wrong and it should never have happened, but it did. You can't deny that."

He stopped, and looked at her again. Kris shook her head, no. No, she couldn't deny that it had happened.

"So....what?" Josh asked. "What now?"

Kris didn't know how to respond. In all the scenarios that played out in her head, none of them went like this. Josh wasn't berating her; he was just simply asking a question. He wasn't mad, wasn't upset....he just wanted to know what was happening.

"Josh....I'm engaged to your father" Kris answered quietly.

Josh lowered his head, as though he didn't want to hear it. Kris leaned in, looking up into his face.

"You're right....I can't deny what happened between us, but I also can't deny the fact that it was wrong, and should never have happened. I love your dad; we're going to get married. And you're my friend, my very good friend, you and Jake and all the guys.......we have to get past this. Don't you agree?"

Josh stared at the floor for a long time. Kris didn't speak again, deciding instead to give him time to process what she had said, hoping that he would agree with her. Finally, he sighed again, raised his head and turned towards the door.

"Yeah.....but I don't have to like it...." he said. He opened the door and left. Kris felt the tears before she realized it. She felt horrible for breaking his heart, but even worse....she felt horrible breaking her own.....


	70. Chapter 70

By the time Kris finished the bathroom and got herself cleaned up, it was getting dark outside. The guys were exhausted and she knew they would all still be deep asleep, except perhaps for Josh. But at this moment, she was trying very hard to not think about him.

She tended to the meal, getting everything ready as Murray made his way downstairs.

"Smells great Kris" he said, smiling. "I have to say.....I wasn't too sure about this whole deal of having a girl on the boat, but you've completely changed my mind".

Kris turned towards him, unsure of what to say. She didn't know he had felt that way, and now that she knew, she didn't know how to take it. She'd never had any problems with Murray whatsoever, so she figured she must have won him over early on.

"And I'm glad that you and Phil....you know, clicked!" he said laughing. "You're really good for him. I have no doubt that you're what kept him going when he got sick".

Kris felt the guilt rising again and wished for time to pass quickly so that she could get off the boat and not have to face all of it.

She smiled at Murray, but didn't say anything. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice her discomfort, and instead moved to the rooms to call the guys for supper.

One by one, they made their way out to the table and began to dig into their food. There wasn't much chatter as they chowed down, only a "thanks" and other compliments. As they headed towards dessert, all of them echoed the same sentiment towards Kris that Murray had conveyed, telling Kris how awesome it had been to have her on the boat. All of them, except Josh. He mainly kept quiet, throwing a few looks her way to blend in.

Kris thanked them all, and told them she'd had a great time. Meanwhile, her brain was laughing at her. _"If they only knew!"_ it said, over and over. As soon as it was convenient, Kris stood and began clearing away the dishes, letting the guys relax some more. Right now, she just needed to concentrate on getting home, nothing more.

The exhaustion was still lingering as the guys headed back to their bunks after letting their supper settle, to which Kris was grateful. She could go back to cleaning in peace and not have to worry about keeping up appearances. She was getting tired, though, but needed to stay awake to get the galley and dry room done at least.

She hadn't spent much time in the dry room since she'd been on the boat, since that was up on the deck and it would be constantly dirty all year with the guys coming and going. This would be her first time cleaning it as she was at home during the end of King Crab season, a time she would rather forget. She wondered what sort of cleaners she would need and how bad it would be, so she took everything she could carry up with her.

Stepping inside, Kris let everything drop to the floor as she stood there shocked at what she had to face. She'd been up here earlier in the day when Murray announced they'd be coming home, but now that the guys had removed the top layer of their stuff, she could see that it was an absolute pig sty! She was overwhelmed with where to start first, and finally decided to start in the far corner.

It was a long process, but slowly it got cleaner and cleaner, and after a few hours, it was almost good as new. Kris walked over to the door and stepped out onto the deck to get a breath of fresh air when she heard footsteps. As she turned back to see who was coming, she came face to face with Josh. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Josh looked down and moved past her.

"Can't get away from you, can I?" he muttered under his breath.

"Well...we are on a boat in the middle of the Bering Sea!" Kris answered, sarcastically. Josh whirled around to face her, but turned back again, decided against whatever he was going to say.

"Say it!" Kris yelled. Josh kept his back to her. "SAY IT!" she yelled again, "whatever you've got on your mind. Say it to my face!!" She walked up behind him, about to put her hand on his shoulder to turn him around, when he turned quickly.

"Fine!" He shouted. "I wish you were never on this damn boat! I wish you'd never met my dad, and I wish we'd never met!!"

Kris didn't know what to say. He was acting so differently then he had in the bathroom.

"Everything was fine before!" he continued. "Now it's all fucked up!"

"That's not my fault!" Kris yelled back.

"YES IT IS!!" Josh replied, cutting her off. "You came on here, and ruined everything! I have to lie to my dad, lie to the guys; none of this would have happened if you were somewhere else!"

Kris knew he was speaking the truth, but it still hurt to hear. She wanted to cry, but she was not going to give Josh the satisfaction of seeing her do it. She took a deep breath and turned.

"Well in a few days you'll get your wish..." she said.

Kris took a few steps when Josh grabbed her arm. She whirled around ready to slap him, but instead he grabbed her with both hands and kissed her. It was hard, and fierce, and rough, but it was deep and passionate and full of love.

Kris let him have his way, feeling his tongue moving into her mouth. She wanted to stop him, but her body wouldn't listen to her. It felt too good.

Josh backed her up towards the dry room and he pushed her inside, moving back until her knees hit the old couch and she flopped down. Josh went down with her, never once breaking the kiss. The ocean waves and the wind were all around them; coming in through the open door, but neither one seemed to care.

Josh hands trailed their way slowly up her body from her hips, stopping in her hair. He pulled her head back slightly, breaking the kiss for a moment. Kris opened her eyes, her chest heaving and looked up at him.

Josh was staring down at her, his breath panting against her face. "Tell me you want this...."

Kris had heard him say those words before, and she had answered him with a "yes". But she had also stopped him. She looked up at him and nodded her head. Yes, she wanted this.

Josh stared back at her for a moment. "Tell me......say it.....and MEAN it this time....."

He wasn't forceful, or pushing her....he just wanted to know for sure. And right now, Kris DID want this. She loved the way he loved her, she loved the feel of his hands on her, and she wanted more, needed more...

She pulled his head back down to hers and kissed him, this time pushing her tongue into his mouth. She pulled away and whispered in his ear....

"Yes.....please....."


	71. Chapter 71

"Yes....please..."

Josh had waited for what seemed like forever to hear those words. He moved his mouth back to Kris's and kissed her again, never wanting to let go. His hands moved back down to her waist, grabbing the hem of her shirt. He pulled it up over her breasts. Kris broke the kiss so he could get it over her head. She lay back down, and Josh simply looked down at her, moving his eyes over her body, his hand following its path.

He gently brushed his hand over her belly, then around to her back to unhook her bra. It opened easily, and he pulled it off, tossing it to the floor with her shirt. Kris felt the cold air and it sent shivers over her body, making her nipples hard. Josh leaned forward and took one of them into his mouth. Kris let her head fall back, feeling the jolt of electricity through her whole body.

The bandage was still covering her wound from the glass, and while he sucked, Josh gently removed it with his hand. It had healed well, and as he ran his thumb over it, he looked up into her face, smiling, remembering the night she'd gotten the stitches. Kris smiled back, reliving the same memory.

Josh looked back down and moved his lips to the scar, kissing it softly and lightly running his tongue up and down. Kris's body jerked, but not from pain. She had never experienced something so intimate like that. She wanted him to do that to every part of her body.

As though reading her mind, Josh soon began to move lower, stopping at her waist again to undo her jeans. Kris knew this was it - the point at which there was no turning back, but the truth was, she didn't want to. Right now, in this moment, this was all she wanted to do - right or wrong.

Josh pulled them down slowly, leaving her in just her panties. He tossed them onto the floor, and moved himself over her so that he was kneeling across her legs. He gently laid his hands just above her knees and moved them up slowly, making her shiver and breathe harder with every inch. He finally reached her pussy, and rubbed his thumb over the spot, making Kris moan. She bit her lip to keep quiet, and Josh smiled. He pressed harder over her clit, and this time she couldn't help but squeal a little. She began to writhe around, anxious for him to touch her skin. 'Please...." she whispered. "Please....."

Josh moved his head down, kissing her belly button, and trailing his kisses lower, pushing her panties down as he went. Finally, he pulled them off and parted her legs. Kris took a deep breath, knowing what was coming next. Josh settled onto his stomach and licked gently along her pussy. Kris gasped and arched her back, her knees shaking and threatening to close around his head.

Josh held her open and began licking and sucking as hard as he could, not wanting her to wait any longer. Kris tossed her head from side to side, overwhelmed at the feelings racing through her body. She felt as though she would cum at any moment, but Josh was doing everything right to keep it at bay.

She wanted to feel him inside of her and she reached down with her hands to try and move him away, to tell him what she wanted, but he didn't move. Kris was beyond frustrated, and her voice spoke before she had meant it to.

"Fuck me!" she yelled. Josh stopped, and looked up at her, grinning. He somehow wasn't expecting to hear that coming from her, but he definitely liked it.

Again, not wanting her to wait, he quickly kicked his own jeans and boxers off, and moved up her body. He was already rock hard, and wasted no time in getting into position. He stopped before he entered her, and looked down into her face once more, his eyes questioning.

"Please Josh..." Kris said, before he even spoke a word." Please......I love you..."

Her words surprised her, as well as Josh. But to Josh, it was all he needed to hear. He leaned down, kissing her, and pushed his cock all the way inside of her. Kris moaned into his mouth as he began to move, faster and faster, fucking her just as she'd asked him to. Her breath felt as though it would leave her body, but Kris didn't care. Everything felt so very right in every aspect.

Her orgasm was quick, followed closely by another, then another. Josh was doing everything she'd ever dreamed of, and she never wanted it to end. Her body was moving on its own, jerking and twitching, while her mouth made sounds she didn't know she was capable of making. She didn't think once of the other guys on the boat, of being caught, or even of Phil. This moment, was the most amazingly perfect thing that had ever happened to her.

Josh was quite content to keep her cumming all night, but he couldn't hold out forever, and soon he felt the feeling growing in his belly. Kris felt his body tighten, and even though she couldn't do much, she found the strength to hold him close and lift her head to look in his eyes while he pumped hard and fast, cumming deep inside of her. She felt the hot liquid as he came, and held him close as he collapsed on top of her. Since the unfortunate episode last season, Kris had wisened up and gotten herself on the pill, so she wasn't worried about the consequences. She knew Josh was a good man - he was safe and she trusted him.

They lay together for a while, until Kris heard Josh begin to snore. She knew they couldn't stay like this, as much as she wanted to, so she nudged him gently. Josh rolled to his side and looked at her.

"We have to get up" she said, quietly.

"I know" he answered. They looked at each other for another moment, and then both got up, silently, and got dressed. Kris gathered up her things and started to head for the door, when Josh stopped her again.

"I know......I know this doesn't change anything........" he said. "I know you're going to marry my dad....but...I just......I...needed......"

Kris took a few steps over to him and shushed him by kissing him lightly.

"I did too, Josh....I did too...."


	72. Chapter 72

Different. That's how Kris would describe her last few days on the boat. Everything was different. Everyone was happy to be headed home, the hours were passing quickly as they did their work, and even the tension with Josh had completely vanished. When they sat together for meals now, there was small talk and laughter. No more sideways glances and dead silence.

Kris believed that the happy peace came as a result of them "getting it out of their systems". Josh understood that Kris was still going to marry his father, and they both understood that no one would ever know about what had happened. It had been wonderful and amazing and exactly what they both needed. Secretly, Kris found herself hoping that she could feel that intense again with Phil, and on her last night on the boat, under the darkness of her covers, she found herself wondering if she would ever feel it again with Josh.....

Finally the morning to fly home was here! Freddie was the first one to say his goodbyes as he lived in Dutch and had nowhere to travel, only up the road to his house. He got to see his wife all the time, but he was still eager to go home and stay there!

Jake was supposed to bring the boat back to Seattle with Murray, but since the season went a little late, he needed to get home quickly to attend a friend's wedding, so he opted to fly with Kris, leaving Josh to take the longer ride home on the boat. Kris could see that he was disappointed, but he laughed it off. As long as Murray didn't make him work during the trip, it was all good. Besides, they wouldn't be THAT far behind...

Kris finished lugging her bags up to the deck and Jake piled them in the truck. She gave a quick hug to Murray and Josh before climbing down the ladder.

"Just think" said Murray, "the next time you climb aboard you'll be Mrs. Harris!"

Kris's heart stopped for a moment. Hearing him say those words hit her particularly hard. She and Phil had talked about getting married that summer, when he was feeling better and everyone would be home to attend. She actually hadn't thought about actually doing it in a while, what with everything going on. Now Murray had brought it front and center.

"Yeah..." she said, "yeah..." She couldn't think of anything else to say. A quick glance to Josh saw him lower his head and a deep blush fill his cheeks. Kris turned and headed to the truck, waving once more before climbing in.

"You all set?" asked Jake.

"Yup" she answered. "Let's go home".

Jake smiled and put the truck in gear, heading off towards the airport.

"Hmm" grunted Murray, still standing in the same spot at the railing.

"What?" asked Josh

Murray turned to look at him, opening his mouth to speak, and then closing it again. He turned and headed back to the wheelhouse door.

"Nothing..." he muttered."Nothing..."


	73. Chapter 73

Phil had been up since 6am. He couldn't sleep. Ever since Murray had called the day before with the flight times for Jake and Kris. He tried to sound happy and excited on the phone, but that was no easy feat when you suspect that your fiancée is fucking your son.

He'd been sitting in the living room, flipping through the channels for three hours when the phone rang.

"Hello?" he said, gruffly into the receiver.

"Hey Phil, it's me" said Murray.

"Oh....hey..." he said. _Damn, time to act again..._

"Just wanted to let you know that Kris and Jake are on their way. Their plane just flew over the boat" Murray said.

"Great" answered Phil. There was silence. What more could he say?

"Phil? You ok man?" Murray asked.

"Yup. Why?" Phil answered.

"You just sound.....different. Sounded different yesterday when I called, too. Is something going on? Are you ok? Is there news from the doctors...?"

"No, no I'm fine" Phil answered. Murray was a smart guy - he knew something was up. "I guess I'm just tired and irritable from all these pills, man. They said that was one of the side effects. That and not sleeping. Sorry". Phil hoped his bullshit excuse would work.

"Oh...ok" said Murray. "Well, hopefully you'll feel better soon. Kris is coming, so that should do the trick!"

Phil laughed. He couldn't help it, since it was so utterly ironic and would actually cause the opposite effect. "Yeah, that should help me for sure!"

They hung up with a few more instructions on end of the season stuff, and Phil once again settled into his chair. He glanced at the clock. He had another three hours before he had to meet them at the airport, and he needed to figure out how he was going to handle it. Should he confront her right then and there, should he play the cold heartless bastard, or should he pretend all was well, letting her think it was all ok, and then catch her later on?

Of course, there might not actually be anything going on at all, and it's just all in his head! No one had actually SAID anything, but it what they DIDN'T say. No, there had to be SOMETHING going on, and Phil was determined to find out what it was. As he got up to get ready and head to town, he smiled as he decided on option three - he was going to give her a homecoming like she's never had before!!


	74. Chapter 74

"Dear God, this is the longest plane ride in the history of the world!!" said Jake, grabbing his arm rest for dear life.

Kris chuckled to herself. Jake was a daredevil - he had broken so many bones doing dumb-ass things that she thought it was hilarious for him to be afraid of turbulence! But here he was, holding on for all it was worth.

Their descent into Seattle had been very bumpy, and had taken longer than usual due to the winds. It was quite tense for a while, and even Kris herself got a little spooked, but finally the wheels touched down and they were home.

Kris felt so relieved and excited all at the same time. Relieved to be home and off for the next six months, and excited to see Phil again. But part of her was also a little worried, though not as much as she was before. She was worried that Phil might suspect what had happened, but the more she convinced herself otherwise, the more it stuck and she decided that there was no way he could possibly know that anything had happened.

Right now, she was excited to see how he was doing. When she left him in Anchorage, he had looked weak and pale, and she hoped he was back to his old self.

Getting off the plane seemed to take FOREVER, but finally she and Jake made their way through the winding corridors and down the escalator where family and friends were waiting. She glanced through the crowd but couldn't find Phil anywhere.

"Do you see him?" she asked

Jake shook his head. "Not yet. Maybe he's not coming". Kris knew he was joking, but still, the possibility crossed her mind.

They got to the bottom and headed over to the baggage claim; all the while Kris kept looking around but didn't see Phil. Her heart was beginning to sink and she felt the horrible feeling creeping over her when suddenly a pair of hands covered her eyes.

"Guess who?" said the low, gravelly voice that still sent shivers through her body.

Kris hands flew up over his, and she turned to face him, her eyes bright and her smile a mile wide. "Phil!"

She threw her arms around him and covered his mouth with hers. Phil kissed her back, with as much passion as he could muster, and quickly moved his hands to her hips, gently pushing her back from him.

When they separated, Kris looked at him, confused and somewhat frightened. Phil took note of her expression.

"Wait til we get home....too many people here..." he whispered, smiling and winking at her.

Kris nodded, and sighed heavily. She watched as Phil took her bags from the belt and loaded them onto the cart.

"How are you?" she asked. "You look so much better!"

"I'm good.....especially now that you're here..." he replied. Kris lit up again, and her worry began to melt away. Phil made sure that Jake was ready to go, and they headed out to the truck, Phil looping his arm around Kris's waist the whole way.

After dropping Jake off, the ride back to the house was filled with Kris filling Phil in on everything that had happened during the course of the season. She told him about the disagreements and firing on the Time Bandit and about Jake's sister on the Northwestern. Phil listened to every word, grateful for not having to start a conversation himself. The truth was, he wasn't sure he'd made the right decision to go about it like this, pretending everything was fine. He felt such anger towards her, but he also still loved her with all his heart. He just needed to know the truth...

"....don't you think so? Phil??" Kris asked.

"Huh?" Phil replied, not hearing what she had said.

"I said, it's been a good season.....don't' you think?" she repeated.

"Yeah.....sounds like you had a good time" He turned to look at her. "Did you? Have a good time?"

Kris looked at him, and then looked back out of the windshield. "Yeah....it was great. Not the same without you, though..."

"And I trust the boys treated you well...." Now this was just dirty play on Phil's part.

Kris's head whipped back to look at Phil. "Yes, of course....we got along great...."

Phil smiled. "Good. Hey, you must be hungry....you wanna head to that little Italian place up the coast?"

Kris smiled. "Sure! I'd love to!" She reached across the seat and took Phil's hand in hers.

"I love you...." she said.

Phil turned to look at her, and then brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing it. "I love you too."

Kris smiled back at him, and relaxed more into the seat, feeling relieved that everything was back to normal.

If only it were true......


	75. Chapter 75

Dinner had been......uneventful. Phil drove them to the little Italian place, just like he'd said, and the whole way there Kris wondered if he had something planned. She wasn't sure what......perhaps one of the waiters singing, or a little gift brought out on a silver tray. She knew it was something straight out of the movies, but Phil had been looking at her with a little glint in his eye, and he had been quick to suggest the place, so maybe something WOULD happen....

But so far, forty-five minutes in, there was nothing. Their food came as they made small talk, Phil filling Kris in on everything going on with this medical stuff. Kris found herself getting a wee bit bored, and she felt guilty. She had waited all season to finally come home and be with her man, and here she was wishing for more excitement!

"So....that's the gist of it. I still have to take it easy, but I'm pretty much out of the woods" he said, drinking down the last of his wine. Phil wasn't supposed to be drinking alcohol with the kind of meds he was on, but he assured Kris that he would be fine.

"Well, that's good to know. I feel a whole lot better now" she replied.

"Oh? So you, uh, were worried about me then?" Phil asked, putting his glass down, but not taking his eyes off of it.

Kris's expression changed to confusion. "Of course I was worried" she said. "I still am..."

Phil looked up at her, his expression unreadable, but then he broke into a grin. "Good to know someone's worried...."

"What do you mean?" Kris asked. "You know the boys were nervous wrecks! They tried hard to not show it, but I could tell..."

Phil looked down again, then back up. He laughed to himself. "Yeah, I guess you got to know them pretty well....being stuck on the boat and all...."

Kris felt her heart rate speed up hearing his words. _Oh, she got to know them alright. Well, Josh anyways. But there's no way Phil could know....._

"Come on...let's get home" Phil said suddenly, standing and grabbing the bill. He winked at her, and headed to the counter. Kris willed herself to calm down as she grabbed her bag and followed.

Outside, Phil threw his arm around her shoulders as they walked to the truck, and walked her right to her door. He opened it for her to climb in, but as she took a step up, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, kissing her hard, his tongue moving all around her mouth.

Kris was startled by the action, especially after what he had said inside, and she didn't respond right away. Feeling that, Phil pulled back and eyed her cautiously.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"N-n-nothing..." Kris panted. "You just surprised me that's all". She stepped back down from the truck and stood face to face with Phil properly, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again. This time, it was her who broke it, smiling.

"There...that's better..." she said, leaning in again for a quick peck.

"Much" said Phil, with a sly grin. He helped her in, and then headed around to his own side. He was sure now. The first kiss said it all. Now he was sure he'd made the right decision, and he wondered how long it would take for her to tell him everything.......


	76. Chapter 76

Walking into the house after being away so long felt so good to Kris. While she was at sea, she had dreamt about coming home and settling down with Phil. Feeling the warmth as she walked through the door was just a bonus. She'd been away so long, in such a cold place that she was pretty sure she wouldn't get warm anymore, but it didn't take her long to ditch her coat and boots.

She moved slowly from room to room, seeing if anything was different from when she had left. Everything was the same. The fact that SHE was different wasn't lost on her, though. As she left the living room and headed to the kitchen, she thought about how her life was going to change, being married to Phil. This was going to be HER house now, too. No one had talked about her coming back to the boat in the fall for Kings again, so she wondered if she'd be sitting here all winter, waiting for Phil to come home.

"Your bags are all upstairs" said Phil, coming into the room. "Why don't you head up and get them unpacked, before you fall asleep."

"Yeah, I should do that" Kris answered. She walked past Phil and up the stairs as he watched her. Just as she disappeared from view, the phone rang.

"Hello?" said Phil, picking it up and sitting in his armchair.

"Hey dad.....you there??" said Josh, his voice cracking.

"Josh? Is that you?" answered Phil. _Wow. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Just the son he DIDN'T want to talk to...._

"Yeah....just wanted to let you know we're heading into Kodiak for the night. There's a storm coming and Murray wants to play it safe" said Josh.

"Ok. Good call" Phil replied. He decided to play his game a little more on this end of things. "Kris and Jake got in this afternoon"

There was silence for a moment. "That's good......they have a good flight?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, I think so. God Josh, it's so good to see her. Your brother, too, of course, but I really missed her." Phil said.

Again, silence. "I know....hey, I gotta go tie down some shit for Murray......I'll talk to you again soon...."

Phil said goodbye and hung up the phone. Well, that certainly ended quickly....just as he suspected it would. He looked up towards the stairs_. How could they do this to him?? How could he have been so stupid as to think it wouldn't have happened??_ He should have made Kris stay with him and come home with him.....then he wouldn't be in this position.

But as bad as it all was, the worst part to Phil was the fact that the two people he loved were lying to him. And Phil HATED liars! One of them was going to tell him what happened. He was going to get it out of them no matter what it took.

He got up and headed up the stairs. Phil knew he should just confront her, and ask her what went on, but he couldn't. Perhaps, deep down, he really didn't want to know. But right now, this little plan he'd concocted was much better. He kept remembering those old, famous words...

...revenge is sweet.....


	77. Chapter 77

Kris was unpacking, unfolding and re-folding when Phil came silently into the room. She hadn't heard him until he spoke, making her jump.

"That's cute....you get that in Dutch?" he said, referring to the T-shirt she was holding.

Kris jumped and spun around. "Damn Phil, you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry" Phil said, moving from the door frame and into the room. "I thought you heard me". He moved to the bed where Kris was standing, and wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you.....I really, really missed you".

"I missed you, too" Kris answered. Phil turned her around in his arms and kissed her, gently this time. She kissed him back, and soon he was backing her towards the bed. The back of her knees hit, and she fell down onto the piles of clothing, breaking apart from Phil. He smiled down at her, that glint in his eye again, and began to crawl down over her, making her lean back.

Kris reached up and placed her hand against his chest, stopping him. "Are you sure you're ok for this?" she asked.

"Of course" Phil answered. "Are you?"

Kris smiled. "Of course" she replied, echoing him. Kris scooted up the bed, allowing Phil to lay on top of her. He kissed her again, while working to get her top off. Kris obliged him by sitting up and pulling it off, along with her bra. She lay back down and Phil moved his eyes over her body.

"God...I missed this...missed you..." he said. He tried hard to sound sincere, but in reality, he was feeling a bit squeamish at the thought of fucking his fiancé after his son had done the same. God, that was so very WRONG!

Kris blushed and smiled as Phil worked to get her jeans and panties off. Once she was naked, he again took a moment to take her all in, mostly because he needed a moment to get a breath, but also because he did really miss her. Again, he started to re-think his plan....

"It works both ways, you know..." said Kris, bringing him back to reality. Phil laughed and quickly took off his clothes, dropping them to the floor as he kicked and pushed all of hers down there as well. When it was done, he laid back down beside her, running his hand up and down her body.

"The doctor's told me I couldn't do all kinds of things after I got home...." Phil said. "I couldn't drink, I couldn't smoke, and I couldn't do anything strenuous....." his hand continued it's trail up and down, stopping just above her pussy every time.

"....so I asked them about sex, and do you know what they said?"

"What?" Kris whispered, her breathing getting heavier and heavier.

"They said....that it.....was.....ok....once in a while......" he said, drawing the words out slowly."Of course....you were so far away......but I still had a free hand......." he added, nibbling at her ear.

"I thought of you.......all the time....every time....." he whispered.

Kris could feel her body buzzing with his words. She pictured Phil in bed, this bed, stroking himself while thinking of her.....

"Did you do the same?" he whispered.

"....w-w-what?" Kris stammered.

"Did you do the same? Get under your covers and night....and think of me......" his hand moved to her pussy, rubbing her clit lightly, making her arch off the bed.

"Did you dream about me?" he asked, moving his hand lower, putting two fingers inside of her. She was already quite wet.

Phil didn't wait for an answer. He quickly rolled on top of her and moved between her legs, pushing his cock in one swift thrust. Kris moaned and threw her head back.

Phil chuckled, making Kris open her eyes and look at him. "I remember our first few times...how tight you were.....how shy you were......I guess you DID think of me up there, huh?" he said. He began pumping harder and faster, not giving Kris a chance to answer him.

As soon as she heard those words, Kris knew that Phil felt a change in her, and the feeling that swept over her made her hair stand on end. But the pleasure was intense, and soon she was cumming hard around him, grabbing at his shoulders and back as he fucked her hard and fast, cumming deep inside of her.

Finally, he rolled off to the side, kissed her goodnight, and then drifted off to sleep. Kris turned on her side, facing away from him, wondering if he knew......but there was no way he could know! He certainly hadn't said anything, and he could have just meant exactly what he said - no malice behind his words. She knew she couldn't go on living like this, wondering if he'd ever find out. Josh would be home in a few days, and she had to find a way to talk to him in private, to tell him that they had to keep what had happened between them, no matter what. They had already agreed to that, but she felt the need to make sure.

Kris rolled over again, and leaned over Phil to kiss his cheek. "I love you" she whispered, saying it mostly to convince herself that he really was the man she loved. She settled down beside him, putting her arm around him, and drifted off to sleep.

Opening his eyes, Phil stayed perfectly still_. "Do you?"_ he wondered to himself. _"Or do_ _you love my son."_


	78. Chapter 78

Kris woke first in the morning, the sunlight streaming in through the windows. She opened her eyes and was confused by the stillness. She had spent the past four months on the Bering Sea, so not feeling any rocking was completely foreign to her.

But soon she got her bearings, and she came back to the present, remembering what had happened the night before. Phil was still sleeping soundly beside her, his chest rising and falling in even breaths. She rolled onto her side and looked at him, wondering what, if anything, he knew. His reaction last night had not been what she had expected.

Kris believed that she would return to Seattle to an anxious Phil, waiting to scoop her up and take her home, talking a mile a minute about how much he had missed her and everything that had happened while she was away. But that's not what had happened so far....

It was the opposite. Phil had still shown affection and love towards her, but it was different. She couldn't explain how....just that he wasn't.....himself. He looked at her differently, almost as if there was something he wanted to say to her, but didn't. And his personality was different. One minute he'd be quiet, then he'd be laughing and throwing his arms around her, kissing her, and then he'd be almost upset about something or other. And she'd only been home for day!

Kris rolled over and slipped quietly out of bed. She pulled her nightshirt over her head and headed downstairs. Once in the kitchen, she quietly put on a pot of coffee just as she would have done on the boat, and took her cup into the living room. She sat on the couch and looked out the window.

Josh had told her she was being silly when she first suggested that Phil might find out about them, and she had trusted him when he said he wouldn't. But now, she wasn't too sure. He had never been too open with the exact words that Phil had said to him, and now she wanted to know. She needed to know if she missed anything...

Kris grabbed the phone and quickly dialed the Sat. Phone number to the boat. After several rings, Josh finally answered. Kris stilled at hearing his voice.

"Hello?" he said, picking up. Silence.

"Hello????" he said again.

"Hey.....it's me...." said Kris, finally finding her voice.

"Oh...hey...." Josh was shocked to hear from her. He wondered why she would be calling, and not his father. Unless something was wrong.....

"Is something wrong?" he asked, starting to feel uneasy. "Is it dad??"

"No...well....yes...." Kris started. "I mean...he's fine, there's nothing wrong with him....it's just...."

"What?" asked Josh. Even though he asked the question, he had a feeling that he already knew what she was going to say.

"Josh.....did you.....did he....?" Kris couldn't find the right words. "I think he might know..." Her voice was quiet and shaky.

Josh didn't breathe. He looked around the wheelhouse, making sure no one else was there. "What makes you think that?" It was a point-blank question. His voice showed no sign of shock. A point not lost on Kris.

"He's just....different. I can't explain it....I mean, he hasn't said anything to me, or asked anything....but it's just........" she said, her voice beginning to crack and shake more.

Josh could hear the fear in her tone. "If he hasn't said anything, then stop worrying. I told you, he doesn't know, and he won't know." He hoped his words would calm Kris down, but deep down he knew that his suspicions were now confirmed, and that his father knew what had happened between them. He thought Phil might have suspected something that night on the phone, but he tried hard to brush it off and not think about it. Now, he knew.

"I know, but I just get the feeling....."

"Who are you talking to?" said Phil, appearing in the doorway.

Kris jumped a mile, nearly dropped the phone. She turned quickly to see him standing there, looking at her with that look again.

"Umm....I....it's Josh...." she said. Her brain wouldn't function enough for her to even think up a good lie.

"Josh....really....I didn't hear the phone ring" Phil said flatly.

Kris opened her mouth, but no words came. She couldn't think of anything to say. Phil slowly walked over to her and held out his hand.

"Mind if I talk to him?" he said. Kris handed him the phone and waited for everything to come crashing down.

"Hey son, how's it going?" Phil said, smiling and sounding happy.

Josh had heard the entire exchange, from when Phil entered the room, and he held his breath waiting for the coming confrontation. The greeting from his father threw him completely off guard.

"Umm, I'm good....we're almost past the lower peninsula..." Josh answered.

"Oh good, so you guys should be in by tomorrow night then" Phil replied.

"Yeah...should be..." Josh answered. _Where was the fight?? _

"Well, we'll be there to pick you up. Oh, we should all go out for supper, you, your brother, me and Kris. Just like a real family!" Phil said, looking down at Kris and smiling.

Kris looked back up at him and smiled back. She honestly didn't think she could feel anymore afraid, but right now she was completely terrified.

Phil said his goodbyes to Josh and hung up the phone. He headed back to the kitchen, mumbling about making reservations and calling Jake to tell him the plans. Kris stayed on the couch, stunned at what had happened. The way Phil spoke, and the way he looked at her sent shivers down her spine. He either didn't know a thing, or he knew everything. Unfortunately, Kris had a horrible feeling that it was the latter.


	79. Chapter 79

After Kris collected herself and got on with her day, Phil went back to being in a happy mood, that is, when she saw him. Shortly after calling Jake and booking reservations somewhere, he had explained to her that he needed to run a few errands and that he would see her later. He kissed her goodbye and headed out the door, with nothing else said.

Kris felt relieved in a way that he was gone, but she also felt guilty for feeling it. Surprisingly, the guilt she felt over her affair with Josh was almost non-existent anymore. In fact, she felt extremely excited at the thought of seeing him soon. And that in itself was very, very bad. As of this moment, she was still engaged to his father, who was still showing her love and affection, and who had made love to her last night! She had to put Josh out of her head, and she had to make him understand that what happened was over and would never happen again. As she brought her laundry down to the basement, she wondered if Josh was telling himself the same thing, or if he had already forgotten about her and SHE was the one who needed reinforcement.....

The basement was cluttered with junk - even more junk that what she'd seen when she'd moved in over Christmas. There was boxes and bags everywhere, filled with everything from old clothing to old photo albums. After she'd set the first load, Kris began to explore it all, and took a few of the albums from their box to check them out. She sat down on and old chair and flipped through the pages, smiling at the pictures of Josh and Jake with their father, taken when they were small boys. She could see the love that Phil had for them, and wondered if she was somehow contributing to that love ending between Phil and Josh. Too much to handle, she closed the book and put it back in the box. As she stood to move it away, her eye caught another box in the corner by the basement door. Something was shimmering in it, and she moved closer to get a better look.

Bottles. Lots and lots of empty alcohol bottles. She distinctly remembered bringing the New Year's empties to the recycle place, and Phil said he hadn't been allowed to drink anymore, so where had these come from? She pulled one from the box and noticed a receipt stuck to the bottom. She pulled it off and read the date. Thinking back, she did the math in her head and the realization hit her like a cold wave - he had bought all this the night after she had spoken to him on the phone. The night she thought he might suspect. Now, even if she wasn't sure before, she was totally sure now. Phil knew that she had slept with Josh.

She dropped the bottle and headed for the stairs. She couldn't lie any longer, she needed to fix this. She didn't know how, or what the outcome would be, but she had to make things right. As she got to the top of the stairs and crossed the kitchen, Phil came in through the back door.

"Hey babe, what's up?" he said, smiling.

Kris froze and took a deep breath, her body threatening to retreat on her any second.

"Phil.....we have to talk....I need to...." she started, but Phil interrupted her.

"Later" he said. "Right now, you have to get dressed. Come on; let's go" he said, walking past her and into the dining room".

Kris watched him, confused, and then took a few steps after him. "No Phil.....I need...."

"I said, Later" he replied again. "I just got a call from Sig. They just got in and apparently there's something on board that he has to show me now. He says I can't miss it, I have to be there!"

Phil continued walking around the house, picking up his cell phone and keys, with Kris trailing him around every corner. She listened as he talked, but all she could think about was telling him everything. Finally, he stopped and turned around to face her. They both looked at each other for a moment, until Phil spoke.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" he said.

Kris opened her mouth and took a deep breath, but changed her mind. She would do this later, not now. Not when Sig was waiting. "Nothing....I'll....I'll get changed..." She turned and headed up the stairs.

Phil's eyes followed her up and as soon as she was out of sight, he headed quickly to the bathroom, feeling extremely nauseous all of a sudden. He went in and closed the door, but nothing came up. He splashed some water on his face and sat down on the side of the tub. Up until now, there had only been his suspicions - his horrible ideas of what went on the boat. Then the secret call this morning and now Kris was all out of sorts, wanting to tell him something. Now, it was real, and it was all Phil could do from breaking down right then and there. Now, he knew, and he didn't know how he could ever carry on.....


	80. Chapter 80

The drive to the locks was a very quiet one. Phil struggled to keep his lunch down, while pretending that everything was completely normal, and Kris was afraid to speak or move for fear that it would all come out there in the truck. Both of them knew that the other one knew, and it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, but they both went on acting as though they didn't know anything.

When they finally arrived, Kris saw the Northwestern in all her glory sitting at the dock. She expected a camera crew and lots of fans hanging around, since they'd just gotten in and all, but there was nothing. Just a few of the guys doing some work on her. Phil parked the truck and they got out, walking the few feet to the boat.

"Hey Phil, good to see you man, how've you been?" asked Sig, coming out of the wheelhouse and leaning over the side to shake Phil's hand.

"Been good, been good" Phil answered. "How was your season?"

"Same old shit, different year!" answered Sig. "What brings you down this way?"

Kris blinked_. Wait a minute.....Phil had said that Sig had called him, told him to come_ _down right away....._ She turned to the side and looked at Phil, who took a quick glance at her and began to climb the ladder onto the boat.

H_e had lied. Phil had lied to her. Sig was surprised to see Phil. He wasn't expecting him. _Kris was stunned. As she watched him disappear over the side, Kris slowly headed back to the truck. She slipped inside and began to work everything over in her head. Slowly, it all started to make sense. _Phil knew about her and Josh and he was trying to get it out of her. That would explain his behavior ever since she got home. But why was he going through all the trouble? Why was he lying? Why didn't he just ask her? _

Despite her anger and fear and confusion, Kris knew that she had to get word to Josh about what was up. She had to let him know that Phil knew everything and that he was playing some sort of game. She reached for her pocket, but remembered that she had left her cell phone at home. She needed to call him when Phil wasn't around. She had to talk to him!

Finally, after almost an hour, Phil came back to the truck, quiet as before. He started it up and headed back down the highway towards home. Kris decided to take a risk and see what she could find out.

"So...what did Sig want?" she asked.

Phil looked at her for a moment, then back to the road. "Just wanted to show me something from the discovery guys....that's all" he answered.

"Must have been important, for him to want you here so quickly" she said. She knew it was dangerous to keep this going, but if Phil could play, so could she.

"Yeah....it was" he answered, short and sweet.

The rest of the drive back to the house was quiet. Kris thought of getting Phil to stop at a store somewhere, saying she needed to get something so that she could slip in and make the call, but she figured that he would probably come with her. Her mind raced with how she would get through to Josh.

Once inside the house, Phil headed for the living room to watch TV, while Kris headed upstairs. She saw her cell phone in its charger lying on the dresser and she got an idea. She grabbed it, shoved it in her pocket, and headed back downstairs. She walked past the living room door and stopped.

"I need to pick up a few things at the store, I won't be gone long" she said. Phil quickly turned towards her and began to get up.

"I'll come with you" he said.

"No, you can't" she said. Phil eyed her suspiciously. "You'll ruin the surprise" she said coyly, smiling at him in a flirty way. Phil smiled back at her and sat down. Kris grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Her heart was racing a mile a minute as she drove the streets keeping a lookout for a parking lot to pull into. Finally, she saw the little gift store, and raced in, throwing the truck in park. She did need to actually buy something, if she wanted Phil to believe her. She pulled her phone from her bag and quickly dialed the numbers. The rings went through - one, two, three, four, and five....

"Hello?" answered Josh.

"Josh, it's me....." Kris said.

"Kris? What's going on? You sound funny...." he said.

"Never mind that, just listen......he knows. He KNOWS Josh! He knows everything!!"

"What? How do you know.....?"

"Because I do!" she replied, screaming into the phone. "He wants me to admit it...that's why he's been acting different".

"What? What are you talking about?" Josh asked.

"You'll see when you get here....I have to tell him Josh.....I can't do this anymore!" Kris cried.

"Kris, listen to me. Don't say anything! You can't be sure that he knows...."

"Yes I am! I KNOW it!!" Kris answered. "God, I hate this!!"

Josh rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Look, I'll be home in 24 hours, maybe even less than that. We'll deal with then, ok? Just...you gotta calm down...."

Kris got herself under control and agreed with him. If only she could have him here now, and not have to wait another day. This had turned into a horrible nightmare, and had no idea how she was going to fix it. Josh reassured her once more, and she finally hung up. She dried her eyes and fixed herself up and headed into the store to find something for Phil. She couldn't help but laugh a sarcastic sad laugh as she walked past the display in the window......

...."the perfect gift for the love of your life"........


	81. Chapter 81

Phil had never felt so horrible in his whole life. Even the whole health scare he went through wasn't this bad. As soon as Kris left the house, he felt the familiar ache return to his chest. He knew it wasn't medical, but emotional. He hated what he was doing, this game he was playing, and he knew he was being childish by playing spiteful, but he couldn't help it. He was hurt, and most of all, he was absolutely distraught that Kris had cheated on him.

He got off the couch and wandered through the house, roaming from room to room, not really knowing where he was headed or what, if anything, he was looking for. Each time he passed a piece of furniture or rounded a corner, he was reminded of the good times they had shared during their brief stay during Christmas. He could feel the ache getting worse, so he headed upstairs to try and sleep it off.

Phil and Kris had been through so much together, even though they'd only been a couple for a relatively short time. Phil had felt an instant connection as soon as he'd seen her at the airport that day in Dutch, and the time they had spent together only solidified it. The trouble they'd encountered during Kings split them apart, but Phil knew he over-reacted, and he made it right as soon as he could. Then, when he got sick, he kept the worst of it from her at first only because he couldn't bear to make her worry. And just like before, they'd gotten through it and come out on the other side fine. Well, almost.....

Phil should have known that something would happen on the boat. Lord knows he had been randy enough for all of them having her aboard, but he should have insisted on her coming home with him. His boys were just like him, a fact that sometimes scared him, so he should have known or at least anticipated that sooner or later something or someone would give.

He sat on the bed and looked around at Kris's things - her clothes, her purse....he could still smell her perfume. He closed his eyes and remembered a happy time they shared, one filled with laughter. He smiled as he remembered her smile. She was a beautiful woman. It was no surprise that Josh had been smitten with her. For a moment his thoughts flashed to memories of Josh and Kris smiling and laughing in the galley, and his smile faded. They hadn't been together then, but he imagined that they had acted that way a lot more once they did hook up.

And it hurt. It hurt him to his very soul. He could understand her straying, though. He hadn't been there for her when Josh was. Josh was young, strong, and all the girls thought he was good looking.....why would Kris want to be with an old man like him when she could have the young stud?

Phil lay down, staring up at the ceiling. He should just end this game. Just tell her that he knew what happened, and that he understood why she chose his son over him. It would definitely make things so much easier if he did. He could just move on and forget everything.

But he couldn't. He could never forget Kris, everything she brought into his life. He still loved her with all of his heart, and he wished that she would just tell him. More than all of this, it was the lying that he hated even more. If only she would admit it then they could move on. Truthfully, he didn't want to lose her, and he couldn't think of what life would be like without her.

Phil sat up and swung his legs over the bed. He had to make her admit it, had to make her be truthful with him. He wanted her, and if she could look him in the eye and tell him that she still wanted him, despite his mistake, and then it was all worth fighting for. He stood and headed towards the door, wondering how he could make her open up to him. As he passed the dresser, he looked down to see the tiny box that he had given her which held her engagement ring, and the idea came to him. If all went well, she would HAVE to tell him the truth, and he would finally know if it was meant to be. He prayed to God that it would be........


	82. Chapter 82

Kris spent all night wandering the stores, right up until closing time. She needed to find something to buy so that she would actually enter the house with a shopping bag, just as she told Phil she would. No use to rack up another lie.

But the truth was, she was avoiding going back home. She knew, or at least assumed, what would happen when she did. Now that Phil knew, he would probably start in on her as soon as she walked through the door, questioning and accusing. And she deserved every bit of it. She was the one who had cheated; she was the one who had lied. She wasn't sure why she was afraid, since everything she'd ever known about Phil told her that he wasn't the violent type. Sure, he could get loud, as she'd witnessed many times in his arguments with the boys, but he would never, EVER hit them or her. Never.

Perhaps, she was afraid of what would happen when it all came out. She was afraid of having everything fall apart. Phil had been the best thing to ever happen to her. He loved her, or at least he did, and he did everything in his power to protect and take care of her. Even through their tough times, he only thought of her. Even now, although it was rather twisted.....

Kris climbed in the truck after buying a simple bracelet for him, and drove slowly towards home. She thought about the weeks she'd spent flirting with Josh. Josh was young, and hot, and the dream of every fan girl out there, and it gave her a thrill to know that he had chosen her, but it wasn't as fulfilling a feeling as the one she got with Phil. Sure, their affair had been exciting and fun and totally hot, but that's all it was to her - an affair. She knew that now, she could see it through the big picture. It should never have happened, but it did. Perhaps there was part of her that needed to know what it would be like with another man. But that man would never replace Phil.

Pulling into the driveway, Kris wondered if Phil would even still want her once he learned the truth. Maybe he would if it had been another guy, but she figured that the fact it was his son would make the damage irreversible. She got out and walked towards the house. She had to tell him, had to get it out in the open, and deal with the consequences. As she made her way to the door, she noticed the lights were off inside the house. She got out her keys and unlocked the door, heading inside.

"Phil?" she called. No response.

"Hello?"

Kris walked through the living room and the kitchen, wondering where he'd gone. Part of her was filled with dread when she remembered the liquor bottles down in the basement. She hoped he wasn't gone off somewhere on a bender. She walked upstairs and after turning on the light in their bedroom, found a note in the middle of the bed lying next to her engagement ring box.

"Kris, I won't be home tonight. I have some things to take care of for tomorrow. Meet me at the Locks at 5pm. See you then. Love, Phil".

Kris's heart began to pound in her chest. He wanted her to meet him at the Locks, right when the boat would be pulling in. When Josh would be getting home.

Dear God, what was he going to do.........


	83. Chapter 83

Kris didn't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning. She tried her best to sleep, but the words of the note kept playing through her head, and she kept playing different scenarios of what could happen. At one point she tried calling the boat to tell Josh about it, but she couldn't get a connection.

It was just before dawn when she finally drifted off, more so from exhaustion, but even then her dreams kept going back to the Locks. She saw Phil and Josh fighting and herself crying. When she woke, it was just after noon. True to his word, Phil hadn't come home at all, and she wondered where he'd been the whole night. She thought of calling his cell, but her fear won out and she left it alone.

The afternoon dragged on for what seemed like days. Finally at 4pm, Kris got herself showered and dressed and paced around the house waiting for the time to come to drive down to the Locks. It was a good 20 minute drive, so she waited until 4:30, and then headed out on the highway.

The emotions running high as she drove. One minute she was fighting off tears, the next she was shaking with fear. She thought of turning back several times, but kept on, knowing it was best to get it out in the open. The closer she got, the more intense the feelings, but she kept on.

This was it. Everything was about to come out, and even though she should feel relieved, she felt like throwing up instead. The past year had been an absolute whirlwind, and now it was about to come crashing down. She couldn't blame Phil, though. She had done him wrong. She was just so very sorry that it was going to tear apart his relationship with his son.

Coming over the hill, she could see the familiar teal blue color of the Cornelia Marie. It was already docked. Oh God, maybe it had already started. Maybe Phil was already beating the shit out of Josh! Kris took a deep breath and drove onto the lot, passing behind the buildings until she came to the boat. But when she pulled out into view, she was taken aback by what she saw.....

Next to the boat, right at the edge of the dock, stood Phil and the whole crew. On his other side stood a minister. Kris stared at Phil, who was smiling back at her, and then quickly turned to Josh. He met her eyes quickly, but he lowered them again to the ground

She opened the door and climbed out, taking a few hesitant steps towards them. This wasn't at all how things had played out in her head. She was too confused to even think of what this was.....

"Hey baby....surprise!" said Phil, holding out his hand.

Kris didn't move. She couldn't. They couldn't do this, not here, not now.

Phil looked around and lowered his hand. "Kris?" he asked. "You ok?"

Again, Kris didn't speak. She just stood there with her jaw slack and a frightened look on her face. Phil moved towards her.

"I know this probably isn't how you planned it" he said as he walked, "but I don't want to waste anymore time.....I want us to be married".

He took her hand when he reached her, and Kris flinched at the touch. She pulled her hand away.

"Don't....I can't......" she stammered.

"Why? What's wrong?" Phil asked.

Kris looked at him, then to the guys. Her head began to spin and her heart was beating out of her chest. She looked over Phil's shoulder to Josh, who wouldn't return her gaze.

"Kris.....what's wrong.....don't you want to get married?" Phil asked, stepping closer to her.

"Phil.....please.....please....." she said, backing away from him.

"Please what?" he asked. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

Kris was aware of the deafening silence around her. Everyone was staring at the two of them. She couldn't do this, not in front of everyone.

"Please...." she whispered."Not here...." She was sobbing now.

Phil saw the hurt and pain in her face, and he felt horrible for doing this to her, but he knew it had to be done.

"Tell me" he whispered to her. "Tell me what you need to say..."

"Please...please forgive me..." she sobbed.

"Forgive you for what...." he whispered back. He already knew, but he needed her to say it.

Kris looked up into his face, the tears obscuring her view and grabbed at his shirt.

"I'm so sorry....Phil, please....." she sobbed.

"Sorry for what, baby...." It wasn't a question - it was just an opportunity for her to finally tell him.

She looked at him, then down to the ground, and took a ragged breath. "I lied to you....." she said, her voice no more than a whisper.

"About what....." Phil asked, again, not really a question.

Kris looked up at him. "I'm so sorry..." she sobbed. She began to sink down to her knees, and Phil let her fall. Behind him, he could hear the guys began to murmur, most likely wondering what the hell was going on.

"Sorry for what, Kris...." he asked. His voice was a bit louder now. "Sorry for what? Tell me!"

"Leave her alone!" yelled Josh. He had moved up behind them, the rest of the crew following suit. Phil turned around to face his son.

"You stay out of this!" he shouted back.

"No!" Josh yelled. "Leave her alone, this isn't her fault!"

"Oh no?" Phil asked. "Last time I checked, it takes two to tango!"

The crew stopped in their tracks and looked at each other, the words slowly sinking in on what Phil meant.

"What the hell do you think you're gonna do, huh?" Josh asked. "If you love her so much, why are you doing this to her?"

"I'm tired of the lies, that's why!" Phil yelled back. "It's one thing to hear the shit from her, but from you? My own son??"

Kris couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand to hear them fight. "Stop it!" she yelled between sobs, but they ignored her, continuing their insults and barbs. "STOP IT!" she yelled again, finally getting their attention.

She climbed to her feet as Phil turned around to face her. She looked up at him. "I slept with him" she said, her voice quiet and small. It was out now, no turning back. "I slept with Josh" she said again. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Everything around them seemed to stop. There was a deafening silence as the crew didn't dare move. Jake couldn't believe what he had heard. How had he not known this? He looked at his brother, whose eyes were still staring at the ground.

Phil was relieved to hear her finally admit it, but he also felt the ache return to his chest with a force he hadn't felt before. He felt as though his soul was ripped from his body, and he needed to be away from her, from everything.

Kris looked up at Phil, meeting his eyes once more, as he walked past her.

"Dad...." Josh said, finally raising his head. "DAD!" he shouted again, but Phil ignored him. He just kept walking. Kris collapsed on the ground sobbing as the crew stood silent, no one knowing what to do or say.

Josh stood silent, watching his father leave. He wondered if it would be the last time he'd ever see him......


	84. Chapter 84

Kris didn't really remember how she ended up at Jake's house. She remembered vaguely collapsing on the ground and sobbing until she felt she couldn't breathe anymore, and she remembered hearing hushed voices and someone helping her up and driving her somewhere close, but she didn't remember whose car she was in, or how it all happened.

But here she was, in Jake's house in his spare bedroom. She knew that his house was closer to the dock than both Phil's and Josh's, so she assumed that was the main reason she was there. From somewhere in the house she could hear voices, but they were muffled.

She rolled over and stared at the clock. It was almost 10pm. She must have just fallen into some deep, exhaustion-fuelled sleep when she'd arrived here. Now, though, she was wide awake, wishing she wasn't.

Kris got up headed for the door, opening it slightly so she could hear what was going on.

"Do you have any sense left, man?" asked Jake. "What the fuck were you thinking???!!?"

"I was thinking about Kris....I don't know... it just kinda happened.....that's all I can say..." said Josh, stammering over his words.

"She's engaged to Dad!" Jake said, trying to keep his voice down. "She's practically going to be our step-mother! Or at least....she WAS...."

Josh sighed deeply. "I fucked up. I know that, alright? But what happened happened, and I can't change that...." He looked up to see Kris standing in the doorway. His expression alerted Jake to her presence and Jake turned around to see her there.

"Hey....um...."

Kris held up her hand, stopping him. "It's ok. I was already awake......" she looked to the floor and took a deep breath before raising it to face Jake again.

"Jake, this isn't your brother's fault..."

Josh began to speak in protest, but Kris stopped him. "It takes two, and I was a willing partner" she said, continuing. "It was wrong, and should never have happened, but like Josh said, we can't change it. And I will forever live with what I've done.....I just hope that your dad will somehow forgive me."

Jake looked from her to his brother, his expression not showing much hope. Kris saw it and took another few steps toward him.

"I love your dad, Jake. With all my heart, more than anything in this world. Josh knows that too....Hopefully Phil still believes it" she said, pleading and hoping that he would understand. "Maybe after some time, he'll let me explain...."

Jake was silent, but finally he nodded his head. "He loves you so much, Kris. He's really hurt by this....especially since it was Josh...." Jake let his voice trail off, not needing to restate the obvious.

Josh listened to them both and felt worse by the minute. He knew it was wrong, but hearing it laid out like that forced him to truly realize what a horrible piece of shit son he really was_. How could he do that to his father???_ He needed to get away for a while. Clear his head, put some distance between it all.

He stood and began heading for the door, with Jake and Kris following behind asking him where he was going. He stopped, without turning around.

"I need to go home. I'll talk to you later...." With that, he left. Neither Jake nor Kris said a word, both of them knowing that there was nothing to say.

As he drove back to his house, Josh couldn't hold in his emotions any longer. He felt horrible, not only for betraying his father, but for ruining two relationships, the most important being the one he had with his dad. He'd always had a few bumps in the road as he grew up with his father, but not once had they ever encountered something like this. The tears flowed freely and he sobbed his heart out as he thought of his future, not being with his father anymore on the boat. How could he?

Everything was gone to hell, and it was all his fault.


	85. Chapter 85

Phil had been staring at his liquor cabinet for almost six hours. The sun had long since set, and he hadn't bothered to get up and turn on a light. But every once in a while, the headlights from a passing car would light up the cabinet, showcasing the choices of whiskey and scotch.

He'd almost gotten up a few times to grab one of the bottles and drink away the pain, but he couldn't do it. Couldn't bring himself to put his health at risk again like he had a few weeks ago. That was stupid. He'd cheated death once, twice if you counted that bender, and he wasn't about to tempt it a third time.

But the pain was horrible. He'd played a spiteful game with the love of his life to make her admit to the affair, and now that she had, it felt even worse than before. And to top it off, everyone from the crew now knew too! But worst of all, was Josh. He couldn't form words to explain how betrayed he felt by his own son.

Phil had always been close to his boys, but he and Josh were especially close. Phil had learned how to be a father on his first born, and Lord knows he'd done more than a few things wrong. For that reason, Josh sometimes felt that Jake got the better end of things, but Phil knew better. He'd tried very hard to make it up to Josh over the years, and ever since he came onto the boat, he felt that they'd finally made it to the perfect father-son relationship.

And now this. How could he ever forgive him? Phil thought back to his reasoning a few nights ago - that Josh was a young, good looking guy, and there was no wonder Kris saw something in him - but it did little to help him feel better. Josh was still his son, and he should have never gone down that road.

But he did. And Kris went with him. The bitter part of him wanted nothing to do with either one of them again! But the rest of him was saddened to the core and afraid of exactly that. He couldn't bear to think of life without his oldest boy with him, and Kris was still the best thing that had ever happened to his heart. But how the hell could they possibly fix this?

Phil finally turned his head and looked at the clock. It was almost 11pm. He wondered where they had both ended up, and if they were together. He picked up the phone on instinct to call and find out, but before he could dial the numbers, he hung it up. He didn't really want to know if they were together.....and if they were, it would kill him altogether.

He stared at the phone for another while longer, then finally got up and dragged himself up the stairs. He'd start thinking about everything again in the morning. Right now, he wanted to just lose himself to sleep. It was then that the phone actually rang....

Phil walked into his bedroom and looked at the caller ID - it was Jake... He'd forgotten for a moment that his youngest had seen and heard it all, too. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what Jake had to say, but he knew he should hear him out. With a shaky hand, Phil picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" he said, warily.

"Dad?" Jake said. "Are you ok?" His voice was soft, nothing condescending or angry there. Phil sighed, relieved.

"Yeah, bud, I'm alright...." Phil answered. He really wasn't, but he figured Jake would know that anyways.

Jake was silent, as was Phil. Both of them were still on the line, but no one was talking. Finally, Phil broke the silence.

"I'm just heading to bed, what's up?" he asked.

"I just wanted to check on you...make sure you were home...that you were alright..." said Jake."Kris is here" he added after a slight pause.

Phil was silent. Well, that answered his question as to whether or not she was with Josh.

"Oh" Phil replied.

"She's gone back to sleep.....she feels horrible, Dad" Jake said. "So does Josh......He left....I don't know where he went....I tried calling him, but can't get any answer...."

"I don't really want to talk about this right now Jakers..." said Phil.

Jake stopped in mid sentence, not wanting to make his dad any angrier than he already was. "Ok...well, call me tomorrow morning, ok?"

Phil had to smile. Jake didn't say or do much, but it was nice to hear him worry about the old man. "Sure thing, buddy. Good night".

"Night, dad" Jake said. They both hung up and Phil lay down on the bed. He didn't bother to get undressed - he was just content to lay still in the quiet dark.

He rolled onto his side and immediately smelled Kris's perfume on her pillow. For a moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent deeply. He reached out his hand and pulled the pillow close to him, the tears starting to fall. He hugged it close, sobbing into it. He was broken, and he wondered if there was any way he could be fixed.....


	86. Chapter 86

They say that as the sun dawns, so does a new day. A fresh start, a new beginning.

The sun was shining alright, and streaming in through the window right at Phil, but he wasn't thinking about new beginnings. He was thinking about everything in his life that was going wrong right now.

He hadn't slept much through the night and he felt like shit. Not just physically from the crying and exhaustion, but emotionally as well. He was hurting because his fiancée was gone, and he felt like a complete ass for having carried out his little plan that led to this. He could have kept quiet, just accepted what had happened and moved on, but no. He let his bitterness get the better of him.

But who was he kidding? He would NEVER have been able to keep quiet about this. Maybe, just maybe, he would have been able to carry on with Kris fairly normally. Hell, he DID make love to her even though he knew the last man she'd been with was his son. But therein lies the rub....he would NEVER have been able to look at his boy again.

He needed this to come out, everyone did. And while Phil thought it would somehow fix things, or at least get the process started, right now it felt as thought it only made things worse. A lot worse....

Phil sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his face with his hands. The sun was too damn bright and he wanted nothing more than to just crawl back under the covers, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, so he finally made the move to get up. He remembered that he'd promised Jake he would call him first thing, but he was honestly afraid too. _What if Kris saw his number and answered the phone_? That was a conversation he was not ready to have. He'd have to call Jake's cell instead.

Phil dialed the numbers as he made his way to the kitchen. He wasn't in the mood to eat, but he did have a whole slew of meds to take, most of which required that they be taken with food, so he had no choice but to put the coffee pot on.

"Hello?" answered Jake.

"Hey bud, it's me. Told you I'd call" Phil replied, sounding tired.

"Hey....yeah, thanks" said Jake. "How you doing?"

Phil sighed heavily into the phone. "Not great, buddy. But I'll be ok"... He thought he'd better add that little part on so as to not make Jake worry.

"I know......hey, um...you hear from Josh at all?" asked Jake.

Phil felt his chest tighten. "No" he answered curtly. And right now he didn't really care to...

"I don't know where he is, dad.....I tried calling all his numbers, email, nothing" Jake replied, sounding a little worried. "I'm going to head over to his place in a minute...see if he's there....."

Despite his anger, Phil was still a father, and Jake's voice and words made him start to worry himself. He knew that Josh was feeling pretty shitty about what had happened, but he wouldn't do something stupid about it......would he???

"I'm sure he's fine, Jake" said Phil, again more to make his youngest stop worrying, but also to make himself stop worrying. "If you hear anything, let me know".

"Sure thing" answered Jake. "Um, dad?"

"Yeah?" answered Phil.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it....I mean, he knows what he did was wrong.....I just don't want you guys...."

"Leave it alone, Jake" Phil warned, cutting him off. Phil had already said he didn't want to talk about it, and he hoped Jake would take the hint... His son was right, though. Phil was close with his boys, and he knew that they would never do anything intentional to cause so much pain. At least, he hoped they wouldn't.....

"Ok. I'll call you later" said Jake, after a slight pause.

Phil hung up the phone and went through the motions of making breakfast. He wondered what had started it all between Kris and Josh. Which one made the first move.....It didn't really matter, he guessed, because they ended up at the same conclusion. He only wished he'd been able to do something, to make Kris love him and only him....


	87. Chapter 87

Jake walked quickly into his kitchen, throwing his keys on the counter where they landed with a bang against the toaster. The noise made Kris look up from her cereal, startled. She knew Jake had left the house earlier to head over to Josh's and see if he was there, but she hadn't heard him come back in the driveway and didn't know he was home until he'd tossed the keys.

"Did you see him?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Jake stopped and turned around, leaning against the counter-top. "Nope" he answered. He sighed deeply. "I have no idea where he could be. I'm starting to get worried". His voice was quiet for that last sentence, and when Kris looked at him she could see the little boy that Josh always saw.

One of the things she always admired about Josh was how he took care of his little brother. Sure, Jake was a grown man, but in Josh's eyes he was still the little kid that his dad gave him watch over when they were little and he was up north. Right now, Kris could see that little boy as he bit his lip worrying about his big brother.

"He's probably crashing at a friend's house or something...." she offered.

"I called everyone!" Jake said, cutting her off. "God Kris, it's not like him to just up and disappear, not without calling me or dad......" He let his words hang. They both knew that Josh wouldn't be calling his father.

Kris nodded slowly. "Speaking of your dad....did you...."

"Yeah, he called me this morning" Jake answered. He looked at her a moment, knowing what she was thinking. "He feels like shit" he told her, without having to hear her next question. He moved across to the table and sat down. "He misses you, I know he does. I can hear it in his voice. You should go and talk to him".

Kris started to protest, but Jake continued on. "He's a tough old bastard, and if he's given a chance he'll wallow in this forever, but you can't let him. Especially since he's still not out of the woods. You need to make the first move".

Kris listened to him and, for the first time, started to feel some hope that this whole thing might be fixed. She knew that Phil was stubborn and she knew that Jake was right about her making the first step in making things right.

"Do you think he'll actually let me in the house?" she asked.

Jake smiled. "He has to! Yeah, I think he will. Just don't get discouraged. You still love him, right?"

Kris nodded. "Yes I do. With all my heart"

"Well, tell him that. I know he loves you too, and I know you guys can fix this". He sighed again. "Maybe that will get things fixed with him and Josh...."

Kris squeezed Jake's hand. "Maybe it will, Jake".

Kris got up and headed to her room to get changed and get ready to head over to Phil's. If there was ever a good time to do this, it was now. Plus, she needed to go before she lost her nerve. Once she was ready she borrowed Jake's keys and began the drive to, what was to be, her house too. She only hoped that it still WOULD be.....


	88. Chapter 88

Kris sat in the truck for a good ten minutes before getting the nerve to get out. She knew Phil must have been wondering what she was doing, because surely he could see her in the truck out here, but he didn't make any sign of leaving the house. She figured that was good, so she took a deep breath and got out, making her way to the front door.

Her hand was shaking as she raised it to ring the bell. She could feel herself starting to sweat and her mouth was going dry. She looked up to the sky and muttered a quick prayer to God to help her through this. Just as she was finishing, the door opened. She quickly brought her head back down and looked directly into Phil's face.

At the sight of her, Phil straightened up and squared his shoulders, as though he was ready for a fight.

"Hi" Kris said, quietly.

"Hi" Phil answered, flatly. They stood there for a few moments, neither of them saying anything else, but neither of them looking away either. Finally, Kris broke the silence.

"Can I come in?" she asked. Her voice cracked from speaking so softly.

Phil stepped to the side and held out his arm, allowing her entrance. Kris walked in and glanced around as though she was a stranger. She noticed the clutter lying around. It was obvious that Phil hadn't done much of anything since all this happened. She took a few steps then stopped, turning around and looking at Phil, allowing him to take the lead. He closed the door and moved past her into the kitchen. Kris followed along, feeling a bit better that she had made it this far.

Phil poured a cup of coffee as Kris sat at the table. He downed a few hot gulps and hissed at the burn. He turned when he felt her eyes on him and lifted his cup.

"Want some?" he asked. Kris shook her head, no, and waited for him to sit down. After a few more moments of leaning against the counter, he finally did. She didn't know how to begin, and the awkward silence was deafening... Finally, she turned to him and opened her mouth.

"Phil I..." she started, but Phil began to speak at the exact same time. They both stopped and motioned for the other one to continue. Finally, Phil told her to go ahead, and she did.

"Phil, I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry" she began. "I never meant for anything to happen, never ever, but it just did. I don't know why.........but I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry..."

The words were flowing now. She had been worried that she wouldn't know what to say, but so far she was having no trouble expressing herself.

"I love you. I've always loved you and I always will" she continued. "And I know you hate me, but....."

"Hate you?" Phil interrupted. "Hate you???? I could never hate you! You're my fiancée! Well....you WERE my fiancée...."

"I still am!" Kris answered. "I don't want to lose you!" The tears were coming now. She could feel them falling down her face. She struggled to get out what she had to say before her voice left her. "Phil please.....I want to make this right. I want to be with you. Is there a way? Is there a chance?"

Phil watched her crying. It hurt him to see her like this, but he honestly didn't know if things could be they way they were. He wanted them to, desperately, but he wasn't sure. What he WAS sure of, is that he couldn't stand to see her so upset, even if she was at fault. He got up and moved to stand by her. Kris looked up, half afraid of what might happen.

Phil set his cup down and knelt down in front of her. "I love you" he said, taking her chin in his hand and wiping away her tears. "I will always love you, but I don't know if we can ever...."

"Please Phil, I promise nothing will ever happen again. Please, can we just try?"

Phil lowered his head and looked at the floor. After what seemed like forever, he finally looked up at her. "Tell me how. How do we ever fix this? You slept with my son! My own son!"

Kris sobbed harder, saying she was sorry over and over.

"I know you're sorry" Phil replied, "but what happens now? How do I ever fix this with Josh?"

"He's your son.....he's so sorry Phil, I know he is. We never meant to hurt you like this, never. Please, you have to believe me!" Kris sobbed.

Phil knew she was speaking the truth. He knew that they hadn't planned this from the start. It was just something that happened. He would have to learn to trust the both of them again, and it was probably going to take a long time, but right now, he was starting to think that it would be worth it. Anything was worth having Kris back in his life.

Phil stood up, taking Kris with him, and pulled her into him. Kris collapsed into his arms feeling like the load had been lifted from her shoulders. But she still needed to hear the words that she craved. Phil stroked her hair and cradled her head into his neck. Turning his head, he whispered those magic words...

"I forgive you".


	89. Chapter 89

It was a very long, very emotional, and very hard night, but to Kris, it was also one of the best nights of her life. She and Phil had spent the entire night talking. She told him how everything happened, sparing him the details. How she found herself with a crush on Josh, and how she felt like a schoolgirl while on the boat. She told him how close they had come a few times to acting on their feelings, but always stopped, and how she finally caved in that night.

She swore to him over and over how she would never ever do anything like this again because she knew now that he was the only man she ever wanted to be with.

Phil listened to it all, and tried very hard to understand. He was honest, though, and told her what he was feeling. He told her that they would have to work on getting the trust back in their relationship and Kris agreed, wanting this time to do everything right. They had learned their fair share over the past year and now that she had been given another chance, she wanted to make it work.

It was dawn before they finally stopped talking. Phil led the way upstairs to the bedroom, with Kris following. They didn't speak to each other - just simply laid down on the bed and went to sleep. Kris wasn't looking for anything intimate, neither was Phil. Being together was enough for now. It was something that neither of them thought could ever happen again.

The phone ringing was what finally woke them just after lunch. Phil rolled over and picked up, speaking quickly to whoever was on the other line. Kris couldn't tell what was going on, so she propped herself up and waited for Phil to hang up.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Jake" Phil answered. "He still can't find Josh" Phil was quiet for a moment as he swung his legs over the bed and sat up. "I'm starting to get worried. It's not like him to just go off....."

"He feels horrible" Kris answered, moving over to sit next to Phil.

Phil looked at her and nodded. "Yeah...I know. I don't want this to fuck us up. He's my boy. I love him."

Kris put her arm around Phil's shoulder. "I know you do. But he needs to know that".

Phil nodded his agreement, and reached over to pick up the phone again... Maybe if Josh saw his father's number on his phone, he'd actually answer it. Phil dialed the numbers and waited. Nothing. He hung up and called Jake...

Kris headed downstairs to make something to eat. She wondered where Josh was and what he was doing. She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't do something stupid; at least she thought she did. She just hoped that she was right.

"I'm heading over to Josh's. Jake's meeting me there" said Phil, bounding down the stairs.

"Did you get a hold of him? Is he alright?" Kris asked.

"No, not yet. Hopefully he's not there....." Phil let his words hang, the meaning of them too much to vocalize. Kris simply nodded. The alternative was too horrible to even think about.

She quickly kissed Phil's lips and moved back. Phil looked at her for a moment, the smiled slightly. It was still a little strange to the both of them, but at least it was a step forward.

Kris watched him drive away from the window. Once more, she turned her head to God and asked that everything work out ok. Lord knows they didn't need anything else going wrong right now.....


	90. Chapter 90

Phil pulled into the driveway of Josh's house right behind Jake's car. Jake had been standing outside his door, waiting for his father to show up. Phil was the only one who had a key, and Jake had worn a path in the grass pacing back and forth.

Josh's car wasn't at home, and hadn't been since Jake had been over here before looking for him. Phil quickly walked up to the front door and put the key into the lock, turning it. He and Jake walked in quietly and shut the door behind him. They looked around quickly and noticed the stillness.

"Josh!" Phil called out. No response. Jake moved in the opposite direction and called out again. Nothing.

They looked through every inch of the house and couldn't find him. Phil was relieved, even though he didn't say it out loud. He could tell by Jake's face that he felt the same way.

"So now what?" Jake asked. "I've called all his friends, no one has seen him. Where could he be, dad?"

"I don't know, bud, but we'll find him, don't worry...." Phil answered, but he himself was already past the point of being worried. That's what a father did.

They headed for the front door and stepped outside, closing it behind them just as a police car pulled up. Phil and Jake stopped in their tracks and looked at each other. They waited for the officer to get out before moving.

"Excuse me" the officer started, "do either of you know a Joshua Harris?"

Phil looked at Jake, then back to the policeman. "Yeah....he's my son. Why, he in some sort of trouble?"

The officer shook his head slightly, and moved closer. "No sir.....there's been an accident..."

Phil's heart sank and his blood went cold. "What? What happened? Is he alright??"

"He's at St. Thomas. State Troopers found his car off the road late last night" the officer said. He paused for a moment and looked to both men. "You should head over there" he added quietly.

Phil turned to Jake, telling him to go get Kris. He thanked the officer and headed off to the hospital. As he drove he prayed to God that Josh would be ok. He should have talked to his boy, let him have his say. Now he was lying up in a hospital and.....

Phil really didn't want to go there. He couldn't think it, he wouldn't... He raced through the streets of Seattle, jumping lights and cutting off cars as he drove to get to Josh. He had to tell him that he forgave him. He had to make sure he knew!

Kris was lazing on the couch, dozing when she heard noise at the front door. She woke up fully and made it to the doorway before Jake met her.

"Jake, what is it? What's going on?" she asked.

"Josh was in an accident. They found his car off the road; he's in the hospital...." Jake was out of breath and shaking, clearly extremely worried about his brother.

Kris pulled him in for a hug. "Calm down, it's going to be ok. Come on, let's go" she said, taking his keys from him. She followed him out to his car and got into the driver's side. Jake tried hard to hold back his tears on the drive to the hospital, but Kris kept squeezing his hand, letting him know that she didn't mind if he let it out. They were in the parking lot when Jake finally let go and began sobbing.

Kris scooted over by him, taking him in her arms and letting him cry. She knew it was probably a combination of the news of the accident and the stress and worry over everything going on. Finally, after a few minutes, she moved back and gave him a tissue.

"Ok, take some deep breaths. It won't do your brother any good for you to be upset" she said in the nicest, calmest way possible. Jake knew what she was saying was true, and he did his best to calm down and dry his eyes.

Kris held his hand as they moved across the parking lot and into the building. She herself was terrified at what they might find. They made their up the elevator and onto the floor where they found what room Josh was in. She and Jake moved quietly as they made their way there. When they finally found the room, they walked in and peered around the corner.

Phil was sitting by the bed, his hand holding his son's tightly. Josh's head was bandaged and there were tubes everywhere. Kris gasped, making Phil look up. Their eyes met and Phil began to sob. Jake moved towards his brother, but stopped halfway, afraid to go closer. Kris felt overwhelmed.

This wasn't supposed to be this way. Phil and Josh were supposed to love each other again. It was never supposed to be like this. Never


	91. Chapter 91

Kris wandered the halls forever. She couldn't be in that room, and really she had no right to be. Josh was Phil's son and Jake's brother. They were the ones that needed to be with him. So while they were crying and praying and whispering to him, Kris was walking up and down the corridors, trying to make sense of it all. Why did this have to happen? She was finally getting everything out in the open and making it right again with Phil, so why couldn't everything be made right with Phil and Josh?

Kris made her way by chance to the chapel. It was quiet and dim. She went in and sat down, looking up at the tiny cross. As she looked at it, the emotion from the past week came back to her and she began to sob. She brought her hands up to her face and soon they were folded in prayer.

"Dear God" she sobbed, "please let him be ok. He didn't mean to hurt anyone, it just happened. Please, let him be ok!" Kris cried for a long time, sitting by herself. She didn't know how much time had passed until the custodian came in.

"Oh, sorry ma'am" he said.

Kris jumped, startled by his presence. "Oh, sorry. I'll go" she said, figuring they were closing.

"No, you don't have to" he replied. He saw her tears. "Are you ok?"

Kris wiped her cheeks and nodded. "Yes, just worried about a friend".

"Ah, I see. Well, you're in the right place for worry, then" he answered. Kris looked at him, confused. He smiled and pointed to the cross. "As long as you tell Him all about it, you needn't worry anymore. He'll take care of it".

Kris let the words sink in as the janitor went about his cleaning. She smiled to herself and began to believe that everything would be ok. She dried her eyes and began to head back to Josh's room.

As she rounded the last corner, she bumped into Jake.

"Kris! Where were you? I've been looking everywhere!" he said. "Josh is awake!!"

Kris smiled and felt relieved. "I knew he'd be ok" she said softly. Jake turned, taking her by the hand to lead her into his room, but Kris stopped him. She wasn't sure that it would be appropriate given the circumstances.

Jake stopped and gave her a confused look, then he realized. He smiled... "It's ok. Dad told me to come get you". Kris trusted him and followed behind.

When they went into the room, Phil was still holding Josh's hand, and both men turned to look at them. Kris didn't know what to say, so she remained quiet. Josh was unsure of his words either, so he just looked back and forth from Kris to Phil, wondering what was going on.

"He's going to be fine" said Phil, smiling. "He's going to be just fine".

"That's good to hear" Kris said quietly. She didn't dare move closer. After a few more moments, Phil told them he would be staying with Josh and that she and Jake could go home. Kris nodded and said goodnight, and she and Jake made their way down the hall. Before they could get into the elevator, Phil came running to catch up with them.

He quickly hugged Jake, then turned to Kris and hugged her tight. "Everything is going to be ok". He met her eyes, and at that moment, Kris knew that he meant more than just Josh's injuries. Everything WAS going to be ok... For all of them.


	92. Chapter 92

Josh shifted his weight onto his left side. Well, at least as far as he could go. He ached from head to toe and really wasn't up for much moving, but he couldn't stay on his back any longer or he'd be numb.

He looked out the window at the dark night and remembered the crash. He'd been in such a daze - he was mad, sad, upset with his father for embarrassing Kris like that, and upset with himself for causing all of this in the first place. He needed to get away, and fast. He ran to his car and started the engine, heading out to wherever he ended up. He just needed to go.

He'd headed up to the pass, a road he often raced his father on when they had free time. But that night he was alone, racing only his guilt. His mind kept replaying everything and it was eating him up. He wasn't concentrating on the road, and before he knew it the curve was right in front of him before he could react. The last thing he remembered was that feeling of flying.

He had been off the road in the ditch for a while. The roads were high in Washington, and it was several hours before a trucker had spotted his car off in the trees. Josh vaguely remembered the sirens and paramedics. They kept telling him that he would be ok, but he really didn't care. He actually wished......

Phil came back in the room and Josh turned his head, the noise bringing him out of his thoughts and back to the present.

"Hey, you doing alright?" Phil asked.

Josh nodded. "Yeah". He tried shifting a bit again, causing him to wince. Phil was immediately as his side helping him.

"Should I get the doctor?" Phil asked.

"No....no, I'm alright..." Josh said, finally settling into a comfortable position.

The doctors said that he had been lucky. The car was completely totaled, and it's a wonder Josh was even alive, let alone to be in as good a shape as he was. He'd had a severe concussion and several cuts and bruises, but other than that, he was fine. They'd given him some strong meds to keep him asleep while the swelling in his brain went down.

Josh watched his dad sit down across from him and his eyes followed as he took his son's hand in his. Josh was afraid to ask why he was doing it, since he knew that Phil should be ready to kick his ass for so many reasons. He didn't want to ruin this moment, but his curiosity would kill him if he kept quiet.

"I'm sorry" he said softly. So softly, that Phil almost didn't hear it... He looked up to Josh's eyes and saw that they were downcast and threatening tears. Phil squeezed Josh's hand.

"It's ok" he answered. "I'm just glad you're alright".

"No....I mean.....I'm sorry.....dad I...." Josh began, trying to explain his apology, but Phil stopped him. He turned towards his son and took a deep breath, looking down at the floor, and then back up.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me. At least, I don't think you did" he began. "Things happen. I shouldn't have left her on the boat without me. I just hate the fact that you both lied about it".

Josh tried to interrupt, but again Phil stopped him, needing to carry on with his thoughts.

"You're my son. I love you with all my heart, and I could never hate you" he said. "And I hate the fact that you're here in this hospital bed because you thought I would. I love you, don't ever forget that".

Phil stopped, allowing his words to sink into Josh's head. Josh knew there had to be more coming - there's no way Phil would just let this go.

"I told Kris that it's going to take a while for me to trust her again, but I'm willing to try" Phil said. "I love her. Since the moment I met her, I loved her. And I still want to be with her". He looked back to Josh. "But I need to know....do you? Do you love her? Because if you do, then there's no way....."

"No!" Josh nearly shouted. "Dad, I swear, it just happened. I mean, I kinda had a thing for her, but I know it was wrong. I don't know why it happened. She should be with you, not me. Dad, I'm so sorry......please forgive me....please...."

Josh was crying now, finally allowing himself to let it out. Phil stood and sat on his bed, pulling him in close and holding him. "Shh, it's ok....you're going to make yourself sick." he said, gently rocking him back and forth. He waited until Josh calmed down a bit and then he pulled back, looking down at his oldest.

"I forgive you" he said quietly. "I love you. But the same goes for you - I need to trust you again. I know I will....."

"You will, dad, you will" answered Josh. "I love you, too".

Phil stayed there on the bed rocking his son until he drifted back to sleep. As he watched him, Phil felt the same way he did when Josh was little. Phil was new to being a father, and he found everything fascinating, even just watching his boy sleep. Now that he was a grown man, Phil still took joy in watching him, knowing that at least for now, he could still keep a watchful eye over him, and protecting him like a father should. He loved his boys, and nothing would ever change that. Ever.


	93. Chapter 93

Josh spent another few days in the hospital before he was released. Jake offered to stay with his brother while he got back on his feet. He also offered to help him find a new car, something that the two of them took great pleasure in.

Kris had been to visit him a few times at the hospital, neither of them speaking about anything, but instead making light conversation about anything else. They were both too afraid to break the peace by saying anything, so their affair became the proverbial white elephant in the room.

Kris also got herself settled back into the house. She and Phil were slowly reconnecting and she felt good about their relationship. She noticed that Phil was taking things very slow, with only a few kisses here and there, and while she wanted to show him how much she loved him, she understood and didn't push it. She did, however, wonder when they would make love again.

Phil had spent the past two days on the phone with the Discovery people and the other captains. It was well into spring and the summer was creeping up slowly, which meant lots of travel for the bad boys of the Bering Sea! The executives were trying to hammer down dates for everyone for the latest round of appearances, ones that took them out of the home area.

Kris didn't ask about any of it, since it was Phil's business and not hers, but she couldn't help overhear a few of the details. Something about a convention and lots of fans. She knew she was silly for thinking it, but she couldn't help but get a little jealous when she thought of all those women clamoring for a picture or a hug. But then she would remind herself that Phil had every right to do anything he wanted with those women, since she had cheated on him. She shook her head - that was the past. She had to look forward to the future!

Kris folded the laundry down in the basement as Phil talked on the phone upstairs. She could hear him, but couldn't quite make out what he was saying. She wondered when he would be leaving and if she'd get to see him at all during their vacation time. It was strange really - the few months of the year that they weren't at work, they couldn't be together!

She finished up and headed upstairs with the basket. She heard a few words as she passed the den, and then headed up to the bedroom. Judging by the laughter and salty language, Kris guessed that Phil was talking to Sig. She smiled as she listened to him laugh, trying to picture what they were talking about. Sounds funny, whatever it was.

After a while, Phil was quiet and he joined her upstairs. He walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed, all the while just watching her put away the clothes. Finally, Kris turned to him.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing" he replied. Then after a short silence, he spoke again.

"I was thinking......" he started.

"What?" Kris answered.

"Discovery is planning this big convention thing. All of the captains have to be there, and the crews. Then I'm heading out for a bunch of PR stuff and the coffee stuff" he said.

"I know" Kris said, somewhat sadly. She wanted to say more, but she didn't know what.

"So I'm not sure when I'm going to get a long stretch of free time...." Phil began, ".....so, I was wondering.....if you would....marry me now....."

Kris simply stared at him. Was this another set up like that scene at the dock? He seemed sincere, though....

Phil saw her expression and quickly explained himself. "It's just that......I don't know when we'll have a better time, and I......I want you to be my wife......" his voice trailed off as he looked at her, her face still full of shock."I love you Kris. You know that".

"Yeah...." was all she could muster.

"Yeah what?"Phil asked. "Yeah, you know that? Or yeah, you'll marry me?"

Kris nodded her head, yes. She smiled at him. "Both".

Phil stood and moved closer to her, throwing his arms around her. "Good answer" he said, smiling. He kissed her deeply, making Kris melt in his arms, and then pulled back again.

"Good answer"


End file.
